Saturday, September 29, 2012

HTP, FREE, Personality Assessment, ANALYSIS, FREE, FREE!!!!

The whole blogger has long have I been gone? o.O
I dont have anything to write about in particular...and this is not as amusing as it used to be.
Enough about me. YOU!!
How are YOU??
Interested in a free personality assessment?
Draw an image of a tree, person, house and I shall do your analysis!!
Draw one or all of the things. But with a pencil.
Im just really bored...I dont have credit, no ones online, I have no work or homework, I've seen all the movies I had, I dont have any book to read and the game I was playing is giving me errors. So yes, I am very serious about the assessment.


Clearly the instructions I gave were stupid. Heres the thing. One drawing on ONE page. Please dont cramp all three on the same page. NO stick figures. Also, please put a little effort in the drawings. According to ones I have received so far, you guys may be suffering from mild mental retardation.
Yes YOU me and Insane!!

Monday, June 25, 2012


Remember how I was all excited about starting my internship at Shifa. It was one of the things on my to-do list. Sort of like an achievement. Yes well it started today. And now that I'm here, at this point, it doesnt matter. Hard to believe it was something to be happy about because its just not that big a deal anymore. Like it was a year back. Its weird how your perception of things change by the time you actually get to it. I guess thats what they mean by all those journey and destination crap. And I have a feeling this will be the case every time I "achieve" something. It wont matter.

I think I've lost the "human" element in me somewhere along the way.

On a serious note [yes, I am implying everything stated above is unimportant and pathetic. Yes, Im judging myself], the therapists here suck Ass. I got to observe a session today. The therapist spoke Urdu in English with a patient who probably couldn't even write his name. Breached very basic rules of therapy. Had no concept of confidentiality and made no efforts to make the person comfortable, who, by the way, had major depressive disorder. Good going lady. You probably destroyed the little whatever self-esteem he had and assured him that no one will ever understand what he's going through. The administration let it all happen because we're in a "learning" phase and are bound to make all these errors. On the expense of the patients, of course.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Atheists, Believers, and Monkeys.

So Bush was just telling me how atheists are so anti-misogynist feminist.
And yes, they are. I've never really thought about it because my brain is programmed to ignore all matters related to religion and spirituality so I usually just skip through this crap. Still all these atheists and believers are so in my face that I end up reading (or at least glancing at) at least one comment everyday in which either an atheist is trying to prove how stupid and ignorant believers are or a believer "praying" for the atheist to find the right path. Mostly, the former.

I just fail to see the point in debating online about all this because it never makes a difference. Its not like youre going to change anyone's mind. Even if you end up winning the argument, what difference does it make? Because, again, no is going to change their belief system over an online debate among a bunch of monkeys whose soul purpose is to win the argument and make the other person look like an idiot.

What you dont know is that you all look equally stupid, no matter which side youre on. Because trust me, no one gives a shit about your opinion. No matter how logical, valid, and scientifically correct it is, which usually, it isnt. Most of the people jumping around in such arguments dont have sufficient knowledge of the topic. Until and unless you've studied both sides, and by studying I dont mean reading all the articles on the first page of google, you have no right to bitch about yours or another person's belief. All you prove is that youre going through a cognitive disequilibrium which makes you a needy whore.

So take my advice and shut the fuck up already. No one cares what you think or believe. You dont matter. Your opinion doesnt matter. Youre not making a difference. Just filling the internet with your bullshit and pissing off people like me. Only we know better than to get in an argument with you because we would rather just bang our heads against the wall, you attention seeking pretentious delusional whore.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

17th Centruy France and 21st Century Pakistan

I recently gave a presentation on mental institutions in the 17th century. We did have an idea about what they were like because we keep studying old practices every now and then but I came across this particular description about a particular institution in France, called La Bicetre [pronounced bi-sseth], which gave me the chills. Here is the excerpt:

"a typical scene at La Bicetre, a hospital in Paris, starting with patients shackled to the wall in dark, cramped cells, iron cuffs and collars permitted just enough movement to allow patients to feed themselves, but not enough to lie down at night, so they were forced to sleep upright. Little attention was paid to the quality of food and the rooms were never cleaned. Patients had to make do with the little amount of straw to cover the cold floor and were forced to sit amongst their own waste that was also never cleaned up".

