Tingling, bitches, and bba students...

I dont want to blog about this but I cant really focus or think much at the moment. Ye angraiz itne attentions seeking whores kiu hotey hain? I tried searching for something really serious and I couldnt find shit because of them.
Heres the thing. I often get tingling feeling in my brain. Since that seizure thingie. I dont know if its just in my head because I cant tell because its never too...stimulating? So I just avoid it and try not to think about it. But this time its just not going away. Been two days. So I searched. And I realized that my tiredness, numbness in legs and arms, and my lack of ability to focus during the brain tingling thing are all related. But I would like to take a moment here to mention that my hair looks extremely sexy right now. A messy side bun is totally my thing. Anyway, about the tingling. Its better as I write but it was really bad in the afternoon. I couldnt even read memes. Anyway. The possible causes include: migraine, anxiety, depression, seizure, multiple sclerosis, and of course, schizophrenia. I should see a doctor? I would but I think its only cuz of the deficiency of B12 in my body. I have been skipping dinner for three days now. Maybe.

Going back to the attention seeking whores. How I hate using the term because one of the bloggers I hate uses it quite a lot. What he doesnt know is that he too belongs to that group of bitches that he hates. Anyway. You wont believe the kind of shit I had to read to find out about my tingling. Im sure most of them dont even feel the shit because they wouldnt have written crap like "oh its like Im high...its like an orgasm". It most certainly is not. Not that I know what that would feel like. But its definitely not pleasurable. It significantly brings down my ability to comprehend. I just lost two days of by life to my attention seeking brain. But attention it did not get. Yes. I refuse to tell people the feeling and that way I dont get the attention and so the unconscious me loses. Hell yeah you better stay in the darkness. Anyway. Bhool gai. But while I was unable to write anything in the afternoon, I did make a failed attempt at funny. Here it is. It actually shows the annoying bitches in the psychology department.

Also, I actually heard some BBA students have the following "conversation" outside the cafe...and I still cant figure out why they laughed the way they did...may be it was an inside joke...but it dint seem that witty...pata nai...ajeeb hotey hain bba ke loag..

But anyway...

I want to publicly humiliate a fellow blogger being because he has been annoying me for more than three years now. But I dont want to because its not Ubee. The ratio of milk and Milo in my glass is not proportionate but its too late to do anything because I'm almost done with the damn thing. Anyway. Back to the annoying blogger dude. Well a couple of his friends read my blog at times I think and I dont want to offend them...umm...But I dont mind offending them. But its just that I'm gona have to talk about all that which I dont want to. Anyway. So I wont be blogging about that attention seeking hypocrite.

I want to have halwa puri. Everyone's asleep. My timings of life dont match with anyone in my house. When I wake up everyone else is asleep. And when they wake up its time for my nap. And then I wake up when they're all taking a nap. And then I go to sleep when their fun time begins. So yeah. Oh and its their routine which is odd, not mine. But its kinda fun. That way I dont have to avoid any human contact. It automatically becomes impossible to communicate. I hate communication. And confrontations. Even though I believe that proper communication gets rid of half the problems between individuals. I also hate paper work. Filling forms and submitting and attaching all the documents and all that unnecessary crap they make me do.

There are so many people I'll have to hire for myself. How am I going to pay them all? A butler, a lawyer, a personal assistant. Its 10:20 am and the whole city seems to be asleep. No ones online. No one ever is before noon. Anyway. I love men people in uniform. Especially the navy ones. Have you ever seen them? They're adorable. Dont even want to imagine what their uniforms look like soaked in blood.
Anyway. I came across this movie, The Super. Some German flick I think. Not the funny one. The creepy one. There's this old creepy dude and his fat old creepy wife obsessed with human organs. And then they find people and cut them open and feel their intestines n all. Creepy shit I tell you. Left me with a weird feeling. I've realized that I no longer have a taste for gore. Though the creepy serial killer stories still amuse me, I avoid watching them. Reading is fine. But if I'm fine imagining all the gore why am I not okay actually watching it?:\
Oh the complicated machinations of my mind. I <3 Patrick.
I also dont like using words like shit, fuck, and slut anymore. I still say it. But in my head I'm all "that dint sound too good" so now I avoid saying all that. Crap is still fine. I'm afraid I'm turning into a lady.

Story Time. Non-Fiction.

