Showing posts with label chats... Show all posts
Showing posts with label chats... Show all posts

Friday, February 3, 2012

Round # 1

Their Argument: "Larka itna acha hai, achi pay hai, MBA kia hai, ghar mai itney loag bhi nai hain, cook hai, maids hain, kuch bhi nai karna parey ga, valid aur chacha [pata nai which grade] ke officers thay, parhi likhi family hai, soch to lo ek dafa"

My Argument: "Mujhe parhna hai"

Their Argument: "Parhai to hoti rahey gi...unho ne khud bola hai ke jitna parhna hai parlo shaadi ke bad kisi ko koi issue nai hai"

My Argument: "Im a lesbian"

Mum: "Kia lesbian?"

Me: "Female gay. Mujhe larkia pasand hain"

*Head Slap*

Mum: "Khuda ka khauf karo Uzma!"

Score:

Them = 1
Me = 0

Friday, December 16, 2011

The Adventures of Poo and Zuzu

Me: Would you ratehr be killed by a shark or a crocodile?

Afu: White sharks are faster and crocs wait for the meat to get tender..

Me: So shark? But they rip you apart while crocs bite first and wait so chances are you'll survive..

Afu: Crocs take one huge bite then drag you underwater and stuff you in a cave from where you cant get out...sharks rip you out within minutes so instant death. You?

Me: I'd take shark..

Afu: Good choice...chances aer a shark will lose interest after 1-2 bites but crocs hang on.

Me: Even if it loses interest you'd drown..

Afu: Actually, you can swim with one arm and a leg, besides sharks come up to the surface to attack..

Me: Yea but you wont be able to swim much if youre wounded...in the middle of the sea...too much blood will be lost..

Afu: I suppose, but there is a chance of rescue...only an idiot would do diving in the sea without telling anyone..

Me: Lol...Yea

Sigh...I missed having these conversations with you poosikins=[

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

LOLWUT?

I dont really feel like blogging anymore. Because nothing significant is happening in my life, besides that everyone I know is getting married, but I dont see how that is significant either.
Tonight was no different. I was just sitting and making an outline for this dissertation which I have to complete along with three others by the end of this month. Le Bleh de blah.
So this girl right. A friends friend. Im kind of looking for helpers to complete the dissertations because I have to write like 300 pages in 20 days. So yes, this friend of friend was looking for a similar job. So Im like...hey why dont you send me your cv and write a sample paper of 200 words in APA on Corporate Social Responsibility (Only because it is the most widely fucked topic online and one merely has to type "CSR" in google to get bombarded with articles on it). So the sample I get is like copy paste. So these are the emails that we exchanged. Now Im not saying anything. Just...copy pasting the emails. Thats all.

Me:

"Hey,

I think I did not clear the concept of academic writing and the kind of job this is. If writing an essay was just copy pasting no company would need academic writers. Your whole paper is plagiarized and 98% of it is copy paste material.
Im really sorry but plagiarism is not acceptable in academic writing because the customers get penalized and we have to pay the money back with penalty.
But thanks for writing the paper. Tc.

Regards."

Her:

"Hey,
Yes, you did not. You said it was a "sample" paper, not something your customer ordered. Had you made an attempt to clarify it, I would have made it a point to be wholly original. I thought you wanted to check the writing style, and if I knew what APA writing format was. And, neither the "whole" of my paper nor 98% of it is plagiarized. Also, 98% does not amount to whole. Kindly be careful in your choice of words, since I am sure no customer would like that either. One more thing, I think I clearly mentioned that I have not studied Business management before. I am a law student, and I clarified it over text. I had just a day to study the given topic, and I managed to churn out more than the required word limit. It's like me asking you to write up on the defenses of Murder, and then alleging that you didn't make an attempt to produce an up to the mark paper, within a day. "

Me:

"
Lol...ro kiu rahi ho? The sample was not in APA either.
I dint mean to offend you. My apologies :)"

Her:

"Ro kiu rahi ho?"

Oh, I am sorry, I missed the part where we skipped from formal terms to informal ones. Anyhow, I was just pointing out. You asked for a "sample" paper, and I gave you one. Just be more clear next time. I am sure your customers would appreciate it too.

P.S: Kindly distinguish between "rona" and making ones stance clear.

Me:

"Yes you've made it very clear.
It was a sample. My bad. I should've been more clear about originality and copy pasting.
Once again, dint mean to offend you. Was just giving feedback, which I had no right to.
Tc."

