Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Kia bhui=[

Dreams about the boss. About religion. About random people. About not very random people. My are becoming really gay and uninteresting as I grow old. I havent had an adventurous dream in ages. I dont wana dream these gay dreams.

I forgot to wish Rida last night. I hate forgetting her birthday. But technically, technically I didn't forget. I mean I wished her today....and its still her birthday was lame one waise. Just a gay emotionless text. But its okay. She has many peopel to make it special for her and she had a blast...*insert a genuine smile but not the creepy msn one*

Summer of 69 was not about the year 69 but the sex position cuz Bryan Adams had a thing for it. Why the hell is the font all small now? Anyway Im too lazy to change so whatever. Danish said Im too pretty to end up being the lady with cats and that somehow didn't make me feel better. It should have. I never get that kind of compliment. But fuck that. Imma be taking them pics. Looking all fly n shit. Imma be the fly-est shit. So fly.

I need some direction in life. First, not going to work was a routine. Now going to work is. I dont feel the difference. Why did dawn news switch to Urdu? That dude who used to read the sports news was so hot. I wanted to hug Ronaldo yesterday cuz he was so sad after losing the match. Spain's keeper is the hotness in town. And I dint mean any of that. Im as passive as a potato right now. Cut me in two and get away with it.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Someone I know needs a tight hug and a little kiss.
Any volunteers?

I would but I dont know how to.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

waan waan boo hoo

Im getting that weird sickness again.
Pata nai kia masla hai.
I cant concentrate on anything now.
I get sick when theres something bugging me emotionally. But I usually dont acknowledge such bullshit so it turns into a physical sickness. I dont like me. Stupid attention seeker. Fazul ka gay-pana.
Koi available hi nai hai.
Suddenly everyone has a life.
koi movies bhi nai hain to watch.
Its saturday hai yaar...what will I do?=[
Im tired. And I want to beat the crap out of someone. Not just anyone, someone in particular. But Im too tired to do that.
I want to go to a university. Stupid result hi nai ara.
Stupid gay system.
Ajeeb loag hain.
Sab rott karain gey like that dead kawwa I saw on the street.
God sooo didn't have to create us.
I he bored or what?
Just....ya know...he just really didn't have to.
he's God...Im sure there were other ways to do whatever it is he has in mind.
You know...hes like GOD. Mutlab....I bet he had other options.
Just saying...
Creating the world and humans was not all that necessary.
And shaitan is like...this jack ass. Why did he have to take his challenge?
Or whatever the story is....just...Creation was not exactly a very good idea.
Extinct kardo already yaar.....Im done.
Everyone else is wasting time too.
What is the point anyway?
Heaven or hell?
Or telling shaitan "ha-ha"?
Or are we just a reality show?
No, my life is not fucked...not more than usual.
But seriously...Why?

Wednesday, June 23, 2010


Okay..heres the was so four years ago.
And please....know that post is not for soccer the genuine ones who love the sport and respect it. You guys have the right to go crazy [though I dont get the craziness since its like more of a first world sport and this is a third world country and paki soccer teams suck and I dont see how a paki can relate to the sport but its really okay cuz I remember being all crazy stupid during the last world cup but whatever].
So I was saying...if youre above eighteen and youre updating your fb status every time Torres sneezes you really need to get a life. Its only alright for sixteen year olds.
Guys are sick.
And now I feel sick.

My hands are too thin. Like....remember Tales from the Crypt?
Remember how that grandma skeleton get out of her grave and goes all "hee heh heh heh" hands remind me of her. That's just not sexy. Not sexy is so uncool. But I wana be cool=[

I need some time out.
Can I get some time out, Life?

Is it just me or does the template of my blog look* like old worn out clothes? Clothes you want to throw away because they're all torn but you dont want to at the same time cuz they're so damn comfortable.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

beelzeewooooo heres the thing...Not everyone should be allowed to make babies.
Its just...wrong.
Before mating...couples should be given a test and should not be allowed to have children unless they score at least 70 percent.
You annoying as they are...are still children and many people dont deserve them.
Mutlab...if you dont know how to take care of them...just dont make them. I mean...suno suno khushi ki aahat? Yeah?
Just gona stand there watch me burn?
thats aright because I like the way it hurts=[

Im bored.
I need some excitement in my life.
And by excitement I dont mean someone getting a divorce or running away from home.

But no one in the corner has swagga like us.

Zainab: Uzma baji lets order piza yaar pleeease...

Me: I dont have money.

Zainab: yaaaar aap kar dain naa i'll take money from papa.

Me: get the money first.

Zainab: Uzmaa baaaajiiii...

Me: no one in the corner has swagga like us, swagga like us, swagga swagga like us..

Zainab: oho....UZZMA BAJII

*ten minutes later*

Zainab: ye lain paise aur order karain...

*puts twelve rupees in my hand*

Friday, June 18, 2010

Girl Talk.

