Saturday, July 31, 2010

It hot. The weather.

So I was doing my nails the other day and realized I dont really have nails.
Which is[insert an appropriate adjective].

I have issues with my hands. But I dont wana talk about it.
You're prolly expecting something funny here...i'll try.
Im planning to watch The Crow tonight.
The old one.
My mums cleaning my dresser so its kind of making me feel bad which is obviously having a negative impact on my funny.
And there...I just made my blog post sound like a dissertation with that sentence.
I got a raise.
But that not how I wanted to say it.
I wanted something more exciting and manly...something like "I got another raise Biatch".
But Ive sent too many random msgs in the past 24 hours to be excited now.
Also, I now have my own ATM card. Which is kinda cool.
Okay so the download is complete so I dont have to pretend that Im about to write something interesting anymore. So yes. Next time.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Decision making skills.

9.30 pm

Ami: "Uzma aj pizza order karna"

Me: "hmm"

10.00 pm

Ami: "Pizza order karna hai ya nai..?"

Me: "Abi karti hoon"

11.00 pm

Me: "Pizza order kardu?"

Ami: "umm...nai rehney do"

11.30 pm

Ami: "Pizza order kardo.."

Me: "itni dair mai laye ga ab rehney dain"

11.50 pm

Me: "Pizza kiu nai order kara?"

Ami: "umm...acha mai fried rice bana deti hoon"

It runs in the family.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

*Dan DHan Dhan Dan DHAN*

You know Aamir....remember Amir?
The Office boy dude?
Yea...he got kicked out of the office cuz hes a total jackass...and then he ran away with a girl.
So the other day...this sub-inspector dude came to investigate...and he looked like Nicholas Cage. A younger Nicholas Cage. Like the one in face off. He had his eyes, face cut, and huge forehead. Like the kind which is shiny and gives the impression that the person is bald...but then you stand up and take a closer look and realize that the clean field is still the part of the forehead and not the actual head.
Anyway...he had this BadAss presence. The the kind who has his own background music. Like when he came, I was expecting someone to play "BAd to the Bone" in the background. Like you know...he walked in with his pune dude guy...and I was all "WuOAH" and Danish was all "DAYnM" and Anum was all "HAYyee"...and then it was all...

*Dan DHan Dhan Dan DHAN*

BadAss dude: "Amir idher kaam karta hai?"

*Dan DHan Dhan Dan DHAN*

And I was all: "O__O"

And Anum was all: ":S"

and Danish was all: ":|"

and Hamza waz all: "uh...nai abi nai karta pehley karta tha"

*Dan DHan Dhan Dan DHAN*

and then he was all: "Aap mai se Omer kaun hai?"

*Dan DHan Dhan Dan DHAN*

and I was all: ":O"

and Anum was all: ":S"

and Danish was all: *dont look at me - dont look at me - Im invisible*

and Hamza was all: "uuuuh..."

and Omer was all: *peeking in* Im Omer.

*Dan DHan Dhan Dan DHAN*

and then we all paused our Music players, took out the ear phones, and started listening to the conversation they were having. It was actually fun. I couldnt stop thinking about the guy. He had that scary presence. And that Crocodile look. You know how much I adore Crocodiles. I kept thinking how he beats up people and goes all Bencho doing it. It was an interesting day.

Even though Im not a fan of Nicholas Cage...I think I'd be very excited to meet him.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Crazy Lady in my head.

Dont get late today try te reach by ten...wake up its 9...wake up...shudve slept early last night...stupid alarm wake up its 9.20....ITS 9.20 WAKE UP...hurry time to make lunch...look good...put some kohl...smudge it properly...wheres the gloss? forget the gloss...fuck the gloss man its 9.55...moms saying something nod...NOD BITCH...just forget the gloss...go go said something, respond....dont forget the money....RESPOND TO MOM...okay lets go...youre late again...perfect...say hello to the nice lady...okay boss is calling...just listen to whatever he says very carefully and dont look at the nemo sticker on his laptop...whatever you do just dont look at nemo...STOP LOOKING AT NEMO STICKER...ugh...he has that look on his face...he knows you werent listeing...say something smart...okay forget it...just follow whatevers on the paper...okay..concentrate...if we do two pages in one hour we can do ten pages....just conentrate...stop looking at the dont look at saman...Stop looking at samans lapto...

Saman: "Kia hua?"

Me: "kuch nai..."

Saman: *smile*

Me: *smile*

...just look at the wall...its one already...youve only written 17 words...okay never mind...get four pages done by three...its still possible...okay girls are talking...look at talking about skin and weight...okay...look interested...say something...or dont...just concentrating...............concen...oh Danish....okay take a ten minutes break...dont say anything emo emo talk....just avoid emo...