Her:

"I really don't think I have been clear enough. I did not copy paste. There's a difference between copy pasting as it is, and changing the structure and the use of words. You can't change what a concept curtails, you can only change the sentence structure and the vocabulary to a certain extent. Had it been something to do with liberal arts, rather than a business concept then your "feedback", which is more of an allegation, would have made sense. "

And then i lost interest. And now Im hungry.
And now that my friend told me that I shall never speak to them again because Im blogging about it, Im having second thoughts.
But its too late. Ive already written the post.
What should I do?
I dint even do half the bitching that I wanted to.
My blog is the only place where I can express myself.
Is it too bitchy of me to post this? o.O
But I would even if it weren't a friend of friend.
Too hungry to think straight.

**Am I the only one who doesn't see what the big deal is here?:\

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Change.

Abdullah:
Mujhe bhook lagi hai

Uzma:
mujhe bhi

Abdullah:
=[

Uzma:
So you're just gona be sad and not do anything about it?

Abdullah:
i could write a blogpost about it
but i'm afraid it might change the world.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Fall.

Oh how everyone loves looking at me Oh me and my limelight Oh me and my natural stardom *looks away and fans with hand*
So I was just walking down the stairs with that smug like air around me and an "Im too smart to be here" look on my face right...as I was walking toward heaven through clouds something weird happened and I slipped.
And then I fell down. And then suddenly I was on the concrete floor. And then there was a silence. And then everyone was gazing at me. And then everyone got back to their senses. Then they all pretended that they dint see anything. One guy, who was walking right behind me, got so embarrassed that he turned around and went back upstairs...
I was expecting expecting loud chuckles and lots of pointing but none of that happened.
Its better when they laugh you know...Not like it was my first public fall or anything...I keep falling here n there...especially when Im dressed up for a wedding or eid...but people laugh and I get a little embarrassed and then I laugh along...but these kids were like...polite...I know its funny...just laugh and get it over with...dont look away and make me feel worse <_<
Also, my butt hurts.

I also had my first creep encounter yesterday...but it was rather boring. The only thing I remember about him is that he smelled like Rooh Afza. I really wanted to write something funny about it cuz the situation was all odd and shit but...
I was sitting in the corner, waiting for van, listening to the radio, sketching, being awesome...and a walking talking rooh afza comes up to me and starts talking...oh Oh I just remembered the conversation...kind of...it was a long conversation but I'll just write the bit that I remember...

Rooh Afza: So you like sketching?

Me: No.

Rooh Afza: Thats a very sad sketch...its saying something...

Me: Hmm..

Rooh Afza: So which semester you in?

Me: first, second, third, sixth...

Rooh Afza: How come?

Me: Because!

[a minute later]

Rooh Afza: So how come you're in all those semesters?

Me: Ive already done my graduation blah blah long story..

Rooh Afza: Oh...you must be older than me then...

Me: I must be...yes.

And then he walked away without saying anything.
Mutlab...wtf yaar? Ajeeb creepy admi tha. Loser ka bacha.
Anyway. My butt hurts.

Monday, February 21, 2011

You've got to believe!

OMG all this action on my blog!!!!
Three comments and 40 followers...? ^.^
I dint get three comments on a post in like...FOREVER!!!
T_T

Okay, down to business.
Its my second week in the university and Im finally adjusting to the crappy-ness of the place.
Well its not that crappy but....whatever.
Okay...so Ive dropped courses right...so I have each class with a different semester which means new faces in every class which means no permanent friends.
I was alone for the first week sitting in the corner minding my own business. But then I realized that you need stuff to survive...like...you need to copy the notes from people and borrow stuff and shit so you HAVE to have friends. So I decided to flaunt my awesomeness and now Im like the coolest thing that happened there.
Okay...may be not but I have friends now.
But...thats like...blah...I actually wanted to introduce to you the future psychologists of Pakistan that I have the honor of studying with!!!

Future Child-Clinical Neuropsychologist

Teacher: ...so what kind of tissue do we have in our bladder?

Genius N: Absorbing Tissue!

Future Social Psychologist

Teacher: ...how will you relate the evolutionary theory with the case of the suicide bomber?

Genius S: May be his ancestors were mullahs and so he had mullah genes in him.

Future Organization Psychologist

Teacher: What does a manager do?

Genius M: Manage stuff.

Teacher: Okay...how?

Genius M: By managing it.

You see. I believe, that our future is bright. I believe, that everything is going to be alright. I believe, that nothing can stop us from progressing.
Why, you ask?
Because...75 + 75 is 180!