Last weekend, we went to visit the patients at Sir C.J. Institute of Psychiatry in Hyderabad, popularly known as Giddu Bandar. The whole purpose of the trip was to show us what its really like to work in a mental institution and also to show us how to communicate with patients who have severe symptoms of psychosis.

Before I get started, I must mention that I saw some neat scenery on my way to Hyderabad. The dried up lake, nice green fields. It was pretty.

Before going there, we we're given clear instructions that we will see things we dont like and as bad as the situation, we must remember, that before this hospital was built, mentally ill patients used to wander the streets and they were not accepted by their family or society. Had no place to live and no food to eat while children threw rocks at them. And now at least they have a safe place to stay. In other words, we were mentally prepared to see the worst.

There are 11 wards in the hospital. We were shown only 4 of them.
The first ward we visited was of patients with mild to moderate symptoms of schizophrenia. The moment I walked in the ward, I was taken over with fear because the beds of the patients were too close together, leaving a very small space for us to walk. I couldnt help but think that one of them will have a fit and get out of control. It was especially pathetic of me to think that because of all the people I should know these patients, like any other, are sick people and not animals.

Anyway, the fear was gone when I started noticing the room and people in it. The walls were of dull gray and white color [that had gone yellow from filth]. There was no ventilation in the room because all the windows were covered with net, with piles of dirt caught in between. And then I noticed the bed of patient right next to me. He was staring at us with amusement, lying in his own vomit and piss which I could tell hadn't been cleaned for a couple of days. That's where the stench was coming from. Suddenly I had a feeling that I've visited this place before or seen it...then I realized that I was actually inside the the image I had in my mind when I first read the description of Le Bicetre.

The second ward we visited had only one patient suffering from psychosis. He was narcissistic with a sense of grandiosity. Keeping all my emotions and empathy aside, I found him to be the most interesting of them all mainly because he also suffered from neologism. Neologism is the use of meaningless words by a person suffering from psychosis. Initially, we thought he was speaking in different languages because of his fluency, but later we were told that it wasn't a language but random words the the patient made up. We actually learned quite a few things about psychosis.

The third ward we visited was for female patients. They too had schizophrenia with some having absolutely no reality contact. The difference between the male and female ward was that the females were locked in room, giving it an appearance of a jail. Im not sure what the inside of the room was like because they dint let us in saying that the female patients were more hostile than the male patients. We stood outside and spoke to them. From what I could see, it was not as dirty as the male ward but not necessarily clean either. There was another room inside the room, with a jail like appearance for patients who made too much trouble.

The of the sad things was, that the less sick patients were responsible for taking care of patients in bad condition. There were only two caretakers outside the room who shouted orders to the patients inside..."Nudrat...Naseem baji ko ander band kardo", like Nudrat was a certified nurse. Naseem seemed to have severe symptoms of psychosis as she had no idea of who she was or where she was and kept taking off her clothes saying obscenities. I dint quite feel the pain of these patients until one of them came in front and began crying. She sat by the gate and kept repeating "main pagal horai hoon mujhe dawai de do mai bohat bemaar hoon. Mujhe theek kardo mujeh ghar jana hai"

Most of these patients were brought in by their children. Seeing us actually made them happy because they never have any visitors, including close family members.

The last ward was of suicidal patients. Most of them were asleep due to heavy medications and one of them chained to keep him from harming himself. We heard people shouting in other building but the head doctor wouldn't take us there saying it wast safe.

Almost forgot about the head doc, who is also the managing director of the place. Lets call him Dr. Josef Mengle, because he reminded me of him. Dr. Josef Mengle was one of the head doctors of the Nazi concentration camp where he conducted many experiments on humans, twin children in particular. The most popular experiments being injecting fluids in the eyes of kids to change their eye color and stitching twin together to form Siamese twins.