Rida: SO what was that post about...?

Me: [censored].

Rida: um..okay...burai kiski karni thi..[censored]?

Me: Yeah..

Rida: Okay...and whats with her?

Me: Oh I hate her....I dint but I do now...I mean what a bitch...

Rida: she looks like a tit.

Me: Kameeni makes me look like an idiot...what?

Rida: She totally looks like a tit...ya know...tit with a face.

Me: ...she does?

Rida: dint you notice? her eyes and face..all her features...

Me: Yea..

Rida: Every time you think of her...just remember that she looks like a tit.

Me: That actually makes me feel better.

I totally missed talking to her on the phone=[


yaYy ^.^

Thursday, June 17, 2010

It wont go away.
It just wont go away.

Here I was thinking...may be it's all different now...things change n all...
well...not quite.
I mean...form change, substance remain.
Because nothing can be undone.
If its done, its done. And that is why apologies are gay.
Unless you can undo the shit, shut up.
But not that....I'm talking about emotions here.
Once you develop a stays. At least with me.
Its still there. Hatred. Anger. Disrespect. Its all there. Just resting at the bottom.

Can I confess something and get away with it?
No, I cant. No one can.
It you want to keep a secret, make sure no one knows it.
No one at all.

I don't want to die with so many secrets.
But...think of all the destruction it will cause.
Oh man....Sometimes I feel like telling everyone everything...but then Im like...bleh..who cares?
And Im right. No one really cares. Cuz..see...if I dont care about someone can I expect someone else to give a shit?
Im so gona die with secrets.

Candida is an annoying bitch.
I dont know why I get stuck with his stupid play all the time.


Wednesday, June 16, 2010

You're not funny. Bus Chup.

I have this friend whose sense of humor annoys the life out of me.
And every time I try to tell her that her sense of humor is a bit too extreme, I end up offending her...cuz she says she learned all the slang from me.
I dont see how cuz the only bad words I ever used were 'fuck' 'shit' 'damn' 'dick head' and 'bhen...' [just bhen...thats it...nothing after that...I never said the full thing till 2009].
Now I fail to see the contribution of these words to her abusing in hardcore Urdu saying everything from R... to L... and telling fucked up sex jokes.

Its not like I have double standards that abusing in english is alright and not in urdu...
Well...actually....I do have double standards.
Its just more offensive in urdu.

And...why do you have to curse in detail anyway...?
Why isnt 'fuck off' good enough anymore?
Why do you have to define what kind of fuck?
I mean....fuck itself should be able to satisfy you yea?
Why do you have to locate the fuck and then comment..?:\
Its just...fucked up.

And I hate forward text messages. They're not funny.

.....I dont like it when they say I taught them slang cuz I dint.
My slang is very innocent and clean.
Yours is sick.
Mine is an involuntary response.
Yous is an organized offense.
My slang is Che Guevara's retaliation.
Your slang is Johnson's attack on Vietnam.

Your pathetic slang can never be a by product of my slang.
No sir.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

6 pounds yawr=[

Yaar....dekho....its....never mind.

My arm hurts.
I like coke studio=[
Too many people like it on fb so I cant=[
Its this thing I have with popular stuff...
But anyway...

Remember how I always get sick after having KFC?
Well....of course you dont.
Its Okay <3

Remember how kfc was the shit in the late 90's?
Remember how rumors about kfc chicken started in 2000 and were at the peak in 2001..?
I heard my first 'kfc is haram' story on September 11, 2001 at 8:00 p.m. I remember the day because while people around me were discussing kfc, I was having McDonalds and watching World Trade Center crumble down. I actually had fun that evening. I mean with all due respect to the 9/11 whatever blah shit. Look....Im not going to pretend that I care...cuz I really dont...there have been events far worse so lets just cut the crap. Back to kfc..
The story was something like...before cutting the chicken...kfc people inject it with some chemical which makes the chicken grow two/three extra legs [L-O-L I know]. Then the chicken fur is pulled and the chicken goes straight in to the whatever machine they have. So their chicken is haram. And I was like....I dont care:\

Im talking about this because I recently did a paper on marketing for Kooky Canuck Burgers. They look so awesome....6 pounds ka ek burger...=[
So I searched food chain restaurants yada shit yea and I came across KFC...and turns out that it was shut down in India because it had a high amount of Monosodium gultamate [MSG]. And that story was turned into the kfc is haram story in Pakistan...A classic example that game we used to play..? Where you whisper something in someones ear and the word is passed and the end result is something retarded? Yea That.

I could've totally slept instead of wasting my time online.

P.S. Is it just me or the kfc uncle totally looks like a child molester?

Thursday, June 10, 2010

YaYy 19 Again:D

I had this really funny thing in my head...but now its all gone.
I hate it when that happens.
It was so funny...yaad hi nai ara=[
Fifa is here...yaYy:D
I remember during the last world cup we were having our exams....and we would all watch the game instead of studying. Good times.
what was it....?=[
It had something to do with the number 16 I think...

