Wednesday, October 27, 2010

*sad* *slap* *smile*

The masla of my life [which has been going on for about two weeks] has been resolved. Its like nothing ever happened. The culprit came out clean. The accused are to apologize to the culprit. And I found out that the person I have been defending all this time will do anything to get out of the shit, even it means denying the truth and making the other person look like a liar. Not a very good feeling I tell you.
I want to talk to someone about it but I dont want to repeat the whole thing all over again. Im in no position to confront cuz its all over now and bringing it all up will mean starting a new fuck up. I know. Loser hoon.
I just want to study my ass off and die.
Whatever. I'll live.
I dont have a job anymore so Im like...pretty jobless at the moment. I was supposed to get the appointment letter from this place like yesterday but...yeah. Waiting.
Ive been spending way too long checking my face in the mirror.
My new specs make me look more intelligent than I actually am.
Did you know GBU stands for "God Bless U"?
What the hell is going on on the internet.
GBU sounds like a gaali Sania came up with.
Younger now than we were before.
Kasam khuda ki Im disappointed.
I hate getting attached to people.
They all fuck you up sooner or later.
Bus Ive decided. No more human interaction.
Im very happy with my Google and Donalds. We need no one.
Go away. Sab.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I like eggs.

So Ive been checking out universities actually...I dunno why I exaggerate. i went to check it out and it was like Bad. I dont want to write the name cuz I dont want to label the student there but seriously...the students there suck. I mean the place is nice right...nice big entrance and park and big air conditioned classes but the students...uff.
And Im not even talking about appearance or whatever...just they were so...well...I dont know. They just dint look like they know...their body language was so pathetic and all of them...and this is no exaggeration...ALL of them were talking about someone else being in a relationship. Seriously.
Insan koi tameez ki baat hi karleta hai.
Pata nai whats wrong with everyone. Kin chakkaron ma lagey hua hain sab. Kisi ko kisi bhi cheez ka khayal hi nai hai. Guys want to get married to the prettiest girl, girls want to get married to the richest guy. Bus. Iskey baad to kuch hai hi nai kisi ki life mai. Mujhey nai samajh atey aaj kal ke bachey. Ajeeb superficial si life jee rai hain.
I dont care if I sound judgmental but the youth here seems to be lost.
Also, I like eggs, when made right of course. Dont you eeeee at that.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Lonely fucker on the lose.

Im addicted to the thrill.
Its a dangerous love affair?
I have nothing to write.
Which indicates that I have a lot going on in my life.
Its something unpredictable, but in the end its right. Only it never ends.
Meri baatain samajh ati hain kisi ko?
Mujhey to nai ati.
I got 82% in Psychology.
I hope you had the time of your life.
Do you get labeled?
I get labeled a lot.
Uzma is rude. Uzma is a bitch. Uzma ka kisi se mizaaj nai milta, Uzma ko to kuch pasand hi nai hai, Uzma itni careless hai, itni emotionless hai, ajeeb hai, etc, etc.
What do you get labeled?
Do you get tired?
Do you get judged?
Why am I acting so gay?
I sound like "look at me I feel what no one has ever felt before which makes me different".
This isnt me.
Im just trying to genuinely feel something so I can blog because Im hating the last few posts.
Sab ko lagta hai I think Im very hot and Im waiting for a hotter prince charming.
Its irritating.
I dont want to talk about that.
I like old songs.
Im actually very lame.
Turn down the silence?
They wont.
Main wohi hoon moomin-e-mubtila:\
I dont like myself after midnight.

Saturday, October 23, 2010


Every time I trust someone, I end up getting in trouble.
Every time I believe some, I end up looking like an idiot.
I dont like confrontations.
I dont like keeping up with fools that Im related to.
I shouldn't have to explain the truth.
It is how it is.
I dont know why Im forced to talk to people and listen to their bullshit.
I dont understand why I have to be guilty for telling the truth and then apologize for telling the truth.
I dont understand how liars and back stabber end up coming out clean from fuck up while the other person who has nothing to do with the fuck up ends up looking like a fucking chutia.
I hate forced relations.
Relations I dint get to pick.
I shouldn't have to keep up with them.
Everyone is self centered self obsessed opportunist looking for an opportunity to benefit from every situation.
Give me a reason to not do the same.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Oh Yeah.