Im a terrible person.
Intimacy makes me sick.
I sat next to that bitch. She wasnt as bitchy as I expected her to be.
All the students of third semester hate me. They have their reasons.
A lot of their marks got deducted cuz of me.
Why do people take feelings so seriously?
Something so temporary shouldn't be given that much importance.
I do terrible things to people just cuz Im bored.
People should know better than to trust me.
Rida keeps talking about karma.
I think Im its next victim.
But then again, life hasn't always been awesome so bring it on bitch.

Getting close to people makes me sick.
Something's seriously wrong with me.
I always kick away genuine awesomeness coming my way and then close the door behind it and lock it and let the awesomeness knock its knuckles out till its flesh is smeared and the skeleton turns into dust.
I are so fucked up up there.

I dont like people who try too hard to be funny. And sensitive people. And needy people. I really hope I dont turn into one. Im tired. I dont want to sleep. I've done something really cunningly stupid and bitchy. Simply because I dint have anything interesting to do.
And that's why I dont like being free. I shouldn't have taken the month off. I always end up doing something stupid and someone always ends up getting hurt. And then I have to hurt them even more to make them feel better.

Say I shoot you in the knee and then say sorry I must leave now and then you beg me to stay and Im like...I dont want to hurt you anymore and then youre like please stay and Im like dude...blood makes me sick and you're confused because it was my idea to throw in some blood and you're like But Im hurt so I feel bad and Im all Okay Ima pull out this bullet now and youre like but theres no anesthesia oh wretched one and Im like 'dude...I've doen this before and youre like no dont touch it Im fine just please dont leave me alone and then I have to tie you down but there are no ropes so I have to use a hammer and nails to pin you down so you dont move and pull out the bullet with pliers and youre screaming and Im ignoring cuz I know you will feel better eventually but you just want it to end and just when you think its over I take out a needle and thread to stitch back the wound and you're like Why are you doing this to me? Im like dude...please...stop being so dramatic and then I fix the wound and leave and you're left with is a scar and hatred.
Yea. That pretty much explains my past week.

Also, I dont like friends who ask for too many favors, no matter how small, too often.

Senses desensitized.

My oral communication class has made me realize that I may not be as confident as I like to think I am. I've also learned that Im always nervous and guarded even when Im talking to family members. Even though the nervousness is subconscious [hate the stupid term] unconscious its not cool. Im just really glad that people here dont know much about body language n all that fancy psychological stuff...
I know I have an opportunity to have total control on myself and improve and bull but knowing that Ive actually not been the master of myself all these years is rather upsetting because Ive been under that impression all my life. Anyway, I would rather not know.

Moving on, I have this weird obsession with desensitization. My mums claustrophobia is now getting worse. So much that she's having trouble falling asleep with the closed door. Remember how I dont have my own room and have to share one with my mom? Yeah. So I cant sleep when the door or any window is open...so its kind of frustrating. Anyway, the point is...I was telling her how she should consider systematic desensitization to get rid of the fear and try sleeping in a grave-like box. She, of course, freaked out. I dont see anything wrong with the idea. There are two possible outcomes to this situation: You conquer your fear; Your fear conquers you [resulting in death]. Either way, it gets rid of the problem. So I was wondering, does the process apply to feelings as well? Because I think it does.
Like...okay...I've tried it a couple of times and it actually worked.
You know how I think non-stop...yea..so I often stumble on very disturbing thoughts that really creep me out...Like I used to have this thought, when my cousin was born two years back, that Im standing on a bride, holding her in my hands, which is built over this deep scary sea. And its really really dark and all I can hear is the sound of the gushing waves against the pillars of the bridge and then suddenly my cousin slips out of my hands. The thought scared the shit out of me and I couldnt stop thinking about it. Eventually I got tired of ignoring and decided to let go. Every time it came to my mind I made sure I think the whole thing through from her dropping to drowning to picturing how dark it was beneath and the branches that she'd get caught in and the water reaching her ears and brain and every possible detail that you can imagine...and now the thought doesnt bother me anymore.
Same goes for feelings [except for physical pain]...I'd elaborate but the examples are a little personal. But the process has helped me become apathetic toward a lot of things and people and feelings associated with those people.

I really wana study this shit in detail once Im a pro and come up with a way to get rid of nauseating emotional feelings everyone keeps complaining about like hurt and depression and betrayal and um...whatever negative feelings that people have.
I know I dint quite make the case up there but I dint write it right. I mean...the theory is not based on this nor am I referring to systematic desensitization in particular. Also, you're not my professor. I have it all worked out in my head. Well, parts of it.

