Monday, November 30, 2009

Okay yes...I realize I need a life.
Pakka this time.
'nuff bullshit.

lol...and shes 19..:p

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Meri sab friends mujhey bohat gaalian deti hain.
Pata nai kiu..

Bore horai hoona...please dont think im a loser? Please yaar=(

Me :
He sounds so saxay!

Rida :
Haina...and hes funny too. Oh and hes like 29..

Me :
wow...thats like...almost thirty..


Friend :
*I had this disturbing dream a month back...[insert name 1] was making love to me. And he looks so amazingly cute today!

Me :
*Tell [insert name 2]?
*He can be so charming to look at.

Friend :
*I dint tell anyone.

Me :
*Its oki. Hes cute.

Friend :
*Still its not okay.
*Sesky back thi yaar!

Me :
*haha...a lil make out dream means nothing.

Friend :
*Not just make out...full on skin action.
*Thank God no effin scene.

Me :
*Aye haye.
*Maza aya?


Note : Our exams start next month!

Me :
Tumhara farm itna ganda kiu hai..?

Rida :
Jee nai.

Me :
Haan hai!
Itney saray ghoray..

Rida :
I know...ziada haina?

Me :
Haan...Itney saray ghoray and billian..
Bohat bura farm hai.

Rida :
Jee nai. Mera farm acha hai.
Bakrian bhi hain..

Me :
And the hay bales..
Why do you have so many hay bales?
It looks like poop!

Rida :
Hehehe...wo expeirence barhanay thay..

Me :
And who gave you that idea..?

Rida :
Faseeha...she started when I started so *yada yada long story* isliye!

Me :
haha...your farm sucks.

Rida :
Jee nai...mera farm bohat acha hai..
Just cuz I dont have money to buy a bigger farm doesnt mean mera farm acha nai hai.
Mera farm chota hai but bohat acha hai dont insult my farm just cuz I dont have money. Tum baray farm walay aesey hi kartey ho.

Me :
Its not about having a bigger farm..
Its so unorganized!
Hay bales eveyrwhere..

Rida :
No its not. Merey ghoray ek jaga kharay hain.
I made them stay they used to be all over my farm.
please hay bales delete kardo?

Me :

Rida :
Please yaar kardo..

Me :
Main nai it yourself.

Rida :
I have to study...I dont trust faseeha shes gona read my inbox..

Me :
Oh yeah the messages..

Rida :
Youve read them..?

Me :

Rida :

Me :

Rida :

*awkward silence*

Cuz Im a creep and not a cool one.

Sir dard hora hai....bohat bura the diencephalon to be precise.
Just...okay..Im sorry everyone for being so bitchy.
Im sorry kainat for being so ignorant and never visiting you and leaving early every time that I do.
Im sorry sania for ignoring your messages...I do that a lot. Often ignore your calls when you need help. And Im sorry for all the other bitchiness. Sorry I wont be able to help you out with your assignment but I have to study for my exams and your shit is tiring.
I wana have an orange.
Sorry mom for never getting anything right and always doing everything so wrong. I dont mean to.
And sorry apia for that. Sorry for making you feel so shitty. Sorry I told mom. I just dint think it would turn out the way it did.
Mujhey aam khana hai.
Sorry afu, sumera, mariam (khan), urooj, Ms. Sumaya, khizer, arsalan, hajira for not replying just cuz I dint feel like it. Actually this one is for everyone. Sorry everyone.
And sorry Mohsina. Really am.
And sorry papa for not coming to wish you in the morning and then not having dinner with you cuz I was too busy watching some stupid shit.
And Im sorry for ignoring you so much creepy bald dude. You just freak me out.
And Im sorry you weird lady form my class for never letting you sit next to me.
Im sorry for absolutely hating the "eid mubarak" routine and avoiding it.
Im sorry I made you cry faizan but youre an asshole and totally deserved it.
Sorry urooj I made you cry in 9th grade. And sorry Shyan for ignoring your calls and you.
I know Im terrible.
Sorry wijdan for....I dont know...whatever shit.
And a huge sorry to myself for landing myself in situations so awkward all the time.
No matter how ignorant I am all this lil stuff just really bothers me at the end of the day.


