Friday, December 16, 2011

The Adventures of Poo and Zuzu

Me: Would you ratehr be killed by a shark or a crocodile?

Afu: White sharks are faster and crocs wait for the meat to get tender..

Me: So shark? But they rip you apart while crocs bite first and wait so chances are you'll survive..

Afu: Crocs take one huge bite then drag you underwater and stuff you in a cave from where you cant get out...sharks rip you out within minutes so instant death. You?

Me: I'd take shark..

Afu: Good choice...chances aer a shark will lose interest after 1-2 bites but crocs hang on.

Me: Even if it loses interest you'd drown..

Afu: Actually, you can swim with one arm and a leg, besides sharks come up to the surface to attack..

Me: Yea but you wont be able to swim much if youre wounded...in the middle of the sea...too much blood will be lost..

Afu: I suppose, but there is a chance of rescue...only an idiot would do diving in the sea without telling anyone..

Me: Lol...Yea

Sigh...I missed having these conversations with you poosikins=[

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Hi.

Im uzma. This is my blog. That I havent been using much. You know...cuz Im awesome n shit.
Also, I owe an apology to random hyper and two other peopel who have been waiting for their analysis. I did get time to blog but I dint, thinking that I should do the analysis before I write my blahs but Ive just realized that Im not going to. Im sorry. Just that...I have too many official analysis to do to be doing these...but I still might...I'll post links to your blog when I do so you dont have to keep a check on my blog. Once again, sorry.
Okay. Now that That is out of the way. Its winter.
And finally. Never mind -.-
I dont have anything interesting to tell...not here at least. I think I've lost my touch. Anyway...Random hyper and two other people...I'll be starting my internship in June and you will get a special discount on your sessions u_u
You know whats awkward? When the guy you almost got married to shows up on msn and says Hi o.o
Anyway...we had these interviews for some creativity club shit that a bunch of senior stidents started to separate the 'kachra' from the 'decent' crowd stuck at bahria [these are the words of the interviewer - not mine]. So my friends were all 'OMG we're stuck with this one semester and ahve no friends outside IPP and you so lucky youre a transfer student' so Im like...'OMG lets join the frikkin club!!'
And thats how I showed up for the interview [Also because the form were being collected by this chubby guy - i find chubby guys really cute]. And then I had to wait 30 minutes. And then I realized that Ive waited too long to leave...so I decided to wait another 30 minutes. And my turn came. And Im like...wtf am I doing? Im working two jobs and a research paper...I cant give them two hours everyday [for free]...but then I was like...wtf lets do it!!! Ima be creative.
So I walked in...and the chubby guy was there with his quiet, good looking guy and a pretty smiley girl. Everything was fine...but then the chubby guy started talking -.-
And guess what he decided to say?
"Well...Im not going to say anything to you because this isnt your fault...its your teachers...because this is Not how you fill a form...cuts and arrows...you should fill a form with a pencil and then re-do it with a pen..."
Youre doing BBA from bahria - You have no right to give your opinion . Okay?
I want that hour of my life back.
Its really sweet how my friend keeps trying to make me understand his weird geeky thoughts related to geeky games. One of these days...Im going to actually read what he types u_u

Friday, October 14, 2011

ANALYSIS - II

3. Ismah

Okay...you're personality comes off as nurturing, i.e. you tend to protect those around you and youre not a hard person to get along with. You dont have issues following others as you yourself are easy going. This is good but at times it turns in to compliance as you may passively submit to the will of others (for whatever reasons, may be to maintain harmony).
At times you feel that you lack opportunities in your life and are constantly searching for them.
And Im not sure about this but it seems like youve had some bad company which has had some influence on your actions or habits...may be friends or peers. If yes then it has been bothering you on a subconscious level. Time to change those habits and company.

You also seem to have a certain sense of failure. My be you were not able to achieve what you really wanted, could be related to academic, professional, or personal life. I dont know you personally so I cant exactly point out but you lack sense of achievement. Which is probably the reason for your submissive behavior. Im not saying that youre exactly unhappy with your life or that youre miserable...but at the end of the day you dont quite feel good about yourself...rather good enough. You seem to have some feelings of inferiority from time to time. Also you seem a bit guilty about some of your actions. Has there been a dramatic change in your life? There seems to be a sudden shift in your emotional state due to the changes in your life. You still havent adjusted to that change which is causing some emotional discomfort.
May be you should try out some different things in your life...something youre good at or interested in. May be focus on yourself a bit instead of how everyone else is doing. If you want to make other happy you must first try to make yourself feel good. Or something like that. Im really not good with advices but do try to give yourself some "Me [you] Time". It doesnt have to be big...just may be improve cooking or painting or whatever your interest is. Also...meditate. You know most of the problems that we think we have are only in our heads.

4. Amara

Why hello there familiar blogger ^.^
Yours is a bit tricky so its going to sound more like a conversation than an analysis.
So whats with the resistance? You seem to be a little...um...[forgive me] stubborn in the sense that you refuse to comply with another persons decision. Im not talking generally...something specific in your life. But that isnt necessarily bad...you should be able to make your own decisions but may be take a different approach?
Heres the tricky part...though you do things your way...youre still not satisfied. You know what you want to do and how you want to do and youre not afraid to break the rules. But after going through all that trouble theres still something missing. But then again youre still quite young and figuring life out so its normal.
Also...stop being so passive!
Get closer to people...for real. Feel more.
You may not agree but some support from family and friends would be good.
You seem to feel isolated and rejected. May be you feel that people dont accept you the way you are. Have you lost someone you were close to in the past? Once again, I cant tell precisely because I dont personally know you but its either someones death or physical danger. Which one is it? Though you appear to be fine your internal mental state isnt very stable. I could be wrong [just a noob speaking here]. Anyway...try to open up. Give people a chance to get to know you.
Things always get better with time.

5. random Hyper - Stay tuned.

P.S. a little feedback would be nice you guys. So I know how Im doing.

ANALYSIS!!

Okay so its a little late alright but I was a little busy with the mental health day camp n all. But in my defense...I dint specify which Saturday u_u
Before I go on with the analysis, once again do not consider it to be the final verdict since I dont personally know you guys and the images used are not even the real TAT stuff. Also, this is not a very detailed analysis since it is based on just one situation that you were given.
Please dont make fun of my suggestions -.-
ANYWAY.

1. Steadtler

Hi. How are you?
Please do not let the analysis discourage you. What Im writing here is only one part of your personality and Im sure there so much more to you and your life. There are a few dominant themes in the story that you wrote.

Conflict - There seems to be a conflict in your life which is taking up your time. Could be related to your education, personal life, or career. It may be that you feel dissatisfied with some decisions that you have made in recent past and you feel things would have been had you opted for something else. This is causing you some uneasiness. There also seems to be a lot of distrust in your life. May be you have learned not to trust any one from your past experiences. You seem to be a little suspicious of pretty much everyone in your life and have a hard time accepting others ideas. Its not that you dont want to trust anyone but you just cant get yourself to do so. It may be due to rejection or related to your personal freedom.

You also seem unhappy with you current environment. You feel that you dint or dont have enough opportunities in life and seem to be in search of some. There also seems to be a lack of human support in your life from friends/family/spouse. May be it is that you dont feel secure about your present or future environment. You also seem to be a little disconnected from the people around you. May be the reason why you are not able to trust anyone is that you feel that the person will not understand your situation or the circumstances that youre in.
Has there been any major loss (material or a loved one)? If yes then it has a lot to do with your inability to trust.
You sometimes tend to blame your bad situation or decisions on luck....In the sense that you dint have any other choice. This may have something to do with the decisions you have made in the past...as in you feel that you dint any choice but to do what you did. May be you feel guilty about something? But the story you wrote does not reflect any guilt as such. But if you do feel that way, then it is the reason why you blame it on luck to may be dispose that guilt.

Suggestion: You should become a little more trusting of people. May be share a thing or two with a close friend. They will only understand if you want them to understand. Isolating yourself will you push you further back in your shell until it become impossible to some out. Not every one on this planet is as bad. You do believe that you can change your situation and make things work and you can. But you have to let go off of the past and start new. You do have the potential to make your life better and somewhere in side your head you know you can. But your bad experiences are pulling you back.

2. Quarter to insane:

Dude...give me something you work with:\
I knwo I said keep it short but you've written like three sentences. That doesnt give me enough material. Try again. About the second image, that was only given to help with the first image. Unless you provide be a good 6-10 line story of the first image there not much I can do.

3. Ismah

Baki kal..Please I wana go watch a movie :(

Sunday, October 2, 2011

//.-

Dont you hate it when people just throw you out of their lives like youre this uninvited machar in their coffee and then continue drinking coffee while youre all wet in coffee lying on the table like 'yea okay np' waiting for your wings to dry so you can fly but they just wont dry cuz of the humidity in the atmosphere:\

Wouldnt it be disgusting if they continued drinking that coffee?

Well I dont exactly feel like that but if I did it would totally suck.

P.S. Check blog on Saturday for analysis.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Psychoanalyze you becasue Im sexy and I know it. :\. :|. :/

So how are you?
Everything good?
Please know that Im only mentioning the following because I was asked]
I havent been blogging because OMG so busy with work and projects n the shits
Also, I finished FIVE dissertations in TWO months. Four for MBA and one for LLB.
Yea Im awesome like that.

