I just like to call you my bitch.

Its 1:25 am and I have to wake up at 6:30 and get ready for school. Im off to a bad start of the week. But all that doesnt matter because OMG WE ARE FINALLY STUDYING PSYCHOLOGICAL TESTING AND MENTAL HEALTH AND PSYCHOPATHOLOGY!!

I've waited three years to study that shit in detail.

And I've gone out of my way to teach myself testing...TAT being an example.

I finally own a DSM and will be using it to diagnose real people OFFICIALLY!

No more amateur analysis of normal people trying to be crazy. I never really got why everyone wanted me to label them "crazy", "weird" and/or "psychotic". Its not cool being any of that. Not when you know what these terms actually represent.

Anyway. I feel like a doctor.

No.

I feel like Indiana Jones ._.

Oh my love, my darling

I've hungered for you touch,

a long, lonely time

and time goes by so slowly.

But not quite.

I found my new...subject.

I dont know how long this has been going on, but I always have had a "subject" in my life that I find amusing. It can be the most random person that I see and find something wrong with them. And then I spend the next couple of months building rapport and finding out whats wrong with them. I cant rest until that person has opened up completely. So far, Ive been successful in all my ventures. Once the person opens up, I may or may not help, depending on the situation. And we end up becoming pretty good friends, unless it an interesting male participant, in which case I end up having a week long fling, lolj/k. No but seriously.

So my new subject is actually a friends friend. My doubts were correct about him having a sort of manic depressive disorder. He is currently seeing a therapist, but for the next three weeks they will probably be doing the intake session. Anyway. I have to befriend him, which shouldnt be that difficult because we have mutual friends. How fucking messed up is this? I probably do this to feel good about myself and feel I have some kind of control on my actions. Heh. Imadoctah! ^^

IknowYUwanaHateM3

You know what sucks more than the political situation of Canada?
The multi-disciplinary teams and communication networks involved in prescribing, supplying and administering medicines. When am I gona come to my good senses? My back hurts because Ive been working since 2 pm. Its 12:36 now. IM NOT A MACHINE MAA OH MAH GAWD GIMME A BREAK. I tend to over do things at times. Be a bit dramatic just to stir things up. It kind of backfires when the other person starts taking me seriously and then I have to continue the dramatic routine because not doing so would make the other person really really angry and hostile. My spider senses telling me spider man is near by and my plan is to get him next and open up a can of pineapples, godammit Dre where is the goddamn beat? yea. Anyway, I dont know how else to put it. This is the only thing Im good at. Writing. More like typing. I can type and make stupid things sound like they make sense and then provide fake references to make it sound more logical and authentic. I say you all are just too goddamn sensitive.

Canada and Dubai are so boring. Just like the Medicine Legislation of 1989. You find me offensive? I find you offensive, shit. This is the same verse I just did. If you put your cold finger tips on a hot hot metal rod, it would hurt really really bad. Your skin will probably get stuck and as you pull, half your flesh will stay on the rod and go tsssssssss. It might smell pretty good. Like thin fried strips of juicy meat.

Id eat that ._.

Trust I seek, and I find in you, none. But none of that matters u___u

//.-

Dont you hate it when people just throw you out of their lives like youre this uninvited machar in their coffee and then continue drinking coffee while youre all wet in coffee lying on the table like 'yea okay np' waiting for your wings to dry so you can fly but they just wont dry cuz of the humidity in the atmosphere:\

Wouldnt it be disgusting if they continued drinking that coffee?

Well I dont exactly feel like that but if I did it would totally suck.

P.S. Check blog on Saturday for analysis.

I gotapocket, gotapocket fullofsunshine.

One day, my brother was walking down the street and his cell phone got stolen.
The next day he took my mums phone.
The day after I was phone-partners with my mommy.
I believe in chain reactions.
I even did a whole dissertation on chain reactions.
I just wanted to brag about it actually.
But srsly!
Chain reactions. Theyre real!
I'll be working on the railroad, all the live long days.
I'll be working on the railroad, just to pass the time away.