Also, sorry God for my partial apostasy.

*Please avoid this one, dont ask me questions, and move on. Thank you.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Pieces. you think somethings really special and it turns out to be something not so special but rather idea.
Hudd hoti hai!
Anyway...eid was lame. The usual.

Friday, November 27, 2009

*making weird faces*

I was just ironing my brothers shalwar kurta for tomorrow...Its chand raat and my mum goes all bonkers....cuz everything has to be perfect cuz Obama will be coming over for breakfast and Queen Elizabeth for lunch yea...gekh.. I was ironing his clothes and dude...thats a lot of cloth!
Khatam hi nai hora tha was like 12 meters or something....took me forever. And my brother isnt even fat or anything...Hes rather slim.
Is it just me or was inventing 'shalwar' a really bad idea?
Itna kapra waste hota hai...I mean...its so uncomfortable...walking around with all that extra cloth in front of batameezi hai?
I can make my peace with kurta...but shalwars are just fucked up!

I dont know WHY everytime my mum walks in the room something shitty starts playing...Like last night she came and suddenly rape me came up in the goes something like
Rape me, rape me my friend
Rape me, rape me again...
And my mum was all "Ye kia behuda ganay sunti rehti ho..?"
and I was all.."umm...nai to..."
That was actually embarrassing.

And tomorrow, we walk out, in shambles.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


Ladies, Gentlemen, and Homosexuals,
I am proud to announce that last night I pulled my first Half All-Nighter of the year..
Thank you, thank you, please sit down, thank you.
Also, you will be happy to know it was surprisingly quite pleasant. I had a ball studying and eating cheese pop corns [to which I added extra butter - which by the way is going straight to my ass] and big apple. Yes. I completed both the chapters on social psychology which covers 25% of my psychology course and 5% of my complete syllabus.
Thank you so much...I couldnt have done it without your support. Also I would like to take this opportunity to thank my brother for hogging the pc and being so dominating and sarcastic and pretending I do not exist everytime I asked him to get off the pc and mum for asking me to do annoying lil chores leaving me no choice but to take refuge in the drawing room with my books.
*wipes nose*
And tonight I shall pull a Full All-Nighter all the way till 7 to go to college tomorrow. But I shall tomorrow night, Even till we make the main and th'aerial blue an indistinct regard! O, let the heavens give me defese against the elements for I am spoil'd, undone by villains, helpless, a slave to Master Pleasure and Mistress Temptation. O, give me strength to bind with briars, my vain desires, and I shall succeed with my only retinue being my subtle intelligence and take over it, before it takes over me!
I now bid thee farewell my sweet loves.

I can be such a dramaqueen at times..
Runs in the family.


And its almost 9 now.

So I finally sat down to seriously study. I mean about time. It was around 7:55 p.m.
I read the questions I was gona do and then went through the whole chapter...checked out all the stuff I underlined and read social facilitation and deindividuation for like and hour or so and then read all the topics of the next chapter and then I was thirsty and hungry and my back started hurting so Im like lets take a 5 minutes water break and I check the time, it was 8:05 p.m.
Those were the longest ten minutes of my life.
Its 8:35 and Im still on my water break. [Shut up all you pervs!]

Heres an interesting piece I came across while reading about deindividuation:

" the crowd is always intellectually inferior to the isolated individual...The mob man is fickle, credulous, and intolerant, showing the violence and ferocity of primitive beings,...women, children, savages, and lower classes...operating under the influence of the spinal cord. "
- The crowd by Gustave LeBon.

Yes Sirre. Agreed.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Nai parhna naaa...:(


Ever wake up feeling like a total and, if I may say..?
Like youve been fooled...first by someone else and then unconsciously by yourself, cuz you couldnt possibly in your good conscience accept the fact that youre a foolish person?
Like youre caught in a conflict between your Id and ego cuz your super-ego is busy masturbating so you subconsiously indulge in some useless activity inspite of having the option of doing something productive, something that you should be doing not because you 'have to' but because the moment requires it for your own good, but you dont - because you can.
Did I lose you there?
Start over?


