ancient me!

i HATE children...and people....and animals...
soo as i was saying....m here...with nothing to do...i dont wana go. why shud i? i hate living with him...and her...and both of em together? yeah like dats gona happen...it can actually but i dont want it to....on the contrary if that doesnt happen im stuk wit all these ppl ere....jus as crazy.
why shud i have to make dese decisions? dey're not mine to be made. why shud i have to live with the conseuences of sumone elz's mistake? not fair is it? yea yea life and fair and all that shit!

here i am writing it all here on a blog.....coward lil me! im not in that sense but in a very....nevermind.
i start typing im filled wit all this shit and then i type a lil and im blank....like BLANK...
random random random rida bych!:p
the word random reminds me of her.....gaaaah
i hate my fingr dey so small..:@ and my ears....no headphones wud fit...:@
lets jus put it to a side...so yea ima be 20..
TWENTY....dats like OLD.....i mean TWENTY years OLD....twenty years ago there ws NO concept of blackberry and xbox n shit.....im like ancient!!
but i dont mind that.....the problem is there are absolutely NO achievments...like NONE. not evn graduated....no crtificates like NOTHING. dats lame....i have no idea what im gona do in future no idea abt my career....all i poses is a big fat nothing. dats all i have done in these LONG 20 years. havent achieved shit in the past year. jus getting better at whinin.....dats all i do in my head...oooh i dont have an xbox, i waant a blakberry, i gata loose weight waaaan waaaaaan waaaaan.....and in the back of my head i goo....yea like all dat makes a diffrence...cuz i dont really want all dis stuff....its jus that i want to cmplain but i dont wana tell the real shit so i make up all dis stuff i dont really care abt.
i cried for 3 hrs after watchin this lame movie benjamin button....it wasnt evn emotional...but dis last scene reminded me of something and it got me all *sniff sniff*. I hate being so sensitive abt it. i mean get over it bych its been years!!!

i dont feel like writing here nomore......its soo public now...
ACHEEW***
i feel sick - i am sick....i HATE fluu...headAche....*ACHE-AcHe-AChe-ache*
Liar-liar-pants on fire, everyones a liar...yeah me too...but im more of a manipulate-r, like i dont lie n shit...jus dont tell the whole truth...u know whats dead? my innocense.....know what else is dead? the tru happiness....not jus mine...everyone else's....some shit with everyone!! as we grow old we get more complex.....everything which seems simple suddenly is this complicated shit like shit. Why? everythings soo bleak...but whats wrong with that?
i myte be called mentally challenged for sayin this but i dont completely hate being sad...infact being happy makes me uncmfrtble...jus waiting for some shit to happen so i can breathe...here we go again outa my medicine outa my mind and want in urs let us in or IMA KILL YOU!!
oh look at me im a stranger to happiness...no dont be sittin there pity-in me whoever said happiness was the aim n all o life? who decides the fate? not me...defintly not YOU!
these are all emotions...like bodily changes...okay lets not get psychological here BUT if someone doesnt like being happy and really likes exploring sadness and enjoys the il pain and the headaches which make all ur senses soo alert...like ure ALIVE...so much in touch with sound...evn the sound of nothing...that THUD in the head...the hot blood collecting in the lips and feelin all ur veins come to life...ALL of them havin gushing blood flowing with the velocity of a rocket....the fingr tips sooo sensitive....evn air seems to have weight on the skin....like ure ALIVE...
so yeah what if someone likes another emotions more than just happines?
NO im not a sadist!!! Insanely against violnce....but as far as myself is concerned...being happy makes me uncmfrtable.....*siGh*