Im not me here.

This post is going to be extremely gay and I request you to not use it for any future reference because it is very phasal...and by that I mean its just a phase and it'll go away and I know its not a real word bitch thankyouverymuch.
I never thought this day would come but it has. And...its disturbing how the period between these phases is getting shorter and shorter and it sucks. But Im just really...craving for a baby right now...I mean...it used to be hot chocolate milk but things have changed...I just...really.....waaanaaaaa baaabyyyyy T_T
Shut up Uzma what the fuck is wrong with you...whatever happened to being the nex...!!!
Why cant I just get one at a grocery store? Not an orphan. Dont want an orphan. Just like...you know...nicely packed in a fancy box with instructions...like a brand new one...the one you have to give an electric shock to bring to life...and then it'll stay alive forever...but you get to see when it comes to life...and you get to give it the sock...you know...I want four of those...
I saw such a cute baby today...I want one like that...and another one with curls...and a bald one...and one with big dark eyes and one with tiny eyes and full lips...just...I really wana hug a baby...Im tired of pillows...PILLOWS DONT GOO GOO GA GA TO MEEE T__T
And I still dont wana get married...I dont want to wake up next to the same person everyday for the rest of my life...and I dont wana dress up for a wedding...and I dont want all those annoying family occasions and shit...just get me a god damn baby and leave me alone and then get me another baby after two years...preferably a pair of twins...
I dont wanaa waaant aaall thiiis T____T

Sharing is not caring, it is Chori UZMA BAJII!

My university starts on February 14...I Know...shup!
And I really cant wait to go. Its been a year since I secretly ate cookies behind a person in class...Really miss the thrill. I cant wait to take down notes...and scribble weird stuff. I haven't sketched in a long long time. I make the best drawings during lectures...I write my best two liners during a class. I come up with the funniest forward msgs during a lecture. Twenty One days left. Just...Im so damn creative in a class room. Mainly because there is SO much to hate.
Ya know...the biases of the teacher, the annoying girly students, the frustrated boys, the wanna be funny crowd, the shairy clan...Just SO MUCH to criticize...Forgive me for the cliche but I totally love to hate.
And No, I will not end up alone with cats in a secluded one bedroom apartment! I like snakes better.

I dont wana sound like a creep but Im more of a stalker type. I used to stalk people...I just liked observing their lives:\
As a child, I stalked three families on regular basis. I was...umm...11 or 12 or something. Or 10...dunno. We moved to this new place...my brother, my mum, and I. So there wasnt much to do there...my mum would spend all day cleaning and making fancy food for us...my brother would hog the tv and play video games...I would roam around in the house, injecting my stuffed toys in the eyes with tang [so the white part would turn orange] and stalking the three families from different windows. I stole the injection from this relative who was a doctor because he would tease me about my teeth -.-
Oh...did I tell you I dint have the four front teeth till I was in SIXTH grade?
Thats right...I used to eat too many chocolates as a child so my teeth went bad and the dentist had to pull them out....it was painful T_T
Actually...I dint feel much pain but the idea still scares me. I screamed so loud...scared the shit out of the children who were waiting their turn....one of them started crying....ehehe....made me laugh...Oh how pathetic I looked laughing without teeth=[
So I stopped laughing all together...and thats why you always see a forced but controlled smiles in all my pictures.

Back to stalking. I stalked three families. One I knew personally...they were our neighbors. Memon aunty, creepy uncle, and their three very dirty daughters. Their house always smelled like baby piss. I dint like going there much...but I was kind of friends with the three very annoying girls...actually...they were my minions. Did everything I told them to. I dint like them for some reason...I used to stalk them around 11...thats when the father came home from work...I wonder what he did. But by that time the girls would go to sleep so they had their dinner right outside their kitchen. It used to be a very sad image. The white light from the kitchen would fall on them on one side while the other side was completely dark. They always had this sad, empty look on their faces. I never saw them laugh...or even smile sitting together. The man would eat, never glancing at his wife, while the wife obediently sat there staring at him...It was so upsetting looking at them yet I watched them almost everyday having their dinner. I was addicted to that gloomy image.

