Im on a boat muthafuka take a look at me!

I was gona type something really awesome but I decided to transfer pics first and now I kind of dont remember what i was gona write. Either that, or I dint have anything to write in the first place so I just made up this whole story to make it sound like I did have something interesting to tell, just to maintain my cool.

I turned 22 least Monday. Yep.
Getting old. I dont like making a big deal out of birthday...but it wasnt always like that.
I remember having birthday parties. There was a time when I had three parties. One with family and two with the two groups of friends that I have.
Anyway, Im getting old.
Each year I get closer to being married o.O
Yes I can be That lame. Go away.
So...shadi is gona suck. Thinking about shadi makes me sad.
Very sad.
I even have nightmares about it. Like Im married to some nice dude [its a different dude every time ^.^] and everything is perfect but Im depressed for some reason. Like really unhappy. Suicidal. And I've been having this same dream with different guys for three years now.

But like I was saying....I turned 22 last Monday.
No cake. Well, I baked a cake on Saturday which I had on Monday and Sunday.

Its a cookie+coffee+chocolate+walnut cake thingie.
Thats right. I dint have anything to write in the first place. Just wanted to put up the pic. I dont care if Im getting old. I dont care if only five of my friends wished me. I dont care if I spent my birthday playing gta. Yes I still play stupid games. Whatever.
I like carrot and beetroot juice.
CBJ FTW!

Im going to bake pizza now.
AND I WILL HAVE A GREAT TIME EATING IT ALL ALONE!

Baby feff...

Do you like cheese cake? I like cheese cakes. I make good cheese cakes. Not awesome but good enough. Do you have issues with roasted almonds on top of an oreo cheese cake? I like them. My friends had issues with it. I like roasted almonds. They so nice and roasted.


Do you like kids? I dont like kids. Not all kids. Just loud kids and naughty kids and kids who cry a lot and the ones who wont stop giggling and the poking kids and kids who wont stop running and the ones who go tell their mommies everything you say to them. Irritating. Burey lagtey hain batameez bachey. Bush mewa chota sha boobie acha hai <3


Do have a maid? I currently dont have one. She left -.-
Know what that means? I kind of have to do the cleaning part almost everyday. So I like dont like kids rights...so when Im doing any work I dont like to be interrupted. So Ayesha and Dua [the neighbor's kid I wana slap stupid] were irritating me. So Im like "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN" and they're like "nai nai nai baby fef BABY FEFFF" [they meant baby chef...this show on baby tv featuring Mrs. Kettle - the colorful hoe]. So I made them a lil house out of chairs and made them sit in it for an hour. And they were actually happy to do so.


Bachey becharey kitne stupid hotey hain. Unko to kuch pata bhi nai hota. Who's zardari, who's Assange, mazay se carefree kheltey raho all the time. Sab kuch believe kar letey hain. I told my cousin a couple of years back...when he was seven...that a dragon used to live by and a kid had a fight with him....the kid was very powerful and he picked up the dragon and banged him in this huge lake so hard that all the water from that lake splashed into the sea...and thats how sea view here was formed. He believed it for a long long time and even went around asking people "aapko pata hai sea view kaise bana tha?"
Becahwa...got made fun of quite a lot by his friends.

Six Points of Feminine Law

So ever since I left my old job I have nothing else to do.
Pretty lifeless. And merey brother ka semester end hora hai so he hogs the pc the whole day to make his assignments and the TV well...yeah you have to wait at least an hour to get your turn.
So I was really bored...so Im like...HEY Wait...Why am I bored?
I AM A GIRL:O
So I did some "girl stuff" and I knew it in the back of my head that this is a very bad idea and I was laughing at myself secretly all along.
Anyway, I did some makeup...a lot of it actually...Green n Orange eyes [<3] and pink blush and light gloss. But after that Im like...Now what? And then I realized that Im a "Girl" who uses "Facebook" :O So I took pics....lots of them...High angle pout pics.