Edited***

Also I feel obligated to justify my statement in the last post and tell you how I dint mean that the change of zodiac sign is annoying but the fact that people are believing that shit without google-ing! I really dont want to go into the whole tropical and sidereal astrology but...you know. Just wanted to tell that I know. I think I have a complex of some sort.
Oh well. My awsomeness should overshadow that.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Chronic Perversion

Me: Have you heard 'raise your weapon' by dead mou5e? I love that song its really good.

Poo: mhmm...what kind of good?

Me: Like nice grunge sad sort good...

Poo: No...is it like dirty good or what?

Me: What? No...what do you mean dirty good? How can it be....oh...OH...ew..Noooooo you perv :O

Poo: Its not my fault...what kind of name is that....Raise your weapon...what else am I supposed to think?

Im on a boat!

Have you heard that song Im on a boat by the lonely island?
I love that song. And I actually feel happy for them. I feel their excitement. They have money and they're liking it. Unlike all the other ungrateful celebrities who keep whining how they have everything yet they're not happy and they would love to go back to their families. Stupid pretentious assholes.

So Im 22 right....[Yea i'll be whining about that for a while].
Im sure you know people who hide their ages. And by people I mean laydees.
People who hide their age annoy me. Especially if I know them personally.
So this friend of mine....I've known her all my life...this is what happened.

At the age of 6:

Me: Kal meri birthday hai. Mai 6 years old hojau gi ^.^

She: Mai to last week 7 years ki hogai:P

At the age of 18:

Me: OMG Im so excited Im turning 18 this month :D

She: You're 18? :O

Me: YES :D How old are you?

She: I turned 17 last week.

I always lost no matter how old I was. But then came 2010 and we both celebrated our 21st birthday. And finally we're the same age now. But this is still reasonable. You know I was the oldest girl in first year AND second year? I was the only 18 year old and then the only 19 year old. And now Im the only 22 year old. Even my cousin who was born twenty days before me is 21. Its not fair. What difference does it make? Its not like you're actually gona get younger. Just accept it and move on. Or whine like me. But dont lie. And dont be sitting there talking about honesty and truth.
Also I dont like kids. And I hate batameez kids.
Parents need to teach their kids some manners.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Under my umbrella.

The following conversation takes place between me and my students Mustafa, Zainab, and Mansoor aged 12, 8, and 6.

Me: *while checking lesson diary* Today is Thursday? :O

Mustafa: Yes.

Me: Mai to party karu gi Saturday and Sunday!!

Mansoor: Kiu?

Me: Because!!!

Zainab: When the sun shines we shine together?

Me: Exactly!

Zainab: Ap ye kia bolti rehti hain?

Mustafa: main bhi party karu ga Saturday ko...

Mansoor: *pissed off because he has school on Saturday* Is mai kia bari baat hai main to roz poty karta hoon.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I got a pocket, got a pocket full of sunshine.

Rida: Okay...I have to go pray now..

me: Oh nice.

Rida: What you dont?

me: Nope..

Rida: but tum to karti thi na?

me: when?

Rida: I dont know but you told me..

me: hehe...I dont remember..

Rida: jhooti...religion par jhoot bolti hai...parh lia karo namaz...

me: bahahahahaha

Rida: khabees khud namaz parhtey nai hain azab hum per ata hai..

me: well...we dint feel the earthquake so God is clearly not pissed off at us!

Yes, I actually believe that.
Also, she makes me so happy=[

Friday, January 7, 2011

Khekhe

Afu: DO you know where you'll have to go for your classes?

Me: Yea...stadium road...

Afu: Oh...you know..

Me: Umm...yeah..

*awkward silence*

Me: Did you call to mock me cuz you thought that I thought that i'll have to go to Shifa and not Karsaz?

Afu: Yes...

Me: ahahahhahahahahahahha...You evil evil poo!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Haram Halal lala lala

I dont know WHY I always read foreword as foreplay.
Its embarrassing. What if some hears my thoughts? o.o
Ive become so lame. Happy doesnt suit me.
I've started jogging early morning right [so Hot].

Saniya: Tomorrow we wont go to ******* park...

Me: Oh no...phir?

Saniya: Halal park

Me: Theek hai...hum khajai gey usko.

Saniya: Kha jain gey?

