Atheists, Believers, and Monkeys.

So Bush was just telling me how atheists are so anti-misogynist feminist.
And yes, they are. I've never really thought about it because my brain is programmed to ignore all matters related to religion and spirituality so I usually just skip through this crap. Still all these atheists and believers are so in my face that I end up reading (or at least glancing at) at least one comment everyday in which either an atheist is trying to prove how stupid and ignorant believers are or a believer "praying" for the atheist to find the right path. Mostly, the former.

I just fail to see the point in debating online about all this because it never makes a difference. Its not like youre going to change anyone's mind. Even if you end up winning the argument, what difference does it make? Because, again, no is going to change their belief system over an online debate among a bunch of monkeys whose soul purpose is to win the argument and make the other person look like an idiot.

What you dont know is that you all look equally stupid, no matter which side youre on. Because trust me, no one gives a shit about your opinion. No matter how logical, valid, and scientifically correct it is, which usually, it isnt. Most of the people jumping around in such arguments dont have sufficient knowledge of the topic. Until and unless you've studied both sides, and by studying I dont mean reading all the articles on the first page of google, you have no right to bitch about yours or another person's belief. All you prove is that youre going through a cognitive disequilibrium which makes you a needy whore.

So take my advice and shut the fuck up already. No one cares what you think or believe. You dont matter. Your opinion doesnt matter. Youre not making a difference. Just filling the internet with your bullshit and pissing off people like me. Only we know better than to get in an argument with you because we would rather just bang our heads against the wall, you attention seeking pretentious delusional whore.

17th Centruy France and 21st Century Pakistan

I recently gave a presentation on mental institutions in the 17th century. We did have an idea about what they were like because we keep studying old practices every now and then but I came across this particular description about a particular institution in France, called La Bicetre [pronounced bi-sseth], which gave me the chills. Here is the excerpt:

"a typical scene at La Bicetre, a hospital in Paris, starting with patients shackled to the wall in dark, cramped cells, iron cuffs and collars permitted just enough movement to allow patients to feed themselves, but not enough to lie down at night, so they were forced to sleep upright. Little attention was paid to the quality of food and the rooms were never cleaned. Patients had to make do with the little amount of straw to cover the cold floor and were forced to sit amongst their own waste that was also never cleaned up".

Last weekend, we went to visit the patients at Sir C.J. Institute of Psychiatry in Hyderabad, popularly known as Giddu Bandar. The whole purpose of the trip was to show us what its really like to work in a mental institution and also to show us how to communicate with patients who have severe symptoms of psychosis.

Before I get started, I must mention that I saw some neat scenery on my way to Hyderabad. The dried up lake, nice green fields. It was pretty.


Before going there, we we're given clear instructions that we will see things we dont like and as bad as the situation, we must remember, that before this hospital was built, mentally ill patients used to wander the streets and they were not accepted by their family or society. Had no place to live and no food to eat while children threw rocks at them. And now at least they have a safe place to stay. In other words, we were mentally prepared to see the worst.


There are 11 wards in the hospital. We were shown only 4 of them.
The first ward we visited was of patients with mild to moderate symptoms of schizophrenia. The moment I walked in the ward, I was taken over with fear because the beds of the patients were too close together, leaving a very small space for us to walk. I couldnt help but think that one of them will have a fit and get out of control. It was especially pathetic of me to think that because of all the people I should know these patients, like any other, are sick people and not animals.

Anyway, the fear was gone when I started noticing the room and people in it. The walls were of dull gray and white color [that had gone yellow from filth]. There was no ventilation in the room because all the windows were covered with net, with piles of dirt caught in between. And then I noticed the bed of patient right next to me. He was staring at us with amusement, lying in his own vomit and piss which I could tell hadn't been cleaned for a couple of days. That's where the stench was coming from. Suddenly I had a feeling that I've visited this place before or seen it...then I realized that I was actually inside the the image I had in my mind when I first read the description of Le Bicetre.

The second ward we visited had only one patient suffering from psychosis. He was narcissistic with a sense of grandiosity. Keeping all my emotions and empathy aside, I found him to be the most interesting of them all mainly because he also suffered from neologism. Neologism is the use of meaningless words by a person suffering from psychosis. Initially, we thought he was speaking in different languages because of his fluency, but later we were told that it wasn't a language but random words the the patient made up. We actually learned quite a few things about psychosis.

The third ward we visited was for female patients. They too had schizophrenia with some having absolutely no reality contact. The difference between the male and female ward was that the females were locked in room, giving it an appearance of a jail. Im not sure what the inside of the room was like because they dint let us in saying that the female patients were more hostile than the male patients. We stood outside and spoke to them. From what I could see, it was not as dirty as the male ward but not necessarily clean either. There was another room inside the room, with a jail like appearance for patients who made too much trouble.

