Monday, August 30, 2010

Tuesday - The new Monday.

Its 6.38 am. Ive been up all night trying to sleep. Third night this month. Its getting worse.
Insomnia sucks. I dont want it. Its painful and depressing. And you know what the worst part is? When youre hopeful that there are still a couple of hours left for the the sun to rise and youre trying to sleep and suddenly you start hearing the birds chirping outside. And then you try harder but its too late and the dim light starts entering your room. When the room is all blue - thats the most beautiful and the most depressing part.
Im just gona drag myself to work now, make it through the day, take my mums sleeping pill at night and waste whatever it left of my shitty brain that just wont stop. Pata nai kia masla hai. If I get asked "kia sochti rehti ho" one more time Im gona smash my head with a hammer real hard. Of course I dont literally mean that. Its painful. I dont exactly wana die before eid. Ive got plans. May be after that. Im hungry and tired. is gona suck today.
Im hungry. Someone fix me something yaaaar kiaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaai yaaaaaaaaaaar neeeeend kiuu nai aaatii........kiaaaaa gaay panaa haaaaai....Im tired of not being able to sleep. Its like a luxury I cannot afford. Stupid pata nai kia crap chalta rehta hai dimag mai idiot fazul ka shit pana bhook lagrai hai naaaa *real tears*

Sunday, August 29, 2010


ehe...okay...I cant stop giggling.
And its very stupid...its just that...Im lacking excitement in my life.
So this dude right....a friend. He's been ignoring me. Well...not ignore just...not giving me extra attention. I know I know. Its stupid. Just. Look thats the best I got alright. Nothing else has been going on. SO yea... I started ignoring him...and my ignorance is noticeable. See...If i send you a msg two times in a row and I dont get a response, thats a strike. Anyway, Im giggling cuz I got his sorry ass msg on fb "whats wrong? Ive been calling. Expected you to get back. You never did. What going on? bla ba bla ba bla". Ehehehehehe. Told you it was stupid. I can be so immature at times. Yes, I need a life.
I can be such an attention whore at times [Youre not supposed to agree].

Post achi nai hai bhui.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Annoying judgmental people make me give explanations.

[Dear Mr/Ms. Affectionate and Insightful, this post is not to mock or offend you. Its just that you represent a whole bunch of people who annoy me. So its nothing personal just expressing my feelings here in all happy positive blah].
I usually dont do this but since we're all expressing our opinions here so what the heck..
So here's the comment I got for my last post:

"Helplessness? Desperation? You can spend 17000 rupeees on clothes but cant help people dying from the floods cause youre HELPLESS? Is this how all of the pakistanis have started to think now. you were hungry but have you thought about those starving to death? If you can afford 17000 on clothes you can afford to donate a thousand bucks to the flood effectees."

I have a few questions for you first. How do you know I dint help or donate? Are you sure the girl annoyed me because I was hungry? And how do you know "it" didn't mean anything other than the flood?

Now, allow me to answer your queries.

i. Helplessness?

Yes, helplessness. Remember zalzala zadgan? Any idea how much aid we got for that nationally and internationally? Any idea where it went? Neither do I.

ii. Desperation?

What desperation? I dont remember talking about any desperation regarding the flood.

iii. You can spend 17000 rupeees on clothes but cant help people dying from the floods cause youre HELPLESS?

I dont mean to disgust you, but I still have a lot of shopping left to do. I will be spending at least 15,000 more. As far as the latter part is concerned. I sure can donate, and I have [may be not to that annoying girl on the street], but I dint know that it also requires me to stop eating and buying and breathing.

I just happen to personally know the annoying students campaigning. They cant wait to get out on the street and shout that they care and no one else does. They come in variations. These are the people who take out all the old clothes from their closet - clothes they dont wear anymore, clothes that were in the closet just for the sake of it, clothes that are out of fashion - and donate them. That of course gives them a sense of superiority and a free lisence to walk around with this undeserved sense of pride. In their world, those old clothes will make up for the medicine, food, shelter, and hope which is needed. I mean, nothing says "I care for my country more than you" than a bag full of old clothes.

These are the same people who watch the news, nod their heads, sigh, say "tch tch", go out for iftaari and have a great time.

iv. Is this how all of the pakistanis have started to think now. you were hungry but have you thought about those starving to death?

Damn right thats how we feel. Zardari is our president for crying out loud. People here watch other people get beaten to death and then hanged on the street and do nothing. We have to wait for months to give exams and then wait for months again to get our result. We spend at least three hours a day without electricity. I think its justified if we feel a little helpless. We never really get our basic necessities to think about other things.