And to make that awesomeness more awesome I will get permission to officially treat patients by next June.
Im also willing to perform premature analysis on you guys on request. More on that later in the post.
I want to rant first because i really havent in weeks.
And I still dont feel like it...dunno Ive become very "accepting of people" all of a sudden which is odd. Everyone seems like a patient:\
Im unable to have a conversation without analyzing personalities and identifying subconscious concerns of people in head.

I hate it when people ask me to help them out with their home work on a weekend.
Especially when I get a weekend off after TWO long fucking months.
That too for free.
Mutlab kia masla hai apko?
mai kia karsakty hoon agar ap stupid hain to?
I deserve a day off too you know.
Or three.
So these somebodies. Ive helped them out with their reports n shit a few times. And by help I mean did everything. And they got an A [for which I have yet to receive a thank you]. Now one of them want me to write some gay ass article so she can tell everyone she did it when it gets published in the magazine. And Im like do it yourself. And now Im the bitchiest bitch in the world.
Anyway.
About the premature analysis.
I was really pissed off cuz this head of the research department wouldnt accept my research proposal for the annual journal [which she later accepted] because it was done by me and not a PhD student. So I was like wtf :O
So I made this abstract crap which doesnt quite make sense. I mean it does to me but different people have been seeing different things in it. So since I dont have the actual Rosharch or TAT manual, I have been doing personality analysis based on that single image.
But I will get my hands on the real shit by the end of next year and I secretly scan them. That would be so totally awesome. As long as I dont get caught. Because then I will get suspended. I dont see what the big deal is since psychology students do that kind of shit all the time. Well, most of them. And I always tell people that they shouldnt believe what I tell them because Im qualified and theyre like "of course we know that" but then they end up believing every single word I say. Buh wahevs. If they're gullible enough.

So if youre interested in a premature false psychoanalysis, look carefully at the image below and write a short story about what is going on in the image, what had happened before, and what is going to happen next. The story must have a beginning, a middle, and an end to it and must be a complete story. Keep it short so I actually read it. Also write your age, gender, and something about yourself. Like a secret. Or something that you think has had a significant impact on your life. Whatever youre comfortable with. Comments can be made anonymously.


Also look at this image and briefly write what you see. This one does not have to be a story. Just write whatever you see in the image. It can be anything.



Monday, September 19, 2011

Hi.

Remember how I used to have time to blog?

Sunday, September 4, 2011

I gotapocket, gotapocket fullofsunshine.

One day, my brother was walking down the street and his cell phone got stolen.
The next day he took my mums phone.
The day after I was phone-partners with my mommy.
I believe in chain reactions.
I even did a whole dissertation on chain reactions.
I just wanted to brag about it actually.
But srsly!
Chain reactions. Theyre real!
I'll be working on the railroad, all the live long days.
I'll be working on the railroad, just to pass the time away.

I hate it when someone takes my phone....not that I have anything to Hide!!
Kind of...Hiding and not telling (to avoid a long discussion) are two different things.
Privacy bhi koi cheez hoti hai.
I aint happy, feeling glad I got sunshine
in a bag...only I dont.
Kia apko machar kaat-tey hain?
Mujhe to bohat kaat-tey hain.
Somethings are so difficult to type in urdu using english.
Like holidays. I dont like typing that in urdu.
Also, my humor is not dirty.
Now just because I dont like dirty humor doesnt mean I dont know it.
I've heard the dirtiest jokes, thank you Saniya and Amna.
They sound like fat, bald, perverted, drunk, Sindhi men speaking in Punjabi.
no offense to Sindhi and Punjabi speaking people. I mean...I dig Punjabi ayte.
I'd love to have someone translate Punjabi songs for me.

I'll probably have more interesting things to write once I go back to university.
I dont like to wait.
Its depressing.
I dont know why but i have this faint sweet taste in my mouth. I dint even eat anything meetha.
Tastes something like glucose. But lighter.
Do you liek glucose?
I love eating glucose.
It so cold and icy.
Back when my nani was going through her last stage of cancer, I'd eat all her glucose:\
You'd think that I was 6-7 years old.
I was 14.
Knew exactly what I was doing. Did it anyway.
Just took a shower, and Im sticky again.
I hate humid summers in Karachi.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Old, bored, and alone.

Eid sucked.
Hey.
So this dumb bitch who cant spell shit, and is also cheating on her fiance with some kid (who doesnt even know that she's engaged), comes up to me and gives me a lecture on how immoral it is of me to write thesis for students. Well, she was just getting back at me (in a very friendly-funny fashion) for correcting her grammar on facebook. But it really pissed me off. I could've said a lot but dint want to stoop down to her level...Also she would beat me up if I pissed her off o.O
Kiu kartey hain loag itni bari bari baatain?
Also, people should really brush their teeth first thing in the morning. Whether its eid or not.
All my friends and cousins are married. All of them.
Mutlab...kia?
I mean okay. Your life. But do you absolutely have to be in my face with you susral n shit?
All of them had to either go to their susral or out with their OMG Shuch Jaanu Baby Paalu HUBBY like awwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnn awwwwweeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn aaaaaafuckineeeeennnnnnnnn Motherfffkkkkkggrrrrbleghhhh!!!
I only got to meet them for like 2 hours. Which they spent dressing up for the significant other. Though we were all dressed already. I only spent 2 hours of my eid with people my age, that too straightening their hair. I thought i'd do something too, but then I realized that I have to go home and work <_<
Dil chara tha paani daal du sab ke straightened baalo per!!
I dont want to sound like this creepy jealous lesbian girlfriend (which I already did) but CUHMONN!! Is there absolutely nothing else to life?
Whatever happened to sneaking out on eid when everyone goes for a nap and fooling around and eating ice cream till you puke!!
I dont want to grow up. I dont want to get married. I dont want my life to be all about everyone else and what they like.
So born in the wrong house at the wrong time in the wrong country.

If you're single, smart, ambitious, give a shit about education, and have issues other than the following:

1. s/he doesnt like me when...
2. s/he wont let me...
3. what should I give him/her on....

Give me a call. I am now hiring new friends.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Animal Farm.

Im not a News Analyst so I dont quite get the hidden message behind whatever the shit is going on in the city. I dont even watch or read news anymore. Been months. I dont lift my head up from the monitor. I wake up, work, eat, work, sleep, and work. But here's the problem. I have an older brother who takes a bus to his university. He goes out with his friends often. Even when he's told not to go. I dont like having to worry about other people.
And I really dont know how to go about this post.
Im just writing because theres nothing else I can do about it. And knowing that something you feel deeply about is completely out of your control, is not a very good feeling.

From what I've heard, the throats of the kidnapped individuals are being cut slightly so that they can be filled with chillies, their bones are being broken and then they are chopped or drilled to death, depending on the mood of the kidnapper, before being tightly wrapped in barbed wires so that they can easily be fitted in a bag. Mind you, we're still talking human beings.

From what I've heard, this is similar to what used to happen back in the early 90s. From what Ive heard, MQM used to fill bags with dead bodies. Used to be their "thing" which allowed them control over people. Ive also heard that its all a plan to frame MQM. And I've heard that the main reason for violence is that the PPP wanted control over Kharadar and some other areas of Karachi, which MQM refused. Also heard that PPP men are taking down MQM men and in return, MQM has no choice but to take down PPP men, just as brutally, to show that unho ne churiyaan nahi pehni hain. And then there are the less popular ANP and Baloch rumors, of course.

Heres whats going to happen; people will keep protesting, Rehman Malik will keep giving stupid statements no one gives a shit about, the 'coalition partners' will selflessly become friends again - for the greater good of the people, of course, the target killings will stop (for a while), the government will fail to bring forth the people responsible, life will continue, soon something shittier will come up, and Zardari will remain the douchy head of the state.

I cant stop thinking about the horror and pain felt by the 'targets' during the last few moments of their lives. All this reminds me of a Serbian Film. Only this is not a film. And there is no ketchup for blood.
If a civil war breaks out, is there anything that they wont do to us?

Monday, August 1, 2011

To corn, or not to corn.

You know what I do when I'm up alone working?
I read a couple of stupid blogs and feel smart. But its not helping tonight.
Did I mention mum had a cardiac arrest?
Well she did. And it sucked. Ass.
Did I mention my ever so handsome brother managed to hit his face on the corner of a metal bed at the hospital and got dunno how many stitches and now he cant chew?
Also, I have a...um...never mind that.
So yea...my brother has been hiding his face from mum because then she gets all *tears*sniff*choke* and then everything gets all dramatic n shit. But my maid. My sweet sweet maid who just cant stand seeing my brother or my mother sick because she has this hypothetical never ending bond of love and geen-hood with them. So my maid, not knowing when to stop talking, went up to my sick, coughing mother and told her that I better make him some juice because he cant bite or chew or swallow and doing so would make his stitches hurt and might loosen them which will hurt so much more LIKE IM A FUCKING IDIOT FOR TELLING MY MUM THAT HES GONA BE FINE AND HES A FUCKING IDIOT FOR HIDING HIS FACE FROM HER SIMPLy BECAUSE WE DONT WANT TO SEE HER CHOKE ON HER OWN TEARS!
Pagal bitch.
Kia masla hota hai loago ko? Fazul mai ajatey hain apna opinion deney. Oh and thats not all. When I asked her not to speak about his stiches in front of mum she started crying because "shees soooe senseetiive and caant see anyone in paaaaiinnn".
And then I had to poochie her up and fix her rooh afza to make her feel better because shes so close to them since she has been working here for over a whole fucking WEEK now.
Bus yehi fuckpana karai hoon main chaar din se -.-

I hope I loose some weight during the shits. I was kind of not eating. But then I eated tonight!

