Saturday, January 28, 2012


Pakistan won.
India lost.
Maya Khan got fired.
And there was some other news that I dont remember.
None of that concerns me though.
But its been quite an eventful day.

Ive been wanting to write something for quite some time now but I dint because the issues I wanted to talk about are all over the internet and its just not fun throwing in your opinion in a bunch of other unwanted opinions. Kuch nai.
What if Edward Mordake had schezophrenia?
Its possible.
We'll have to dig into his life history first though but Im sure we can find evidence.
I tend to use 'we' more than I need to. And not once do I mean it. I write too many corporate letters.

I just got finished reading Taboo by...Fauzia or Faiza or Farah some person. Or was it Rehman someone. I dunno.
[Why is it so important to remember the name of the author? Its like...if you dont remember the author you dint read it...or dint grasp the concept...or something. Why do they make a big deal out of it? I never remember authors or experimenters. Hell I dont even remember names of people I see every day. Yes, I do agree that these people need to be acknowledged but dude. Bad memory? FACK YOU CHUBBEH ARROGANT GUY FROM CREATIVITY CRAP CLUB!].
So I was saying. Good book.
Made me feel sad and happy and then sad again.
Also made me hate men.
It was about the brothels in Lahore and prostitutes and all that.
We are kind of lucky for not being born in one of 'those' families.
Thora serious hojaega so never mind that.

Another topic of interest. The Favelas.
Dont we have those all around the world?
But it reminded me of Gaza strip in particular. Have you seen Occupation 101?
Must watch.
The reason why Im writing about all these random issues is that...well...these are the real issues. And I dont want to sound selfish but I often get back to reading all this to remind myself of how fucking awesome my so called fucked up life is. And it always works. It upsets me. And frustrates me. And makes me angry. And makes me feel helpless. But it helps me realize that I really do have it easy. So what if I have to work and study and take care of other personal stuff all at the same time? So what if I have more responsibilities than an average girl my age? So what if my childhood wasnt as bright and awesome as it should have been. So what if I dont have credit since Monday? At least I wasnt born in the red district in Lahore. Or the favela. Or the Gaza strip. At least Im capable of earning. At least I get to eat three (read five) times a day. At least I know the difference between then and than. At least, my friend. At least.
*douche alert*

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Of PMS, Psychos, and Shrinks.

I hate it when...
Dont you hate it when everyone decides to display symptoms of Premenstrual Syndrome at the same time? Which reminds me of the excessive and wrong use of the term "PMS" and "PMSing" on the internet and sms. Whats PMSing supposed to mean anyway?
PMS stands for Premenstrual Syndrome. So the saying "Stop PMS-ing here" would then mean "stop premenstrual syndroming here". Does that make sense to you? Because it sounded pretty stupid to me.
Every individual out there using terms like "pms-ing bitch" and "go pms else where" just to show the world that he/she has extensive knowledge of the female body and/or how witty they are with their metaphors, is an Ignorant Ass. And an idiot.
Some dude I knwo said something like that in my presence and I wanted to impale him. But I dint because we dint have time because we were preparing a script for our IPS class. Which we nailed. Anyway. Pata nai. I forgot what I wanted to blog about.
I have the tiniest span of attention. Ima be a terrible psychologist.
Which reminds me of the excessive and unnecessary use of the term "psycho" and "shrink".
If I had a penny for every time a person responded to my education with "so you're going to be a psycho/shrink". I hate being called both. The former is just plain stupid since psycho is a slang for psychopath and not psychologist. Which Im sure everyone knows and only use it to try to be funny or witty or whatever it is that they're trying to be. Just so you know. Its not funny. Its not that I get offended or that I dont get the "irony" [if there is any at all]. Its just that...its not funny. It just isn't. Okay? Its the lamest joke of the century.
Shrink I just find very offensive. But this I can deal with.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Analysis - III [The Leftovers]

Im feeling bad for not doing this earlier -.-

Random Hyper

umm...Im probabaly wrong seem to be a bit aggressive [internally]. You may not come off as aggressive as a person...but your thoughts tend to be a bit destructive? And a slight need for in...youre looking for some appreciation may be?
Also nuturance! A veyr nurturing person...tend to care for the ones around you but a different kind of nurturing [might get a bit bossy when doing so?]. You also have a high tendency to dominate. Do you have to try really hard to stop yourself from taking control?
A strong desire for freedom. You also resist interference of others in your welcome idea but get very defensice when someone tries to impose ideas on you or even when theres a little hint of anyone trying to change you. There is also a strong need for emotional attachment. You may lack emotional attachment in your life or may be there isnt enough of it and you want to connect on a deeper level with someone. Are you in a relationship? If yes...then you want to be able to connect with your significant other more...if not...may be its time to get to know someone?
Thats all I could get out of the story. I dont think Im in any position to give advices here but...umm...[my personal opinion - highly unlikely to be true] I thiiink theres some conflict between you true self and idea self. You are not what you actually want to be so you may try hard to become that person...and to some extent may be you do become that person but at the end of the day its not truly you. I dont know what Im talking about :\