The second one I usually observed when I couldnt sleep...which was almost every night. There were two girls...who I am damn sure turned out to be major sluts. These two girls would wake up in the middle of the night around 3 am...when everyone in their house was asleep...as practiced dance....Every Single Night. Why would they do that?
I remember they got caught once...ehehe...that was hilarious. I almost fell down the window laughing. They woke up early that night...around 2...and while they were practicing...their father came in the room...and he got so mad. He slapped one of them and took their tape recorder. Made me happy and sad at the same time...happy cuz I hated the girls...sad because they were my only source of entertainment at 3 am in the morning. The third family was mainly in my head.

I wana go back to college so I can once again smile at an object's misery. Naaw...Im just making myself sound like a sociopath. I wana go back to college so I can continue observing different people and their behavior and come up with cool psychology stuff. Buyin' it?
I cant seem to get past the fourth stage of Kubler-Ross model. But Imma be takin' 'em pics, lookin' all fly n shit.

Smart blogger...Y U No make a difference?=[

I've been browsing blogger for the past twenty minutes now...the intelligent side this time.
Ya know good blogs...the ones that make you feel a little stupid and shallow.
I came across some really good stuff...of course I dint actually read...but it looked pretty good.
I read the title then I randomly read a paragraph and skip to the conclusion.
I just dont like to read now unless Im getting paid for it.
Anyway. So it was good political stuff...very well thought and properly researched.
Its just sad how none of it is making a difference.
I really dont know where Im going with this.

My mom cried when she heard about Salmaan Taseer's death. She was upset for three days.
And when Benazir died.
And when the flood came...and the zalzala.
And when Musharraf resigned.
Its kind of frustrating.
Honestly, I personally dont even feel that much about anything.
Until I see another person emotionally responding to a particular situation.
So its like...the people around you, or at least me, are partly responsible for who you are and what you become.
I mean...yea we all know that.
Genes + Environment = Individual
So...
Bull Shit + More Shit = a Paki
I say Bull Shit because I think the sense of righteousness that we have is inherited. Along with a gigantic ego and a sense of superiority. You know...cuz we're Muslim n stuff...We're still caught up in the great Muslim conquests of the 700's and the 1200's.
So what if we suckin' American Butt today...We ruled those bitches for centuries...
I still dont know where Im going with this.
Why are feelings other than hatred so hard to understand?
Dont answer that please.
//.-

Of love and letters

I got fired.
I think I got fired.
For the first time ^.^
But not quite sure yet since my supervisor happens to be a 13 year old emo boy going trough puberty trapped in the body of a middle aged pedo. Wait. Milo. Cake. Ek minute.

This. Is. Love.

Anyway. I always wanted to get fired. It has been a dream of mine. All my colleagues had been fired at least once. I was the only loser. But No More By the Grace of Allah [teeheee] shall I be the devoted creep who works at the same place for months. No sir. I have been fired last night.
No more Kyani and his puberty.
No more "please send the orders list" and "thank you for the confirmation" bullshit.
Khe Khe. I feel so bad ass.
I love you Milo.

So Why did I get fired? you may ask.
You see, my supervisor had this habit of getting emotionally attached with his employees and he did not hesitate to get involved in you personal matters. Ask Danish. He knows it all.
Me being the regular greedy hag did not entertain his emotional needs immediately. Also I've been doing my own thing in the side leaving me no time to work for Kyani.
So Im like...I'll start work next week...and hes like fine suit yourself...and then I was all....I dont like the orders list today...send me one tomorrow...and hes all...alright....and then Im like....dude...I dont like the instructions I dont think I can get this done...and Then he wrote me a letter which sounded something like the following:

"My sweet darling Uz*sniff*maa....Why are you doing this to me? *SNIFF* what have I done? *sobs* Why are you no longer interested in meeeeee the job? *waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan* Is it because you no longer need me the money? HAVE YOU FOUND A RICH PARTNER? *Gulp* I....*sniff* or may be you suspect the authenticity of this company? *wipes nose* Is it because I this job no longer provides you the satisfaction that will earn you respect in the eyes of your friends or *gulp* God forbid *tears* boyfriends? Anyway, if your'e no longer interested in me the job you may call it quit instead of wasting time any further *slits wrist*"

And Im like...how dare you say boyfriends? I dont even have one T_T
I was seriously offended you see. The italicized words are actually his.
Why the fuck would he discuss my money matters and boyfriends?
Kutta sala bastard.
So Im like pissed off. So I wrote something that sounded like the following:

"My dear Kyani *sigh* Im afraid your suspicion is somewhat true *sigh*. I can no longer wait for you for hours to take decisions regarding orders *closes eyes and sighs*. I dont see how my need for collecting money or boy friends are any of your business and I would really appreciate it if you dont bring up my personal matters again *looks away*. So please for the love of god dont jealous *tears*. I do not find the topics interesting but I hope we can look past out differences and maintain a professional relationship *sniff*"

I havent heard from him since.
khe khe.
Mere pass to itna awesome cake bhi hai kyani ke pass to hai bhi nai.
Why am I such a clown? -.-

Lonely fucker on the lose.

Im addicted to the thrill.
Its a dangerous love affair?
I have nothing to write.
Which indicates that I have a lot going on in my life.
Its something unpredictable, but in the end its right. Only it never ends.
Meri baatain samajh ati hain kisi ko?
Mujhey to nai ati.
I got 82% in Psychology.
I hope you had the time of your life.
Do you get labeled?
I get labeled a lot.
Uzma is rude. Uzma is a bitch. Uzma ka kisi se mizaaj nai milta, Uzma ko to kuch pasand hi nai hai, Uzma itni careless hai, itni emotionless hai, ajeeb hai, etc, etc.
What do you get labeled?
Do you get tired?
Do you get judged?
Why am I acting so gay?
I sound like "look at me I feel what no one has ever felt before which makes me different".
This isnt me.
Im just trying to genuinely feel something so I can blog because Im hating the last few posts.
Sab ko lagta hai I think Im very hot and Im waiting for a hotter prince charming.
Its irritating.
I dont want to talk about that.
I like old songs.
Im actually very lame.
Turn down the silence?
They wont.
Main wohi hoon moomin-e-mubtila:\
I dont like myself after midnight.

You know I know how.

I had this really freaky dream last night.
What?
You dont wana know?
oho=[

You know Iroquois Indians thought the world was an island supported on a giant turtles back who was the master of all animals.
- Courtesy Poopipie.

I dont want to go to Karachi University - it sucks ass.
Im hungry.
This friend of mine wants to be a Chef.
How cool izzat?
If he becomes a chef for real Ima marry him.
I like Ice=[
Im telling my dream.
You know whats odd?
Never mind.

I was lost in this weird hidden society somewhere in the city.
And there were all these thugs. Like Somalian Pirates.
Look Im not a racist but they were all black, bald, dirty, and sweaty with lots of knives.
And they were somewhat like those cannibals from Hills have eyes. Only they were not cannibals and were sane crazy people with terrible teeth.
Anyway, so I had to like hide and find my way out and I manage to escape but they spot me.
And then Im out of that little weird secret place in the city but they were chasing me. And I had to hide cuz they were gona beat the shit out of me and stab me like they did this other girl:\
And they wont give up. They kept hunting me like an animal and I kept hiding and running. And then I got tired and had a friend of mine shoot me. And she did. But the bullet hit mt in the side of the neck. So I was still alive.
It sucked.
I was actually scared in the dream.
It really sucked.
My mum wants me to get off the pc.
My brother uses dirty hands on the mouse.
Its all sticky.
But Im used to it.
We're dirty people.
I shouldn't be complaining about public toilets.

FML cuz MLIA

My life is so average
My mum forgot how to make biryani. She just cant get it right anymore.
Work is not exciting anymore.
Im allergic to Keema, Fish, and Soap.
Zionists are gona take over the world.
I dont want to be ruled by Zionists.
I dont want to make no stupid software.
Ive become one of those ungrateful privileged bastards who just cant get enough of anything.
Ive been dumped. Twice. Even though we call it "mutual separation" it was actually not.
Something's wrong with my cell.
I downloaded backstreet boys yesterday at work. I cant get over the guilt.
I had a dream about my khala again. She was upset.
I told on her once. That was a year back.
I still have weird dreams about her crying or something shitty.
I want to have brownies and milo.
Its been three months...sab kuch theek hai.
Doesnt feel right.
I think God is upset with me.
Wouldnt blame him.
I think he's demented.
God is a little messed up.
All this...everything...nothing has to happen.
Anyway.
Light janay wali hai.
Zardari kuttey ka bacha hai.
Just like the rest of us.