And like...whatever the fuck is going on with SERVQUAL?
Mutlab...kia masla hai isko?
Kiu fazul ki pagalana equation banadi Kamasutra et al. ne?
Why coudlnt it just be E-P instead of P-E?
Saray answers negaitve mai jarai hain. Ek to negative uper se decimal.
Life can be so complicated at times.
And Im not even getting paid much for this dissertation. Local company ke liye haina. They pay minimum wage. So not worth it. But I kind of told him that I'll get it done so I have to get it done.
You're not interested?
Okay here's something interesting.
Someone I know talked his sister-in-law to get naked in front of him
Sehri hogai hai. Mai to nai rakh rai bhui roza bhook lag jati hai bar bar. Apko kia masla hai its between me and my God stay out of it acha bus chup.
I dint even sleep properly since Sunday. Nobody cares T___T

Also, Rooh Afza FTW!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

LOLWUT?

I dont really feel like blogging anymore. Because nothing significant is happening in my life, besides that everyone I know is getting married, but I dont see how that is significant either.
Tonight was no different. I was just sitting and making an outline for this dissertation which I have to complete along with three others by the end of this month. Le Bleh de blah.
So this girl right. A friends friend. Im kind of looking for helpers to complete the dissertations because I have to write like 300 pages in 20 days. So yes, this friend of friend was looking for a similar job. So Im like...hey why dont you send me your cv and write a sample paper of 200 words in APA on Corporate Social Responsibility (Only because it is the most widely fucked topic online and one merely has to type "CSR" in google to get bombarded with articles on it). So the sample I get is like copy paste. So these are the emails that we exchanged. Now Im not saying anything. Just...copy pasting the emails. Thats all.

Me:

"Hey,

I think I did not clear the concept of academic writing and the kind of job this is. If writing an essay was just copy pasting no company would need academic writers. Your whole paper is plagiarized and 98% of it is copy paste material.
Im really sorry but plagiarism is not acceptable in academic writing because the customers get penalized and we have to pay the money back with penalty.
But thanks for writing the paper. Tc.

Regards."

Her:

"Hey,
Yes, you did not. You said it was a "sample" paper, not something your customer ordered. Had you made an attempt to clarify it, I would have made it a point to be wholly original. I thought you wanted to check the writing style, and if I knew what APA writing format was. And, neither the "whole" of my paper nor 98% of it is plagiarized. Also, 98% does not amount to whole. Kindly be careful in your choice of words, since I am sure no customer would like that either. One more thing, I think I clearly mentioned that I have not studied Business management before. I am a law student, and I clarified it over text. I had just a day to study the given topic, and I managed to churn out more than the required word limit. It's like me asking you to write up on the defenses of Murder, and then alleging that you didn't make an attempt to produce an up to the mark paper, within a day. "

Me:

"
Lol...ro kiu rahi ho? The sample was not in APA either.
I dint mean to offend you. My apologies :)"

Her:

"Ro kiu rahi ho?"

Oh, I am sorry, I missed the part where we skipped from formal terms to informal ones. Anyhow, I was just pointing out. You asked for a "sample" paper, and I gave you one. Just be more clear next time. I am sure your customers would appreciate it too.

P.S: Kindly distinguish between "rona" and making ones stance clear.

Me:

"Yes you've made it very clear.
It was a sample. My bad. I should've been more clear about originality and copy pasting.
Once again, dint mean to offend you. Was just giving feedback, which I had no right to.
Tc."

Her:

"I really don't think I have been clear enough. I did not copy paste. There's a difference between copy pasting as it is, and changing the structure and the use of words. You can't change what a concept curtails, you can only change the sentence structure and the vocabulary to a certain extent. Had it been something to do with liberal arts, rather than a business concept then your "feedback", which is more of an allegation, would have made sense. "

And then i lost interest. And now Im hungry.
And now that my friend told me that I shall never speak to them again because Im blogging about it, Im having second thoughts.
But its too late. Ive already written the post.
What should I do?
I dint even do half the bitching that I wanted to.
My blog is the only place where I can express myself.
Is it too bitchy of me to post this? o.O
But I would even if it weren't a friend of friend.
Too hungry to think straight.

**Am I the only one who doesn't see what the big deal is here?:\

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The story of Ass and Assness

YOU, my sweet little bitch, dont get to tell ME, what I can, and cannot do.
Okay?
Okay.
So yea Ima be ranting again.
I was just hooked to Supernatural for the past couple of weeks only to be disappointed in the end. After five seasons you'd expect some shit to be awesome right? But nope.
Sad stuff.
My exams went better than expected which is good. But better because I dint study and Im still getting 2 A's and 3 B's. So yeah. Lets get down to business.

So this masters dude in my department right. Thinks he's a rock star for some reason. Lets call him Ass. So Mr. Ass thinks he knows it all because he's older and more educated than the rest of us. The day I saw him I knew Ima have some beef wit' him.
Its just that, Mr. Ass and I have too many mutual friends, so I cant help but communicate once in a while.
So Mr. Ass just told me I cant intern at this super awesome place because they require the internees to administer intelligence test and evaluation and require them to make reports and provide tentative diagnosis and some divine knowledge which a person, who has only studied for ONE semester in IPP, does not have.
WHAT MISTER FUCK IN THE ASS DOES NOT KNOW IS THAT I ALREADY HAVE A FUCKING BACHELORS DEGREE AND I MAKE PROFESSIONAL REPORTS FOR LIVING FOR UNIVERSITIES IN THE UK AND THE US AND GET A FUCKING B+ EVEN THOUGH IM ONLY A BACHELORS STUDENT AND I DESIGNED THE GOD DAMNED VIRTUAL VERSION OF DSM BACK WHEN I HADN'T EVEN DONE MY BACHELORS. BACK WHEN HE COULDNT TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PSYCHOLOGIST AND A PSYCHIATRIST. Ass kahi ka. Moreover, I practically live in a mental house and have been providing psychological guidance for the past 3 years. I think all that is worth more than his lousy 48 hours internship. Stupid Ass telling me I cant get an internship. Ass pimple kahi ka. Ass.

Also, recent studies have shown that catharsis is not really cathartic. It only makes you more angry and frustrated. All my fellow emo bloggers out there, there is no hope for you. You must die u_u

Thursday, June 16, 2011

shuwinga

Exams hora hain.
Gay stuff.
Im addicted to Supernatural. And hungry.
Dance the night away, live your life and stay young on the floor.
Kitni stupid wishes hoti hain logon ki.
Do you read logon as log on?
Cuz I do.
So anyway...I volunteered for this inclusive society thing where we have to go to machar colony and conduct research and may be provide counseling to disabled children and their parents.
I was really excited n all...I mean field work is like yaYy awesome...But.
But!!
Im having second thoughts. Why, you ask?
Well, nature.
You see...I drink a lot of water. More of a have-to thing cuz I faint n shit.
Anyway. So...when you like drink 3-4 bottles of water...your...okay I dont want to go all human physiology here so I'll come to the point.
What if I have to go the bathroom? o.O
I just dont like using dirty toilets that all...
But then again...they're giving free food. But then again...I dont really like kids that much. That too disabled. Okay thats rude. But still. But i'll get 15 credit hours of internship.
Sorry Im too sleepy and tired to make this interesting or funny.

Anyway, every time I chat, I get really conscious every time I have to use "it" after a word that ends with a "t". Putting spaces in between such words can be very complicated.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Because.

Mobile ki screen kharab hogai.
Socha post kardu.

You know how you come up with an idea ?
You know how you feel the need to share the awesomeness?
You know how it gets stolen?
Yea I hate it when that happens.
I came up with something really awesome for the project and said it out loud like Sean Connery and got ignored like Jake Gyllenhaal. Ten minutes later, when my turn came to sign up for the project, my idea was already listed, twice, by the bitches who pretended not to listen to me.
-.-

Also, everyone who is very conveniently attending expensive college/university on the expense of their parents and cant stop complaining about how much they hate making tiny stupid gay ass assignments/presentations must consult my fist regarding the structure of their snobby privileged faces.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Grooms.