Of course he's not as badass as him but he sure has the tendency to get there. Rude and ignorant, he dint hesitate insulting two people of our staff members [security guards] for stepping inside the building because only people who have had some particular education and training are allowed inside the building. His favorite form of treatment was obviously ECT [Electroconvulsive Therapy] as he kept on saying that we should've arrived before 10 am because then he could show us patients receiving electric shocks.

He refused to show us around after 1.30 because his daughter was coming to pick him up. Though the morning shift doesn't end till 2:00 pm, all the doctors left before 1:30. The whole facility has over 300 patients, 5 psychiatrists and only 2 psychologist [only one available at a time]. I honestly dont know on what basis are the patients divided because it appeared that they were all randomly shoved together in a room ignoring the severity of their symptoms which can have a drastic effect on the health of the patients who only have mild symptoms.

Our teachers told us not to criticize the hospital unless we are willing to do something about it ourselves. So Im just going to shut the fuck up because I know I wont be going back there again. I dont have it in me. I couldn't even talk to the patients like the rest of them. I was too caught up with my own thoughts. It was the first time that I actually questioned my ability to become a good psychologist because honestly, I dint know how to react. I couldn't even stand the fact that I shook hands with one of the patients. Im not sure if Im more disgusted with myself or the caretakers of the institution.

Thursday, March 1, 2012


If you know me at all, but why would you, not like I've published all my researches in my name, and even if I did, what are the chances of you reading them? But anyway, if you knew me you'd know how ignorant I am toward religion.
Im not an atheist or agnostic or whatever...Im just not very spiritual.

I know this self-righteous narcissistic pretentious bitch woman. Well, I know a couple. But this one in particular is just in my face all the time with her opinions and beliefs. And we've only had a face-to-face conversation Twice!
She's just SO hard to ignore. Shes there preaching at the university, on our dept. official page, through her own page dedicated to animals, and any other forum that she thinks can be used to annoy people....shes just THERE!
"Oooh look at me Im a humanist I love animals oh Im just so much better than everyone else because I spend my dadys munnies everyday saving animals oooo I love them so much and Im a 'vegan' I dont eat milk and eggs and things made from milk and eggs but a cheese pizza is okay I guess because Im such a good human being saving all these animals and supporting gay rights...OMG where's my crown?"

I make sure I post all Maddox animal rights related stuff on her wall...Its funny how she begins explaining that people who eat meat are ignorant, uneducated, selfish children of Devil. Not that she believes in a Devil.

And thats not all, she keeps posting articles like homosexuality in Islam and women should should be allowed to roam naked and pretty much any sex related issue. I mean. People dont have money to eat. They're killing their children because they dont have money to eat. And you're spending 5000 everyday bathing a bunch of stray cats and dogs? And you have the nerve to say people are ignorant? Seriously? I mean. Seriously?

Well his was going to be an interesting post but Im just a little distracted.
Got to know things I dint really want to know and now its just stuck in my head and its going to stay there for ever. I would write about it but I dont want to be pitied.

In other news, turns out its a requirement to get myself psychoanalyzed before I can treat a real patient. Yep. So we were all given a choice to select our partners, and I, being equally uncomfortable with all my class mates, said yes to the first person who asked me. And well, lets just say, we're like...Gulliver and Frankenstein. I being Gulliver, of course.
Its so much more awkward than it sounds. And thats not all. We will be partners till January 2013 and will be administering Rorcharch, and TAT, and what not. Just. Ugh. Im such an interesting subject!!! I mean....theres so much dirt to dig...My perfectly fucked up mind is just being wasted with the examiner that Im assigned ~.~

Sunday, February 12, 2012

I just like to call you my bitch.

Its 1:25 am and I have to wake up at 6:30 and get ready for school. Im off to a bad start of the week. But all that doesnt matter because OMG WE ARE FINALLY STUDYING PSYCHOLOGICAL TESTING AND MENTAL HEALTH AND PSYCHOPATHOLOGY!!
I've waited three years to study that shit in detail.
And I've gone out of my way to teach myself testing...TAT being an example.