Ever had an encounter with the Inshallah-Mashallah-Clan? [IMC]
Well, if youre living in Pakistan you probably have. The country is full of them. So is it just me or are they really annoying?
Like the kind who are unable to form sentences without using atleast one of the following :

* Inshallah
* Mashallah
* Alhamdulillah
* Astagfirullah

And its not these terms that annoy me...its the context in which they are used. And the way they are used. And how theyre used when theyre not required. Like the speaker is this sacred divine God's personal assistant or something. I mean...c'mon man...Im not all in-your-face with my beliefs now am I?
Just keep it to yourself....Your fake show of piousness doesnt impress me nor does it make you any superior.

What the fuck am I doing?
Im supposed to be studying.
Next month exams hain and Im not prepared....and whos responsible? The government? IMC? Meera? Unconscious? Kaun? Stupid bitch. Fail hojao gi phir youre gona sit with this sorry ass of yours and blog emo pretending you dint deserve it. Go study bhenchod ye kia stupid blog kar key cool banrai ho..? Nobody cares okay..? Just fuck off. Go study!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Lite janay wali hai at 9:00 pm sharp.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Glorious food - Part 2.

Guys who play farmville are so Gay.
Also I hate being referred to as a cool chick/hot chick/sexy chick or anything to do with chick. Im not a 'chick' and certainly not yours.
But fuck that. Ima blog about thing that really matter. Things that make me happy. Food.
I dont want to sound shallow but the best times Ive had in my life were not with a person but with food...or an object or with something virtual...not a human being.

Following are the best meals Ive had in the last 4 months. Best as in not in taste...but Ive enjoyed them enough to take a pic. Like...ate em alone with full and complete concentration. Enjoyed the taste of every single minute present particle. Oh and Im a very slow eater. I take very small bites and take me time to chew and swallow. I try to speed it up when Im with friends/cousins but still Im the last one to finish. Actually I scarcely finish my meals. Bleh.
So yeah...

This is the dry wali yellow dal with fresh roti made by me mommy and peri peri sauce. Now Im not a dal person. I usually skip meals when we have dal but this one was just awesome. And I took a second serving.

Chicken cheese steak. Now you cant see the steak anywhere cuz I ate it all. Yeah Im the kind of girl who orders a steak and finishes it. I know this is a little not me cuz I think chicken steaks are totally gay. Im more of a pepper beef steak person but this meal was just....divine.

And now, the real reason why I bothered with this post. The Bun kebab [or is it band kebab...I never quite got it. Both make sense to me.]

You see the coleslaw? It sucked. The ketchup - sucked! The bun kebab - eatable. Fries - pretty good. But I had a great time having it. Although my mum kept telling how nasty it is with the whole "Pata nai kia kia gandi cheezain dali hongi ismai.Ye bazaar waley itna kachra daltey hain. Ap kabhi banatey hue dekh lo inko to bemaar hojao gi" routine my brother and I have to go through eveyr once in a while. But, you see, I hadnt had a bun kebab in like years! I dont even remember the last time I had it. Well yeah we had it at sanias place when we dint have money but my mum doesnt know about that so yeah. Years it is!
But dude...heres the thing. It was for 40 rupees. Thats F O R T Y rupees! It was a guilt-free meal I tell you. Pure satisfaction!

And now, a meal that left me with guilt, regret, unfulfilled desires and an unsatisfied appetite.

Thats last nights zinger.
Kfc just never works for me. Just not my thing. Waste of money. Donalds is still acceptable.

2 zinger + 2 regular fries + 2 regular drinks = Rupees 610 * regret * nausea = Fail.

Oh, and this too.

Hot chocolate milk.
Yes, I can be a milk n cookie person at times.
I have trouble sleeping every time I couldnt sleep I would go sit on the lil couch in the kitchen [cuz I sleep with my mum] have chocolate milk and read R.L Stine.
Good ol' days.

Ziada lambi post hogai. Oh you know how much Im in love with these lil things. I can still go on but I wont.
So. Yes. End here.
Im so lame:\

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


I was just searching for my books ryte...cuz its 17th already I just have a month to study.
Anyway, so I came accross this wishlist Shyan made back in 2006 and its funny. So here it is.