The sad...one of the sad things was, that the less sick patients were responsible for taking care of patients in bad condition. There were only two caretakers outside the room who shouted orders to the patients inside..."Nudrat...Naseem baji ko ander band kardo", like Nudrat was a certified nurse. Naseem seemed to have severe symptoms of psychosis as she had no idea of who she was or where she was and kept taking off her clothes saying obscenities. I dint quite feel the pain of these patients until one of them came in front and began crying. She sat by the gate and kept repeating "main pagal horai hoon mujhe dawai de do mai bohat bemaar hoon. Mujhe theek kardo mujeh ghar jana hai"

Most of these patients were brought in by their children. Seeing us actually made them happy because they never have any visitors, including close family members.

The last ward was of suicidal patients. Most of them were asleep due to heavy medications and one of them chained to keep him from harming himself. We heard people shouting in other building but the head doctor wouldn't take us there saying it wast safe.

Almost forgot about the head doc, who is also the managing director of the place. Lets call him Dr. Josef Mengle, because he reminded me of him. Dr. Josef Mengle was one of the head doctors of the Nazi concentration camp where he conducted many experiments on humans, twin children in particular. The most popular experiments being injecting fluids in the eyes of kids to change their eye color and stitching twin together to form Siamese twins.

Of course he's not as badass as him but he sure has the tendency to get there. Rude and ignorant, he dint hesitate insulting two people of our staff members [security guards] for stepping inside the building because only people who have had some particular education and training are allowed inside the building. His favorite form of treatment was obviously ECT [Electroconvulsive Therapy] as he kept on saying that we should've arrived before 10 am because then he could show us patients receiving electric shocks.

He refused to show us around after 1.30 because his daughter was coming to pick him up. Though the morning shift doesn't end till 2:00 pm, all the doctors left before 1:30. The whole facility has over 300 patients, 5 psychiatrists and only 2 psychologist [only one available at a time]. I honestly dont know on what basis are the patients divided because it appeared that they were all randomly shoved together in a room ignoring the severity of their symptoms which can have a drastic effect on the health of the patients who only have mild symptoms.

Our teachers told us not to criticize the hospital unless we are willing to do something about it ourselves. So Im just going to shut the fuck up because I know I wont be going back there again. I dont have it in me. I couldn't even talk to the patients like the rest of them. I was too caught up with my own thoughts. It was the first time that I actually questioned my ability to become a good psychologist because honestly, I dint know how to react. I couldn't even stand the fact that I shook hands with one of the patients. Im not sure if Im more disgusted with myself or the caretakers of the institution.

Because YOUR FACE IS HARAM!!

If you know me at all, but why would you, not like I've published all my researches in my name, and even if I did, what are the chances of you reading them? But anyway, if you knew me you'd know how ignorant I am toward religion.
Im not an atheist or agnostic or whatever...Im just not very spiritual.

Anyway.
I know this self-righteous narcissistic pretentious bitch woman. Well, I know a couple. But this one in particular is just in my face all the time with her opinions and beliefs. And we've only had a face-to-face conversation Twice!
She's just SO hard to ignore. Shes there preaching at the university, on our dept. official page, through her own page dedicated to animals, and any other forum that she thinks can be used to annoy people....shes just THERE!
"Oooh look at me Im a humanist I love animals oh Im just so much better than everyone else because I spend my dadys munnies everyday saving animals oooo I love them so much and Im a 'vegan' I dont eat milk and eggs and things made from milk and eggs but a cheese pizza is okay I guess because Im such a good human being saving all these animals and supporting gay rights...OMG where's my crown?"

I make sure I post all Maddox animal rights related stuff on her wall...Its funny how she begins explaining that people who eat meat are ignorant, uneducated, selfish children of Devil. Not that she believes in a Devil.

And thats not all, she keeps posting articles like homosexuality in Islam and women should should be allowed to roam naked and pretty much any sex related issue. I mean. People dont have money to eat. They're killing their children because they dont have money to eat. And you're spending 5000 everyday bathing a bunch of stray cats and dogs? And you have the nerve to say people are ignorant? Seriously? I mean. Seriously?

Well his was going to be an interesting post but Im just a little distracted.
Got to know things I dint really want to know and now its just stuck in my head and its going to stay there for ever. I would write about it but I dont want to be pitied.

In other news, turns out its a requirement to get myself psychoanalyzed before I can treat a real patient. Yep. So we were all given a choice to select our partners, and I, being equally uncomfortable with all my class mates, said yes to the first person who asked me. And well, lets just say, we're like...Gulliver and Frankenstein. I being Gulliver, of course.
Its so much more awkward than it sounds. And thats not all. We will be partners till January 2013 and will be administering Rorcharch, and TAT, and what not. Just. Ugh. Im such an interesting subject!!! I mean....theres so much dirt to dig...My perfectly fucked up mind is just being wasted with the examiner that Im assigned ~.~

I just like to call you my bitch.

Its 1:25 am and I have to wake up at 6:30 and get ready for school. Im off to a bad start of the week. But all that doesnt matter because OMG WE ARE FINALLY STUDYING PSYCHOLOGICAL TESTING AND MENTAL HEALTH AND PSYCHOPATHOLOGY!!