I finally own a DSM and will be using it to diagnose real people OFFICIALLY!
No more amateur analysis of normal people trying to be crazy. I never really got why everyone wanted me to label them "crazy", "weird" and/or "psychotic". Its not cool being any of that. Not when you know what these terms actually represent.

Anyway. I feel like a doctor.
I feel like Indiana Jones ._.

Oh my love, my darling
I've hungered for you touch,
a long, lonely time
and time goes by so slowly.
But not quite.

I found my new...subject.
I dont know how long this has been going on, but I always have had a "subject" in my life that I find amusing. It can be the most random person that I see and find something wrong with them. And then I spend the next couple of months building rapport and finding out whats wrong with them. I cant rest until that person has opened up completely. So far, Ive been successful in all my ventures. Once the person opens up, I may or may not help, depending on the situation. And we end up becoming pretty good friends, unless it an interesting male participant, in which case I end up having a week long fling, lolj/k. No but seriously.
So my new subject is actually a friends friend. My doubts were correct about him having a sort of manic depressive disorder. He is currently seeing a therapist, but for the next three weeks they will probably be doing the intake session. Anyway. I have to befriend him, which shouldnt be that difficult because we have mutual friends. How fucking messed up is this? I probably do this to feel good about myself and feel I have some kind of control on my actions. Heh. Imadoctah! ^^

Saturday, February 4, 2012


I was just thinking about my friends because I feel like talking. But every time I want to do that I have to first go through this time consuming [brain time not human time] process of deciding whom to talk to. And I just realized that I actually pick the category of friends and then pick a friend from that category. My friends can be divided into the following categories o.O

Shaadi Friends - Well, this one has quite a few members. These friends are the ones I have spent a lot of time with and they're more like casual fun friends. Recently married, I mostly find myself avoiding communication with them because they no longer have topics that interest me. They're either convincing me to get married or telling me about how cute/awesome/adorable their husband is. And if they're feeling too excited, they throw in information about their sex life, which can be very awkward. I usually just sit and smile and nod and may be throw in a one liner or something.

Nerd Dost - These are the friends I actually enjoy talking to. They're not necessarily good students but have a lot of knowledge and I always end up learning something new. I love interacting with them and actually communicate. You give opinions and speak up. But these conversations involve no feelings or emotions. Such topics are purposely ignored so when Im emo I cant go to them.

Geek Dost - Yes, theres a difference between a geek and a nerd. This circle of friends include people crazy about comics, games, action figures, documentaries, and fancy music. I dont have much to contribute with them because Im not in to any of these but I find their insane fascination with all these pointless fictitious things somewhat amusing. They speak of emotions as they are explained in comics and often express themselves using lines from Lord of the Rings or some other Japanese/Korean thing. I mostly dont understand what theyre talking about but its fun making fun of their obsessions.

Stupid Friends Who Think They're Smart - We all have those. Im just friends with these because they're good people and quite helpful when needed. If only they could cut down on talking and stop asking me stupid questions as if it were a technical one. Try hard to insult the other person but the bad grammar wont let them. But they're good people. Deep, deep down inside. Also a bit vain. But we all are.

The Average Clan - These people dont excel in anything. They're not geeks or nerds or married or that stupid. Average intelligence....only like things to an extent and havent yet discovered their object/field of interest. They're going with the flow trying to figure things out. Make good conversational partners but lack ambition which makes them boring after a while. I guess I too fall in this category. Because I bore myself.

I think I need more friends.

Friday, February 3, 2012


You know what sucks more than the political situation of Canada?
The multi-disciplinary teams and communication networks involved in prescribing, supplying and administering medicines. When am I gona come to my good senses? My back hurts because Ive been working since 2 pm. Its 12:36 now. IM NOT A MACHINE MAA OH MAH GAWD GIMME A BREAK. I tend to over do things at times. Be a bit dramatic just to stir things up. It kind of backfires when the other person starts taking me seriously and then I have to continue the dramatic routine because not doing so would make the other person really really angry and hostile. My spider senses telling me spider man is near by and my plan is to get him next and open up a can of pineapples, godammit Dre where is the goddamn beat? yea. Anyway, I dont know how else to put it. This is the only thing Im good at. Writing. More like typing. I can type and make stupid things sound like they make sense and then provide fake references to make it sound more logical and authentic. I say you all are just too goddamn sensitive.