I hate it when someone takes my phone....not that I have anything to Hide!!
Kind of...Hiding and not telling (to avoid a long discussion) are two different things.
Privacy bhi koi cheez hoti hai.
I aint happy, feeling glad I got sunshine
in a bag...only I dont.
Kia apko machar kaat-tey hain?
Mujhe to bohat kaat-tey hain.
Somethings are so difficult to type in urdu using english.
Like holidays. I dont like typing that in urdu.
Also, my humor is not dirty.
Now just because I dont like dirty humor doesnt mean I dont know it.
I've heard the dirtiest jokes, thank you Saniya and Amna.
They sound like fat, bald, perverted, drunk, Sindhi men speaking in Punjabi.
no offense to Sindhi and Punjabi speaking people. I mean...I dig Punjabi ayte.
I'd love to have someone translate Punjabi songs for me.

I'll probably have more interesting things to write once I go back to university.
I dont like to wait.
Its depressing.
I dont know why but i have this faint sweet taste in my mouth. I dint even eat anything meetha.
Tastes something like glucose. But lighter.
Do you liek glucose?
I love eating glucose.
It so cold and icy.
Back when my nani was going through her last stage of cancer, I'd eat all her glucose:\
You'd think that I was 6-7 years old.
I was 14.
Knew exactly what I was doing. Did it anyway.
Just took a shower, and Im sticky again.
I hate humid summers in Karachi.

LOLWUT?

I dont really feel like blogging anymore. Because nothing significant is happening in my life, besides that everyone I know is getting married, but I dont see how that is significant either.
Tonight was no different. I was just sitting and making an outline for this dissertation which I have to complete along with three others by the end of this month. Le Bleh de blah.
So this girl right. A friends friend. Im kind of looking for helpers to complete the dissertations because I have to write like 300 pages in 20 days. So yes, this friend of friend was looking for a similar job. So Im like...hey why dont you send me your cv and write a sample paper of 200 words in APA on Corporate Social Responsibility (Only because it is the most widely fucked topic online and one merely has to type "CSR" in google to get bombarded with articles on it). So the sample I get is like copy paste. So these are the emails that we exchanged. Now Im not saying anything. Just...copy pasting the emails. Thats all.

Me:

"Hey,

I think I did not clear the concept of academic writing and the kind of job this is. If writing an essay was just copy pasting no company would need academic writers. Your whole paper is plagiarized and 98% of it is copy paste material.
Im really sorry but plagiarism is not acceptable in academic writing because the customers get penalized and we have to pay the money back with penalty.
But thanks for writing the paper. Tc.

Regards."

Her:

"Hey,
Yes, you did not. You said it was a "sample" paper, not something your customer ordered. Had you made an attempt to clarify it, I would have made it a point to be wholly original. I thought you wanted to check the writing style, and if I knew what APA writing format was. And, neither the "whole" of my paper nor 98% of it is plagiarized. Also, 98% does not amount to whole. Kindly be careful in your choice of words, since I am sure no customer would like that either. One more thing, I think I clearly mentioned that I have not studied Business management before. I am a law student, and I clarified it over text. I had just a day to study the given topic, and I managed to churn out more than the required word limit. It's like me asking you to write up on the defenses of Murder, and then alleging that you didn't make an attempt to produce an up to the mark paper, within a day. "

Me:

"Lol...ro kiu rahi ho? The sample was not in APA either.
I dint mean to offend you. My apologies :)"

Her:

"Ro kiu rahi ho?"

Oh, I am sorry, I missed the part where we skipped from formal terms to informal ones. Anyhow, I was just pointing out. You asked for a "sample" paper, and I gave you one. Just be more clear next time. I am sure your customers would appreciate it too.

P.S: Kindly distinguish between "rona" and making ones stance clear.

Me:

"Yes you've made it very clear.
It was a sample. My bad. I should've been more clear about originality and copy pasting.
Once again, dint mean to offend you. Was just giving feedback, which I had no right to.
Tc."