I went to this wedding yesterday...It was one of those weddings were Ladies and Gents sit separately. I kind of really dont like going to one of its not because I dont get to check out guys...I dont. Its more like I cant...cuz Im practically blind without my specs...and you don expect me to wear specs on a sharara now do you? No I dint wear it I was just trying to make a point. Anyway....since it was parted I had to give my mum company cuz my brother and his friend were sitting on the other side. Which was gay. Why do they do that? Is it because they think that women really cover themselves and are shy of men or is it all religion thingie...?

As far as married women are concerned...nobody really cares...they're married so let 'em out.
But if its the first reason let me tell you far as young unmarried girls are concerned...they all have know what that means?
Oh yeah. They've done it.
Now Im not accusing all of them but most. Yes. And by done it I dont mean like sexorwhatever...I mean...ya know...everything else. But bleh that. Now again...just to be clear...Im not saying its "right" or "wrong" cuz its none of my just stating facts here.

I know this girl...we're sort of kind of dooooooooooor key rishtadar sort her family...we're talking hardcore mullahs. The mum gives lectures on Islam the daddy is all Imam like...the girls are all fully covered and always preaching haram halal....and guess what...?
Shes given bj to like five guys....and theres proof and she yeah.
But bleh...none of my concern.

Back to the wedding...
Dont divide the people man....if I go to a wedding with my family...I wana sit with my family.
But the food turned to be really good so Im not that pissed off.

What was that funny thing yaaaar...?
it was so funny=[

P.S. I so totally feel bad-ass using Ctrl+i to italicize the words instead of doing it with a mouse ^.^

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Please go away gay song...

Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what youire looking for has been here the whole time
Oh why cant you seeeeeeEEeeEeEeee
You belong with meeeeeeEeEEe...

Seriously, why is Taylor Swift so desperate?
Annoying bitch stuck in my head.
I mean....dont these girls have issues? know....fucked up parents or bad childhood memories or some other' know....anything other than getting laid?

Oh...we went out for lunch today.
My first lunch with the office staff....yaYy ^.^

If you could see that Im the one who understands you...been here all along.....goddamnit geT OUT OF MY HEAD YOU STUPID SPACE WASTING FUCK. AAARRRGGHHH..

listening to the kind of music she doesnt like.....And sh....


I think I gona leave now.

Monday, June 7, 2010


I got my first salary today...
Think i'd be happy yea..?
Thats what I thought.

Im addicted to potatoes. And I dont mean oh-I-Just-love-Mr.Potato-and-I-can-eat-them-everyday kinda addiction. Im talking I-dont-eat-potatoes-for-two-days-and-Im-losing-it-on-the-third kind addiction. Meri addictions bhi itni lame hain=[
potatoes, cookies, donalds.....pata nai kia gay pana hai.

I just got my first pay why the hell am I talking about potatoes....?

I.....cant find my excitement anywhere=[

Let me try listening to fifa world cup theme song...or not...its a little too gay.

Oh...I had this awesome dream about cannibals:D
People were eating people rather sophisticatedly...
You cutting them nice into bite size pieces and eating without getting their hands dirty...very well behaved cannibals I must say. Maza aya ^.^

I like Gorillaz=[

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Post Rain Happy Emo Phase.

Its freakin' pretty outside.

Like depressing sort of pretty.

Like when someone dies after a long illness and everyone leaves and you're left alone...quiet and lonely sort pretty.

You miss the departed but you're glad that the pain is over sort pretty.

And its raining again.
Out on your car like bullets on tin.
Sadness like water, pouring down.
Rain is depressing.

But whats wrong with depression?
I mean....just one of those emotions innit?
or a feeling...

its too sad outside my window for me to be lame right now.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Chal diyay:[

Okay...again...dont judge me...but I absolutely love telling people that my father is dead.
Not that Im happy about it....cuz Im not....just...the expression on their face when they find out...its priceless...
You see...I come off as a person whos...ummm...kind of spoiled [which Im not]. But you know...I give off this snobbish vibe to strangers. So yeah, today I had the pleasure of fucking up by boss's head ^.^
I make a lot of silly mistakes right...especially this week I've been rather gay cuz I dont feel like working no more n yada blahs. So he asked to get him a copy of my fathers NIC right. So I gave him my brothers NIC copy and I was all umm...I got the copy of my brother's NIC and I have my mum's too if you wa......and before I could finish he said I dont need that.....and I was all uh..its....and he was all....I dont need your mum's a God-woman-you-cant-do-anything-right look on his face...and then I was my father died so you have to accept one of these...and then he was all...oh..okay...yeah sure thats fine I'l take your brothers...thats fine...and then he wouldnt look at me....ehehe....I felt like pointing at him and LMAO...ehe...:\

That was.....funny....

I told you not to judge me biatch u_u