Canada and Dubai are so boring. Just like the Medicine Legislation of 1989. You find me offensive? I find you offensive, shit. This is the same verse I just did. If you put your cold finger tips on a hot hot metal rod, it would hurt really really bad. Your skin will probably get stuck and as you pull, half your flesh will stay on the rod and go tsssssssss. It might smell pretty good. Like thin fried strips of juicy meat.
Id eat that ._.
Trust I seek, and I find in you, none. But none of that matters u___u

Round # 1

Their Argument: "Larka itna acha hai, achi pay hai, MBA kia hai, ghar mai itney loag bhi nai hain, cook hai, maids hain, kuch bhi nai karna parey ga, valid aur chacha [pata nai which grade] ke officers thay, parhi likhi family hai, soch to lo ek dafa"

My Argument: "Mujhe parhna hai"

Their Argument: "Parhai to hoti rahey gi...unho ne khud bola hai ke jitna parhna hai parlo shaadi ke bad kisi ko koi issue nai hai"

My Argument: "Im a lesbian"

Mum: "Kia lesbian?"

Me: "Female gay. Mujhe larkia pasand hain"

*Head Slap*

Mum: "Khuda ka khauf karo Uzma!"


Them = 1
Me = 0

Wednesday, February 1, 2012


You know what sucks about being a girl in this region of the world?
From education to going out to liking someone to crossing 20's without getting married.
Mutlab...pura mulk shaadi karne mai laga hua hai.
Shaadi on morning shows.
Shaadi on cooking shows.
Shaadi in dramas.
Our lives revolve around being married and getting others married.
No wonder we haven't progressed as a nation. We focus too much on reproduction and partners to reproduce with.

I turned 23 yesterday.
Fuck this Im not even going try to make this sound interesting.

I hate shaadi.
I hate family.
I hate collectivism.
I hate paranoid worried mothers.
I hate aunts and uncles who believe it to be their moral duty to get everyone in the extended family married.
I hate being a girl.
I hate it when the mummy and the baby visit people to see gUrLx for the baby.
One such baby visited me the other day.
Mummy ne larki dikhai.
Baby ne pasand karli.
Without even having a conversation.
Ab baby shaadi bhi karlega.
With mummy's consent, of course.
I feel like a bakri.

A long month of emotional blackmail, long pointless dramatic conversations, and rebellion awaits me.
Because getting married at the right time is above all.
If I dont post within a month, know that I cut myself and bled to death.

Saturday, January 28, 2012


Pakistan won.
India lost.
Maya Khan got fired.
And there was some other news that I dont remember.
None of that concerns me though.
But its been quite an eventful day.

Ive been wanting to write something for quite some time now but I dint because the issues I wanted to talk about are all over the internet and its just not fun throwing in your opinion in a bunch of other unwanted opinions. Kuch nai.
What if Edward Mordake had schezophrenia?
Its possible.
We'll have to dig into his life history first though but Im sure we can find evidence.
I tend to use 'we' more than I need to. And not once do I mean it. I write too many corporate letters.

I just got finished reading Taboo by...Fauzia or Faiza or Farah some person. Or was it Rehman someone. I dunno.
[Why is it so important to remember the name of the author? Its like...if you dont remember the author you dint read it...or dint grasp the concept...or something. Why do they make a big deal out of it? I never remember authors or experimenters. Hell I dont even remember names of people I see every day. Yes, I do agree that these people need to be acknowledged but dude. Bad memory? FACK YOU CHUBBEH ARROGANT GUY FROM CREATIVITY CRAP CLUB!].
So I was saying. Good book.
Made me feel sad and happy and then sad again.
Also made me hate men.
It was about the brothels in Lahore and prostitutes and all that.
We are kind of lucky for not being born in one of 'those' families.
Thora serious hojaega so never mind that.

