Psychoanalyze you becasue Im sexy and I know it. :\. :|. :/

So how are you?
Everything good?
Please know that Im only mentioning the following because I was asked]
I havent been blogging because OMG so busy with work and projects n the shits
Also, I finished FIVE dissertations in TWO months. Four for MBA and one for LLB.
Yea Im awesome like that.

And to make that awesomeness more awesome I will get permission to officially treat patients by next June.
Im also willing to perform premature analysis on you guys on request. More on that later in the post.
I want to rant first because i really havent in weeks.
And I still dont feel like it...dunno Ive become very "accepting of people" all of a sudden which is odd. Everyone seems like a patient:\
Im unable to have a conversation without analyzing personalities and identifying subconscious concerns of people in head.

I hate it when people ask me to help them out with their home work on a weekend.
Especially when I get a weekend off after TWO long fucking months.
That too for free.
Mutlab kia masla hai apko?
mai kia karsakty hoon agar ap stupid hain to?
I deserve a day off too you know.
Or three.
So these somebodies. Ive helped them out with their reports n shit a few times. And by help I mean did everything. And they got an A [for which I have yet to receive a thank you]. Now one of them want me to write some gay ass article so she can tell everyone she did it when it gets published in the magazine. And Im like do it yourself. And now Im the bitchiest bitch in the world.
Anyway.
About the premature analysis.
I was really pissed off cuz this head of the research department wouldnt accept my research proposal for the annual journal [which she later accepted] because it was done by me and not a PhD student. So I was like wtf :O
So I made this abstract crap which doesnt quite make sense. I mean it does to me but different people have been seeing different things in it. So since I dont have the actual Rosharch or TAT manual, I have been doing personality analysis based on that single image.
But I will get my hands on the real shit by the end of next year and I secretly scan them. That would be so totally awesome. As long as I dont get caught. Because then I will get suspended. I dont see what the big deal is since psychology students do that kind of shit all the time. Well, most of them. And I always tell people that they shouldnt believe what I tell them because Im qualified and theyre like "of course we know that" but then they end up believing every single word I say. Buh wahevs. If they're gullible enough.

So if youre interested in a premature false psychoanalysis, look carefully at the image below and write a short story about what is going on in the image, what had happened before, and what is going to happen next. The story must have a beginning, a middle, and an end to it and must be a complete story. Keep it short so I actually read it. Also write your age, gender, and something about yourself. Like a secret. Or something that you think has had a significant impact on your life. Whatever youre comfortable with. Comments can be made anonymously.


Also look at this image and briefly write what you see. This one does not have to be a story. Just write whatever you see in the image. It can be anything.

Tingling, bitches, and bba students...

I dont want to blog about this but I cant really focus or think much at the moment. Ye angraiz itne attentions seeking whores kiu hotey hain? I tried searching for something really serious and I couldnt find shit because of them.
Heres the thing. I often get tingling feeling in my brain. Since that seizure thingie. I dont know if its just in my head because I cant tell because its never too...stimulating? So I just avoid it and try not to think about it. But this time its just not going away. Been two days. So I searched. And I realized that my tiredness, numbness in legs and arms, and my lack of ability to focus during the brain tingling thing are all related. But I would like to take a moment here to mention that my hair looks extremely sexy right now. A messy side bun is totally my thing. Anyway, about the tingling. Its better as I write but it was really bad in the afternoon. I couldnt even read memes. Anyway. The possible causes include: migraine, anxiety, depression, seizure, multiple sclerosis, and of course, schizophrenia. I should see a doctor? I would but I think its only cuz of the deficiency of B12 in my body. I have been skipping dinner for three days now. Maybe.