Her:

"I really don't think I have been clear enough. I did not copy paste. There's a difference between copy pasting as it is, and changing the structure and the use of words. You can't change what a concept curtails, you can only change the sentence structure and the vocabulary to a certain extent. Had it been something to do with liberal arts, rather than a business concept then your "feedback", which is more of an allegation, would have made sense. "

And then i lost interest. And now Im hungry.
And now that my friend told me that I shall never speak to them again because Im blogging about it, Im having second thoughts.
But its too late. Ive already written the post.
What should I do?
I dint even do half the bitching that I wanted to.
My blog is the only place where I can express myself.
Is it too bitchy of me to post this? o.O
But I would even if it weren't a friend of friend.
Too hungry to think straight.

**Am I the only one who doesn't see what the big deal is here?:\

Grooms.

Is it just me or do happy dulha dulhan sitting on a stage look really really stupid?!!

Mutlab...every time I attend a wedding....especially of people who are my age...I just imagine myself looking stupid on a stage all dressed up.

It looks so funny.

The groom in particular. Especially if they're smiling.

Itney perverted lagtey hain.

Burey se sick dulhas with all their sick urges that they will get to fulfill.

Itney khush hotey hain aj kal ke dulha dulhan.

I mean i've seen a few.

Its okay when the girl is happy cuz shes just happy to be wearing all that make up and heavy clothes and loving the attention and the pictures. But...the smiling dulhas are really annoying.

I just attended a wedding recently...nothing about that wedding in particular. I mean it would be really rude of me to start talking about her and him in particular and I dont want to talk about anyone in particular just like....you know...general observation/opinion.

Do grooms with a wide toothy grin annoy you too?

The whole stage thing is just...pathetic.

Tayaar ho kar baith jatay hain stupid se khush ho kar.

I dont want to go through that.

I attended this one wedding, where the groom just couldn't keep his hands off of the brides waste. Kutta bastard sa tha. And he looked like a donkey.

Then I attended this other thing where the groom couldn't stop grinning. Not even for a second. In fact, he was trying not to roll on the fucking floor laughing and jacking off. It was disgusting. And then this other wedding...and the groom kept looking at his bride.

Masla kia hota inkey sath?

We all know you're excited. Just hold it for a few hours?

Surprisingly, I dont find brides that annoying. May be because Im just too used being around annoying girls. They just sit there smile and blush. Or try to.

I want to write lifeless bitches here but Im afraid i might end up being like one of them:\

I want to skip the shaadi routine. In fact i want to skip the whole damn year that I get married. All the initial stuff.

I dont want to dress up and look like an idiot sitting next to a bigger idiot.

Deprivation

I was gonna write something really funny but I'm tired.
You shall now be deprived of my funny.

I did a paper on deprivation model once. Paid well.

Edited*

I like the way You grind with that booty on me.
Shorty you a dime why you looking lonely?
Im too busy to be doing this right now.

Damn right Im showing off. But you wouldnt know what Im showing off about.
Well, lets just say my teeny tiny hypothetical organization is expanding and generating great revenues for the shareholders. And by shareholders I mean me and my awesomeness.
Go buy another round and its all on me.
As long as Im around put it down on me. Or dont. Whatever. Like I said. Im busy.
*snickers*
OMG CHOCOLATE!
-.-

And just to cover up the lameness, I shall upload my latest sketch.
Which reminds me....there's this random dodo at my university who saw me sketching and asked "wow...tum diagrams bhi banati ho?"
So here's the diagram:

03:22 AM

I was writing a paper on something about killing and morals and ethics...or something like that.
Now Im going to turn off the computer and go to sleep.
Okay. Good Night.

Great Mystries of Life.