Me: "doesnt matter"

Danish: "Why did you just win a lottery?"

Me: "No I just lost interest in life."

...ugh....say something funny...make a smiley...say funny...get away from the topic...

Me: "Im afraid if I take another sip the glass will be empty. Im talking about pepsi of course."

Okay...good...go smooth...its four...youve only done two pages....back to work...BACK TO WORK NOW...say brb...okay...concentrate....concentrate.......damn its 5.10...okay we do the rest tomorrow...hungry......hungry....walk fast....wonder whats for dinner...hope its not teenday....dont get in the elevator with him...hes stinking....hungry...hungry....okay home....check dinner...check dinner...check.....teenday...*sigh*...its okay....dont cry....its alright...we can have maggie....dont cry....stop crying...go bathe...okay eat....sleep early today...okay....lalalalala...lalalalaaaa.....stop thinking...its 12.30...go to sleep...stop thinking....stop thinking its....check the time...where's your cell.....check under the pillow...okay...its...2.30....STOP THINGKING AND GO TO SLEEP ALREADY.

And that, is my life.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Oh oh ohoh

Sexy from head to toe, oh oh oh-oh oh oh
So I was just thinking...If I dont get busy with my friends for more than a week, I start feeling nauseous.
I am part pathan. That alone should make you laugh.
No ones sitting outside and the fan is on and its really annoying me. But Im too comfortable in my seat to get up.
Im too tired to be alive right now.
Meri dost ka jo ek husband haina...itna dick hai. he annoys the life out of me. He makes me want to put my hair on fire. He makes me wana puke my lungs out. Khabees hai. And bechara he thinks hes so hot. Poor thing.
Bleh me. And Bleh you.
The world is a very uninteresting place. Why is that even a word?
But anyway, Bleh.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Despicable me.

My life has been pretty fucked up lately but you wouldnt wana know about that. The temperature of my room is not hot enough for me to complain:\
Anyway, I dont have anything to write.
No new item on my Hate list.
But Im a little irritated with my friends. Well...not really. Im secretly naraaz hoon sab se. But I wont tell them. I dont like fazul ki confrontations...umm...okay never mind. This already sounds boring.
I know Im smart n I really am...not the geek smart but the samajh-daar wala smart. I get that a lot from aunties and people in general. But its not exactly a compliment. Sounds more like a taunt. Like its a bad thing or something. I mean...forgive me for not giggling my life away. So I was saying...I drag too much.

I saw leap year last night...almost.
After five minutes I was like...where the fuck is Shahrukh Khan?
It was a fucked up version of Dil waley dulhanya le jain ge...Remember? Its one of those DDHH and KKHH and K3G movies...Of course you remember. Everyone does. So yeah...the whole time [around fifteen minutes] I was waiting for Shahrukh Khan to pop out from somewhere in the mountains and start singing tujhe dekha to ye jana sanam and it was not pleasant. I hate waiting and I always find myself waiting for something. Emo.
Thank you Danish for wasting fifteen minutes of my precious ha ha:p

My cell is being gay again. It wont connect. Pata nai kia canfused si device hai. Kabhi connect hoti hai and then suddenly it starts giving me errors. So I was saying...why is everyone trying so hard to be different? We're not. We're all the same. With the same traits. Just different degrees. How hard is that to understand?
But I was really excited to see that billboard today...Mc Donalds launched a new meal. But I was very disappointed to see the word "tasty". I dont like that word. Reminds me of tulsi and those horrendous paki mujras. Anyway...Im looking forward to eating it tomorrow. See how exciting my life is?
No no, Im not complaining.
Ayesha itni cute hai and she started talking so now shes cuter=[
If her parents leave her alone with me i'll cook her with potatoes and have her for dinner. I think she'll taste like a calf. But I wouldnt eat Dua. Dua is Ayesha's friend...a few month older. Nice Healthy chubby kid. But I still wouldnt eat her. I have a feeling she tastes like a camel. Cuz she has like red cheeks n all....Im guessing the color of her blood is like that purple-ish red sort...yeah...I doubt if she'll taste good. She'll taste more like qurbaani ka goosht which is found somewhere in the corner of the freezer three months after the qurbaani.
Eid kab ayegi yaawr...I wana buy stuff.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Sab chaley gai.
Mai reh gai akeli.
I even had the free pass...Even Junaid went to the same screening....I would totally get permission to stay out late.
Pata nai kia masla hai.
Stupid weak me.
Har wakt bemaar.
Abi bhi sick.
Gay pana fazul ka.
Its not fair.
Sab chaley gai.
Im the only loser in the city at home with mom tonight.