WishList 2006 :


* Have a super sexy body [and shes almost there. Lost around 30 kg - No joke]
* Flawless skin [Fail.]
* Be a good kisser [Dont ask!]
* Super successful [Cant say now. Still time.]
* Go out on a date with Christiano Ronaldo [Ronaldo is no more loved by her.]

Urooj :

* Have a smart bosom n butt [Hell yeah she does!]
* Be a psychiatrist [On her way to be one.]
* Mathew Lantern. [Grew out of it.]
* Kill Amy Gonzalves [Our school principal. Long story.]
* Die peacefully.

Uzma :

* World Peace [hehe...yea still want it!]
* Put all the assholes in a torture cell and not let them die. [:\]
* Be able to pull my insides out without feeling a thing. [:\]
* Be dead already. [:\]

Fucked up, ryte? And I was 17 back then.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Fuck Yoouu!

[No, not you.]

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Brain freeze.

Ever been to one of those....umm..things...where some mullah tries to explain how bad you are at being a muslim and uses every possible example to make you feel guilty about being able to eat three times a day...?
Yea I think its a bad idea to use loud speakers in such a gathering for the following reasons: know that I miss you, I just wana kiss you
but I cant ryte now so baby kiss me through the phone;
Ye kia ajeeb ganay banatey hain loag?

Anyway....umm no I dont mean no disrespect..just my friend came so its 2 hours later now...:\
Who the fuck am I justifying this to..?

So yes for the following reasons:

* The preachers are often hypocrites [and sometimes pedophiles].

* It pisses off the 'unholy non-believers' and Uzma.

* By the end of it the speaker starts dramatising the whole thing and starts a very weird way....basically just howling....making everything rather ridiculous, giving everyone else a chance to make fun of them.

* People outside your lil gathering dont want to listen to you. So they usually just close their doors n windows and turn up the volume of their tv sets/mp3/or just their own voice in vain and end up cursing - because you, sirre, are giving them a headache. Hence, disrespecting religion.

Ive never been to one of them but I still know what goes on there...Know why? Go on...take a wild guess..

Like whatever you want alryte...'its a free country.' I dont have no issues with you people discussing religion. Just try not to bug the shit out of everyone else. And this goes for weddings too [No Im not comparing holy sermons with unholy music]. Im in no mood to go into details right now...but loud speakers should be banned. Or only allowed in non-residential areas. You know Im right!

Friday, November 13, 2009

she sharp!

I was just making notes the other day...solving questions from past papers...Whenever dealing with something like this I always reverse the order....I work on the last question first....cuz I can never get myself to solve the first one...its..umm...psychological. Anyway, so the question was something on social psychology.."Something something....also discuss the primary effect and regency effect on information formation."
So Im all..."...yeah okay primary effect the Ebbinghaus thingie...what the fuck is regency effect? We havent done that...or have we..? No I dont think we have...that Semen dint teach us shit....GAWD she regent is like the substitute king dude so regency effect would be that of a substitute or something like that *insert lots of illogical visual thinking here*....but this doesnt make any sense...aaaaarrgghhhh I HATE HER. SHES THE WORST TEACHER EVER. Im soo gona fail. I dont know anything. I suck. She sucks more. Ugh!!!"
And then I took a three day break from when I read the question again yesterday I think...maybe its a misprint...its probably the recency effect theyre talking about...and it was the recency effect they were talking about, my love...

Its not the first time Ive blamed someone else for a mistake completely mine. But Ive learned to forgive myself. Because myself is who I have to live with. Deep. And its working out great so far. You just have to admit the fact that youre just like everyone else, give in, and let your unconscious build the armour. But. This isnt what I had in mind...=O

Need. Magnum.

Also we started C# today [and this dude kept lisping saying 'she sharp' instead of 'C sharp']...finally something easy. Something I actually understand. Visual studio is so much better than netbeans and textpad...I love you visual studio. You make me feel not stupid. Youre my crush of the day. Oh and my new teach has done something in artificial intelligence...I wish I had listened but I was too busy playing spider solitaire:\
...but I think Im gona like this dude!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Need. Magnum.