At some point in our lives a stranger passes us by forcing us to stop whatever we are doing and wonder "How can anyone possibly stink in winter?"
And I am very serious.
I really dont get it.
And Im not trying to be rude or pretend that I sparkle with cleanliness. Just...I really dont get it.
I can be a shower freak in summers but Im just the opposite in winter.
You know...stinking is still logical in summers...Okay. But Winter?
So I tried this experiment [only it wasnt really an experiment but a harsh reality] where I dint bathe for 6 days. Thats right...SIX Twenty Four Hours Long Days! [I really dont wana do the math].
And I wasnt planning to bathe on the sixth day either...just my socks got all dirty so I had to take them off and then my feet got dirty and I have this thing with my feet and eye lashes. Anyway...the thing is...I still did NOT stink.
Six days is a Lot!
So...how do they manage to stink?
Is it some natural body odor problem?
But you dont really sweat in winter...unless you do a lot of labor work...but the stinkers that Im talking about dont even move their asses when they have to make a poop!
Im still in search for a logical answer.

My very First FTW!

Im not getting much sleep lately and have been working 4 nights in a row. Today be the fifth.
This is hopefully my last assignment for the week. its on Iter Industry and Intra Industry Trade in Eu some shitty statistical crap right.
So I was doing some reach...same across a journal article on it...and I read it. After reading almost a page I realized that it was actually written in Spanish which is why I had trouble understanding it.

I are. High.
On Work.

Egg n Cheese sandwiches FTW!
I never say FTW.
Because I never really came across anything that had the potential to do so.
Until I made this awesome extra cheesy sandwich.
Why am I not super fat?
I actually dont feel like working.
I dont like to work.
I would rather just be left alone at home with lots of food and dvd's and internet.
Im going to spend at least one year of my life not doing anything at all.
Like absolutely Nothing.
Yes.
That is now my goal.
Why do I keep going down the graph?
From Yale to Bahria.
From steak to egg n cheese sandwich.
And now from World Domination to a year of absolutely nothing.
Give me something to Believe in T_T

The extreme depths of my observation.

As I drink pepsi and munch on me lays, I think of something funny to write. I fail.
However, I continue sipping from the bottle of pepsi in front of me. I soon realize that the curve of the bottle perfectly fit my palm...oh how frictionless is the plastic...how smooth like a baby. The only sound reaching my brain now is that of munching and the clicking that takes place on the keyboard. I now smell chicken soup. I wonder when it will be ready to stimulate my sense of taste but I soon find myself sipping from the bottle again. Oh how beautiful the moment is. So beautiful, I want to capture it. I type my mind blowing experience on my blog to let the world how creative and artistically gay I am. Oh how they repress my talent to type bullshit.

That's poetry for you.

Ehe

What do I gotta do to get through to you to show you there aint nothing I cant take this chainsaw to?
I miss being madly in love with eminem.
He has been a good friend.
Do you have friends you just cant relate to? But you hang out with them anyway...bleh I dun wana
I have succeeded in putting everyone off.
What do I gotta do to get through to you, you paranoid bitch?
I'm out the closet, I been lying my ass off, all this time me and sanity been fucking with hats off..
So...if you like see a terrible accident on the road and slowly walk toward the scene and see a finger ripped apart on the ground and an arm slit open with blood gushing out of it...what would you do?
I'd walk away.
know what would suck?
If the Brits [Not Americans] invaded Pakistan through Karachi sea port and started marching in the city killing the weak, raping the pretty, robbing the rich, and caging the healthy for slavery. That would so totally suck ass.
Unless I get shot first.

YakyaK

Mom: "Ye Sheila kaun hai? Kareena?"

Me: "nai...Katrina.."

Mom: "Acha...mujhe bhi dikhao"

And then Sheila was stuck in my head for like an hour...But Nicki Minaj helped. Ive been listening to her aj kal. Every time I listen to her its like Im listening to something "nice" like "you fill up my senses" but then you pay attention to the lyrics and it turns out to be something like "how do you do that shit?"

Would you work for an awesome multinational company that also hosts porn sites as a part of its overall business? Especially if the pay is great along with a pretty good career ahead in the company? And you wont have anything to do with the porn part at all. Your job is confined to researching and writing?
I would. Probably will.