The practical helped me discover the following:

* I dont know how to pout.
* I dont know how to take high angle pics.
* I cannot look up in the camera and smile at the same time.
* I will never get those twenty minutes of my life back.
* I should never try this again.
* Girls who do this kinda stuff are not Muslim [^.^]

Also, my lazy eye is quite prominent.
Can you tell? My right eye?
Also, meri eyes kitna empty haina?:/
Its distrubing.
And please, do notice that I have pretty eye lashes.
Thank you.

Anyway...I also made awesome brownies today.
They were really awesome.
Somebody better discover me soon.
My awesomeness is being wasted.
And yes, I do know other words...just...awesome sounds better.
Its an exaggerated term.
I love exaggeration.
And ice.
And jelly.
I miss you Jelly=[

6 pounds yawr=[

Yaar....dekho....its....never mind.

My arm hurts.
I like coke studio=[
Too many people like it on fb so I cant=[
Its this thing I have with popular stuff...
But anyway...

Remember how I always get sick after having KFC?
Well....of course you dont.
Its Okay <3

Remember how kfc was the shit in the late 90's?
Remember how rumors about kfc chicken started in 2000 and were at the peak in 2001..?
I heard my first 'kfc is haram' story on September 11, 2001 at 8:00 p.m. I remember the day because while people around me were discussing kfc, I was having McDonalds and watching World Trade Center crumble down. I actually had fun that evening. I mean with all due respect to the 9/11 whatever blah shit. Look....Im not going to pretend that I care...cuz I really dont...there have been events far worse so lets just cut the crap. Back to kfc..
The story was something like...before cutting the chicken...kfc people inject it with some chemical which makes the chicken grow two/three extra legs [L-O-L I know]. Then the chicken fur is pulled and the chicken goes straight in to the whatever machine they have. So their chicken is haram. And I was like....I dont care:\

Im talking about this because I recently did a paper on marketing for Kooky Canuck Burgers. They look so awesome....6 pounds ka ek burger...=[
*sigh*
So yea...so I searched food chain restaurants yada shit yea and I came across KFC...and turns out that it was shut down in India because it had a high amount of Monosodium gultamate [MSG]. And that story was turned into the kfc is haram story in Pakistan...A classic example of....um...of...whats that game we used to play..? Where you whisper something in someones ear and the word is passed and the end result is something retarded? Yea That.

I could've totally slept instead of wasting my time online.

P.S. Is it just me or the kfc uncle totally looks like a child molester?

Afterglow.

Aaj meri mumma ki happy birthday hai. Shes turning 38 for the 7th time.
I made her choco-brownie-coffee-mousse thing and believe me when I say...its awesome. One of my best. Im so adorable. And cute. No wonder all my friends love me.

I know its a lil gay buh c'mon...

Sand people.

Why do companies come up with weird not-funny-nor-tempting-but-just-plain-stupid names for their products? I mean its not funny...its not creative...its just embarrassing for me to say.
But Uzma, why would that embarrass You? you may ask....Allow me to explain.
You see, I am one and twenty years of age chronologically, but sadly my taste buds are still very young. They ask for kid food. Now, Imagine a twenty one year old hot girl with a I-am-smarter-than-you-think expression on her face walks up to a sales dude and says 'ek lemon chaska de dain'...
....
That is not sexy. Not sexy at all.
And forget the gay lemon chaska...whats with love letters? Why would they name some wafer whatever that is 'love letters'? Why would they name anything that?
Whats wrong with these people?

Back in 5th grade, my friend kainat made me throw my hunter beef sandwich cuz shes allergic to beef. I want my sandwich back bitch.
Still.

Which reminds me of my awesomeness.


Peanut butter fudge cake.
And I almost baked that for my friends.
eh eh eh ^.^
No but I will...soon...no worries babies.
<3

Jelly is awesome. Bus.

My mum snores.
My grampa' wears the sexiest cologne.
Jelly is Love.


What is love but a gay feeling.
What is marriage but permission to have sex legally with a selected partner.
Im not looking for any such experience, thank you very much.
Leave me alone now.
Shu.