Is it just me or do happy dulha dulhan sitting on a stage look really really stupid?!!
Mutlab...every time I attend a wedding....especially of people who are my age...I just imagine myself looking stupid on a stage all dressed up.
It looks so funny.
The groom in particular. Especially if they're smiling.
Itney perverted lagtey hain.
Burey se sick dulhas with all their sick urges that they will get to fulfill.
Itney khush hotey hain aj kal ke dulha dulhan.
I mean i've seen a few.
Its okay when the girl is happy cuz shes just happy to be wearing all that make up and heavy clothes and loving the attention and the pictures. But...the smiling dulhas are really annoying.
I just attended a wedding recently...nothing about that wedding in particular. I mean it would be really rude of me to start talking about her and him in particular and I dont want to talk about anyone in particular just like....you know...general observation/opinion.
Do grooms with a wide toothy grin annoy you too?
The whole stage thing is just...pathetic.
Tayaar ho kar baith jatay hain stupid se khush ho kar.
I dont want to go through that.
I attended this one wedding, where the groom just couldn't keep his hands off of the brides waste. Kutta bastard sa tha. And he looked like a donkey.
Then I attended this other thing where the groom couldn't stop grinning. Not even for a second. In fact, he was trying not to roll on the fucking floor laughing and jacking off. It was disgusting. And then this other wedding...and the groom kept looking at his bride.
Masla kia hota inkey sath?
We all know you're excited. Just hold it for a few hours?
Surprisingly, I dont find brides that annoying. May be because Im just too used being around annoying girls. They just sit there smile and blush. Or try to.
I want to write lifeless bitches here but Im afraid i might end up being like one of them:\
I want to skip the shaadi routine. In fact i want to skip the whole damn year that I get married. All the initial stuff.
I dont want to dress up and look like an idiot sitting next to a bigger idiot.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

fb Douche

You know what I hate?
Undercover people on facebook.
You know the ones coitus-ing with their privacy settings.
The ones you cannot search or add or see...
You know whats more annoying? When you can see their names and you know that they use fb but you cant see their dp or any info or anything at all..
Mutlab...ap koi Brad Pitt hain?
You think that the purpose of my life is to stalk you day and night?
Is that what you think?
Oh you're so cool with your invisible dp?
Well I think you're a fucking douche.
Especially dudes.
Its more frustrating when guys do this gay shit.
Im a girl. A good looking stalk-able girl. If Im okay with sharing some of my profile with the world, you being a very unpopular average guy, have no right to go undercover.
You're not the center of the universe you know. Stupid gay bitch.
Grow some balls and be a little public you self obsessed vain idiot!
Ghussa ara hai. Ek to maine search kara...itna effort...I never do that...and now that I did...all I get is "this douche is up his ass and so you cannot view his shit"
stupidfuckingbenchoborntopissmeoff.
I wasnt gona fucking rape your boring soul. Add hi karti. Ya poke kardeti.
Pata nai social network join kiu kartey hain fi they dont want to socialize.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Heard you got that sticky

She want it, I can tell she want.
Want me to push up on it u_u
Bushra to itni cool hai. I dunno why I wrote that.
Prolly cuz I was just telling Hareem that.
Anyboo. I got shit yawl!
I dont know where to begin.

First things first. My writer dude is pissing me off. Ek to he calls me boss sarcastically...He thinks hes so clever with it...but I know what he's doing...but I ignore it because I just want the work to be done on time. But. You see. Time. Here. In this region. Is plenty. You know what happens to things which are there in abundance, right? Like people. Just so many of them. It doesnt even matter. But you're not making any sense uzma. People should start taking deadlines more seriously. There is a reason why they're called DEADLINES! Paki people have to concept of deadlines, punctuality, and [insert something else to emphasize the importance of being on time]. She headed to the dance floor and she slowly started poppin' it. I just saw this girl's profile...we went to the same school...apparently we're friends. She looks exactly like bipasha basu...but better. Hot stuff. I like dudes. Speaking of dudes. There's one Im hating at the moment. Its all your fault dodi...and understanding just wont do it this time u_u

I have to finish this post in 15 minutes but there too many feelings oozing out to me. I just dont do myself justice at times. I dont know why my teachers keep saying that. Anyway. Did you notice I wrote anyboo earlier? I dont like anyboo. Anyway. We had to conduct an interview with a beggar, more of a biography, for my social psychology project. I have to present it this Friday. Stupid Fried eggs. teeh. So yes. Here's the thing. The beggar mafia or whatever mafia controlling beggars is so damn organized :O
I interviewed around 5 of them and they ALL had a similar story to tell. Not just that. The other girls in my class who went to other areas for the same project also said that the stories are all the same. The most common one being that they began begging a couple of days back...they came to Karachi from khairpur, earn 150-300 per day, and have a bunch of sick people at home. Im not trying to make fun its just that this cant be a coincidence. I mean. Dude. Every beggar in Karachi has the same story to tell? I can write pages on this but you just lose interest after writing a report on it. Anyway. It was fun roaming around on the streets like that. Seven more minutes left. What should I talk about? My presentation or fb blue? I hate making decisions. I'll give you a tip. When making presentation, make sure to insert a pic of a nude chick...you'll end up getting full marks no matter how crappy the presentation is. Thats my trick this year. I try to involve topics like sexual harassment and torture in every presentation. Also nude chicks when appropriate. Though you may not find nude chicks appropriate at all. but in psychology, it is. And I end up scoring pretty awesome with very little effort. Okay. Times up.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Tingling, bitches, and bba students...

I dont want to blog about this but I cant really focus or think much at the moment. Ye angraiz itne attentions seeking whores kiu hotey hain? I tried searching for something really serious and I couldnt find shit because of them.
Heres the thing. I often get tingling feeling in my brain. Since that seizure thingie. I dont know if its just in my head because I cant tell because its never too...stimulating? So I just avoid it and try not to think about it. But this time its just not going away. Been two days. So I searched. And I realized that my tiredness, numbness in legs and arms, and my lack of ability to focus during the brain tingling thing are all related. But I would like to take a moment here to mention that my hair looks extremely sexy right now. A messy side bun is totally my thing. Anyway, about the tingling. Its better as I write but it was really bad in the afternoon. I couldnt even read memes. Anyway. The possible causes include: migraine, anxiety, depression, seizure, multiple sclerosis, and of course, schizophrenia. I should see a doctor? I would but I think its only cuz of the deficiency of B12 in my body. I have been skipping dinner for three days now. Maybe.

Going back to the attention seeking whores. How I hate using the term because one of the bloggers I hate uses it quite a lot. What he doesnt know is that he too belongs to that group of bitches that he hates. Anyway. You wont believe the kind of shit I had to read to find out about my tingling. Im sure most of them dont even feel the shit because they wouldnt have written crap like "oh its like Im high...its like an orgasm". It most certainly is not. Not that I know what that would feel like. But its definitely not pleasurable. It significantly brings down my ability to comprehend. I just lost two days of by life to my attention seeking brain. But attention it did not get. Yes. I refuse to tell people the feeling and that way I dont get the attention and so the unconscious me loses. Hell yeah you better stay in the darkness. Anyway. Bhool gai. But while I was unable to write anything in the afternoon, I did make a failed attempt at funny. Here it is. It actually shows the annoying bitches in the psychology department.

Also, I actually heard some BBA students have the following "conversation" outside the cafe...and I still cant figure out why they laughed the way they did...may be it was an inside joke...but it dint seem that witty...pata nai...ajeeb hotey hain bba ke loag..

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Cooler than you.

And so my happiness ends with the weekend.
But its not over yet.
Im actually waiting for my cousins (Amna Hajira) to arrive.
I find it weird when young couples go out. Like for dinner or lunch or movies or whatever. Its so funny:\
You dont see the funny part?
I cant explain it. Its just funny looking at them.
My teacher made me hate code switching the other day and since then Im trying hard not to do it. Apparently it shows lack of education and bad manners.
My employee dude dint send the work, which he was supposed to send in yesterday, as yet which is now bugging me a little.
Oh did I not mention how cool I am now that I have an older dude working for me and I totally get to boss him around?
Well, I've hired an older dude to work for me and I totally get to boss him around ^.^
Itni cool banti hoon mai uske samne:\
Its fun.
So I'll be going to PSO next week for my business report. Cant wait. If they're nice to me I might just stay there. I love PSO. Its like my local Royal Dutch Shell Plc. Which reminds of Pierre Wack. I love Pierre Wack. When I grow up, I want to be a Pierre Wack. And I shall rule the Petroleum Industry of Pakistan.
Those bitches are late.
I saw my grandmothers jewelery today which me all emo n blah and then I realized that gold doesn't suit me which reminded me of another friend because it doesn't suit her even more. But she still wears it. I dont even like gold that much. Only used to like my mommy's stuff. She had some cool stuff. A lot of it. And I had my eye on quite a few things that she owned. Too bad its all gone now that we're poor. But we wouldn't have been if we dint spend money like idiots for 16 years. Anyway. I did some calculations the other day and I realized that I earned 71k in three months but only have 7k in my account. Rest is gone. Most of it on food. Some of it on clothes. I eat too much. But the fun time is over. Need to collect 45k by June. And I will. Earning is not an issue. Saving it is. Why are they not here yet? I might as well write my account number and pin code here. Not that there's anything to steal.

Friday, April 29, 2011


Too bad its a fruit cake..

Thursday, April 28, 2011

But anyway...