Similar to random hypers story, the main theme of your story is of recognition. Though you dont necessarily seek attention, you do want your hard work to be acknowledged by others. When this doesnt happened, you get very upset and even lose otivation at times. You do enjoy having good...public relations. As prefer being socially accepted and that, at times, may even direct your behaviour. You also try hard to gain respect of others. Soemtimes go out of your way to get it..
You also avoid getting in situations that might put some blame on you or may lead to rejection by others. You refrain from misbehaviour...Are you a conventional person? Apologize easily? Make sure you get your tasks done? Remorseful? May be not to teh extent that Im claiming here but to some extent, yes. Also...there has been a shift in you life and mood in general. A recent, significant emotional change. In the sense, you way of perceivign the world has changed. May be a certain event has caused it. You also seem a bit dissapointed with you current situation in life. You ego has been hurt. You self concept has changed. A lot.
You may want to go a little easy on yourself. None of us turn out to be what we actually want. All we can do is try. Cant make every one happy. down your standards a bit may be? You're not that old. DO you have too many responsibilities/or you tend to take on responsbilities that you dont really have to?
You're still young...try to be young!


FINALLY a person who is not fucked up in the head. A very contrustive personality. When faced with difficulties he tries hard to fix things instead of just sitting in a corner and weeping about it. A go-getter, to be more precise. An understanding personality. He does not have a hard time understanding another person point of view and accepting it too. Open to new ideas. An emotional person. Has a strong need for affiliation i.e. values close relationships and strives to make them work. But can be a little passive at times. May be when youre down to go in your shell and go in a passive mode where you dont let others connect with you? But msotly, a good ehalthy personality. A sentient and elated person. Not easy to bring down.
However, with all thsi positivity, I think I missing out on something. What I just wrote above is how others see you and you yourself at a conscious level. Im not able to tackle the "inner machinations" of your mind with just one story ._.

NOTE: After doing the actual analysis with the real TAT images I realized how wrong my this analysis was. Please dont be taking it seriously. I just needed a few guinea pigs before I could do the actual one. Thank you for your cooperation.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Emoness Redefined.

I've been doing a lot [read a little] research on music and cognition lately [hate it when the first sentence begins with an "I"]. Cognitive psychology is my least favourite field in psychology. But the semester is over and Im DONE with the course!! But its not over. Neuropsychology awaits me in the next semester -.-
So I was writing about music and cognition. Meh. I lost interest. Initially I wanted to be a cognitive psychologist and have total control on the thoughts and memories of my patients. But I realized how boring, dry, and complicated it is to study brain. So Im sticking with clinical psychology.

2011 sucked more than 2010 and Im not expecting 2012 to be any better. Im not being emo, its just that...the quality of life keeps on decreasing.
Nothing significant happened. Besides the deaths and strokes and a number of paralysis here n there. Made a Lot of money. Spent more than I earned. Dint grow as a person. Made a lot of unnecessary friends. But it was kind of needed since all my old friends and cousins got married this year. Married friends turn in to these relatives who you meet occassionally because you dont want to cut them out of your life out of courtesy. Anyway. 2011 sucked. December in particular was full of shit. And January is expected to be shittier since December was only the beginning and in January the shit is going to be at its peak...going to stay there for a couple of months.
But look at the bright side. I learned how to do my make-up. And TAT. Which kind of added to my awesomeness. People think Im super fucking cool with my psychoanalysis n all. What they dont know is that all that keWlnesses coming out of my mouth isnt coming from my brain but from the manual that I stole -.-

Like always, Im feeling stupid and confused starting another insignificant, pointless year which I will live simply because Im alive. I always end up adding extra baggage to my life. I hate making spontaneous decisions like that. My brain has been dead for the past two months now. I dont feel like thinking about things. I just let others direct my thoughts. Which is actually working out quite well socially. But Im not satisfied.
I hate it when my decisions affect another person. And vice versa. I hate chain reactions. Chain reactions shouldnt exist. Neither should I. Or anyone else for that matter. Seriously. Whats with existence?
I hate January. And June. And July. And New Year posts.
Im feeling stupid and dependent and helpless and stupid.
*starts cutting face with blade and paints on the wall with blood*
How are you feeling? Almas? Go away.