Fuck you fancy cupcake Lady! [not me]

Chocolate cinnamon..


Peanut butter Chocolate and Chocolate Fudge..


And they taste so much better than they look...

Im awesome?
Haan.
*flips hair*

Mc Royale khana hai yaar...=(

Glorious food - Part 2.

Guys who play farmville are so Gay.
Also I hate being referred to as a cool chick/hot chick/sexy chick or anything to do with chick. Im not a 'chick' and certainly not yours.
But fuck that. Ima blog about thing that really matter. Things that make me happy. Food.
I dont want to sound shallow but the best times Ive had in my life were not with a person but with food...or an object or with something virtual...not a human being.

Following are the best meals Ive had in the last 4 months. Best as in not in taste...but Ive enjoyed them enough to take a pic. Like...ate em alone with full and complete concentration. Enjoyed the taste of every single minute present particle. Oh and Im a very slow eater. I take very small bites and take me time to chew and swallow. I try to speed it up when Im with friends/cousins but still Im the last one to finish. Actually I scarcely finish my meals. Bleh.
So yeah...


This is the dry wali yellow dal with fresh roti made by me mommy and peri peri sauce. Now Im not a dal person. I usually skip meals when we have dal but this one was just awesome. And I took a second serving.


Chicken cheese steak. Now you cant see the steak anywhere cuz I ate it all. Yeah Im the kind of girl who orders a steak and finishes it. I know this is a little not me cuz I think chicken steaks are totally gay. Im more of a pepper beef steak person but this meal was just....divine.

And now, the real reason why I bothered with this post. The Bun kebab [or is it band kebab...I never quite got it. Both make sense to me.]


You see the coleslaw? It sucked. The ketchup - sucked! The bun kebab - eatable. Fries - pretty good. But I had a great time having it. Although my mum kept telling how nasty it is with the whole "Pata nai kia kia gandi cheezain dali hongi ismai.Ye bazaar waley itna kachra daltey hain. Ap kabhi banatey hue dekh lo inko to bemaar hojao gi" routine my brother and I have to go through eveyr once in a while. But, you see, I hadnt had a bun kebab in like years! I dont even remember the last time I had it. Well yeah we had it at sanias place when we dint have money but my mum doesnt know about that so yeah. Years it is!
But dude...heres the thing. It was for 40 rupees. Thats F O R T Y rupees! It was a guilt-free meal I tell you. Pure satisfaction!

And now, a meal that left me with guilt, regret, unfulfilled desires and an unsatisfied appetite.

*sigh*
Thats last nights zinger.
Kfc just never works for me. Just not my thing. Waste of money. Donalds is still acceptable.

2 zinger + 2 regular fries + 2 regular drinks = Rupees 610 * regret * nausea = Fail.

Oh, and this too.

Hot chocolate milk.
Yes, I can be a milk n cookie person at times.
I have trouble sleeping ryte...so every time I couldnt sleep I would go sit on the lil couch in the kitchen [cuz I sleep with my mum] have chocolate milk and read R.L Stine.
*sigh*
Good ol' days.

Ziada lambi post hogai. Oh well...now you know how much Im in love with these lil things. I can still go on but I wont.
So. Yes. End here.
.
.
Im so lame:\

Delicious disaster.

Now you know....you may get the idea that I dont have a life n all but indeed I do. Like. Bleh. Anyway. So this new friend of mine Mohsina ryte, she tried the chocolate brownie cake thingie I told her about and how awesome it turned out n all....and I was all...dude...need chocolate..
I mean Im not chocoholic like Rida n Bilal or whatever I mean...I have good control on my chocolate desires but I like..really needed some today:\
So...I ended up making peanut butter double chocolate barks I wanted to try on eid but dint cuz I was too lazy...and Guess what?

:D

lol...[shoots herself in the head]....ima upload pics again!!!

*sigh*

[I cant help it ): ] HAH I made ulta smiley. The seedha wala looks weird with brackets.

Anyway....The first thing you do is melt white chocolate chips..