In Dublin's Fair City

People who make statements with fancy words just for the sake of it are annoying.
I hate it when people use my creations like they invented it.
And dont you tell me to move on.
I demand something magical to happen in the coming week.
Something that will change my life up side down.
Like a discovery or invention or I dont know...a new obsession.
Winter is around the corner. I demand Mr. Charming show up by next month which will give us around 40 days to get to know each other and be madly in love by December. We can break up in the mid of January which will give me roughly more than a week to heal by my birthday so I can party up a storm and start a brand new life:\

Its too late to turn it around.
I dont know why I take so long to decide. It takes me months to realize that I like [or hate] something and that sucks. But never mind that.
Salt is awesome. I dont know why people dont like it. I mean...whats there not to like?
Angeline Jolie - Gooed
Bam Bam Kick Blood - Gooed
Liev Schreiber - Goohooed
The whole thing is little far fetched alright but I think its way more believable than Avatar. Boohaha.
And the Expendables is pretty good too. I was really glad to watch these movies because its been a while since they made a good action flick that dint require any brain. Felt like the 90's when they used to make good stuff like Con Air and Face off and Speed and Predator....Then came Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. They've been focusing too much on story and depth lately. Which is OKAY as long as it doesnt put me to sleep.
And even though I've never really liked Sylvester Stallone I think Im coming around. So yea...Good stuff. Entertaining. Either that or I was really bored.

Anyway, I would like to take this opportunity to inform you that Im shallow by choice not birth. Just felt like mentioning it because of the...superficial crap Ive been writing about.

I wake, sleep, and wake up all over again.

I wana blog but Im not happy or sad or angry.
So how do I make this interesting?
Just...my life is so lifeless and shallow and stupid.
Im the only loser still blogging. I mean all my blogger friends have a life now <_<
Seriously man. Duckie is gone, Rida is gone, a number of other random people that I dont want to name because they dont know I exists and naming them would just be awkward - All gone.
Even at work...This is the chat Im having with my work mates:

Me: "Hey Lets do something tomorrow :D"

Saman: "nope Im gona parrty tomorrow with my friends at home."

Anum: "Sorry Ive got plans after work"

Me: "Oh...okay"

Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow biatch.
Come my lady, Come, Come my lady, Youre my butterfly, sugar, baby.
So...dear reader, are you just as lifeless?
University jana hai mujhey.
I think Im gona bake tomorrow.
I end this here.

Big City Life

So I was just randomly reading blogs and I came across this and it reminded me of life four years back. And it made me happy. Though it sucked back then. Quite a lot.
Back then I used to stay up all night in my room in winter and listen to "Big city life" and "fix you" and dido.
Lying on my bed staring out my window at the orange night sky. Orange from the dim orange street light right below my window. Those were bad times...pretty bad times...I lost like ten pounds...looked like I had aids...but I miss it. Miss the winter nights actually. Hopeless, sad, quiet, long, peaceful nights. I dint worry about anything cuz I thought that was it. I dint expect anything to get better. I was going through that extreme conscious phase of depression. It was nice. I miss it. A lot.

And then there is today. Full of opportunities and hard work. Fast life. No time to stop and be sad. Work - career - family - responsibilities - friends - party. So shallow. The only I get to stare at objects is when I walk home from work. And if the sun is shining too bright than not even that. And you have no idea how much I love staring at objects. I look at the object for hours and not get bored. If it were up to me, I would professionally stare at objects. All kinds of objects. I want to be an object stare-er=[

Its 3:11 a.m.

I almost forgot what it was like to bathe after midnight.
Its been so long.
Stupid work got me so busy that I had to cut my bathing time from 75 minutes down to thirty.
Anyway....I finally got a chance after like months.
Theres something about taking a bath after midnight.
It turns me on like a thirteen year old boy watching porn for the first time.
And I mean that in the most elegant of ways.
Totally love my new shampoo, its so baby like. Only it doesn't cry or poop, which makes it so much better than a real baby.
It was amazing...until my mom started banging the door thinking I got a fit inside the bathroom.
Sigh.
Is it just me or the after iftar time really romantic?
Its so peaceful.
Pata nai.
Oh...and now that its 3:00 am, Im thinking of fasting.
Its almost sehri I might as well give it a shot.
Well, honestly, I just want to fast cuz its Sunday and the maid wont be coming and I have like 3000 words to write on a very dry topic. So if I fast Im gona get all the awesome treatment [its always a big deal when I fast] and no one will disturb me allowing me to work all day.
Yes, I might just fast.
Yea.
Its sad how I, with all my sexy assets, talk to my blog like a lonely fucker.