Pata hai.
I quit my job today cuz meri jeans bhi sexy, mere baal bhi sexy, meri smile bhi sexy hai ^.^
I dint mean to sound cheap=[
But I really did quit.
Maza aya :D
It wasnt even half as bad as I though it would be.
And the best part ended well. No phadda or anything.
Im so happy=[
Tomorrow is another day.
Tomorrow is Saturday.
Saturday night I feel the air is getting hot:D
Waise winter is around the corner.
I know cuz I started getting the winter head ache. That frozen head ache. Where the blood in your veins is all frozen so they get really heavy.
Also, I have what they call a lazy eye, known as Amblyopia.
Mere new specs itney cool hain.
Ye foreign dudes itney loser kiu hotey hain becharey?
Ajeeb baatain kartey hain boring si.
Remember my London wala duur ka sudden cousin?
Usko to acha khana pakana bhi nai ata.
Bus normal sa pakata hai.
I want to marry a Chef=[
A friend of mine, who also happens to have the world's crunchiest voice, wants to go to a culinary school and I hope he does.
Once he's old enough...I can totally convince him to marry me.
Bechara distant sa hai.
He wont bother me much.

Im going through one of those rare phases when I dont want to stab my throat. And its not a dude. Its my career. I can just see it happen now that I know what I want to do and from where I want to do it. Its a good feeling.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Awesome Future.

Its going to be a Muslim country that has separated from another country.
Its going to be very corrupted.
Its leader is going to be a thief.
There will be a civil war in that country.
As soon as the civil war breaks out, that country will be attacked by its neighboring country from which it has separated.
Soon the whole world will turn against it, blaming it for everything wrong in the world.
When that country has been raped repeatedly by every other country in the world, the other Muslims country will form a ghairat brigade, and start protesting.
All these Muslim countries will unite and ask all the other countries to stop.
There will then be two teams: Muslims countries against all the other countries.
It is then that the Third World War will begin.

Some shit predicted by a 19th century "wizard" who was put to death for predicting future. Have yet to find his name. Is it just me or the country sounds familiar?

Hot tottie.

Haan tou mai bohat khush hoon aj.
I just figured out what I want to do in life.
And its practical this time.
Nothing like send a letter to Cowajee and talk him into bearing all the expenses of my education or marry a rich guy study and divorce him or Yale. Yea I actually thought that was gona happen=[
Know what?
Ima be the next Pierre Wack. Bus Ive decided.
But what does Pierre Wack have do with psychology? :O
Well...haan bus he has.
I worked it all out in my head.
And Ima stick to this plan and hope I dont lose interest or come up with soething impossible like getting China to built me my own power plant using coal which I will obtain by becoming a land mafia and then sell electricity and take over KESC:\
I dont feel like explaining but just trust me. Its a good idea.
Maza ayega :D
Ima be taking em pics' lookin' all fly n shit.
Ima be the fly-est shit. So fly.

Monday, October 18, 2010

yaYy itni saari cheez ^.^

Meri school friends intni loser hainaa. Well..not my "friends" exactly...just class fellows. But a friend too. They just had a reunion...on Saturday. Rida and I of course dint go because...well...we would rather poke our eyes at home. Anyway...guess where the reunion was?
Dolmen Mall.
No kidding.
One of my very old friends thinks that Im rude and I dont realize it when Im being rude and I should change and that I dont care about hurting people and just care about my own moods which is wrong and I should be more understanding and realize it when Im being rude. She cried 4 times because of me while I was busy laughing and bitching and getting pissed off because I thought she was making a big deal out of something really stupid and small [and I still believe it]. Turns out...that jackass is being a dick and giving her hard a time making her all cranky and emo. Its solved now. But I strongly feel that my point never got across and I ended up doing whatever I had to do to fix the situation and avoid confrontation, accepting every accusation. Do I sound like a...pata nai whatever fits here?

I just got myself lots of lays and coke and marshmallows and Indome and crackers. Im gona have it all in one go. Im a monster. A fat lonely monster.