So I like wait n wait n wait but the thing just wont melt....This is what it looks like after 30 minutes...

then I realized I have a microwave oven....and im all...Fuck you uzma >_>...and then I lietrally satrted saying..." melt you stupid whore" [which my khala heard I think....and that eplains the smirk on her face]...then I added milk cuz it wudnt melt....only to make it look more crappy...

By this time I was going insane and kept repeating....oh-my-God-what-the-hell-fuck-this-shit-man..

But then...it finally started to look...not so crappy...

Then you add peanut butter [chunky] and mix it with the chocolate..

Then spread plastic wrap on a baking tray....But I was too lazy to take the tray out and wash and dry it so I just took this ordinary tray...

what I dint notice was that its all curvy...and what I dint predict was that its not deep enough and it myte screw the whole thing up...[which it did]


Anyway....then spread the peanut butter chocolate thing on the tray..

Then add peanuts [yea yea I burned em....bleh]



Then add marshmallows....[or not....isnt necessary]

Then melt chocolate....but I had had enough of melting stuff...so instead I made my own chocolate with condensed milk and cocoa powder...




As you can see, I dint bother washing the spatula which I used for mixing the peanut butter thingie..


Then spread it on the whole thing....the chocolate was too thick and sticky and chewy so it kinda got ruined...but then I used the remaining white chocolate to cover the sides..



By this time the thing was looking rather ridiculous. So I was all...Hey this looks crappy.....



How can I make it look crappy-er?
So after thinking for like 3 minutes...
I added sprinkles on it...Just because I had them. Yes. I enjoy screwing things up. Its very satisfying.

OKay I just went to check on them...theyre done ryte....anD OH MY FUCKING FUCK THEYRE FUCKING DELICIOUS! HAH! FUCK YOUUU!!!!!

If you can get past the weird appearance that is.

Glorious food.

Ladies and Gentlemen.....I present to you the bestest pasta EVER to be made on the face of this earth.....



This thing you see...is Heavenly. And mariam made it. My Dost can cook....*tears*
Which reminds me of nandos cataplana I tried ryte after this Divine food. Know I had never tried it before.....I mean always end up having espetada or those wraps or something....but then everyone kept telling to have cataplana cuz its like oh-so-awesome....well...eveyrone who tasted it....needs to grow taste buds. It was the worst most pathetic thing Ive ever tasted. Please if someone asks you to try it tell that person to eff off [eff cuz I got company].
So, yeah....okay...the most absurd thing was the cucumber which tasted like something picked out from a turd salad. Ew. Yes.
Bleh. Im not wasting my time writing how bad it was.
It was bad - period!

It doesnt taste as good as it looks....

And it took me 2 hours to get it done...>_>

!!!

Im forced to consume 2 rupay walay snacks everyday of my life.

Ya know sometimes youre just sitting and not doing anything and then suddenly you get this pathetic idea to do something and you KNOW it s a BAD idea and you know its going to be a complete disaster but for reasons unknown you carry the plan out anyway....And you dont even have to...not like any ones forcing you. You HAVE a choice of not doing it but you just do it anyway....? Yeah?

Thats what happened to me today.

See the fucked up rice on the right...with a fucked up peice of chicken [which was the only thing eatable on the plate] and potatoes and the greens you dont recognize? Yes, Im the inventor!

A complete mess! And I knew it was gona be bad. I knew it all along. But I did it anyway. I do that a lot. And it was like BAD man. It was so bad it should be on the menu at PC. In fact it should be on the menu of every Japanese restaurant in the world. It was so bad...it qualifies to be a Canadian dish! Now no offence Japanese and Canadian food lovers....just that it really sucked. I shouldnt be allowed to cook anymore. I dont think I can ever make anything as bad as this. This is like the worst I can do. Like me at my WORST. Oh and Ive come with a name for it too....Imma call it 'Bow Chow'.....know why? Cuz it makes you wanaa bow chow. Yep. Disaster in its true essence.