I've waited three years to study that shit in detail.

And I've gone out of my way to teach myself testing...TAT being an example.

I finally own a DSM and will be using it to diagnose real people OFFICIALLY!

No more amateur analysis of normal people trying to be crazy. I never really got why everyone wanted me to label them "crazy", "weird" and/or "psychotic". Its not cool being any of that. Not when you know what these terms actually represent.

Anyway. I feel like a doctor.

No.

I feel like Indiana Jones ._.

Oh my love, my darling

I've hungered for you touch,

a long, lonely time

and time goes by so slowly.

But not quite.

I found my new...subject.

I dont know how long this has been going on, but I always have had a "subject" in my life that I find amusing. It can be the most random person that I see and find something wrong with them. And then I spend the next couple of months building rapport and finding out whats wrong with them. I cant rest until that person has opened up completely. So far, Ive been successful in all my ventures. Once the person opens up, I may or may not help, depending on the situation. And we end up becoming pretty good friends, unless it an interesting male participant, in which case I end up having a week long fling, lolj/k. No but seriously.

So my new subject is actually a friends friend. My doubts were correct about him having a sort of manic depressive disorder. He is currently seeing a therapist, but for the next three weeks they will probably be doing the intake session. Anyway. I have to befriend him, which shouldnt be that difficult because we have mutual friends. How fucking messed up is this? I probably do this to feel good about myself and feel I have some kind of control on my actions. Heh. Imadoctah! ^^

FRIENDS!

I was just thinking about my friends because I feel like talking. But every time I want to do that I have to first go through this time consuming [brain time not human time] process of deciding whom to talk to. And I just realized that I actually pick the category of friends and then pick a friend from that category. My friends can be divided into the following categories o.O

Shaadi Friends - Well, this one has quite a few members. These friends are the ones I have spent a lot of time with and they're more like casual fun friends. Recently married, I mostly find myself avoiding communication with them because they no longer have topics that interest me. They're either convincing me to get married or telling me about how cute/awesome/adorable their husband is. And if they're feeling too excited, they throw in information about their sex life, which can be very awkward. I usually just sit and smile and nod and may be throw in a one liner or something.

Nerd Dost - These are the friends I actually enjoy talking to. They're not necessarily good students but have a lot of knowledge and I always end up learning something new. I love interacting with them and actually communicate. You know...like give opinions and speak up. But these conversations involve no feelings or emotions. Such topics are purposely ignored so when Im emo I cant go to them.

Geek Dost - Yes, theres a difference between a geek and a nerd. This circle of friends include people crazy about comics, games, action figures, documentaries, and fancy music. I dont have much to contribute with them because Im not in to any of these but I find their insane fascination with all these pointless fictitious things somewhat amusing. They speak of emotions as they are explained in comics and often express themselves using lines from Lord of the Rings or some other Japanese/Korean thing. I mostly dont understand what theyre talking about but its fun making fun of their obsessions.

Stupid Friends Who Think They're Smart - We all have those. Im just friends with these because they're good people and quite helpful when needed. If only they could cut down on talking and stop asking me stupid questions as if it were a technical one. Try hard to insult the other person but the bad grammar wont let them. But they're good people. Deep, deep down inside. Also a bit vain. But we all are.

The Average Clan - These people dont excel in anything. They're not geeks or nerds or married or that stupid. Average intelligence....only like things to an extent and havent yet discovered their object/field of interest. They're going with the flow trying to figure things out. Make good conversational partners but lack ambition which makes them boring after a while. I guess I too fall in this category. Because I bore myself.

I think I need more friends.

IknowYUwanaHateM3

You know what sucks more than the political situation of Canada?
The multi-disciplinary teams and communication networks involved in prescribing, supplying and administering medicines. When am I gona come to my good senses? My back hurts because Ive been working since 2 pm. Its 12:36 now. IM NOT A MACHINE MAA OH MAH GAWD GIMME A BREAK. I tend to over do things at times. Be a bit dramatic just to stir things up. It kind of backfires when the other person starts taking me seriously and then I have to continue the dramatic routine because not doing so would make the other person really really angry and hostile. My spider senses telling me spider man is near by and my plan is to get him next and open up a can of pineapples, godammit Dre where is the goddamn beat? yea. Anyway, I dont know how else to put it. This is the only thing Im good at. Writing. More like typing. I can type and make stupid things sound like they make sense and then provide fake references to make it sound more logical and authentic. I say you all are just too goddamn sensitive.

Canada and Dubai are so boring. Just like the Medicine Legislation of 1989. You find me offensive? I find you offensive, shit. This is the same verse I just did. If you put your cold finger tips on a hot hot metal rod, it would hurt really really bad. Your skin will probably get stuck and as you pull, half your flesh will stay on the rod and go tsssssssss. It might smell pretty good. Like thin fried strips of juicy meat.

Id eat that ._.