Saturday, October 16, 2010


Do you know someone who uses someone else's jokes...and popular jokes on national tv...and then they say it like they came up with it and write them all over their status and comments...and then they even like their own status and comment...and act like hot shit?
Dont you hate people who believe that hot shit came up with those popular jokes because of their lack of exposure and then praise the hot shit like a middle aged man with a bad sense of humor from Sialkot would praise watching Umer Sharif for the first time? [no offense to Sialkot...youre awesome Sialkot] But dont you just wana slap them stupid? But they're already stupid. And Im not gona argue about that.

People who respond late turn me Off. Know the value of the moment, bitches.
Im gona watch Device tonight. And 30 days of night. Which is kind of exciting:\
I know...Life.

Im so annoying. The other day my mum made korma right. And I have issues with salans n stuff. Yea. SO I came back from work and I saw Korma and I was like pissed off. And my mum makes lunch just for me cuz no one else eats lunch at my place. Yea. Oho not the point. So Im like...No way Im eating that. But it like had this awesome smell. But I was like No. So I take out the left over sabzi something. But then Im like...lets taste korma and it was good. So I had korma but just to piss my mum off...I keep the sabzi out and mess it up a bit to make it look like I had sabzi n not korma:\
And then later...when my mum woke up...she was in a terrible mood. So I knew if she sees what I had done in the kitchen she'd lash out. So then I fixed it up and made it look like I had korma:\

So I was having this lil conversation with the girls...and they concluded that in order to have a successful relationship...the girl absolutely has to poochie the guy stupid.
Allow me to explain what poochie is.
"Awwee babbyyyy....alley paaalu baaby..khana nee khaya babby nee? aweee khaaalooo naaa? pleeeeeeesh jaaanuuu"
Get it?
And they had a pretty good explanation for it. And I totally believe it.
I also believe that Im gona die next to a python in a one bedroom apartment.
And I've made my peace with it.
Koi baat nai.
Hitler and I will hit it off in the next life.
bhool gai.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

So fly, like a G6?

1:00 p.m.

Me: I can hear Saman do work. Its making me nervous.

Danish: That's bugging you too?

Me: Yes.

2:15 p.m.

I do other people's homework for a living, expecting honesty and integrity from me would be a bit too naive

Me: Sometimes I feel like stretching till my arms detach from my body o.O
and my head rolls down

Danish: You're very creative u know that

Me: Yea I've been feeling like a loser lately

Danish: Join the club.
as an inauguration ceremony we like to sit and look at our feet for hours on end until one of us dies.

3:10 p.m.

Me: I can hear you work. You're working.

Danish: Nah....Im on msn. Will start work at 3:30.

Me: Oh...Okay.

4:00 p.m.

Danish: Every time I leave, I see you reading Dilbert and when I come back you have some pdf file open. Whats with that?

Me: Yea you distract me.

Danish: From work?

Me: From Dilbert.

I seriously wana quit.

Monday, October 11, 2010

You know I know how.

I had this really freaky dream last night.
You dont wana know?

You know Iroquois Indians thought the world was an island supported on a giant turtles back who was the master of all animals.
- Courtesy Poopipie.

I dont want to go to Karachi University - it sucks ass.
Im hungry.
This friend of mine wants to be a Chef.
How cool izzat?
If he becomes a chef for real Ima marry him.
I like Ice=[
Im telling my dream.
You know whats odd?
Never mind.

I was lost in this weird hidden society somewhere in the city.
And there were all these thugs. Like Somalian Pirates.
Look Im not a racist but they were all black, bald, dirty, and sweaty with lots of knives.
And they were somewhat like those cannibals from Hills have eyes. Only they were not cannibals and were sane crazy people with terrible teeth.
Anyway, so I had to like hide and find my way out and I manage to escape but they spot me.
And then Im out of that little weird secret place in the city but they were chasing me. And I had to hide cuz they were gona beat the shit out of me and stab me like they did this other girl:\
And they wont give up. They kept hunting me like an animal and I kept hiding and running. And then I got tired and had a friend of mine shoot me. And she did. But the bullet hit mt in the side of the neck. So I was still alive.
It sucked.
I was actually scared in the dream.
It really sucked.
My mum wants me to get off the pc.
My brother uses dirty hands on the mouse.
Its all sticky.
But Im used to it.
We're dirty people.
I shouldn't be complaining about public toilets.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Princess Loserelle Annoyedebelle