Going back to the attention seeking whores. How I hate using the term because one of the bloggers I hate uses it quite a lot. What he doesnt know is that he too belongs to that group of bitches that he hates. Anyway. You wont believe the kind of shit I had to read to find out about my tingling. Im sure most of them dont even feel the shit because they wouldnt have written crap like "oh its like Im high...its like an orgasm". It most certainly is not. Not that I know what that would feel like. But its definitely not pleasurable. It significantly brings down my ability to comprehend. I just lost two days of by life to my attention seeking brain. But attention it did not get. Yes. I refuse to tell people the feeling and that way I dont get the attention and so the unconscious me loses. Hell yeah you better stay in the darkness. Anyway. Bhool gai. But while I was unable to write anything in the afternoon, I did make a failed attempt at funny. Here it is. It actually shows the annoying bitches in the psychology department.

Also, I actually heard some BBA students have the following "conversation" outside the cafe...and I still cant figure out why they laughed the way they did...may be it was an inside joke...but it dint seem that witty...pata nai...ajeeb hotey hain bba ke loag..

Too bad its a fruit cake..

Despair

Cleanin out my closet

My university starts from Monday right....[OMG Ima finally do my OWN homework ^.^]
So I decided to fix my closet and see what clothes I have...But then I realized that I dont have clothes...at all.
I kind of never really needed them since I dont wear them that often. I actually had to make new clothes when I joined the office. Wait...what? You dont really wear clothes? Well, I do, of course. I mean...you know...who wears them properly at home? Orange pjs and a parrot green kurta with a ripped sleeve is like a grand Chanel gown for me. This is what I have..

Awesome comfy pjs


Skimpy tops that I cant wear in public


Appropriate tops without bottoms or dupattas


Uncomfortable proper clothes that I wont wear


And nice fancy stuff that Im saving for occasions that I will never attend


Oh and since Im uploading pics...heres the pizza that I made [Khe Khe Abeer J]


I know I brag n shit...But I dont have much dressing sense. And Im okay with that. I dont care if Im the best or worst dressed in the room. My intelligence makes up for it...or so I think.
Im really excited to back to college after a year n all...but dressing up everyday is really gona suck. Roz roz kaun loser tayaar hota hai? Roz roz kaun loser baal banata hai?
Mai to nai karu gi. Okay may be I will...But I wont have fun doing it.
Back in my college...girls used to straighten their hair at 7:30 in the morning. Everyday.
Thats Seven Thirty AM in the Morning!
Who does that? I dont know how to end this post.

P.S. The pizza sucked.

Dear Stupid Bitch on Facebook

Ye larkia apna mu tera kar kar ke kiu picture leti hain?
Yes, it still bothers me and I dont think I can ever get used to it.
Every time I come across a close-up picture of a girl in which she is looking away, while most of her face is covered with her hair, I want to shave my head and peel the skin off of my head with a peeler.

No, Im not exaggerating, these are exactly my feelings.
Just...look at these picture...do you think someone else took them?
Are you buying that shit?
That the girl had absolutely no idea that someone is taking her picture?
Seriously?
Do you really believe that the girl was innocently looking away, minding her own business, when some secret admirer quietly sneaked beside her and clicked without her even noticing his/her existence? And later, s/he showed the girl her angelic picture and she went all "OMG When did you take this? I had no idea...teeheheheehehe"
What are they trying to prove?

Fine, you're not ugly. Alright. You may be good looking. Okay. Good for you. But do you absolutely have to create a scene?
Do you absolutely have to celebrate you not being ugly?
Every week?
Every single god damn week?
Mutlab kia yaar...aap koi Brittany Spears hain?
Its just...irritating alright.
I dont know why it bothers me so much but it does.
And I do have a life...Im working two jobs...three if you count all the cleaning that Ive been doing for the past month...for which I will charge my people 2k.
And I also happen to be pretty alright looking....but unlike these stupid sluts, I look in the eyes of the muthafukin photographer.
Its kinda funny though...Im an academic writer, a tutor, and a part time maid who is pissed off.
Well...not anymore...I kind of cheered myself up. Heh.
Blogging does help:\

P.S. Dont you dare tell me that the pics are pretty. They look pretty cuz of the soft focus and extensive use of picassa.