I want to publicly humiliate a fellow blogger being because he has been annoying me for more than three years now. But I dont want to because its not Ubee. The ratio of milk and Milo in my glass is not proportionate but its too late to do anything because I'm almost done with the damn thing. Anyway. Back to the annoying blogger dude. Well a couple of his friends read my blog at times I think and I dont want to offend them...umm...But I dont mind offending them. But its just that I'm gona have to talk about all that which I dont want to. Anyway. So I wont be blogging about that attention seeking hypocrite.

I want to have halwa puri. Everyone's asleep. My timings of life dont match with anyone in my house. When I wake up everyone else is asleep. And when they wake up its time for my nap. And then I wake up when they're all taking a nap. And then I go to sleep when their fun time begins. So yeah. Oh and its their routine which is odd, not mine. But its kinda fun. That way I dont have to avoid any human contact. It automatically becomes impossible to communicate. I hate communication. And confrontations. Even though I believe that proper communication gets rid of half the problems between individuals. I also hate paper work. Filling forms and submitting and attaching all the documents and all that unnecessary crap they make me do.

There are so many people I'll have to hire for myself. How am I going to pay them all? A butler, a lawyer, a personal assistant. Its 10:20 am and the whole city seems to be asleep. No ones online. No one ever is before noon. Anyway. I love men people in uniform. Especially the navy ones. Have you ever seen them? They're adorable. Dont even want to imagine what their uniforms look like soaked in blood.
Anyway. I came across this movie, The Super. Some German flick I think. Not the funny one. The creepy one. There's this old creepy dude and his fat old creepy wife obsessed with human organs. And then they find people and cut them open and feel their intestines n all. Creepy shit I tell you. Left me with a weird feeling. I've realized that I no longer have a taste for gore. Though the creepy serial killer stories still amuse me, I avoid watching them. Reading is fine. But if I'm fine imagining all the gore why am I not okay actually watching it?:\
Oh the complicated machinations of my mind. I <3 Patrick.
I also dont like using words like shit, fuck, and slut anymore. I still say it. But in my head I'm all "that dint sound too good" so now I avoid saying all that. Crap is still fine. I'm afraid I'm turning into a lady.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Hate Post.

I've been trying for over two years to NOT do this publicly since we're related but..just...whatever.
My cousin Amna. Know my cousin Amna? Yes. Her.
There are many people who annoy. I've known them all my life. But She is the only one who makes me want to put myself on fire and scream and run on the road and die.
Know whats more frustrating?
I cant explain what it is about ehr that annoys me.
Im just really out of words when it comes to her.
Where do I even begin?
Okay. Fuck real life. We only meed once a month. And we have fun. Shes funny. But.
B.U.T. Okay. Never mind life. Lets just stick with facebook.
You know I've actually blocked her from my newsfeed because her annoying statuses and comments and likes and pics really ruin my day. Like they actually put me in a bad mood.
I know dont know how she does it.
Just. Okay. Lets begin from her status updates.
Oh and in case you're wondering why Im pissed off suddenly...Thye dint visit for a while so i thought I'd say 'Hey' but I dont feel like having a conversation so I decided to drop a hello on her wall. And now Im pissed off.Here's a list of her recent fb statuses. Oh, also do notice that all these updates took place on the same date.


Now...you may ask. But all the dumb bitches do that, what is so annoying about this particular one?
Allow me to explain.
My cousin Amna. What can I say about my beautiful cousin Amna.
Shes not dumb. Nor stupid. Quite sharp actually. A quick learner. But you see. When you combine sharp with benightedness [Yea I had to google that one], you get an Amna. I really cant think of anyone like her:\
How do I explain her personality. Rather personalities. Okay Im not gona get personal and talk about her vanity and secret evilness that she herself is not aware of. Nor am I gona comment on her selfishness and narcissism.
Its just that...she has asked a lot of question in the past few years. Here are a few examples [Im seriously not making these up]:

What's a do-chi? [douche]
You people study about the rapists? [therapist]
What does 'up yours' mean?
What's a doody? [Dude]
What's a dodety? [Dudette]

Okay I think of all the stupid things she asks me...but here's a conversation I had with her about two years back [We were 20].

Amna: Uzma...Why do you tear the pages of your calender?

Me: umm..what am I supposed do with them?

Amna: You can use the calender next year...itna acha to hai..

Me: ahahahahahahha....

Amna: What? Im serious...If you dont want to use it given it to me...

Me: You serious?

Amna: han mujhe de dena dont tear the pages.

Me: o.o

Im seriously not making this up. It actually happened. And there are so many things. I cant remember much right now. But you have a little idea about her now right? No scroll back up and read her status updates...

Yeah. Also, she begs me to comment on her status and pics and shits and asks me to like shits and then she uses my phrases and acts like hot shit but I dont care about that. Its just that. She pretends to be so cool in front of people. And you point it out she makes a joke out of it and makes it all haha. And then she uses big words and is continuously trying to make me look bad cuz I point out her oh so obvious grammatical errors. And puts up all my bad pics and then comments like hot shit. Just. And asks me how to reply to a person who uses words that have more than 6 letters. And she doesnt even know the difference between words and letters. ANd then she claims she knows me inside out. ARRRGHHH. Shes just so annoying at times.
But I have a good time with her. She's hilarious:\

Friday, April 22, 2011

Just decreasing the quality of the blog.

I feel freeeeee ^.^
I like friends.
Friends are awesome.
I have so many things coming up in the next three weeks.
I'll be able to extract the funny out of all the events once they happen.
But for now.
A friend of mine is quitting. Says she cant handle all the pressure.
Says wont be able to handle Maths and Economics. And Im like :\
Cuz the shit we study is easy as a tramp.
She just needs some motivation.
I would've done something about it but Im really tired of texting.
So Im gona give her the weekend. Hopefully she'll change her mind.
Otherwise...well...I still dont feel like advising n shit. None of my business anyway.
My real problem is that now I dont have a project partner.
Blah de bleh bleh.
Also...aj kal thora hypersomnia sa hogaya hai.
But the problem is...dil nai chata sone ka:\
Which is very odd given that I dont enjoy being alive.
Yawn.
Project Partner needed. Just for the sake of it.
I'll be doing all the work of course.
Yawn.
Also...where are all the people who used to be around? Insane. Meow. Richa. Roshni is still around. Her name is Rabia :O
Hope it wasnt a secret:\

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Story Time. Non-Fiction.

Im a terrible person.
Intimacy makes me sick.
I sat next to that bitch. She wasnt as bitchy as I expected her to be.
All the students of third semester hate me. They have their reasons.
A lot of their marks got deducted cuz of me.
Why do people take feelings so seriously?
Something so temporary shouldn't be given that much importance.
I do terrible things to people just cuz Im bored.
People should know better than to trust me.
Rida keeps talking about karma.
I think Im its next victim.
But then again, life hasn't always been awesome so bring it on bitch.

Getting close to people makes me sick.
Something's seriously wrong with me.
I always kick away genuine awesomeness coming my way and then close the door behind it and lock it and let the awesomeness knock its knuckles out till its flesh is smeared and the skeleton turns into dust.
I are so fucked up up there.

I dont like people who try too hard to be funny. And sensitive people. And needy people. I really hope I dont turn into one. Im tired. I dont want to sleep. I've done something really cunningly stupid and bitchy. Simply because I dint have anything interesting to do.
And that's why I dont like being free. I shouldn't have taken the month off. I always end up doing something stupid and someone always ends up getting hurt. And then I have to hurt them even more to make them feel better.

Say I shoot you in the knee and then say sorry I must leave now and then you beg me to stay and Im like...I dont want to hurt you anymore and then youre like please stay and Im like dude...blood makes me sick and you're confused because it was my idea to throw in some blood and you're like But Im hurt so I feel bad and Im all Okay Ima pull out this bullet now and youre like but theres no anesthesia oh wretched one and Im like 'dude...I've doen this before and youre like no dont touch it Im fine just please dont leave me alone and then I have to tie you down but there are no ropes so I have to use a hammer and nails to pin you down so you dont move and pull out the bullet with pliers and youre screaming and Im ignoring cuz I know you will feel better eventually but you just want it to end and just when you think its over I take out a needle and thread to stitch back the wound and you're like Why are you doing this to me? Im like dude...please...stop being so dramatic and then I fix the wound and leave and you're left with is a scar and hatred.
Yea. That pretty much explains my past week.

Also, I dont like friends who ask for too many favors, no matter how small, too often.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Deprivation

I was gonna write something really funny but I'm tired.
You shall now be deprived of my funny.

I did a paper on deprivation model once. Paid well.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Mob Behaviour.

You know what I hate?
Loud fancy charity crap.
Its all over the place.
Charity mela, charity dance party, charity liquor, charity movie night, charity nude show.
An excuse for everyone to party like like theyre fighting a war.

