Sex - Oh yeah, you wana read this one.

Well, not really. Im just trying that interesting title lame post thing.
Anyway.
I wanted to rant about how I dont like the concept of valima but first...

Dear Danish,

You Suck Ass. Really. You're the worst employee EVER and I feel bad for Omer right now because Im feeling his side of the story.
Yep. Hate YOU!
I know you're reading this so I just want you to know that you're a jerk and you have NO idea how much trouble you've cost me. You got one of my very firsts orders canceled at the very last moment. The client will never be coming to me again. That is exactly what I needed to establish myself in the market. Piss off one of the two clients that I have in total. Im off to a great start all thanks to YOU!

Thats Right. Feel Bad. Very Bad.

Now that thats out of the way...I actually dont feel like talking about the valima thing right now. Next time.

Of love and letters

I got fired.
I think I got fired.
For the first time ^.^
But not quite sure yet since my supervisor happens to be a 13 year old emo boy going trough puberty trapped in the body of a middle aged pedo. Wait. Milo. Cake. Ek minute.

This. Is. Love.

Anyway. I always wanted to get fired. It has been a dream of mine. All my colleagues had been fired at least once. I was the only loser. But No More By the Grace of Allah [teeheee] shall I be the devoted creep who works at the same place for months. No sir. I have been fired last night.
No more Kyani and his puberty.
No more "please send the orders list" and "thank you for the confirmation" bullshit.
Khe Khe. I feel so bad ass.
I love you Milo.

So Why did I get fired? you may ask.
You see, my supervisor had this habit of getting emotionally attached with his employees and he did not hesitate to get involved in you personal matters. Ask Danish. He knows it all.
Me being the regular greedy hag did not entertain his emotional needs immediately. Also I've been doing my own thing in the side leaving me no time to work for Kyani.
So Im like...I'll start work next week...and hes like fine suit yourself...and then I was all....I dont like the orders list today...send me one tomorrow...and hes all...alright....and then Im like....dude...I dont like the instructions I dont think I can get this done...and Then he wrote me a letter which sounded something like the following:

"My sweet darling Uz*sniff*maa....Why are you doing this to me? *SNIFF* what have I done? *sobs* Why are you no longer interested in meeeeee the job? *waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan* Is it because you no longer need me the money? HAVE YOU FOUND A RICH PARTNER? *Gulp* I....*sniff* or may be you suspect the authenticity of this company? *wipes nose* Is it because I this job no longer provides you the satisfaction that will earn you respect in the eyes of your friends or *gulp* God forbid *tears* boyfriends? Anyway, if your'e no longer interested in me the job you may call it quit instead of wasting time any further *slits wrist*"

And Im like...how dare you say boyfriends? I dont even have one T_T
I was seriously offended you see. The italicized words are actually his.
Why the fuck would he discuss my money matters and boyfriends?
Kutta sala bastard.
So Im like pissed off. So I wrote something that sounded like the following:

"My dear Kyani *sigh* Im afraid your suspicion is somewhat true *sigh*. I can no longer wait for you for hours to take decisions regarding orders *closes eyes and sighs*. I dont see how my need for collecting money or boy friends are any of your business and I would really appreciate it if you dont bring up my personal matters again *looks away*. So please for the love of god dont jealous *tears*. I do not find the topics interesting but I hope we can look past out differences and maintain a professional relationship *sniff*"

I havent heard from him since.
khe khe.
Mere pass to itna awesome cake bhi hai kyani ke pass to hai bhi nai.
Why am I such a clown? -.-

...

Dear God,

Been a lil rude havent I? But its okay yea? I mean...you're like God n all you understand ryte? I think I should officially tell you that I still believe youre out there....So yea anyway, sup? I was just wondering if you could send me some money? I really wana go shopping...I dont need anything just like that...ya know itsy bitsy useless crap...I also want that book 'what we knew' by Eric Johnson n all...I mean dont want it ryte away..just...whenever youre ready...I can wait. Or you can just get me a job and I get the rest myself...:\
And...if youre in a good mood...how about sending a cutie along? Just like a casual thing...if you want to...its totally cool otherwise..
And could you please take care of...umm...that thing..? I dont want to piss anyone off by saying no.
Also could you please take care of everything else? Im kind of tired and I dont want to. Just ya know....of course you do..Youre God.
So yea....Im planin to pray soon....catch ya later.

Love,
Uzma.

error.

Dear reader,

The last post is actually post # 210, not 200. I apologize for the inconvenience [if there was any, which I doubt, not that it matters].
Thank you.

Regards,
Uzma.

Dear life,

Stop being so dramatic, please? You dont like me and I dont like you. A lot of people dont. Stop acting like a roadside whore and letting every passerby fuck you up.
Either let me live you in peace or just go away. Or yeah just go away.
You annoy me like a recently dumped sensitive girl.

Regards,
your subject.

Eight long months of summer.

Dear fellow Human Beings,

If youre living in karachi youre probably aware of the fact that is fucking hot here. Hence, your body needs to cool down by sweating. When sweat combines with the bacteria on your skin it causes a smell. And not a very pleasant one I tell you. And its not your fault. I understand. I mean its a natural biological processes and you cant help it. However, bathing regularly and using antiperspirants or deodorants can help control the odor.
Why do you not take a shower everyday, I ask you? Do you have any idea how much pain it can cause the person sitting next to you? I mean first I tolerate this weather....this shit, pathetic, sick weather. Then I tolerate the crowd Im in....SO many human beings.....and I watch you make all those stupid idiotic conversations everyday with an equally (or more) stupid component of yours while you giggle away your life...and to top it off I have to breathe near you while you stink like a pig. [I deserve to go to heaven for tolerating all this] Its agonizing! Please bathe, my dear fellow bitch. Please do, everyday. Also change your clothes along with you undies - e v e r y d a y! Have mercy on me. Please. I go through enough already. Please!

With lots of hatred and condemnation,
Uzma.

Dear coke,

Are you shitting me ? What is this...sugar water youre selling?
Fuck you and your stupid flat shitty product. I am not satisfied.

With love,
Uzma.