Trust I seek, and I find in you, none. But none of that matters u___u

Round # 1

Their Argument: "Larka itna acha hai, achi pay hai, MBA kia hai, ghar mai itney loag bhi nai hain, cook hai, maids hain, kuch bhi nai karna parey ga, valid aur chacha [pata nai which grade] ke officers thay, parhi likhi family hai, soch to lo ek dafa"

My Argument: "Mujhe parhna hai"

Their Argument: "Parhai to hoti rahey gi...unho ne khud bola hai ke jitna parhna hai parlo shaadi ke bad kisi ko koi issue nai hai"

My Argument: "Im a lesbian"

Mum: "Kia lesbian?"

Me: "Female gay. Mujhe larkia pasand hain"

*Head Slap*

Mum: "Khuda ka khauf karo Uzma!"

Score:

Them = 1

Me = 0

Emofied.

You know what sucks about being a girl in this region of the world?

Everything.

From education to going out to liking someone to crossing 20's without getting married.

Mutlab...pura mulk shaadi karne mai laga hua hai.

Shaadi on morning shows.

Shaadi on cooking shows.

Shaadi in dramas.

Our lives revolve around being married and getting others married.

No wonder we haven't progressed as a nation. We focus too much on reproduction and partners to reproduce with.

I turned 23 yesterday.

Fuck this Im not even going try to make this sound interesting.

I hate shaadi.

I hate family.

I hate collectivism.

I hate paranoid worried mothers.

I hate aunts and uncles who believe it to be their moral duty to get everyone in the extended family married.

I hate being a girl.

I hate it when the mummy and the baby visit people to see gUrLx for the baby.

One such baby visited me the other day.

Mummy ne larki dikhai.

Baby ne pasand karli.

Without even having a conversation.

Ab baby shaadi bhi karlega.

With mummy's consent, of course.

I feel like a bakri.

NAFRAT HAI MUJHE RISHTO SE AUR RISHTEY KARANEY WALIO SE

>.<

A long month of emotional blackmail, long pointless dramatic conversations, and rebellion awaits me.

Because getting married at the right time is above all.

If I dont post within a month, know that I cut myself and bled to death.

I LAAV ROCK N ROLL

Pakistan won.

India lost.

Maya Khan got fired.

And there was some other news that I dont remember.

I LAAV ROCK N ROLL

None of that concerns me though.

But its been quite an eventful day.

Ive been wanting to write something for quite some time now but I dint because the issues I wanted to talk about are all over the internet and its just not fun throwing in your opinion in a bunch of other unwanted opinions. Kuch nai.

So...okay.

What if Edward Mordake had schezophrenia?

Its possible.

We'll have to dig into his life history first though but Im sure we can find evidence.

I tend to use 'we' more than I need to. And not once do I mean it. I write too many corporate letters.

I LAAAV ROCK N ROLL

I just got finished reading Taboo by...Fauzia or Faiza or Farah some person. Or was it Rehman someone. I dunno.

[Why is it so important to remember the name of the author? Its like...if you dont remember the author you dint read it...or dint grasp the concept...or something. Why do they make a big deal out of it? I never remember authors or experimenters. Hell I dont even remember names of people I see every day. Yes, I do agree that these people need to be acknowledged but dude. Bad memory? FACK YOU CHUBBEH ARROGANT GUY FROM CREATIVITY CRAP CLUB!].

So I was saying. Good book.

Made me feel sad and happy and then sad again.

Also made me hate men.

It was about the brothels in Lahore and prostitutes and all that.

We are kind of lucky for not being born in one of 'those' families.

Thora serious hojaega so never mind that.

Another topic of interest. The Favelas.

Dont we have those all around the world?

But it reminded me of Gaza strip in particular. Have you seen Occupation 101?

Must watch.

The reason why Im writing about all these random issues is that...well...these are the real issues. And I dont want to sound selfish but I often get back to reading all this to remind myself of how fucking awesome my so called fucked up life is. And it always works. It upsets me. And frustrates me. And makes me angry. And makes me feel helpless. But it helps me realize that I really do have it easy. So what if I have to work and study and take care of other personal stuff all at the same time? So what if I have more responsibilities than an average girl my age? So what if my childhood wasnt as bright and awesome as it should have been. So what if I dont have credit since Monday? At least I wasnt born in the red district in Lahore. Or the favela. Or the Gaza strip. At least Im capable of earning. At least I get to eat three (read five) times a day. At least I know the difference between then and than. At least, my friend. At least.

*douche alert*

kthnxbai.

Of PMS, Psychos, and Shrinks.