Pissed me off like really bad...So much that I actually decided to punish myself by studying. I opened my bag and guess what I found? REAL chips! Know those burned potato peal wrapped in the cheapest blue wrapper? I bought 'em the other but dint eat....I buy a lot of stuff at college and dont eat....cuz I dont like them but I dont have a choice so I just buy whatever is available and try to shove it down my throat. But after bow chow they tasted better than a pepper cheese steak. Tho they were all burned...and had a weird ash like taste to it...

After that I thought Id open my book but then I saw perk...in my bag and Im like "wOw perk...Awesome!" so I had perk and I was just shoving the wrapper back in my bag when I realised how fucked up my bag is. I mean there are absolutely NO books in it . Like NONE. I keep them in my locker. So my bag is like full of wrappers and used tissues n crap like that. Oh and a pen too...So I like took a pic cuz I, for some reason, am obsessed with taking pics and putting em up on my blog....so I took the pics and Im like...DUDE I have to upload them NOW cuz then i'll forget whats on my mind....so Im all 'B-R-B abnormal Psychology' and here I am blogging.

:\

I seriously need a life.

*beep* ::error loading:: *beep*

Yes. I just cant seem to get out of my holiday mode. I just went to college ONCE this week. I just cant wake up. Forget college thats like 7 in the morning. My IT class....it starts 1:30 p.m....I've been missing those too cuz I cant wake up. Just attended ONE class this week. Ugh.

Itna soti hoon mai. Bohat soti hoon. Soti rehti hoon. Actually, no, I hibernate. So today I was actually frustrated cuz I missed coleg. And Im like....DAMN Ive been sleeping for a week. Im never lame for a whole week straight. I mean....I did like NOTHING this week. Just slept and played farmville. Yep. Im addicted. And just this Sunday I was preaching how lame the stupid game is to my baby cousin who's been playing it. But nevermind that.

So today I wanted to do something productive. I thought I'd make notes but then I was all....yeah like THATS gona happen. So I was all....kia karoon yaar? And then my mum was all "uzma soup peenay ka dil chara hai" and I was all "main banati hoon" and my mum was all "mazaak nai karo mera seriously mood hai soup ka" and Im all "Im serious.. :O"

So I tried that thing I had in mind since june. Damn I procratinate..:

Its this thing I came up with in my head while I was watchin some dude make tomatoe soup. So I like took pics of each step.

And.

And.

YES.

THATS RIGHT. Im gona upload every single image!
I dint come up with a name for it yet.

Its like tomato soup + chicken soup + green soup.

Alryte. So jus slice half n onion, spring onion and one capsicum. And boil tomatoes n peel n blend them.

Make chicken stock and strain it.

Then fry onions in 2 tbs oil and then add all the greens and black pepper n salt n oregano.

Then add stock and tomato thingie and let it simmer for like ten I guess.

Then fry the chicken bits in butter and pepper and add em to the soup.

Then add corn flour to the soup and cook for another 5 minutes.

And voila. Its ready. This is what it looks like in the end.

I know it looks pretty all ryte and mum loved and and my mami really liked it but honestly, it tasted pretty average to me. Its not at all what I had in mind and I cudnt get over the fact that it was missing something. I dont know what. Maybe. No. The seasoning was perfect. Pata nai.

Im not satisfied.

Damn I have time..:\

.......and again...

soo yes i baked 3rd time in a week....My mom asked me to. I have a feeling soon im gona start hating it. Anyway...i made plain-strawberry-creamcheese-sorta cake....The only reason im putin it up all here is cuz I wudnt wana know abt anyones *i baked a cake* story....its painfuly boring - and YES im aware of that so ima spare my frnds n all of the agony.


no i dint add strawberries in the batter....jus made strawberry sugar syrup n filled it in the middle with cream-cheese...



aaand den jus did the topping n stff.....





idher tak tou theek thaa...but i dunno what image i had in mind and it dint turn out to be as pretty as i xpected it to bee...


so it maY not be the prettiest cake in the world but it tastes good..=D

I cant believ this is the exitement in my life:s
=(