Me: Yes ^.^

Saniya: What?:\

Me: Wo halal haina...tou hum kha lain ge.
*om nom nom*

Saniya: Dude...Lame o__o

Mujhey to funny laga mera joke. Pata nai.
Ye din bhi dekhna tha.
Ab Saniya mujhey lame bolti hai=[
Meri tou sari cool hi gayab hogai somewhere.
Sniff*

Monday, November 8, 2010

Haan.

Sometimes I feel like the only one who is farig..:\
Im the one always randomly texting, randomly going at sania's, watching all the movies in the world, reading crap no one gives a shit about, cooking, baking, doing homework for everyone else. Mutlab kia. Nobody ever sends me random msgs. Doesnt anyone ever get bored?
Whatever in the world is so interesting?
I want to text but I dont want to cuz I dont want to lose my charm:\
So here I are.
Sketching makes me feel awesome=[
My mum's cousin is here. Shes irritating.
Like vAry irritating.
The kind who says things like "why are you studying psychology?" "dont sit online for more than two hours" "why dont you study something nice?"
I can take that once in a while...but today...she kind of got a lil out of the box...

She: "aapkey kitney friends hain?"

Me: "bohat sarey"

She: "acha....aur boys?"

Me: "boyfriend?"

She: "haan..."

Me: "boyfriend to nai hai"

She: "very good...bohat achi baat hai"

o.o

Mutlab...kiaw?
I dont like nosy people <_<
Pata nai kab jaein gi apney ghar.
Also, do you ever get caught between fb comment war?
Like you comment on someones status...I mean...you just do cuz you're bored or the status says something really stupid so you just have to correct it. And then suddenly a friend of friend interrupts...and starts a whole damn conversation with the friend in the comment. And you keep getting notifications for two days and you get like pissed off. So you just politely ask them to fuck off. And then they get after you. Like...full time larai. And youre not even responding but they keep bugging you. And you still dont respond to the stupidity so they start writing about you on the friends wall.
Mutlab yaar...life?
Sounds irritating...nai?
It is...but this time the annoying person was quite charming:\
Its been a while since someone came up with a smart comeback to shut me up.
It almost never happens.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

So fly, like a G6?

1:00 p.m.

Me: I can hear Saman do work. Its making me nervous.

Danish: That's bugging you too?

Me: Yes.

2:15 p.m.

Danish:
I do other people's homework for a living, expecting honesty and integrity from me would be a bit too naive

Me: Sometimes I feel like stretching till my arms detach from my body o.O
and my head rolls down
:\

Danish: You're very creative u know that

Me: Yea I've been feeling like a loser lately

Danish: Join the club.
as an inauguration ceremony we like to sit and look at our feet for hours on end until one of us dies.

3:10 p.m.

Me: I can hear you work. You're working.

Danish: Nah....Im on msn. Will start work at 3:30.

Me: Oh...Okay.

4:00 p.m.

Danish: Every time I leave, I see you reading Dilbert and when I come back you have some pdf file open. Whats with that?

Me: Yea you distract me.

Danish: From work?

Me: From Dilbert.

I seriously wana quit.
Suggestions?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Decision making skills.

9.30 pm

Ami: "Uzma aj pizza order karna"

Me: "hmm"

10.00 pm

Ami: "Pizza order karna hai ya nai..?"

Me: "Abi karti hoon"

11.00 pm

Me: "Pizza order kardu?"

Ami: "umm...nai rehney do"

11.30 pm

Ami: "Pizza order kardo.."

Me: "itni dair mai laye ga ab rehney dain"

11.50 pm

Me: "Pizza kiu nai order kara?"

Ami: "umm...acha mai fried rice bana deti hoon"

It runs in the family.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

*Dan DHan Dhan Dan DHAN*

You know Aamir....remember Amir?
The Office boy dude?
Yea...he got kicked out of the office cuz hes a total jackass...and then he ran away with a girl.
So the other day...this sub-inspector dude came to investigate...and he looked like Nicholas Cage. A younger Nicholas Cage. Like the one in face off. He had his eyes, face cut, and huge forehead. Like the kind which is shiny and gives the impression that the person is bald...but then you stand up and take a closer look and realize that the clean field is still the part of the forehead and not the actual head.
Anyway...he had this BadAss presence. The the kind who has his own background music. Like when he came, I was expecting someone to play "BAd to the Bone" in the background. Like you know...he walked in with his pune dude guy...and I was all "WuOAH" and Danish was all "DAYnM" and Anum was all "HAYyee"...and then it was all...

*Dan DHan Dhan Dan DHAN*

BadAss dude: "Amir idher kaam karta hai?"

