Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Aalo, Baingan, and Contempt

This was actually going to be an appreciation post about how much I love aalo and baingan and carrots and how all these vegetables are so under rated but then it dawned on me how I'm surrounded with insignificant, incompetent, and self-obsessed assholes, all living in their own little worlds where they are the righteous kings and queens and everyone else is either entirely good or entirely bad, with no shades of grey (myself included).

This very realization of insignificance has been keeping me from blogging, or speaking, or giving an opinion. But you know what. Fuck You. Not you in particular. Just in general, fuck you. I hate stuff and I need to express. This is the least harmful way of doing that with almost no consequences.

Here's a list of things that I hate (in random order).

1. Aalaa - the fuck does that even apply? It translates to "tool" in English. Are you talking about your fucking tool you fucking retard? What the fuck!

2. Level - kis cheez ka level? You, being a Pakistani, have none. To what exactly is the whatever the fuck in question being compared to anyway? There hasnt been anything even close to being "great" around here in quite some time so why dont you just calm the fuck down and not go all jury of oscars on everyone.

3. Epic - its not. Not much is. Stop exaggerating. Its not going to make up for your mediocrity.

4. Soch hai apki - Is that a question? Is that an answer to a question? Its neither. Its just a plain statement. A random, stupid statement made by people with questionable intelligence who use it when they run out of equally lame things to say.

5.The Batman Lot - Now I have nothing against batman. I dont love it I dont hate and I dont know every single detail about it. All I know is from the movies that I've seen after a lot of persuasion. So when you ask me about batman and get nothing more than a "meh", please dont think its me questioning your knowledge about batman or mistake it for a signal to rant about how awesome it is and I dont have the right to like Jack Napier. You're not the creator. Nor are you a person of superior intelligence who has presented personal work or critique which has been regarded by professionals. So your opinion is as good as mine. You say I dont know batman? I say batman is not real. Go cry bitch.

6. Fan followers of TV shows - No, I dont want to watch that show. Fuck off.

7. The I-know-more-about-that-thing-than-you-do Lot - They are just incapable of having a conversation without whoring about how they know a certain fact about the topic being discussed. And god forbid if you mention the fact before that person. They will dedicate their whole life to prove that they knew it before you told them. Fixated on the need to prove they "know stuff about stuff". I think anyone here who acquires even a little knowledge develops that need. Knowledge is so fucking rare, that once you get your hands on it, you
just dont want to let it go.

8. Pseudo-Superiors - all you need is (i.) an opinion, (ii.) no achievements, and (iii.) a big mouth. Knowing how to speak in English fluently is a plus.

9. Genuine Inferiors - I dont know why do they even bother coming out of their rooms. Oh wait, who else will perform the duties of a mob (both virtual and real)?

10. Facebook page owners with more than 1000 likes - because after 1000, they take on the role of gods, passing judgments, telling right from wrong - them being right and others being wrong actually, spending all day trying to come up with a witty and funny post, failing everyday, etc.

11. When someone refers to a person with their initials instead of their name - Hey DI, hi CK, did you speak to HE? No AD came. F.U.C.K Y.O.U R.E.T.A.R.D.

12. People who go around commenting on things that they find offensive and demanding for its removal - sure, because if its making you feel not good for an entire 2 seconds that you look at it, the world must do everything in its power to prevent those 2 seconds of discomfort. Of course. Makes perfect sense.

13. Argo - that movie pissed me off. But I've bitched about that already.

alright this is getting boring.


quartertoinsane said...

can I troll pleasE?

uzme said...

Plis do.

quartertoinsane said...

i forgot half the things I thought up :(

aalaa is a urdu slang for zabardast, burgeriyat say bahr aa kar socho

plisss... HIMYM just got awesome.

isnt that you?

jealous little poor facebook page owners

I forgets them all :(

uzme said...

Lol...itna dar ke kiu bol rai ho?
I have my opinion, you have yours. And I dont have a problem as long as you dont shove it down my throat :p

quartertoinsane said...

meh... opinions are overrated I opine. and that is a that's what she said moment, right?

Roshni said...

I actually havent seen Argo ut the rest of them all seem to apply to Pakistanis, I guess o-0 ...don't make no sense to me, braah. Hope you're good. I like aloo baingan ^_^

ps: really need the word verification? holds me back leaving comments =/