I hate it when...
Dont you hate it when everyone decides to display symptoms of Premenstrual Syndrome at the same time? Which reminds me of the excessive and wrong use of the term "PMS" and "PMSing" on the internet and sms. Whats PMSing supposed to mean anyway?
PMS stands for Premenstrual Syndrome. So the saying "Stop PMS-ing here" would then mean "stop premenstrual syndroming here". Does that make sense to you? Because it sounded pretty stupid to me.
Every individual out there using terms like "pms-ing bitch" and "go pms else where" just to show the world that he/she has extensive knowledge of the female body and/or how witty they are with their metaphors, is an Ignorant Ass. And an idiot.
Some dude I knwo said something like that in my presence and I wanted to impale him. But I dint because we dint have time because we were preparing a script for our IPS class. Which we nailed. Anyway. Pata nai. I forgot what I wanted to blog about.
I have the tiniest span of attention. Ima be a terrible psychologist.
Which reminds me of the excessive and unnecessary use of the term "psycho" and "shrink".
If I had a penny for every time a person responded to my education with "so you're going to be a psycho/shrink". I hate being called both. The former is just plain stupid since psycho is a slang for psychopath and not psychologist. Which Im sure everyone knows and only use it to try to be funny or witty or whatever it is that they're trying to be. Just so you know. Its not funny. Its not that I get offended or that I dont get the "irony" [if there is any at all]. Its just that...its not funny. It just isn't. Okay? Its the lamest joke of the century.
Shrink I just find very offensive. But this I can deal with.

Analysis - III [The Leftovers]

Im feeling bad for not doing this earlier -.-

Random Hyper

umm...Im probabaly wrong here...buut...you seem to be a bit aggressive [internally]. You may not come off as aggressive as a person...but your thoughts tend to be a bit destructive? And a slight need for recognition...as in...youre looking for some appreciation may be?
Also nuturance! A veyr nurturing person...tend to care for the ones around you but a different kind of nurturing [might get a bit bossy when doing so?]. You also have a high tendency to dominate. Do you have to try really hard to stop yourself from taking control?
A strong desire for freedom. You also resist interference of others in your life...you welcome idea but get very defensice when someone tries to impose ideas on you or even when theres a little hint of anyone trying to change you. There is also a strong need for emotional attachment. You may lack emotional attachment in your life or may be there isnt enough of it and you want to connect on a deeper level with someone. Are you in a relationship? If yes...then you want to be able to connect with your significant other more...if not...may be its time to get to know someone?
Thats all I could get out of the story. I dont think Im in any position to give advices here but...umm...[my personal opinion - highly unlikely to be true] I thiiink theres some conflict between you true self and idea self. You are not what you actually want to be so you may try hard to become that person...and to some extent may be you do become that person but at the end of the day its not truly you. I dont know what Im talking about :\

Roshni

Similar to random hypers story, the main theme of your story is of recognition. Though you dont necessarily seek attention, you do want your hard work to be acknowledged by others. When this doesnt happened, you get very upset and even lose otivation at times. You do enjoy having good...public relations. As in...you prefer being socially accepted and that, at times, may even direct your behaviour. You also try hard to gain respect of others. Soemtimes go out of your way to get it..
You also avoid getting in situations that might put some blame on you or may lead to rejection by others. You refrain from misbehaviour...Are you a conventional person? Apologize easily? Make sure you get your tasks done? Remorseful? May be not to teh extent that Im claiming here but to some extent, yes. Also...there has been a shift in you life and mood in general. A recent, significant emotional change. In the sense, you way of perceivign the world has changed. May be a certain event has caused it. You also seem a bit dissapointed with you current situation in life. You ego has been hurt. You self concept has changed. A lot.
You may want to go a little easy on yourself. None of us turn out to be what we actually want. All we can do is try. Cant make every one happy. Just...um...bring down your standards a bit may be? You're not that old. DO you have too many responsibilities/or you tend to take on responsbilities that you dont really have to?
You're still young...try to be young!

Ismah

FINALLY a person who is not fucked up in the head. A very contrustive personality. When faced with difficulties he tries hard to fix things instead of just sitting in a corner and weeping about it. A go-getter, to be more precise. An understanding personality. He does not have a hard time understanding another person point of view and accepting it too. Open to new ideas. An emotional person. Has a strong need for affiliation i.e. values close relationships and strives to make them work. But can be a little passive at times. May be when youre down to go in your shell and go in a passive mode where you dont let others connect with you? But msotly, a good ehalthy personality. A sentient and elated person. Not easy to bring down.
However, with all thsi positivity, I think I missing out on something. What I just wrote above is how others see you and you yourself at a conscious level. Im not able to tackle the "inner machinations" of your mind with just one story ._.

NOTE: After doing the actual analysis with the real TAT images I realized how wrong my this analysis was. Please dont be taking it seriously. I just needed a few guinea pigs before I could do the actual one. Thank you for your cooperation.

Emoness Redefined.

I've been doing a lot [read a little] research on music and cognition lately [hate it when the first sentence begins with an "I"]. Cognitive psychology is my least favourite field in psychology. But the semester is over and Im DONE with the course!! But its not over. Neuropsychology awaits me in the next semester -.-
So I was writing about music and cognition. Meh. I lost interest. Initially I wanted to be a cognitive psychologist and have total control on the thoughts and memories of my patients. But I realized how boring, dry, and complicated it is to study brain. So Im sticking with clinical psychology.