P.P.S. I wasnt mad cuz of these idiots. These bitches dont matter. They be my displacement.

Baby feff...

Do you like cheese cake? I like cheese cakes. I make good cheese cakes. Not awesome but good enough. Do you have issues with roasted almonds on top of an oreo cheese cake? I like them. My friends had issues with it. I like roasted almonds. They so nice and roasted.


Do you like kids? I dont like kids. Not all kids. Just loud kids and naughty kids and kids who cry a lot and the ones who wont stop giggling and the poking kids and kids who wont stop running and the ones who go tell their mommies everything you say to them. Irritating. Burey lagtey hain batameez bachey. Bush mewa chota sha boobie acha hai <3


Do have a maid? I currently dont have one. She left -.-
Know what that means? I kind of have to do the cleaning part almost everyday. So I like dont like kids rights...so when Im doing any work I dont like to be interrupted. So Ayesha and Dua [the neighbor's kid I wana slap stupid] were irritating me. So Im like "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN" and they're like "nai nai nai baby fef BABY FEFFF" [they meant baby chef...this show on baby tv featuring Mrs. Kettle - the colorful hoe]. So I made them a lil house out of chairs and made them sit in it for an hour. And they were actually happy to do so.


Bachey becharey kitne stupid hotey hain. Unko to kuch pata bhi nai hota. Who's zardari, who's Assange, mazay se carefree kheltey raho all the time. Sab kuch believe kar letey hain. I told my cousin a couple of years back...when he was seven...that a dragon used to live by and a kid had a fight with him....the kid was very powerful and he picked up the dragon and banged him in this huge lake so hard that all the water from that lake splashed into the sea...and thats how sea view here was formed. He believed it for a long long time and even went around asking people "aapko pata hai sea view kaise bana tha?"
Becahwa...got made fun of quite a lot by his friends.

hehe..

Six Points of Feminine Law

So ever since I left my old job I have nothing else to do.
Pretty lifeless. And merey brother ka semester end hora hai so he hogs the pc the whole day to make his assignments and the TV well...yeah you have to wait at least an hour to get your turn.
So I was really bored...so Im like...HEY Wait...Why am I bored?
I AM A GIRL:O
So I did some "girl stuff" and I knew it in the back of my head that this is a very bad idea and I was laughing at myself secretly all along.
Anyway, I did some makeup...a lot of it actually...Green n Orange eyes [<3] and pink blush and light gloss. But after that Im like...Now what? And then I realized that Im a "Girl" who uses "Facebook" :O So I took pics....lots of them...High angle pout pics.

The practical helped me discover the following:

* I dont know how to pout.
* I dont know how to take high angle pics.
* I cannot look up in the camera and smile at the same time.
* I will never get those twenty minutes of my life back.
* I should never try this again.
* Girls who do this kinda stuff are not Muslim [^.^]

Also, my lazy eye is quite prominent.
Can you tell? My right eye?
Also, meri eyes kitna empty haina?:/
Its distrubing.
And please, do notice that I have pretty eye lashes.
Thank you.

Anyway...I also made awesome brownies today.
They were really awesome.
Somebody better discover me soon.
My awesomeness is being wasted.
And yes, I do know other words...just...awesome sounds better.
Its an exaggerated term.
I love exaggeration.
And ice.
And jelly.
I miss you Jelly=[

Post Rain Happy Emo Phase.

Its freakin' pretty outside.


Like depressing sort of pretty.


Like when someone dies after a long illness and everyone leaves and you're left alone...quiet and lonely sort pretty.


You miss the departed but you're glad that the pain is over sort pretty.


And its raining again.
Out on your car like bullets on tin.
Sadness like water, pouring down.
Rain is depressing.


But whats wrong with depression?
I mean....just one of those emotions innit?
or a feeling...
bleh..


its too sad outside my window for me to be lame right now.