Alryte. Its time I came face to face with the truth.
How long am I going to hide it? Its time I made my peace with it.
You maybe surprised to learn this. But. Ready?
Now I cant specifically list everything I suck at but take my word for it...Its a long list.
Also my playlist sucks. It basically started sucking back in nineteen.....umm...2006 actually.
Thats when I stopped downloading cuz I discovered all the cool things I could do with google.
['cool' does not involve porn.]
Anyway. Whats done is done. I shall live.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

- kia ajeeb cheezian dekhti rehti ho? Pagal hojao gi -

Every time I cant get myself to feel or care I think to myself "what the hell is wrong with me?" Hence, making 'myself' the current issue and discarding any other problem which might exist in the world. Thats my escape.
But. Dont you just adore winter? Like hoodies n sweaters n blankets n pillows n all death-like n dark n ice cream n chocolates n cold n quiet like weeeeeeeeeee....
:D:D <--[Exaggeration of emotions. Refer to post Bleh. ]

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
^ I find that really really funny.
You dont?
Awe man...:(

Urooj says:
Hey dude wat ya crackin up in the hizel ma nizel....;p

Dost hai meri. And I love her. Dont. You. DARE. Make fun!
I'll pull your lungs out of your mouth!! <--[Yet another exaggeration.]

According to this documentary "The Arrivals" - a detailed post on that later - Hitler dint kill jews out of pure hatred. There was a greater reason. Fuck the reason right now. But. You dont just wake up one day and question Hitler alryte...Insult!
Hitler did, whatever he did, for 'racial hygiene' and because he was evil and totally awesome.
[Your opinion may differ - Up yours!]


So...I couldnt sleep the other night...well...I usually cant....but...that night I also couldnt think or feel and got extremely bored. So I started staring in the mirror...I was actually trying to scare myself cuz it was dark and late and the wind was making weird sound outside my window and it just wasnt creeping my out. So just yeah. Then I saw nothing. No hallucinations at all. Then i started thinking of exorcist wali images...and all the other creepy images...still nothing. Then I started playing with my hand like half my hand hanging down the bed and making creepy shapes with fingers like a witch...still nothing. Disappointment!

Theres more to the story but I just lost interest...


Monday, November 9, 2009


Its really sick how I compare my feelings for different
Freud had Oedipus complex....umm...but maybe thats why he came up with all the brilliant shit that he did..D.H Lawrence had the same shit going on but I dont like him. He was lame...If I was in the world war two they'd call me spitfire..:\
Oh and the Freud thing had nothing to do with the statement above.
Okay. I cant seem to precess my thoughts in order ryte now.


Sunday, November 8, 2009

Okay. Its all funny now..:\


Okay. Wow. We suck. Humans suck alryte. Fine okay Ive said it a billion times...but its true.
yeah. is this fair? How is anything fair? How do I know someone else is feeling shittier than I am..? Like...who gets to judge? I dont feel what the other person is feeling so how do I know...? How do I compare? How do I conclude? Just...okay this is shitty business alryte.
I say shit a lot...>_>
Its a substitute for every adjective I dont know. Bleh.
I love taking showers....Showers are The Shits I tell you...:(
Ugh. Again. I need to learn new words!
Okay this is not at all what I wana write. Too much rush...O_O <---[This isnt me]
Why cant I just transfer my thoughts in your head? Itna trouble to form sentences in my head and type and make

Let's see if you can fit your feet
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like,
to be me, I'll be you,
let's trade shoes
Just to see what It'd be like to
Feel your pain,
you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see
what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

Now Im just using lyrics to cover it up...
Okay. Nothing happens unless you let it happen...or does it?
Know what... i'll just go ahead blame it all on the unconscious. Yep.
Everything is an unconscious effort for whatever unconscious reasons and Im not responsible since Im not conscious about it. Yep.

Saturday, November 7, 2009


I scarcely mean what I say. Okay? Stop believing me. About time...-.-
Just cuz I dont listen doesnt mean I dont care.
And just cuz I listen doesnt mean I do.

Anyway. I hate waking up. Waking up sucks, all you sunshine loving butterflies!
Yeah alryte its a new day...of course its a new you idiot. But its the same life you wake up to. It starts from right where you left it. Continuation of a lame soap and it just wont end. Well okay never mind that. We're all used to that. But the purpose of this post is just to prove that my mornings suck more than yours because somehow it will make me feel better or superior or so I think or some bullshit like that. Actually no. I just wana whine about how my ears hurt when I wake up so I was trying to build a plot here cuz you know I cant just go ahead type "oh my ears hurt when I wake up cuz they so damn small and cute"...naah...too obvious. Stupid freak.