My supervisor is sooo gaaay.

//.-

We're out of nutella and milo. Itni si toblerone pari thi bus.
Itna effort lagta hai breathe karne mai. Irritating.
Headacha.
Clients itne stupid hotey hain.
Pagal idiots.
Dil chata hai hot frying pan smack karne ka zor se face per.
Space wasters.
Wasting oxygen and food and water.
Baat karni hai kisi se but I dont want to.
I look like an ugly parrot when I cry -.-
My cousin asked me the other day whether hot actresses poop or not.
She concluded that they secretly do:\

Sweet sweet Sheila.

So here I was...living my life. The same old routine.
Skip jog, wake up late, piss off mom, pretend to work, pretend to be tired from working too much, eat, watch useless shit, actually work a little, watch a movie, get disappointed, and go to sleep.
So I was just living my meaningless life when suddenly one day I woke up to strange messages that were discussing sheila and sheila ki jawani. And Im like....whathefack?
So I ignore them and carry on. But then I received three more messages that same day in the evening saying things like "sheila ki jawani tere haath na aani" and I get like offended cuz I've made it clear several times that Im straight.
But then it got worse. People started talking about Sheila in their fb status. Which, of course, forced me to google sheila, and sheila ki jawani and it turned out to be pretty hot. Sheila's got her jawani and her ass alright. I mean....if I were a guy...i'd jack off to that:\

Anyway, the point is...unless I collect lots of money by January, Im gona end up being the Uzma version of Sheila. And by that I dont mean i'll be all sexy and hot and gorgeous. By Sheila I mean uneducated, lifeless, self-absorbed, a bit of a slut, and married. Or I might just kill myself. But I dont like thinking about that...I'll collect enough. Yeah. I will. But if I dont. No. Thats not an option. But Im just glad munni is out of the scene. That bitch was getting on my nerves.

Haram Halal lala lala

I dont know WHY I always read foreword as foreplay.
Its embarrassing. What if some hears my thoughts? o.o
Ive become so lame. Happy doesnt suit me.
I've started jogging early morning right [so Hot].

Saniya: Tomorrow we wont go to ******* park...

Me: Oh no...phir?

Saniya: Halal park

Me: Theek hai...hum khajai gey usko.

Saniya: Kha jain gey?

Me: Yes ^.^

Saniya: What?:\

Me: Wo halal haina...tou hum kha lain ge.
*om nom nom*

Saniya: Dude...Lame o__o

Mujhey to funny laga mera joke. Pata nai.
Ye din bhi dekhna tha.
Ab Saniya mujhey lame bolti hai=[
Meri tou sari cool hi gayab hogai somewhere.
Sniff*

Phipty pounds.

Holy to the shits it be winter already ^.^
Im so happy.
Im a happy person.
What? You dont know me anymore? -.-
Kia karoon=[
ab bus hoon to hoon.
I cant force myself to be upset now can I?
Im actually living a very delusional life at the moment.
I have the best future planned for myself.
Im ignoring all the negativity.
Not like its not there...it is...and I can see it...but I choose not to.
Aesey hi...for a while.
Meri Eid awesome thi:O
How many times have you heard me say that?
Know why it was awesome?
I dint avoid bullshit this year.
I stood in its face gave it a huge fuck in its ass
Im also not reading the newspaper.
I think that has a lot to do with this.
Light bhi nai jarai.
Jo bhi the reason. I feel rainbows in the snow.
Rainbows What? Pata nai.
I got my first direct order. Almost.
5 pounds per page.
Major awesomeness coming my way.
Meri cousin bohat vain hai. But shes nice. Koi baat nai.
Meri ek aur cousin bohat insecure hai. Uper se achi bhi nai hai.
Thori dumb bhi hai. Not even that fortunate looking.
Thorey bitchy compounds bhi hain us mai.
Pata nai kia hogha bechari ka.
Come hither my love,
I shall share my umbrella with you ^.^

A pound is worth more than a Dolla babay ^.^