Skip this one. I sound like one of them.

I suck. I cant decide whether I wana go tomorrow or not. Its this boating thingie thing. I dont feel like going. I dont feel like making no stupid dessert. I dont wana wake up early. I dont wana work. Why are people still following my other blog? Its so gay. I dont want to bathe in the morning. I dont want to go. I dont want to answer any stupid questions. I wana puke. I wana eat something. I hate pai. Why are guys so disgusting? They make me sick. Weird loag. I feel weird. Stupid rain. Ive been feeling weird since Saturday. And then I saw this gay lesbian make out thing yesterday which made me more sick. Ive been wanting to puke since last night. And this pai. Ugh...the smell is suicidal. I have to finish six pages by tomorow. I dont want to go. I dont want to make anything. Kia hai bhui. Why do I get stuck in weird situations all the time. Why are my mood swings to annoying. I hate mood swings. Im not a lesbian. I wana have Donalds. I dont want to iron. I hate duppattas and shalwars. Weird things. I dont want to go. I dont like wearing shalwars and dupattas. Ajeeb things. I hate listening to stupid relationship issues. Stupid shallow things. I hate people who restrict their things. Gay self-centered loag. Like theyre the special ones. Like whatever. None of us are. I hate mediocrity. Bus Im not going. Jo bhi. Meri marzi. Why am I still existing. When I grow up, I want to be the smoke coming out of your cigarette. And in case youre wondering, yes its that time.

Decision making skills.

9.30 pm

Ami: "Uzma aj pizza order karna"

Me: "hmm"

10.00 pm

Ami: "Pizza order karna hai ya nai..?"

Me: "Abi karti hoon"

11.00 pm

Me: "Pizza order kardu?"

Ami: "umm...nai rehney do"

11.30 pm

Ami: "Pizza order kardo.."

Me: "itni dair mai laye ga ab rehney dain"

11.50 pm

Me: "Pizza kiu nai order kara?"

Ami: "umm...acha mai fried rice bana deti hoon"

It runs in the family.

Crazy Lady in my head.

Dont get late today try te reach by ten...wake up its 9...wake up...shudve slept early last night...stupid alarm wake up its 9.20....ITS 9.20 WAKE UP...hurry up...no time to make lunch...look good...put some kohl...smudge it properly...wheres the gloss? forget the gloss...fuck the gloss man its 9.55...moms saying something nod...NOD BITCH...just forget the gloss...go go go...mom said something, respond....dont forget the money....RESPOND TO MOM...okay lets go...youre late again...perfect...say hello to the nice lady...okay boss is calling...just listen to whatever he says very carefully and dont look at the nemo sticker on his laptop...whatever you do just dont look at nemo...STOP LOOKING AT NEMO STICKER...ugh...he has that look on his face...he knows you werent listeing...say something smart...okay forget it...just follow whatevers on the paper...okay..concentrate...if we do two pages in one hour we can do ten pages....just conentrate...stop looking at the wall...no dont look at saman...Stop looking at samans lapto...

Saman: "Kia hua?"

Me: "kuch nai..."

Saman: *smile*

Me: *smile*

...just look at the wall...its one already...youve only written 17 words...okay never mind...get four pages done by three...its still possible...okay girls are talking...look at them...smile...nod...okay...theyre talking about skin and weight...okay...look interested...say something...or dont...just smile...okay...work...concentrate.........concentrate..........good........keep concentrating...............concen...oh Danish....okay take a ten minutes break...dont say anything depressing....no emo talk...no emo talk....just avoid emo...

Me: "doesnt matter"

Danish: "Why did you just win a lottery?"

Me: "No I just lost interest in life."

...ugh....say something funny...make a smiley...say funny...get away from the topic...

Me: "Im afraid if I take another sip the glass will be empty. Im talking about pepsi of course."