I got homework to do:[

I got work to do on Sunday. I don't have to but I probably should cuz the order is due tomorrow and its on Management and I kinda suck at it. He says 'You decide. I need it by tomorrow evening' so yea...that's like a code for 'you're super slow so get started princess' and that's exactly what I'm gona do. Sigh.
Management does not interest me.
But he's out of my league:\

You know how most people bite their nails when they're tense n all...? Yea my cousin used to eat her thumb instead. She stopped about a year back but it still looks fucked up. Shes funny.
I did a research paper on South Park dealing with Censorship and Islam and I came across some weird stuff. Too bad I'm in no mood to discuss it. Its just that i spent six hours doing it so it kind of loses its charm you see...
Anyway...they be celebrating 'Everybody draw Muhammad day' on the 20^th of May. No I'm not asking anyone to do anything just saying its gona happen. The cartoonist who came up with an idea has posted an apology on her blog [mollynorris.com] and dint set up any page on fb. And the site on which the threat was posted claims it was not a threat but a prediction [http://www.revolutionmuslim.com/]. Yada yada I really dont care. We seriously need to stop paying attention to all this bullshit you know. There are bigger issues in the world.

I wants:

2 Chocolate glazed donuts
Caramel Blizzard [cold coffee]
2GB Memory Card [Yes, still]
Headphones
A bigger bag
Better health
Stable mind
a lil Sunshine
and caramel chocolate cookies

....for now.

P.S. I'd pick caramel over chocolate any given day.

Also, I made zero citation mistakes on Friday ^.^

Good girl Uzma.
*draws a happy star on left cheek*

yaYy:D

Jelly is awesome. Bus.

My mum snores.
My grampa' wears the sexiest cologne.
Jelly is Love.


What is love but a gay feeling.
What is marriage but permission to have sex legally with a selected partner.
Im not looking for any such experience, thank you very much.
Leave me alone now.
Shu.

Trial post.

My papers sucked.
And I managed to look like a total luchie in that utanga uniform...Im too old for a uniform...but nevermind that. It was the last time anyway.
I forgot how to blog so please excuse the bullshit.
Dont you hate it when you cant think of anything to write while you try to explain some gay ass reference and the person sitting next to you asks for a third sheet?
What the hell do they write?:\
Check out this hot nude chick I made...


Mariam thinks Im a lesbian.
But Im not. Seriously=[
Im totally into guys.
Kasam se.

Is it just me or is Fauzia Wahab really stupid?
She reminds me of Seemen.
Both live in their own little world.
I got 90% in first semester and 44% in second. ehe.
yeaa.....

Oh and turns out Im not a Ghaznavi but a Khan. Yup. My mum told me last week.
Just...yea. I'd rather not discuss that.
Welcome back ^.^

Of nuts and balls..

B.A is one sorry ass degree.
Its like a sin to do it.
Hey...so what do you do?
Not much I just got done with my BBA from fancy ass shit and now Im applying to a fancier ass shit for my MBA. What about you?
uh...Im still waiting to give my B.A exams...*jumps in acid*
Ye kia batameezi hai?
Honestly, theres nothing else Id rather be doing. Cuz you see, I actually like the subjects I study. The only reason Im doing my IT bullshit along is to get a damn job. Since nobody considers B.A a degree. Itni discrimination hai....ufff..:'[

But fuck that. Seen baby tv? No? You should. Its not as annoying as it appears to be. Theres this show 'Baby Chef' where a bunch of kids make things like an ice-cream sandwich and fruit jelly and pretend that its real food and then eat it. And Miss kettle dresses up like a prostitute. But thats not the point. The point is that theres a show called 'Baby Balls'...:\
Ive never really seen the show itself...but its something about different size of balls playing and talking and shit. Its just disturbing. I dont allow my baby cousin to watch it. Neither should you.

Do you like nuts? I was just eating them the other day and I realized that I dont hate them as much as I say I do. In fact, I actually like them. Its just that my mum telling me to eat them is a turn off. She just sucks the fun out of food by telling me all its nutrient facts. I mean...I dont care. And I wont for the next ten or twenty years. Also, I regretfully accept the fact that my taste buds are not as skilled as I thought they were. I cant tell much difference between salted Cashew and salted Almonds.
And this is how everything I do ends....*emo*

Dont leave me High...