2011 sucked more than 2010 and Im not expecting 2012 to be any better. Im not being emo, its just that...the quality of life keeps on decreasing.
Nothing significant happened. Besides the deaths and strokes and a number of paralysis here n there. Made a Lot of money. Spent more than I earned. Dint grow as a person. Made a lot of unnecessary friends. But it was kind of needed since all my old friends and cousins got married this year. Married friends turn in to these relatives who you meet occassionally because you dont want to cut them out of your life out of courtesy. Anyway. 2011 sucked. December in particular was full of shit. And January is expected to be shittier since December was only the beginning and in January the shit is going to be at its peak...going to stay there for a couple of months.
But look at the bright side. I learned how to do my make-up. And TAT. Which kind of added to my awesomeness. People think Im super fucking cool with my psychoanalysis n all. What they dont know is that all that keWlnesses coming out of my mouth isnt coming from my brain but from the manual that I stole -.-

Like always, Im feeling stupid and confused starting another insignificant, pointless year which I will live simply because Im alive. I always end up adding extra baggage to my life. I hate making spontaneous decisions like that. My brain has been dead for the past two months now. I dont feel like thinking about things. I just let others direct my thoughts. Which is actually working out quite well socially. But Im not satisfied.
I hate it when my decisions affect another person. And vice versa. I hate chain reactions. Chain reactions shouldnt exist. Neither should I. Or anyone else for that matter. Seriously. Whats with existence?
I hate January. And June. And July. And New Year posts.
Im feeling stupid and dependent and helpless and stupid.
*starts cutting face with blade and paints on the wall with blood*
How are you feeling?

Also....wtf Almas? Go away.

The Adventures of Poo and Zuzu

Me: Would you ratehr be killed by a shark or a crocodile?

Afu: White sharks are faster and crocs wait for the meat to get tender..

Me: So shark? But they rip you apart while crocs bite first and wait so chances are you'll survive..

Afu: Crocs take one huge bite then drag you underwater and stuff you in a cave from where you cant get out...sharks rip you out within minutes so instant death. You?

Me: I'd take shark..

Afu: Good choice...chances aer a shark will lose interest after 1-2 bites but crocs hang on.

Me: Even if it loses interest you'd drown..

Afu: Actually, you can swim with one arm and a leg, besides sharks come up to the surface to attack..

Me: Yea but you wont be able to swim much if youre wounded...in the middle of the sea...too much blood will be lost..

Afu: I suppose, but there is a chance of rescue...only an idiot would do diving in the sea without telling anyone..

Me: Lol...Yea

Sigh...I missed having these conversations with you poosikins=[

Hi.

Im uzma. This is my blog. That I havent been using much. You know...cuz Im awesome n shit.
Also, I owe an apology to random hyper and two other peopel who have been waiting for their analysis. I did get time to blog but I dint, thinking that I should do the analysis before I write my blahs but Ive just realized that Im not going to. Im sorry. Just that...I have too many official analysis to do to be doing these...but I still might...I'll post links to your blog when I do so you dont have to keep a check on my blog. Once again, sorry.
Okay. Now that That is out of the way. Its winter.
And finally. Never mind -.-
I dont have anything interesting to tell...not here at least. I think I've lost my touch. Anyway...Random hyper and two other people...I'll be starting my internship in June and you will get a special discount on your sessions u_u
You know whats awkward? When the guy you almost got married to shows up on msn and says Hi o.o
Anyway...we had these interviews for some creativity club shit that a bunch of senior stidents started to separate the 'kachra' from the 'decent' crowd stuck at bahria [these are the words of the interviewer - not mine]. So my friends were all 'OMG we're stuck with this one semester and ahve no friends outside IPP and you so lucky youre a transfer student' so Im like...'OMG lets join the frikkin club!!'
And thats how I showed up for the interview [Also because the form were being collected by this chubby guy - i find chubby guys really cute]. And then I had to wait 30 minutes. And then I realized that Ive waited too long to leave...so I decided to wait another 30 minutes. And my turn came. And Im like...wtf am I doing? Im working two jobs and a research paper...I cant give them two hours everyday [for free]...but then I was like...wtf lets do it!!! Ima be creative.
So I walked in...and the chubby guy was there with his quiet, good looking guy and a pretty smiley girl. Everything was fine...but then the chubby guy started talking -.-
And guess what he decided to say?
"Well...Im not going to say anything to you because this isnt your fault...its your teachers...because this is Not how you fill a form...cuts and arrows...you should fill a form with a pencil and then re-do it with a pen..."
Youre doing BBA from bahria - You have no right to give your opinion . Okay?
I want that hour of my life back.
Its really sweet how my friend keeps trying to make me understand his weird geeky thoughts related to geeky games. One of these days...Im going to actually read what he types u_u

ANALYSIS - II

3. Ismah

Okay...you're personality comes off as nurturing, i.e. you tend to protect those around you and youre not a hard person to get along with. You dont have issues following others as you yourself are easy going. This is good but at times it turns in to compliance as you may passively submit to the will of others (for whatever reasons, may be to maintain harmony).
At times you feel that you lack opportunities in your life and are constantly searching for them.
And Im not sure about this but it seems like youve had some bad company which has had some influence on your actions or habits...may be friends or peers. If yes then it has been bothering you on a subconscious level. Time to change those habits and company.