*Dan DHan Dhan Dan DHAN*

And I was all: "O__O"

And Anum was all: ":S"

and Danish was all: ":|"

and Hamza waz all: "uh...nai abi nai karta pehley karta tha"

*Dan DHan Dhan Dan DHAN*

and then he was all: "Aap mai se Omer kaun hai?"

*Dan DHan Dhan Dan DHAN*

and I was all: ":O"

and Anum was all: ":S"

and Danish was all: *dont look at me - dont look at me - Im invisible*

and Hamza was all: "uuuuh..."

and Omer was all: *peeking in* Im Omer.

*Dan DHan Dhan Dan DHAN*

and then we all paused our Music players, took out the ear phones, and started listening to the conversation they were having. It was actually fun. I couldnt stop thinking about the guy. He had that scary presence. And that Crocodile look. You know how much I adore Crocodiles. I kept thinking how he beats up people and goes all Bencho doing it. It was an interesting day.

Even though Im not a fan of Nicholas Cage...I think I'd be very excited to meet him.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

beelzeewooooo

Okay...so heres the thing...Not everyone should be allowed to make babies.
Its just...wrong.
Before mating...couples should be given a test and should not be allowed to have children unless they score at least 70 percent.
You see...children...as annoying as they are...are still children and many people dont deserve them.
Mutlab...if you dont know how to take care of them...just dont make them. I mean...suno suno khushi ki aahat? Yeah?
Just gona stand there watch me burn?
thats aright because I like the way it hurts=[

Im bored.
I need some excitement in my life.
And by excitement I dont mean someone getting a divorce or running away from home.

But no one in the corner has swagga like us.

Zainab: Uzma baji lets order piza yaar pleeease...

Me: I dont have money.

Zainab: yaaaar aap kar dain naa i'll take money from papa.

Me: get the money first.

Zainab: Uzmaa baaaajiiii...

Me: no one in the corner has swagga like us, swagga like us, swagga swagga like us..

Zainab: oho....UZZMA BAJII

*ten minutes later*

Zainab: ye lain paise aur order karain...

*puts twelve rupees in my hand*

Friday, June 18, 2010

Girl Talk.

Rida: SO what was that post about...?

Me: [censored].

Rida: um..okay...burai kiski karni thi..[censored]?

Me: Yeah..

Rida: Okay...and whats with her?

Me: Oh I hate her....I dint but I do now...I mean what a bitch...

Rida: she looks like a tit.

Me: Kameeni makes me look like an idiot...what?

Rida: She totally looks like a tit...ya know...tit with a face.

Me: ...she does?

Rida: dint you notice? her eyes and face..all her features...

Me: Yea..

Rida: Every time you think of her...just remember that she looks like a tit.

Me: That actually makes me feel better.

I totally missed talking to her on the phone=[
<3

KAL PARTEY:D

yaYy ^.^

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Chal diyay:[

Okay...again...dont judge me...but I absolutely love telling people that my father is dead.
Not that Im happy about it....cuz Im not....just...the expression on their face when they find out...its priceless...
You see...I come off as a person whos...ummm...kind of spoiled [which Im not]. But you know...I give off this snobbish vibe to strangers. So yeah, today I had the pleasure of fucking up by boss's head ^.^
I make a lot of silly mistakes right...especially this week I've been rather gay cuz I dont feel like working no more n yada blahs. So he asked to get him a copy of my fathers NIC right. So I gave him my brothers NIC copy and I was all umm...I got the copy of my brother's NIC and I have my mum's too if you wa......and before I could finish he said I dont need that.....and I was all uh..its....and he was all....I dont need your mum's id.....in a God-woman-you-cant-do-anything-right look on his face...and then I was all...no my father died so you have to accept one of these...and then he was all...oh..okay...yeah sure thats fine I'l take your brothers...thats fine...and then he wouldnt look at me....ehehe....I felt like pointing at him and LMAO...ehe...:\

That was.....funny....

I told you not to judge me biatch u_u

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Happy Sunday ^.^

Me : aamir mujhey ek pineapple juice aur ek apple la dain please.

Amir : apple juice?

Me : Nahi...apple.

Amir : pie..?

Me : Nahi...just apple.

Amir : Bus ek apple?

Me : jee.

Danish : Snow white, meet apple, apple, meet snow white, let me find your seven dwarfs so you can go back to sleep.

So this is what its come to. Snow White. Of all they gay ass characters, Im being referred to as snow white. I like not.