I dont mean to burst your bubble, but nobody cares. We pretend we do, and we do, for the whole thirty minutes we watch the news, but then we have to continue our lives. We pretend that we do, and we want to, but actually dont. Its just that, we're used to it. Its routine now. First it was zalzala, then free judiciary, then the brutal law enforcement agencies, then electricity, then inflation, now flood, and Im sure something even more exciting will pop up next week.

You made me sound like fucked up citizen who complains all the time and does nothing. I dont like you.

Saturday, August 21, 2010


I feel stupid and lonely and bored.
I dont like not having work. Reminds me how empty I am.
I went shopping...Ive spent 17,000 on just clothes.
And now I feel not so good.
But I dont like to get in touch with that part of myself.
It is how it is, no need to look deeper.
Things are simpler on the surface.

Anyway, do you live in Pakistan?
Do you just happen to live in Karachi?
Heard about the flood?
Seen those annoying students asking for "chanda" for the people affected by the flood?
Yea, I wana lynch those stupid spoiled sacks of shit.
I mean...I was like Anum and I went to buy us a subway at around 3 and it was closed. So I thought may be the zamzama branch is open so we went all the way to zamzama from teen talwaar, alone. And that was closed too. So Im like really pissed and hungry and this bitch comes up to me, with her stupid gucci bag, and that stupid hair style and shes all "please donate for the something something"....okay I just lost interest in the story.

I dont want to talk about it, it makes me feel helpless.
I hate lame posts after funny posts. Kinda kills it.
Ive been not doing anything for the past two hours.
So, how you been?
I want to go to a university.
A good one.
Kia bhui lame post=[

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Its 3:11 a.m.

I almost forgot what it was like to bathe after midnight.
Its been so long.
Stupid work got me so busy that I had to cut my bathing time from 75 minutes down to thirty.
Anyway....I finally got a chance after like months.
Theres something about taking a bath after midnight.
It turns me on like a thirteen year old boy watching porn for the first time.
And I mean that in the most elegant of ways.
Totally love my new shampoo, its so baby like. Only it doesn't cry or poop, which makes it so much better than a real baby.
It was amazing...until my mom started banging the door thinking I got a fit inside the bathroom.
Is it just me or the after iftar time really romantic?
Its so peaceful.
Pata nai.
Oh...and now that its 3:00 am, Im thinking of fasting.
Its almost sehri I might as well give it a shot.
Well, honestly, I just want to fast cuz its Sunday and the maid wont be coming and I have like 3000 words to write on a very dry topic. So if I fast Im gona get all the awesome treatment [its always a big deal when I fast] and no one will disturb me allowing me to work all day.
Yes, I might just fast.
Its sad how I, with all my sexy assets, talk to my blog like a lonely fucker.

Independence Day

Garmi lagrai hai.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Mubarak to you, your family, and your puppy.

Bhui Dekho.
I dont fast.
Theek hai?
And I dont even have a reason.
I just dont.
I subconsciously blame my mum but you can never get me to accept it publicly.
You see, I used to be young. So I dint fast.
Then I grew up but I used to go to school so I was like...may be when Im older.
I got older and developed weird blood pressure bullshit things. Ya know when girls faint when they dont drink water or starve or whatever...yeah that has happened to me a number of times so my mum wouldn't let me fast.
But I dont really have a reason to not fast now. I just dont want to. Meri marzi:\
But of course its not as cute anymore.
Now I could present a hundred arguments here proving how its OKAY if I dont fast because people who fast act like jack asses yada shit and so what if I dont fast, at least I [insert something that I do better than the rozay daar people] but thats like...stupid. I grew out of it. I dont even feel bad anymore. I dont fast. I dont pray. I think God is messed up. And Im not ashamed [or proud] of it.
But anyway.
The only thing I like about ramzan is that I usually have five meals a day and get to watch tv for good 2-3 hours without any disturbances when everyone else is busy with their taravies. Also shopping but we're like poor now so I dont think thats happening. I havent done any real shopping for almost three years now. This is my third year. But its okay.
I know I sound shallow but Im trying really hard to stay away from the political/ethical/social crap.
Donalds yaad ara hai=[
Now that its ramzan, does that mean that I cant listen to music or eat at work?
Thats not fun. I like to party in ramzan. Dont hate me, but I usually do.
I eat all day, watch tv, and buy things I dont need.
Mom, you've created a shallow self-centered bitch. Fail.
Please no hate messages because you dont know where Im coming from. hate messages because "nobody understands me"
Finally. That sentence fits.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Im listening to Savage Garden.
I must be in love with Justin Bieber.
I feel like getting married since Sunday.
Aesey hi. For a change.
Middlesex is a weird name for a university.
We couldn't go boating.
So we went bowling instead.
Maza aya.
I knew I loved you before I met you.
I have a new crush. The one before was a more casual one. This is a bit more intense. Just a wee bit.
Only hes older than I least fifteen years. But I dont mind.
I think I have something here.
I mean...ya know since I'm all okay looking n stuff.
He wouldn't mind either.
The only problem is going to be my mum.
But its pretty easy to confuse her.
Why would they name is Middlesex?
And when the stars are shinning brightly in the velvet sky.
I want to get married but I dont.
Until the sky falls down on me.
Hes like a mixture of Robert Downey Jr. and Javier Bardem.
Kiaw Yawr.
Im saying yes if he proposes.
I dont care if he expires five years later.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Skip this one. I sound like one of them.