You also seem to have a certain sense of failure. My be you were not able to achieve what you really wanted, could be related to academic, professional, or personal life. I dont know you personally so I cant exactly point out but you lack sense of achievement. Which is probably the reason for your submissive behavior. Im not saying that youre exactly unhappy with your life or that youre miserable...but at the end of the day you dont quite feel good about yourself...rather good enough. You seem to have some feelings of inferiority from time to time. Also you seem a bit guilty about some of your actions. Has there been a dramatic change in your life? There seems to be a sudden shift in your emotional state due to the changes in your life. You still havent adjusted to that change which is causing some emotional discomfort.
May be you should try out some different things in your life...something youre good at or interested in. May be focus on yourself a bit instead of how everyone else is doing. If you want to make other happy you must first try to make yourself feel good. Or something like that. Im really not good with advices but do try to give yourself some "Me [you] Time". It doesnt have to be big...just may be improve cooking or painting or whatever your interest is. Also...meditate. You know most of the problems that we think we have are only in our heads.

4. Amara

Why hello there familiar blogger ^.^
Yours is a bit tricky so its going to sound more like a conversation than an analysis.
So whats with the resistance? You seem to be a little...um...[forgive me] stubborn in the sense that you refuse to comply with another persons decision. Im not talking generally...something specific in your life. But that isnt necessarily bad...you should be able to make your own decisions but may be take a different approach?
Heres the tricky part...though you do things your way...youre still not satisfied. You know what you want to do and how you want to do and youre not afraid to break the rules. But after going through all that trouble theres still something missing. But then again youre still quite young and figuring life out so its normal.
Also...stop being so passive!
Get closer to people...for real. Feel more.
You may not agree but some support from family and friends would be good.
You seem to feel isolated and rejected. May be you feel that people dont accept you the way you are. Have you lost someone you were close to in the past? Once again, I cant tell precisely because I dont personally know you but its either someones death or physical danger. Which one is it? Though you appear to be fine your internal mental state isnt very stable. I could be wrong [just a noob speaking here]. Anyway...try to open up. Give people a chance to get to know you.
Things always get better with time.

5. random Hyper - Stay tuned.

P.S. a little feedback would be nice you guys. So I know how Im doing.

ANALYSIS!!

Okay so its a little late alright but I was a little busy with the mental health day camp n all. But in my defense...I dint specify which Saturday u_u
Before I go on with the analysis, once again do not consider it to be the final verdict since I dont personally know you guys and the images used are not even the real TAT stuff. Also, this is not a very detailed analysis since it is based on just one situation that you were given.
Please dont make fun of my suggestions -.-
ANYWAY.

1. Steadtler

Hi. How are you?
Please do not let the analysis discourage you. What Im writing here is only one part of your personality and Im sure there so much more to you and your life. There are a few dominant themes in the story that you wrote.

Conflict - There seems to be a conflict in your life which is taking up your time. Could be related to your education, personal life, or career. It may be that you feel dissatisfied with some decisions that you have made in recent past and you feel things would have been had you opted for something else. This is causing you some uneasiness. There also seems to be a lot of distrust in your life. May be you have learned not to trust any one from your past experiences. You seem to be a little suspicious of pretty much everyone in your life and have a hard time accepting others ideas. Its not that you dont want to trust anyone but you just cant get yourself to do so. It may be due to rejection or related to your personal freedom.

You also seem unhappy with you current environment. You feel that you dint or dont have enough opportunities in life and seem to be in search of some. There also seems to be a lack of human support in your life from friends/family/spouse. May be it is that you dont feel secure about your present or future environment. You also seem to be a little disconnected from the people around you. May be the reason why you are not able to trust anyone is that you feel that the person will not understand your situation or the circumstances that youre in.
Has there been any major loss (material or a loved one)? If yes then it has a lot to do with your inability to trust.
You sometimes tend to blame your bad situation or decisions on luck....In the sense that you dint have any other choice. This may have something to do with the decisions you have made in the past...as in you feel that you dint any choice but to do what you did. May be you feel guilty about something? But the story you wrote does not reflect any guilt as such. But if you do feel that way, then it is the reason why you blame it on luck to may be dispose that guilt.

Suggestion: You should become a little more trusting of people. May be share a thing or two with a close friend. They will only understand if you want them to understand. Isolating yourself will you push you further back in your shell until it become impossible to some out. Not every one on this planet is as bad. You do believe that you can change your situation and make things work and you can. But you have to let go off of the past and start new. You do have the potential to make your life better and somewhere in side your head you know you can. But your bad experiences are pulling you back.

2. Quarter to insane:

Dude...give me something you work with:\
I knwo I said keep it short but you've written like three sentences. That doesnt give me enough material. Try again. About the second image, that was only given to help with the first image. Unless you provide be a good 6-10 line story of the first image there not much I can do.