Koi baat nai.
Ami ordered pizza for me.
Sab theek hojae ga.

Im glad the week is over.
It was a bad one.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Gay Alert. [Not a funny post]

Sometimes I wish I could express myself in images instead of words. Words make me sound gay and desperate.
If I were able to express myself in images in my head, you would realize that desperation is a very small part of it. The real thing is so much more...I dont want to say deep but...what do you call something which is stimulating and has depth and is so intense and sad and exciting at the same time...?
Im always struggling with words. And then it turns into something funny. And then I end up talking about something like donuts.
Im listening to this thing over and over again. And its not just desperation.
See I sound gay with words.
I want to draw something.
I want to paint.
Im tired of research.
Im on the verge of exploding.
But I read that most of us never really do explode. We usually chicken out at the last moment.
I feel so confined.
I dont even have a pencil to draw.
Ever find yourself focusing on something really pointless and minute when you should be looking at the bigger picture?
Isnt it disturbing?
I made this sketch a couple of years back.
Dead bodies hanging from a tree.
I had a dream about it last night.
I could see the shadow of nude bodies hanging from the tree outside my window. It wasnt clear cuz the window was closed.
I was going to be the next body and the fear I felt was real.
I need images here.
Confused again. But calm.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Onm nom nom

Kuch awesome likhne ka dil chara hai.
But...pata nai.
world cup is boring this year.
sss....nah I cant think of anything funny about fifa....sides its gay song.
But its not funny. Its just sad. Guys at work say they dont want to see Shakira shake her ass and they're straight people.
kia likhoon yaaaaar...
I dont like saying yaar since my Urdu teacher said it was a bad word back in 2004. But I say it. But I feel weird saying it like Im saying something...ya some urdu graphic gaali. Nah..this topic aint workin either.
I saw Mr. Brooks yesterday. It was actually good.
Demi Moore is not flat.
Oh...okay...You know when you get those lines on your forehead when youre thinking?
They're now permanent on mine. I actually have to try to not look like Im thinking something deep. Its kinda depressing. And I have that look on my face right now.
Im old=[
Mr. Brooks was really good.
I love sneaky creepy people.
Stomp the yard is ugly.
Im not being a racist.
I dont have anything against Negroes.
I absolutely have no intentions to discriminate.
But...the movie was ugly.
Not a single good looking person.
And to make it worse...all the dancers kept twisting their face and showing their tongues twitching their noses like they were about to sneeze.
No disrespect.
I think Negroes are really awesome.
I mean...Denzel Washington, Halle Berry, Morgan them.
But...stomp the yard was...There were at least three scenes in the movie which made me wana puke.
It was like...alien sex in Avatar.
But uglier...with more details.
It was not pretty.

Waddaya know...we got a post=D

yaYy of the month.

Remember how I used to whine about how much I suck at work and how I cant write?
Yea...well...not anymore ^.^
I. Are. Awesome.
Jumped from writing 54 last month to 117 this month.
And I got a raise ^.^
me and my awesomeness.
Just...I amuse myself.

I declare an Annual Hypothetical Holiday on July 5 to be observed every year till the end of time.

Now I just really hope my other friends n all dont read it...cuz then the word will spread and then if I treat like one group of friends I'll have to treat other two groups as well. I have too many friends:\
Anyway....yaYy me:D

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Bolo bolo...

They did 'bolo bolo' in coke studio=[
I so totally love that song=[
It was so nice of them to do it=[

Bolo bolo tumne kia dekha?
Bolo bolo tumne KIA Dekha merey jeevan main?=[

History and Literature, as interesting as they are, can be a grain of salt in the wounded flesh when put together. Currently Im writing a research paper on the "Leading Italian Renaissance Humanists" and lets just say.....I would rather live those days again than do this shit.

Meri gaari dekhi ya mera bangla dekha ya mera sara bank balance [read bang balance] dekhaa?

I like the real one better though.

Na merey sapne dekhey na mera jazba dekha na mera toota hua dil dekhaa=[

I have no idea why I like this song:\

I cant remember the last time I prayed. Been more than a year I think. I dont feel like it. I dont want to. And I would really like to have a word with God:\

Please dont hate me=[

Mujhey pyaar tumse nahi hai PYAAR tumse nahi hai...

Okay..."pyaar" sounds cheap no matter what.
I hate the term.
Why did I live today?
Why am I going to continue living tomorrow?
I better find a reason by the time I wake up or else Im gona be really depressed.

Main tumse dur chala jaunga paas nahi aungaa...

Oh...I had a dream again. Ya know the kind when you see someone cry and then you feel bad cuz when you wake the dream reminds you something bad you did to that particular person in the past? Yeah. That. Hate those.