Another topic of interest. The Favelas.
Dont we have those all around the world?
But it reminded me of Gaza strip in particular. Have you seen Occupation 101?
Must watch.
The reason why Im writing about all these random issues is that...well...these are the real issues. And I dont want to sound selfish but I often get back to reading all this to remind myself of how fucking awesome my so called fucked up life is. And it always works. It upsets me. And frustrates me. And makes me angry. And makes me feel helpless. But it helps me realize that I really do have it easy. So what if I have to work and study and take care of other personal stuff all at the same time? So what if I have more responsibilities than an average girl my age? So what if my childhood wasnt as bright and awesome as it should have been. So what if I dont have credit since Monday? At least I wasnt born in the red district in Lahore. Or the favela. Or the Gaza strip. At least Im capable of earning. At least I get to eat three (read five) times a day. At least I know the difference between then and than. At least, my friend. At least.
*douche alert*

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Of PMS, Psychos, and Shrinks.

I hate it when...
Dont you hate it when everyone decides to display symptoms of Premenstrual Syndrome at the same time? Which reminds me of the excessive and wrong use of the term "PMS" and "PMSing" on the internet and sms. Whats PMSing supposed to mean anyway?
PMS stands for Premenstrual Syndrome. So the saying "Stop PMS-ing here" would then mean "stop premenstrual syndroming here". Does that make sense to you? Because it sounded pretty stupid to me.
Every individual out there using terms like "pms-ing bitch" and "go pms else where" just to show the world that he/she has extensive knowledge of the female body and/or how witty they are with their metaphors, is an Ignorant Ass. And an idiot.
Some dude I knwo said something like that in my presence and I wanted to impale him. But I dint because we dint have time because we were preparing a script for our IPS class. Which we nailed. Anyway. Pata nai. I forgot what I wanted to blog about.
I have the tiniest span of attention. Ima be a terrible psychologist.
Which reminds me of the excessive and unnecessary use of the term "psycho" and "shrink".
If I had a penny for every time a person responded to my education with "so you're going to be a psycho/shrink". I hate being called both. The former is just plain stupid since psycho is a slang for psychopath and not psychologist. Which Im sure everyone knows and only use it to try to be funny or witty or whatever it is that they're trying to be. Just so you know. Its not funny. Its not that I get offended or that I dont get the "irony" [if there is any at all]. Its just that...its not funny. It just isn't. Okay? Its the lamest joke of the century.
Shrink I just find very offensive. But this I can deal with.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Analysis - III [The Leftovers]

Im feeling bad for not doing this earlier -.-

Random Hyper

umm...Im probabaly wrong seem to be a bit aggressive [internally]. You may not come off as aggressive as a person...but your thoughts tend to be a bit destructive? And a slight need for in...youre looking for some appreciation may be?
Also nuturance! A veyr nurturing person...tend to care for the ones around you but a different kind of nurturing [might get a bit bossy when doing so?]. You also have a high tendency to dominate. Do you have to try really hard to stop yourself from taking control?
A strong desire for freedom. You also resist interference of others in your welcome idea but get very defensice when someone tries to impose ideas on you or even when theres a little hint of anyone trying to change you. There is also a strong need for emotional attachment. You may lack emotional attachment in your life or may be there isnt enough of it and you want to connect on a deeper level with someone. Are you in a relationship? If yes...then you want to be able to connect with your significant other more...if not...may be its time to get to know someone?
Thats all I could get out of the story. I dont think Im in any position to give advices here but...umm...[my personal opinion - highly unlikely to be true] I thiiink theres some conflict between you true self and idea self. You are not what you actually want to be so you may try hard to become that person...and to some extent may be you do become that person but at the end of the day its not truly you. I dont know what Im talking about :\