So theres this Self-Righteous Princess of Pretentious Ville that I know. I think we all know one of those. You know the kind of person who just deserves to be in a better place and just knows better than everyone and knows everything thats wrong with the world and how everyone is not doing things right and has standards that just cannot be matched by anyone...especially a paki?
Yeeaaa....Ima punch her one of these days. But shes like a bit athletic so Im afraid she'll punch me back:\
I mean...even when shes having a normal conversation its like shes giving a presidential speech...and she never smiles...shes actually an IBA rejectee...if thats a real word. Must be hard for her to adjust in Bahria...but c'mon...get over it.
Itni annoying lagti haai....Id mimic her for you if I had a cam. I do it so well...makes them laugh every time ^.^
Also, I have a very...diverse sense of humor.
So back to the Princes...well...thats about it. Theres not much to her besides her smugness.
I guess thats all:\

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Serious rant. Ignore.

Know how I always start things I have no intentions of finishing? And then suggest things I have no intentions of doing? And then lead people into believing silly things that I dont believe myself? Yeah I should probably stop doing that.
Anyway. I dont have anything funny or interesting to write so now is the time to stop reading.
Ive been in a weird state. Not myself. All nice and social.
I made FIVE friends last week. Good friends. I dint make that many friends in my whole life.
And there are at least 3 to 5 people attached to each one of these five friends.
So just imagine the number of times I have "hey" and "sup" on my way to the class.
Being social makes me sick.
But I dont have a choice cuz you need at least one friend in each course so you can ask for help or whatever or project shitty crap shit. Crappy shitty poopy de poo. Shitty crappy bloody shitty poop. Poop filled shitty crappy shit. Shitty de crappy de dung poo. Dung de poopy de pooy crap. Yeah thats whats going on in my head.
I hate this dissociative state more than depression.

On a brighter note, we're going to giddu poo (giddu bandar) on Saturday. That mental asylum in Hydrabad. I understand if you dont exactly see that as the brighter side. But I cant wait to go. I think it'll help me get over my pathetic self. Ive heard that the last they went..most of the students went mute for a week. Im sure they're exaggerating. But whatever. I might even stay back if I get too many sketching inspirations. I could use some right now. Oh Boo Hoo Uzma get a fucking life -.-

*Also, I found this piece of shit that I really like:

If the sun came out from behind me,
Would you look at my shadow or me?
If the person you saw was dressed in rags like me,
would you remember me?

If the colors of lie had faded
from your mortality like life for me,
would you rather die or become like me?

Now it is time for the sun to set like it has
for me,
would you stay here, here in this abandoned world of souls,
or leave like me?

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Forced post - cuz Im afraid it'll fade away

I feel stupid putting up with all this.
I need to lash out on someone.
I dont have time to sketch it out.
Itne koi annoying loag haina.
And Im so much more annoying.
But its okay because Im easy to ignore since Im not loud or all over the place.
They're so happy.
Why is everyone in my university so happy?
What are they so happy about?
They're at Bahria not Harvard.
And yet there is at least ONE individual in almost all my classes that I am jealous of.
So theres this girl right...shes one of those people who think they're doing humanity a favor by existing. Anyway...shes annoying. Now now...its not just her smug walk. Thats not reason enough. We had our Management presentation bla bla bla and guess what she did? She took someone's thesis from the internet and just made her presentation on that...and here I was doing my own damn research making my own damn hypothesis coming with my own fucking solutions. But that was Okay. Until. One day. The marks were announced. I got 4.5 (out of 5) and Im like...yeah Bitch top that...and then suddenly she got 5.
Plagiarism bhi koi cheez hoti hai.
Yeah. So now I hate her.
Also there this other umm...not a bitch. Shes not even stupid. Just. Um. Damn I cant think of anything clever and insulting:\
Okay i'll write about her once I know what to call her.
Now I have to study for my exam tomorrow.
Stupid mids.
Stupid bio.
Stupid fancy ass terms in bio.

*Also, do notice my fb hotness.
**If you find it absurd, refrain from expressing yourself.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Fried Eggs.

I wrote this big ass post and then something happened and its gone. And now Im going to write it all over again because not blogging about stuff makes me anxious since I have so many opinions about so many things and I dont want to bore anyone in real life. You're welcome. Its been ten days you know. I missed you bloggie=[
Okay no.
I just end up taking more work than I can handle. And then I procrastinate to make the whole thing worse. But that doesnt concern you. Nothing on this blog does. Anyway. Lets take on thing at a time.

Emo Religious People Dudes. I dont want to point any sect in particular and I dont want to discriminate and I dont want to sound like a hater. But. Um. How do I say this without sounding like a Ka'afir. Why are shia people so in my face with their beliefs? Why so often? I mean...we're all familiar with the muharram grandiosity. Once a year is alright. I hug once a year. I taste kaleji once a year. I fall in love once a year. Once a year is acceptable. But...since muharram, I have witnessed at least four public displays of religious craziness. Why so often? Why howl and cry on loud speakers? Why on a Saturday man? Do you know Saturday comes after five long working days? Followed by a Sunday? After which the vicious cycle of working days begin all over again? Fried egg. Fried egg.
Just...you're getting annoying alright. And the bad part, you cant say anything because it is religious. The best you can do is ignore. Only if I could turn off my ears. Loud speakers should be banned in this country. We're not educated enough to handle such tools.

There were a bunch of other things i wanted to talk about but Im tired. Rida and I had a little tea party today. We had pizza and that fajita filled bread thing and the chicken pie thingie thing and chocolate tart and dark chocolate brownie and white chocolate mousse[which sucked] and pineapple cake [which sucked so much more] and chocolate chip cookies...oh ze cookies. I like cookies. Cookies I like.
You know the mere thought of having good food makes me smile sheepishly like an 18 year old boy makes his 16 year old girl smile by suggesting something dirty for the first time in public. And I dont even like cats that much.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Edited*

I like the way You grind with that booty on me.
Shorty you a dime why you looking lonely?
Im too busy to be doing this right now.

Damn right Im showing off. But you wouldnt know what Im showing off about.
Well, lets just say my teeny tiny hypothetical organization is expanding and generating great revenues for the shareholders. And by shareholders I mean me and my awesomeness.
Go buy another round and its all on me.
As long as Im around put it down on me. Or dont. Whatever. Like I said. Im busy.
*snickers*
OMG CHOCOLATE!
-.-

And just to cover up the lameness, I shall upload my latest sketch.
Which reminds me....there's this random dodo at my university who saw me sketching and asked "wow...tum diagrams bhi banati ho?"
So here's the diagram:


Friday, March 11, 2011

Senses desensitized.

My oral communication class has made me realize that I may not be as confident as I like to think I am. I've also learned that Im always nervous and guarded even when Im talking to family members. Even though the nervousness is subconscious [hate the stupid term] unconscious its not cool. Im just really glad that people here dont know much about body language n all that fancy psychological stuff...
I know I have an opportunity to have total control on myself and improve and bull but knowing that Ive actually not been the master of myself all these years is rather upsetting because Ive been under that impression all my life. Anyway, I would rather not know.

Moving on, I have this weird obsession with desensitization. My mums claustrophobia is now getting worse. So much that she's having trouble falling asleep with the closed door. Remember how I dont have my own room and have to share one with my mom? Yeah. So I cant sleep when the door or any window is open...so its kind of frustrating. Anyway, the point is...I was telling her how she should consider systematic desensitization to get rid of the fear and try sleeping in a grave-like box. She, of course, freaked out. I dont see anything wrong with the idea. There are two possible outcomes to this situation: You conquer your fear; Your fear conquers you [resulting in death]. Either way, it gets rid of the problem. So I was wondering, does the process apply to feelings as well? Because I think it does.
Like...okay...I've tried it a couple of times and it actually worked.
You know how I think non-stop...yea..so I often stumble on very disturbing thoughts that really creep me out...Like I used to have this thought, when my cousin was born two years back, that Im standing on a bride, holding her in my hands, which is built over this deep scary sea. And its really really dark and all I can hear is the sound of the gushing waves against the pillars of the bridge and then suddenly my cousin slips out of my hands. The thought scared the shit out of me and I couldnt stop thinking about it. Eventually I got tired of ignoring and decided to let go. Every time it came to my mind I made sure I think the whole thing through from her dropping to drowning to picturing how dark it was beneath and the branches that she'd get caught in and the water reaching her ears and brain and every possible detail that you can imagine...and now the thought doesnt bother me anymore.
Same goes for feelings [except for physical pain]...I'd elaborate but the examples are a little personal. But the process has helped me become apathetic toward a lot of things and people and feelings associated with those people.

I really wana study this shit in detail once Im a pro and come up with a way to get rid of nauseating emotional feelings everyone keeps complaining about like hurt and depression and betrayal and um...whatever negative feelings that people have.
I know I dint quite make the case up there but I dint write it right. I mean...the theory is not based on this nor am I referring to systematic desensitization in particular. Also, you're not my professor. I have it all worked out in my head. Well, parts of it.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Despair







Change.

Abdullah:
Mujhe bhook lagi hai

Uzma:
mujhe bhi

Abdullah:
=[

Uzma:
So you're just gona be sad and not do anything about it?

Abdullah:
i could write a blogpost about it
but i'm afraid it might change the world.

Waan!