I suck. I cant decide whether I wana go tomorrow or not. Its this boating thingie thing. I dont feel like going. I dont feel like making no stupid dessert. I dont wana wake up early. I dont wana work. Why are people still following my other blog? Its so gay. I dont want to bathe in the morning. I dont want to go. I dont want to answer any stupid questions. I wana puke. I wana eat something. I hate pai. Why are guys so disgusting? They make me sick. Weird loag. I feel weird. Stupid rain. Ive been feeling weird since Saturday. And then I saw this gay lesbian make out thing yesterday which made me more sick. Ive been wanting to puke since last night. And this pai. Ugh...the smell is suicidal. I have to finish six pages by tomorow. I dont want to go. I dont want to make anything. Kia hai bhui. Why do I get stuck in weird situations all the time. Why are my mood swings to annoying. I hate mood swings. Im not a lesbian. I wana have Donalds. I dont want to iron. I hate duppattas and shalwars. Weird things. I dont want to go. I dont like wearing shalwars and dupattas. Ajeeb things. I hate listening to stupid relationship issues. Stupid shallow things. I hate people who restrict their things. Gay self-centered loag. Like theyre the special ones. Like whatever. None of us are. I hate mediocrity. Bus Im not going. Jo bhi. Meri marzi. Why am I still existing. When I grow up, I want to be the smoke coming out of your cigarette. And in case youre wondering, yes its that time.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Pathans, lemons, and Justin Bieber

Do you believe in love at first sight?
Ever had anyone fall in love with you the moment they lay eyes on you?
Well...I have. Quite a few times actually.
You see...when I walk in my ninja gear with my Swagga...I turn heads.
Hello, is it me you're looking for?
Not just any head...Im talking about pathan heads in particular. Now now, Im not being a racist...I myself am a part pathan and I think they're totally sexy in a very bisexual way which is very sensually provoking - with all due respect.

Why discuss pathans in particular, you may ask, when the ogling community consists of everyone with an outie all men irrespective of their background?
Well, first off, Im not talking about ogling at all, I consider the topic to be too lame to be discussed by me. I am talking about love at first sight.
Second, girls ogle as well.

But still uzma, why pathans? see, when people ogle they look, do things with you in their head for like a few seconds and stop when youre out of their sight.
But my dear pathans, they dont just look, they fall in love.

Cuz I wonder where you are, and I wonder what you do...

In fact, when they see a woman, or anything with boobies, theyre so overwhelmed that they're unable to control their actions. They actually admire you. And they dont know what to do with their excitement. The purity and innocence of their feelings are reflected in the comments which they end up saying, involuntarily of course.

Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?

Usually, you get things like "Kaha jarai ho?" or "idher to dekho" or a wink with a fucked up paan smile...
But poor pathans end up saying things like "Mashallah" like a newly wedded groom would say to his wife on their first night. Or something like "Bohat pyari lag rai ho" like a devoted lover who's asking permission to hold hands with you.
See the difference?
Pathans are so misunderstood.

I hate it when I go to bathe and the soap/shampoo is missing. Makes me want to burn down the house. And I hate calling my mom from inside the bathroom and asking her to get it for me and then waiting a zillion years, naked, for her to come back with the required materials. Same thing happened today. But I was so irritated that I decided to use the hand wash instead of a soap. Not just any hand wash, the hand wash that I've been avoiding for months because of the strong smell. And now I smell like I spent the night inside a lemon. nd I hate the soft creamy feeling youre left with after using hand wash or fancy soaps. I dont want to wash off the germs on me with a creamy soap...I wana fuckin bathe in acid and be squeaky clean. Stupid sensitive shitty products. And my nose is so gay, that I cant use a proper soap on my face. I get allergy. So I have to use special odor less soaps and face washes. Know what...Since my nose is so gay-ish-ly annoying, Im gona call her Edward Cullen from now on.

Also, Whats with Justin Bieber and his dick baby?
Isnt he like ten?
Has he even grown yet?
Why are twenty year old girls falling in love with him?