Similar to random hypers story, the main theme of your story is of recognition. Though you dont necessarily seek attention, you do want your hard work to be acknowledged by others. When this doesnt happened, you get very upset and even lose otivation at times. You do enjoy having good...public relations. As prefer being socially accepted and that, at times, may even direct your behaviour. You also try hard to gain respect of others. Soemtimes go out of your way to get it..
You also avoid getting in situations that might put some blame on you or may lead to rejection by others. You refrain from misbehaviour...Are you a conventional person? Apologize easily? Make sure you get your tasks done? Remorseful? May be not to teh extent that Im claiming here but to some extent, yes. Also...there has been a shift in you life and mood in general. A recent, significant emotional change. In the sense, you way of perceivign the world has changed. May be a certain event has caused it. You also seem a bit dissapointed with you current situation in life. You ego has been hurt. You self concept has changed. A lot.
You may want to go a little easy on yourself. None of us turn out to be what we actually want. All we can do is try. Cant make every one happy. down your standards a bit may be? You're not that old. DO you have too many responsibilities/or you tend to take on responsbilities that you dont really have to?
You're still young...try to be young!


FINALLY a person who is not fucked up in the head. A very contrustive personality. When faced with difficulties he tries hard to fix things instead of just sitting in a corner and weeping about it. A go-getter, to be more precise. An understanding personality. He does not have a hard time understanding another person point of view and accepting it too. Open to new ideas. An emotional person. Has a strong need for affiliation i.e. values close relationships and strives to make them work. But can be a little passive at times. May be when youre down to go in your shell and go in a passive mode where you dont let others connect with you? But msotly, a good ehalthy personality. A sentient and elated person. Not easy to bring down.
However, with all thsi positivity, I think I missing out on something. What I just wrote above is how others see you and you yourself at a conscious level. Im not able to tackle the "inner machinations" of your mind with just one story ._.

NOTE: After doing the actual analysis with the real TAT images I realized how wrong my this analysis was. Please dont be taking it seriously. I just needed a few guinea pigs before I could do the actual one. Thank you for your cooperation.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Emoness Redefined.

I've been doing a lot [read a little] research on music and cognition lately [hate it when the first sentence begins with an "I"]. Cognitive psychology is my least favourite field in psychology. But the semester is over and Im DONE with the course!! But its not over. Neuropsychology awaits me in the next semester -.-
So I was writing about music and cognition. Meh. I lost interest. Initially I wanted to be a cognitive psychologist and have total control on the thoughts and memories of my patients. But I realized how boring, dry, and complicated it is to study brain. So Im sticking with clinical psychology.

2011 sucked more than 2010 and Im not expecting 2012 to be any better. Im not being emo, its just that...the quality of life keeps on decreasing.
Nothing significant happened. Besides the deaths and strokes and a number of paralysis here n there. Made a Lot of money. Spent more than I earned. Dint grow as a person. Made a lot of unnecessary friends. But it was kind of needed since all my old friends and cousins got married this year. Married friends turn in to these relatives who you meet occassionally because you dont want to cut them out of your life out of courtesy. Anyway. 2011 sucked. December in particular was full of shit. And January is expected to be shittier since December was only the beginning and in January the shit is going to be at its peak...going to stay there for a couple of months.
But look at the bright side. I learned how to do my make-up. And TAT. Which kind of added to my awesomeness. People think Im super fucking cool with my psychoanalysis n all. What they dont know is that all that keWlnesses coming out of my mouth isnt coming from my brain but from the manual that I stole -.-

Like always, Im feeling stupid and confused starting another insignificant, pointless year which I will live simply because Im alive. I always end up adding extra baggage to my life. I hate making spontaneous decisions like that. My brain has been dead for the past two months now. I dont feel like thinking about things. I just let others direct my thoughts. Which is actually working out quite well socially. But Im not satisfied.
I hate it when my decisions affect another person. And vice versa. I hate chain reactions. Chain reactions shouldnt exist. Neither should I. Or anyone else for that matter. Seriously. Whats with existence?
I hate January. And June. And July. And New Year posts.
Im feeling stupid and dependent and helpless and stupid.
*starts cutting face with blade and paints on the wall with blood*
How are you feeling? Almas? Go away.