Mujhe bhi hot fb dp chaye.
But Im too lazy to click one and too obnoxious for anyone else to take it for me.
Also, I say inappropriate things when exposed to emotional social situation which results in an awkward silence. I hate awkward silence. Its so uncomfortable and awkward. And long.
Also, Im hating my job. Its only good as long as I dont get a revision. Revisions suck. Everyone who has demanded a revision on my awesome work deserves hell for not doing the work themselves and being stupid enough to rely on a stranger for their grade. Also, they all deserve to fail.
I wana sub.
I also wana laptop and a goddamnmemorycardbenchoabouttime!
Also, I get confused when someone tries to be 'nice' to me...not knowing the intentions of the subject makes me uncomfortable. I have no one to go to dunkin donuts with me for breakfast. I have decided to go alone whenever I can because an omwich is totally worth it.
nice legs, daisy dukes, makes a man go *woot woot*
Also, pizza jelly FTW!
Aishwarya Rai is the most annoying person alive. I hate how she giggles and chews an imaginary bubble while she talks.
My management teacher is the Bomb. She the prettiest thing Ive seen.
I also like egg n butter.
I just did a revision and Im going to get an another revision on that revision.
Sometimes I just wana quit.
Do your own damn work bitch.
But how else will I earn and pay my god damn fees?
Low cut, see through shirts that make you *woot woot*
Thats the way they all come through like *woot woot* *woot woot*

Also, no one understands me and Im tired of being misunderstood.
Haan pata hai. Bus chup.

Also, dont you dare call my work redundant!
YOU EXISTENCE IS REDUNDANT BITCH!

Your*

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Im not me here.

This post is going to be extremely gay and I request you to not use it for any future reference because it is very phasal...and by that I mean its just a phase and it'll go away and I know its not a real word bitch thankyouverymuch.
I never thought this day would come but it has. And...its disturbing how the period between these phases is getting shorter and shorter and it sucks. But Im just really...craving for a baby right now...I mean...it used to be hot chocolate milk but things have changed...I just...really.....waaanaaaaa baaabyyyyy T_T
Shut up Uzma what the fuck is wrong with you...whatever happened to being the nex...!!!
Why cant I just get one at a grocery store? Not an orphan. Dont want an orphan. Just like...you know...nicely packed in a fancy box with instructions...like a brand new one...the one you have to give an electric shock to bring to life...and then it'll stay alive forever...but you get to see when it comes to life...and you get to give it the sock...you know...I want four of those...
I saw such a cute baby today...I want one like that...and another one with curls...and a bald one...and one with big dark eyes and one with tiny eyes and full lips...just...I really wana hug a baby...Im tired of pillows...PILLOWS DONT GOO GOO GA GA TO MEEE T__T
And I still dont wana get married...I dont want to wake up next to the same person everyday for the rest of my life...and I dont wana dress up for a wedding...and I dont want all those annoying family occasions and shit...just get me a god damn baby and leave me alone and then get me another baby after two years...preferably a pair of twins...
I dont wanaa waaant aaall thiiis T____T

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Fall.

Oh how everyone loves looking at me Oh me and my limelight Oh me and my natural stardom *looks away and fans with hand*
So I was just walking down the stairs with that smug like air around me and an "Im too smart to be here" look on my face right...as I was walking toward heaven through clouds something weird happened and I slipped.
And then I fell down. And then suddenly I was on the concrete floor. And then there was a silence. And then everyone was gazing at me. And then everyone got back to their senses. Then they all pretended that they dint see anything. One guy, who was walking right behind me, got so embarrassed that he turned around and went back upstairs...
I was expecting expecting loud chuckles and lots of pointing but none of that happened.
Its better when they laugh you know...Not like it was my first public fall or anything...I keep falling here n there...especially when Im dressed up for a wedding or eid...but people laugh and I get a little embarrassed and then I laugh along...but these kids were like...polite...I know its funny...just laugh and get it over with...dont look away and make me feel worse <_<
Also, my butt hurts.

I also had my first creep encounter yesterday...but it was rather boring. The only thing I remember about him is that he smelled like Rooh Afza. I really wanted to write something funny about it cuz the situation was all odd and shit but...
I was sitting in the corner, waiting for van, listening to the radio, sketching, being awesome...and a walking talking rooh afza comes up to me and starts talking...oh Oh I just remembered the conversation...kind of...it was a long conversation but I'll just write the bit that I remember...

Rooh Afza: So you like sketching?

Me: No.

Rooh Afza: Thats a very sad sketch...its saying something...

Me: Hmm..

Rooh Afza: So which semester you in?

Me: first, second, third, sixth...

Rooh Afza: How come?

Me: Because!

[a minute later]

Rooh Afza: So how come you're in all those semesters?

Me: Ive already done my graduation blah blah long story..

Rooh Afza: Oh...you must be older than me then...

Me: I must be...yes.

And then he walked away without saying anything.
Mutlab...wtf yaar? Ajeeb creepy admi tha. Loser ka bacha.
Anyway. My butt hurts.

Monday, February 21, 2011

You've got to believe!

OMG all this action on my blog!!!!
Three comments and 40 followers...? ^.^
I dint get three comments on a post in like...FOREVER!!!
T_T

Okay, down to business.
Its my second week in the university and Im finally adjusting to the crappy-ness of the place.
Well its not that crappy but....whatever.
Okay...so Ive dropped courses right...so I have each class with a different semester which means new faces in every class which means no permanent friends.
I was alone for the first week sitting in the corner minding my own business. But then I realized that you need stuff to survive...like...you need to copy the notes from people and borrow stuff and shit so you HAVE to have friends. So I decided to flaunt my awesomeness and now Im like the coolest thing that happened there.
Okay...may be not but I have friends now.
But...thats like...blah...I actually wanted to introduce to you the future psychologists of Pakistan that I have the honor of studying with!!!

Future Child-Clinical Neuropsychologist

Teacher: ...so what kind of tissue do we have in our bladder?

Genius N: Absorbing Tissue!

Future Social Psychologist

Teacher: ...how will you relate the evolutionary theory with the case of the suicide bomber?

Genius S: May be his ancestors were mullahs and so he had mullah genes in him.

Future Organization Psychologist

Teacher: What does a manager do?

Genius M: Manage stuff.

Teacher: Okay...how?

Genius M: By managing it.

You see. I believe, that our future is bright. I believe, that everything is going to be alright. I believe, that nothing can stop us from progressing.
Why, you ask?
Because...75 + 75 is 180!

Edited***

Also I feel obligated to justify my statement in the last post and tell you how I dint mean that the change of zodiac sign is annoying but the fact that people are believing that shit without google-ing! I really dont want to go into the whole tropical and sidereal astrology but...you know. Just wanted to tell that I know. I think I have a complex of some sort.
Oh well. My awsomeness should overshadow that.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Good Morning Sunshine :D

HEY ^.^
I. Love. YOU!
Just know that I care...because its not always rainbows and butterflies.
I went to the university today just to find out that I do not have a class today. Now I knew that but I went hoping that they would fit me in somewhere with the seniors yada yada long story. So yea...I went for breakfast. Alone. And I had a great time. And I wanted to go to a library for some reason and read something awesome but I dint, of course.
I love hanging out with me.
Ive been listening to the radio all this time...Light janay wali hai so I have to make this quick.
Have you heard that Ali Zafars song which is supposed to be for the world cup?
I hate it. Its really getting on my nerves. So lolly!
I love cheese n egg n mayo.
And I like lots of sugar in my coffee.
Back to Ali Zafar. The song pops up after every ten minutes on one of the radio stations.
I'd totally marry food if I could.
ONly five minutes rehtey hain...I dint even whine about the change of zodiac sign shit that has been annoying me forever....Ooooh.....I hate leaving it incomplete...

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Skip to the third para for bitch talk.

I WENT OUT TODAY :O
Merey kid cousins ke sath...they insisted and I just couldnt say no.
Dodging car is fun. And then I was being really cool so I tried this totally Bad Ass joy ride that no one else would try. I just wasnt expecting it to go upside down...but then it went upside down and round right round when you go down when you go down down...and then my cell phone fell out of my very tight jeans [I really dont know how]...and then I was about to die...and then my loud screams turned into "I DROPPED MY CELL PHONE...AMI MERA CELL...JUNAID PICK UP MY CELL PHONE...MERAA CELL UTHAO KOI GIR GAYAA....WHERE IS MY CELL PHONE..."and then my mom [like always] thought I'd faint and fall out of the thing [its really getting embarrassing now] so she asked the dude controlling the thing to stop it and then he had to stop and then I got out of the thing and there was a huge crowd standing there watching me. But it was fun. I totally LMFAO!

Ahem*
So yeah.
University.
Its boring. And tiring. And crowded. But none of that really matters.
What matters are my high expectations.
I was expecting an awesome cafeteria that serves good food.
But forget the food. I can do without food. For a few hours. I can take my own lunch. I can also go out for lunch from time to time. But then there is this thing called Milo.
Milo, for me, is love.
Milo is my jelly.
Milo is my happy.
I was devastated when the cafeteria dude said "Im sorry but we dont keep milo...wana try juice?"
What kind of a fuck ass university doesnt keep Milo?