I was reading about the medicine the doc gave me cuz I have so much of time to waste...and one of em is for asthma. I knew there was something wrong with my slow heart beat in the morning...I doubt if that has anything to do with it...err...lets start over?

Seen paranormal activity? Well..Its not as bad as it appears to be for the first 45 minutes. Just tolerate it for a while and it actually turns out to be pretty alryte. I mean I almost got scared. Thats huge. By the end of the movie I was actually exited. Loved the ending. You may not like the movie but its alryte. I dint feel stupid after watching it. Also I think scary movies are a turn on for me...:\

wriggle wigle youre waiting for someones text...and you wait and you wait...and finally your cell goes *beep* and you just couldnt be more excited and just jump out of your seat and eagerly unlock your cell and hit "view" and wait for 3 loong seconds for your cell to show the text because your cell is fucked up because you abused its memory...and then it turns out to be a message from ufone. Yeah that makes me feel pretty stupid. And then it turns into frustration which later turns into hostility against whoever is around me.
I hate you ufone. I dont want you to make me feel special alryte? Just stop sending me a million messages a day. Okay? Just stop it. Im a very efette being. I cant take it anymore! I cant get myself to study. I know i'll pass. Im so full of it. Too much confidence. Hate it. Gaah.
Have to find a job after my exams.
Prepare for CSS.
I dont think I'll make it through. Just. Bleh.
And so I have to collect back up money for my masters.
But. Psychology...I dont wana go to KU...*tears*

My maid talks a lot...>_>
I lose my concentration. Ugh.

You spin my head right round right round when you down when you go down down...Yeh kia batameezi hai?=O

Ever get confused with feelings? See. What are feelings without biological factors? Fear without trembling and that weird tummy aches and everything that follows..? Would you still be scared if you dint physically feel scared?
What is sadness without that hollow feeling..without tears..? How do you know youre sad..? How do you know that its not just your brain observing the situation which requires you to be sad and so its manipulating you into being sad..?
Like...umm....I cant explain...:s

Right round right round...when you go down loag...=O

Friday, November 6, 2009

Need. Eat.

My winter playlist :

* With or without you - U2
* Fix you - Coldplay
* Mad world - Gary Jules
* Njosnavelin - Sigur Ros o.O
* Hurt - Jhonny Cash
* Thankyou - Dido
* In the air - Phil Collin
* Losing my religion - REM
* Sadness - Enigma
* O mio babbino caro - Joshua Bell
* Useless - Depache mode

I know. Gay. Shut up.
I hate reading between the lines and indirect communication. Its confusing. Youre left on your own, all alone, to figure everything out and doesnt matter if you get it wrong cuz theres no one to correct you. Its your perception and your perception alone. And then you perceives more than you should. And the shits. Blah.
Project. Have to study. Stupid...:O


Dear reader,

The last post is actually post # 210, not 200. I apologize for the inconvenience [if there was any, which I doubt, not that it matters].
Thank you.


Thursday, November 5, 2009

Post # 200

Know how I keep ranting about people and how pathetic they are and oh how much I hate them...Ive recently become one of them. Just as pathetic, just as sick, just as low, just as stupid. Which automatically cancels my license to diss. I was not to become what I became, with this level of shame, my soul is possessed by this devil my new name is, the mistress, because Im in disgrace. A baby snake in a reticule. Thats me.

^ I wrote that yesterday ^

Today, however, I feel rejuvenated. Why? I dont know. I do whatever she tells me to do. She wont tell me no details. The bitch has been resuscitated. Who? My brain. But shes right. Always is. I love you brain.

My new monitor is hot. Finally all the shits are black. Anyway. I wana blog. But you are blogging dip shit. Shut up. Sanias getting nikahfied by the end of this month. Im not happy sania. And you know why. But. Whatever. Your life.

I dont know why I enjoy taking taking name. Repeating them in my head again and again. Crocodiles are so handsome. Alligators are not as charming. I want a crocodile=(

Rida...crocodile for my birthday? Please?