3. Ismah

Baki kal..Please I wana go watch a movie :(

//.-

Dont you hate it when people just throw you out of their lives like youre this uninvited machar in their coffee and then continue drinking coffee while youre all wet in coffee lying on the table like 'yea okay np' waiting for your wings to dry so you can fly but they just wont dry cuz of the humidity in the atmosphere:\

Wouldnt it be disgusting if they continued drinking that coffee?

Well I dont exactly feel like that but if I did it would totally suck.

P.S. Check blog on Saturday for analysis.

Psychoanalyze you becasue Im sexy and I know it. :\. :|. :/

So how are you?
Everything good?
Please know that Im only mentioning the following because I was asked]
I havent been blogging because OMG so busy with work and projects n the shits
Also, I finished FIVE dissertations in TWO months. Four for MBA and one for LLB.
Yea Im awesome like that.

And to make that awesomeness more awesome I will get permission to officially treat patients by next June.
Im also willing to perform premature analysis on you guys on request. More on that later in the post.
I want to rant first because i really havent in weeks.
And I still dont feel like it...dunno Ive become very "accepting of people" all of a sudden which is odd. Everyone seems like a patient:\
Im unable to have a conversation without analyzing personalities and identifying subconscious concerns of people in head.

I hate it when people ask me to help them out with their home work on a weekend.
Especially when I get a weekend off after TWO long fucking months.
That too for free.
Mutlab kia masla hai apko?
mai kia karsakty hoon agar ap stupid hain to?
I deserve a day off too you know.
Or three.
So these somebodies. Ive helped them out with their reports n shit a few times. And by help I mean did everything. And they got an A [for which I have yet to receive a thank you]. Now one of them want me to write some gay ass article so she can tell everyone she did it when it gets published in the magazine. And Im like do it yourself. And now Im the bitchiest bitch in the world.
Anyway.
About the premature analysis.
I was really pissed off cuz this head of the research department wouldnt accept my research proposal for the annual journal [which she later accepted] because it was done by me and not a PhD student. So I was like wtf :O
So I made this abstract crap which doesnt quite make sense. I mean it does to me but different people have been seeing different things in it. So since I dont have the actual Rosharch or TAT manual, I have been doing personality analysis based on that single image.
But I will get my hands on the real shit by the end of next year and I secretly scan them. That would be so totally awesome. As long as I dont get caught. Because then I will get suspended. I dont see what the big deal is since psychology students do that kind of shit all the time. Well, most of them. And I always tell people that they shouldnt believe what I tell them because Im qualified and theyre like "of course we know that" but then they end up believing every single word I say. Buh wahevs. If they're gullible enough.

So if youre interested in a premature false psychoanalysis, look carefully at the image below and write a short story about what is going on in the image, what had happened before, and what is going to happen next. The story must have a beginning, a middle, and an end to it and must be a complete story. Keep it short so I actually read it. Also write your age, gender, and something about yourself. Like a secret. Or something that you think has had a significant impact on your life. Whatever youre comfortable with. Comments can be made anonymously.


Also look at this image and briefly write what you see. This one does not have to be a story. Just write whatever you see in the image. It can be anything.

Hi.

Remember how I used to have time to blog?

I gotapocket, gotapocket fullofsunshine.

One day, my brother was walking down the street and his cell phone got stolen.
The next day he took my mums phone.
The day after I was phone-partners with my mommy.
I believe in chain reactions.
I even did a whole dissertation on chain reactions.
I just wanted to brag about it actually.
But srsly!
Chain reactions. Theyre real!
I'll be working on the railroad, all the live long days.
I'll be working on the railroad, just to pass the time away.

I hate it when someone takes my phone....not that I have anything to Hide!!
Kind of...Hiding and not telling (to avoid a long discussion) are two different things.
Privacy bhi koi cheez hoti hai.
I aint happy, feeling glad I got sunshine
in a bag...only I dont.
Kia apko machar kaat-tey hain?
Mujhe to bohat kaat-tey hain.
Somethings are so difficult to type in urdu using english.
Like holidays. I dont like typing that in urdu.
Also, my humor is not dirty.
Now just because I dont like dirty humor doesnt mean I dont know it.
I've heard the dirtiest jokes, thank you Saniya and Amna.
They sound like fat, bald, perverted, drunk, Sindhi men speaking in Punjabi.
no offense to Sindhi and Punjabi speaking people. I mean...I dig Punjabi ayte.
I'd love to have someone translate Punjabi songs for me.

I'll probably have more interesting things to write once I go back to university.
I dont like to wait.
Its depressing.
I dont know why but i have this faint sweet taste in my mouth. I dint even eat anything meetha.
Tastes something like glucose. But lighter.
Do you liek glucose?
I love eating glucose.
It so cold and icy.
Back when my nani was going through her last stage of cancer, I'd eat all her glucose:\
You'd think that I was 6-7 years old.
I was 14.
Knew exactly what I was doing. Did it anyway.
Just took a shower, and Im sticky again.
I hate humid summers in Karachi.