Okay...good...go smooth...its four...youve only done two pages....back to work...BACK TO WORK NOW...say brb...okay...concentrate....concentrate.......damn its 5.10...okay we do the rest tomorrow...hungry......hungry....walk fast....wonder whats for dinner...hope its not teenday....dont get in the elevator with him...hes stinking....hungry...hungry....okay home....check dinner...check dinner...check.....teenday...*sigh*...its okay....dont cry....its alright...we can have maggie....dont cry....stop crying...go bathe...okay eat....sleep early today...okay....lalalalala...lalalalaaaa.....stop thinking...its 12.30...go to sleep...stop thinking....stop thinking its....check the time...where's your cell.....check under the pillow...okay...its...2.30....STOP THINGKING AND GO TO SLEEP ALREADY.

And that, is my life.

Despicable me.

My life has been pretty fucked up lately but you wouldnt wana know about that. The temperature of my room is not hot enough for me to complain:\
Anyway, I dont have anything to write.
No new item on my Hate list.
But Im a little irritated with my friends. Well...not really. Im secretly naraaz hoon sab se. But I wont tell them. I dont like fazul ki confrontations...umm...okay never mind. This already sounds boring.
I know Im smart n all....no I really am...not the geek smart but the samajh-daar wala smart. I get that a lot from aunties and people in general. But its not exactly a compliment. Sounds more like a taunt. Like its a bad thing or something. I mean...forgive me for not giggling my life away. So I was saying...I drag too much.

I saw leap year last night...almost.
After five minutes I was like...where the fuck is Shahrukh Khan?
It was a fucked up version of Dil waley dulhanya le jain ge...Remember? Its one of those DDHH and KKHH and K3G movies...Of course you remember. Everyone does. So yeah...the whole time [around fifteen minutes] I was waiting for Shahrukh Khan to pop out from somewhere in the mountains and start singing tujhe dekha to ye jana sanam and it was not pleasant. I hate waiting and I always find myself waiting for something. Emo.
Thank you Danish for wasting fifteen minutes of my precious life...boo ha ha:p

My cell is being gay again. It wont connect. Pata nai kia canfused si device hai. Kabhi connect hoti hai and then suddenly it starts giving me errors. So I was saying...why is everyone trying so hard to be different? We're not. We're all the same. With the same traits. Just different degrees. How hard is that to understand?
But I was really excited to see that billboard today...Mc Donalds launched a new meal. But I was very disappointed to see the word "tasty". I dont like that word. Reminds me of tulsi and those horrendous paki mujras. Anyway...Im looking forward to eating it tomorrow. See how exciting my life is?
No no, Im not complaining.
Ayesha itni cute hai and she started talking so now shes cuter=[
If her parents leave her alone with me i'll cook her with potatoes and have her for dinner. I think she'll taste like a calf. But I wouldnt eat Dua. Dua is Ayesha's friend...a few month older. Nice Healthy chubby kid. But I still wouldnt eat her. I have a feeling she tastes like a camel. Cuz she has like red cheeks n all....Im guessing the color of her blood is like that purple-ish red sort...yeah...I doubt if she'll taste good. She'll taste more like qurbaani ka goosht which is found somewhere in the corner of the freezer three months after the qurbaani.
Eid kab ayegi yaawr...I wana buy stuff.

Bolo bolo...

They did 'bolo bolo' in coke studio=[
I so totally love that song=[
It was so nice of them to do it=[
<3

Bolo bolo tumne kia dekha?
Bolo bolo tumne KIA Dekha merey jeevan main?=[

History and Literature, as interesting as they are, can be a grain of salt in the wounded flesh when put together. Currently Im writing a research paper on the "Leading Italian Renaissance Humanists" and lets just say.....I would rather live those days again than do this shit. Okay...no.

Meri gaari dekhi ya mera bangla dekha ya mera sara bank balance [read bang balance] dekhaa?

I like the real one better though.

Na merey sapne dekhey na mera jazba dekha na mera toota hua dil dekhaa=[

I have no idea why I like this song:\

I cant remember the last time I prayed. Been more than a year I think. I dont feel like it. I dont want to. And I would really like to have a word with God:\

Please dont hate me=[

Mujhey pyaar tumse nahi hai PYAAR tumse nahi hai...

Okay..."pyaar" sounds cheap no matter what.
I hate the term.
Anyway.
Why did I live today?
Match.
Why am I going to continue living tomorrow?
.....
I better find a reason by the time I wake up or else Im gona be really depressed.

Main tumse dur chala jaunga paas nahi aungaa...

Oh...I had a dream again. Ya know the kind when you see someone cry and then you feel bad cuz when you wake the dream reminds you something bad you did to that particular person in the past? Yeah. That. Hate those.