Okay..now Ive done some pretty stupid shit...but this ones really...umm..okay not that surprising. But yeah...I was just going through my last years political science notes...actually I wasnt reading the notes...I just like going through my stuff cuz I always write/draw some sick shit in between. Its very entertaining. Anyway...so yeah and there was stapler in my hand...and I dont know what happened...I was just like playing with it...like click click like I always do...and I kind of stapled my finger...and it hurts!


[Avoid the mehendi!]
It was worse than that time I got my neck stuck between a hanger..:\
Now now....dont be judging me....Im not as immature as I sound here. Just...I get carried away with objects...they interest me....a lot.

And this is what I was reading :

"I shall kill you and you shall die and be dead till morning when I shall kill you again and you shall suffer and live through the pain before you die each death. I shall resuscitate you for my pleasure and I shall continue the process till I am satisfied and it wont be soon. Once is not enough."

Funny yeah..? I cant even remember who I wrote it for. I must've been really pissed.
Anyway, seen Joshua...? the 2007 flick about this sick kid?
Its awesome.

wasting time because I have to submit my documentation on DSM tomorrow.

....And the odd one out..

Delicious disaster.

Now you know....you may get the idea that I dont have a life n all but indeed I do. Like. Bleh. Anyway. So this new friend of mine Mohsina ryte, she tried the chocolate brownie cake thingie I told her about and how awesome it turned out n all....and I was all...dude...need chocolate..
I mean Im not chocoholic like Rida n Bilal or whatever I mean...I have good control on my chocolate desires but I like..really needed some today:\
So...I ended up making peanut butter double chocolate barks I wanted to try on eid but dint cuz I was too lazy...and Guess what?

:D

lol...[shoots herself in the head]....ima upload pics again!!!

*sigh*

[I cant help it ): ] HAH I made ulta smiley. The seedha wala looks weird with brackets.

Anyway....The first thing you do is melt white chocolate chips..

So I like wait n wait n wait but the thing just wont melt....This is what it looks like after 30 minutes...

then I realized I have a microwave oven....and im all...Fuck you uzma >_>...and then I lietrally satrted saying..." melt you stupid whore" [which my khala heard I think....and that eplains the smirk on her face]...then I added milk cuz it wudnt melt....only to make it look more crappy...

By this time I was going insane and kept repeating....oh-my-God-what-the-hell-fuck-this-shit-man..

But then...it finally started to look...not so crappy...

Then you add peanut butter [chunky] and mix it with the chocolate..

Then spread plastic wrap on a baking tray....But I was too lazy to take the tray out and wash and dry it so I just took this ordinary tray...

what I dint notice was that its all curvy...and what I dint predict was that its not deep enough and it myte screw the whole thing up...[which it did]


Anyway....then spread the peanut butter chocolate thing on the tray..

Then add peanuts [yea yea I burned em....bleh]



Then add marshmallows....[or not....isnt necessary]

Then melt chocolate....but I had had enough of melting stuff...so instead I made my own chocolate with condensed milk and cocoa powder...




As you can see, I dint bother washing the spatula which I used for mixing the peanut butter thingie..


Then spread it on the whole thing....the chocolate was too thick and sticky and chewy so it kinda got ruined...but then I used the remaining white chocolate to cover the sides..



By this time the thing was looking rather ridiculous. So I was all...Hey this looks crappy.....



How can I make it look crappy-er?
So after thinking for like 3 minutes...
I added sprinkles on it...Just because I had them. Yes. I enjoy screwing things up. Its very satisfying.

OKay I just went to check on them...theyre done ryte....anD OH MY FUCKING FUCK THEYRE FUCKING DELICIOUS! HAH! FUCK YOUUU!!!!!

If you can get past the weird appearance that is.