Im just writing this post cuz I find the last post very annoying.
Not that I think all my other posts are not.
But anyway.
Ummm.....what do I hate?
I dont wana talk about hate.
Give peace a chance:\
Oh. Yeah.
Anum. My friend Anum right.
She was telling me about this dude who predicted future in the 19th century.
You know what...Ive told this story to two of my friends already so Im not as excited about it as I was yesterday.
uuh....what else.
Kuch bhi nai=[
Oh yea...Im trying to get a job at Oxford University Press.
Id like to work there...
Hey....My name's Uzma. Im studying Psychology, I kick ass, AND Im an edtor at OUP ^.^
Sounds cool, nai?
Ice I tell you.
But I doubt if I'll get in.
Anyway. Im bored.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

No sexy things.

Pagal loag.
Annoying loag.
Impatient, shallow loag.
Irritate karna to bohat zaruri hota hai sab ko.
Everyone was born to piss me off.
To piss me off at some point in my life if even for a second.
If not directly, then through a chain of reactions.
I know God, you just made it all happen to piss me off.
It aint shaitan or heaven or hell.
Its me.
You wana piss me off.

Nai karni mujhey baat kisi se.
Peechey par jatay hain sab ek baat ke.
Kuch bhi nai karna mujhe.
Nai milna kisi se.
Nai karni stupid job.
Pagal gay si job.
Loser ki tarah sara din nerd pana kartey raho laptop ke samney.

Fazul cheap harkatain horai hain do din se.
Email bhejo.
Email receive karo.
Ami ko dikhao sab kuch zoom kar kar ke.
Pata nai kia masla hai.
Bus jarai hoon mai ghar chor ke.
Mujhey nai karni kisi se baat.
Itna explain karna parta hai sab kuch.
Why isnt "I dont want to" reason enough for anything?
Ab ami ko sab kuch explain karo.
I dont want to have a long emo conversation.
Stupid conversations.
I dont like talking.
I dont like social interactions and I dont like having conversations.
Why cant I just sms everyone for the rest of my life.
Aye haye.
Abi to puri life pari hai.
Itni sari.
Kia karoon gi mai itney sarey saal?
I hope I die young.
From a seizure or something.
Is that possible?
Ive never heard of it.
Im too annoyed to google.
I like google and milo.
Kia yaawr=[
Keema sucks.
I dont like keema.
Stupid keema.
Nai khana mujhey kuch bhi.
Leave me alone.
Jao sab celebrate karo apni meaningless lives.
I wana try maggot cheese.
Achi, Scotland wali.

Pani peena hai.

A lot has changed in the past twelve hours.
Did you know there is no 'e' after 'l' in twelve?:O
I dint.
Im going through the "almost 22 and still single" dilemma.
We all do.
So I suddenly have these "duur key rishta-daar" right.
Ek to ye pata nahi kaha se ajatey hain achanak se.
So yea. My people want me to meet them people.
And its O-Kay. I mean. Whats the worst that could happen, right?
I was totally prepared.
I dress up, go, meet, have some nice snacks, giggle, socialize, have ice cream on my way home, and say "Im not ready yet".
All cool, right?
Perfect plan.
But THEN I find out that everyone's ready and only waiting for me to approve or reject. batameezi hai?
Of course I cant just reject anyone like that. Its rude.
Who am I to reject anyone?
What if someone 'rejects' me? I'll burn that son of I dont want to say bitch cuz I think of mommies then:\
But yea.
Mujhe nai lena koi decision.
I should't have to say no.
They should know it.
McDonalds khana hai=[

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Yea, I shouldnt have bothered with this one.

hm...pata nai.
Know how sometimes when you dont do anything makes all the difference?
I've been doing that.
And Im not liking the difference.
I dont want to sound like a loser but...okay never mind.
Too many people are reading this.
No fun.
So I'll quit my job next month.
That should be exciting.
London wala duur ka rishta-daar:\
Yeah I'll write more on that later when I figure out the humor in it.
Everything is too bland at the moment.
I have issues with chicken/gosht ka salan.
How is that even a dish?