Besides that...nothing significant happened. There are plenty of annoying chicks and irritating guys. People in my class confused the introductory class with and autobiographical class and shared their very forgettable life experiences. Besides this one guy who decided to use the word "testosterone" in his introduction which made him a little less forgettable than the rest.
The introductory class helped me develop a better understanding of the people that I will be dealing with in the near future. Most of the students in my class are like Bella - naive, "different", and hungry for love. The good part is that I will be attending classes with the seniors from Thursday...but here's the catch...the seniors are like Hannah Montana - unintelligent, self-obsessed, and confident. You have no idea how frustrating the combination can be.
But all the teachers are good for a change which makes the whole thing a little bearable. They actually know what they're teaching. I can go on and on about it but the post is getting long. I dont like long posts.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Lets get down to business.

Today sucked. But I liked it.
Missed the chaos.
Tomorrow is my first day at the university. Im gona try not to write uni.
I dint eat anything the whole day because of all the stuff n all and then I ate too much at night.
Itna cheesy sa home made pizza and then extra cheesy sub. Weight kaisey lose hoga?
Anyway.
Kal maza ayega. But not so much. Because I have to wake up early and I will be all sleepy and tired. And then classes itni sari itni lambi...suddenly to maza nai ata phir.
I dont wana get ragged. But I doubt if anyone will because I have this bitchy angry expression on my face. So people avoid messing with me. No kidding.
I wanted to go late but my mum is up my arse making a big deal out of it since I missed the orientation and other important days and had a little trouble n all. But I know a girl there so I can take stuff or whatever from her so now I can totally afford to go late but nooooooo.
Anyway.
I actually wana push the previous post down because its too much color. I dont like colors on my blog. They make my eyes very uncomfortable.
This should be long enough.
I hope I get to meet some annoying people soon because its been a while.
Im sure something annoying will happen tomorrow since it valentines n all.
Acha.
Okay.
Bye.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Cleanin out my closet

My university starts from Monday right....[OMG Ima finally do my OWN homework ^.^]
So I decided to fix my closet and see what clothes I have...But then I realized that I dont have clothes...at all.
I kind of never really needed them since I dont wear them that often. I actually had to make new clothes when I joined the office. Wait...what? You dont really wear clothes? Well, I do, of course. I mean...you know...who wears them properly at home? Orange pjs and a parrot green kurta with a ripped sleeve is like a grand Chanel gown for me. This is what I have..

Awesome comfy pjs


Skimpy tops that I cant wear in public


Appropriate tops without bottoms or dupattas


Uncomfortable proper clothes that I wont wear


And nice fancy stuff that Im saving for occasions that I will never attend


Oh and since Im uploading pics...heres the pizza that I made [Khe Khe Abeer J]


I know I brag n shit...But I dont have much dressing sense. And Im okay with that. I dont care if Im the best or worst dressed in the room. My intelligence makes up for it...or so I think.
Im really excited to back to college after a year n all...but dressing up everyday is really gona suck. Roz roz kaun loser tayaar hota hai? Roz roz kaun loser baal banata hai?
Mai to nai karu gi. Okay may be I will...But I wont have fun doing it.
Back in my college...girls used to straighten their hair at 7:30 in the morning. Everyday.
Thats Seven Thirty AM in the Morning!
Who does that? I dont know how to end this post.

P.S. The pizza sucked.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

03:22 AM

I was writing a paper on something about killing and morals and ethics...or something like that.
Now Im going to turn off the computer and go to sleep.
Okay. Good Night.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Oh Kiss Me!
Lick your cigarette then kiss me!
^.^
You're so cheap Uzma -.-
=[
Kiss me where your eye wont meet me :D

So I still check out my old company's account and steal their papers...and I just found out that the new company Im working for is actually owned by the same boss and its him that Im actually working for. Ehe.
Its funney ^.^
He could've told me you know -.-
I mean I would've done it anyway. But whatever. But he doesnt know that I know. And Im planing to have a little fun now ^.^
But it must really hurt to pay me 3 dollars a page since I used to work for like a 100 rs per page. Ehe.
But whatever...Meet me where your mind wont kiss me.
Lick your eyes and Mine and then Hit me ^.^
Uzma! :O

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Chronic Perversion

Me: Have you heard 'raise your weapon' by dead mou5e? I love that song its really good.

Poo: mhmm...what kind of good?

Me: Like nice grunge sad sort good...

Poo: No...is it like dirty good or what?

Me: What? No...what do you mean dirty good? How can it be....oh...OH...ew..Noooooo you perv :O

Poo: Its not my fault...what kind of name is that....Raise your weapon...what else am I supposed to think?

Im on a boat!

Have you heard that song Im on a boat by the lonely island?
I love that song. And I actually feel happy for them. I feel their excitement. They have money and they're liking it. Unlike all the other ungrateful celebrities who keep whining how they have everything yet they're not happy and they would love to go back to their families. Stupid pretentious assholes.

So Im 22 right....[Yea i'll be whining about that for a while].
Im sure you know people who hide their ages. And by people I mean laydees.
People who hide their age annoy me. Especially if I know them personally.
So this friend of mine....I've known her all my life...this is what happened.

At the age of 6:

Me: Kal meri birthday hai. Mai 6 years old hojau gi ^.^

She: Mai to last week 7 years ki hogai:P

At the age of 18:

Me: OMG Im so excited Im turning 18 this month :D

She: You're 18? :O

Me: YES :D How old are you?

She: I turned 17 last week.

I always lost no matter how old I was. But then came 2010 and we both celebrated our 21st birthday. And finally we're the same age now. But this is still reasonable. You know I was the oldest girl in first year AND second year? I was the only 18 year old and then the only 19 year old. And now Im the only 22 year old. Even my cousin who was born twenty days before me is 21. Its not fair. What difference does it make? Its not like you're actually gona get younger. Just accept it and move on. Or whine like me. But dont lie. And dont be sitting there talking about honesty and truth.
Also I dont like kids. And I hate batameez kids.
Parents need to teach their kids some manners.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Im on a boat muthafuka take a look at me!

I was gona type something really awesome but I decided to transfer pics first and now I kind of dont remember what i was gona write. Either that, or I dint have anything to write in the first place so I just made up this whole story to make it sound like I did have something interesting to tell, just to maintain my cool.

I turned 22 least Monday. Yep.
Getting old. I dont like making a big deal out of birthday...but it wasnt always like that.
I remember having birthday parties. There was a time when I had three parties. One with family and two with the two groups of friends that I have.
Anyway, Im getting old.
Each year I get closer to being married o.O
Yes I can be That lame. Go away.
So...shadi is gona suck. Thinking about shadi makes me sad.
Very sad.
I even have nightmares about it. Like Im married to some nice dude [its a different dude every time ^.^] and everything is perfect but Im depressed for some reason. Like really unhappy. Suicidal. And I've been having this same dream with different guys for three years now.

But like I was saying....I turned 22 last Monday.
No cake. Well, I baked a cake on Saturday which I had on Monday and Sunday.

Its a cookie+coffee+chocolate+walnut cake thingie.
Thats right. I dint have anything to write in the first place. Just wanted to put up the pic. I dont care if Im getting old. I dont care if only five of my friends wished me. I dont care if I spent my birthday playing gta. Yes I still play stupid games. Whatever.
I like carrot and beetroot juice.
CBJ FTW!

Im going to bake pizza now.
AND I WILL HAVE A GREAT TIME EATING IT ALL ALONE!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Sufism hermeneutic

In case you're still wondering about the kidnapped girls - they're back.
And they look as awesome [read slutty] as ever. But...Im not gona get personal here.
And in case you're wondering what happened or how did they make it back - I dont know.
No one does. The whole thing was super secret and I think it would be rather impolite of me to go ring their door bell and ask them whatever did their kidnappers do to them. Also I've lost interest in the story. I know I showed a lot of emotions in the last post but they're gone. Been a week. Feelings ka kia hai. Aj hain, kal nai hain.

So here's the deal. I strained my muscle in sleep. It was a little below and around my right shoulder when I woke up. It was bad but bearable. Then I asked my mum to massage a little but I refused to lie down and forced her to massage quickly while I was standing so she did. After five minutes the pain increased and to the whole right side of my body effecting my right lung. It was like I was getting a heart attack in my lung and it was bad. I told my mum so she pressed my back which then made a cracking sound which scared the shit out of my mum and the pain almost killed me. It was so bad that I got dizzy and my eyes kind of rolled back. My mum thought Im getting another seizure. I saw her face and felt bad for making her watch me like this. After fifteen minutes it got just a weeeee bit better so I stood up and told her its alright now. She cried a bit in the corner and was distracted for the whole hour. Everything is back to normal but shes super upset. You know how the air gets when the mommy in the house is sad. But heres the real problem....my back still hurts like shit and Im having trouble breathing and I cant stand straight or lie down. Im only able to sit in this awkward position that Im sitting in at the moment. I dont have the heart to tell her that its still hurting.
Sigh.
Im such a good daughter.
But the pain is nauseating. It hurts when I take a deep breathe and when I sniff or cough. And just so you know, I have flu. So I have to go through a heart attack in my right lung every ten minutes.
But the whole thing made me wonder about parents who lose their children. Life must really suck for them. Also, heart attacks really hurt. I so dont wana die of one. Also, muscle spasm sucks more than epilepsy.