Ehe

What do I gotta do to get through to you to show you there aint nothing I cant take this chainsaw to?
I miss being madly in love with eminem.
He has been a good friend.
Do you have friends you just cant relate to? But you hang out with them anyway...bleh I dun wana
I have succeeded in putting everyone off.
What do I gotta do to get through to you, you paranoid bitch?
I'm out the closet, I been lying my ass off, all this time me and sanity been fucking with hats off..
So...if you like see a terrible accident on the road and slowly walk toward the scene and see a finger ripped apart on the ground and an arm slit open with blood gushing out of it...what would you do?
I'd walk away.
know what would suck?
If the Brits [Not Americans] invaded Pakistan through Karachi sea port and started marching in the city killing the weak, raping the pretty, robbing the rich, and caging the healthy for slavery. That would so totally suck ass.
Unless I get shot first.

Dear Stupid Bitch on Facebook

Ye larkia apna mu tera kar kar ke kiu picture leti hain?
Yes, it still bothers me and I dont think I can ever get used to it.
Every time I come across a close-up picture of a girl in which she is looking away, while most of her face is covered with her hair, I want to shave my head and peel the skin off of my head with a peeler.

No, Im not exaggerating, these are exactly my feelings.
Just...look at these picture...do you think someone else took them?
Are you buying that shit?
That the girl had absolutely no idea that someone is taking her picture?
Seriously?
Do you really believe that the girl was innocently looking away, minding her own business, when some secret admirer quietly sneaked beside her and clicked without her even noticing his/her existence? And later, s/he showed the girl her angelic picture and she went all "OMG When did you take this? I had no idea...teeheheheehehe"
What are they trying to prove?

Fine, you're not ugly. Alright. You may be good looking. Okay. Good for you. But do you absolutely have to create a scene?
Do you absolutely have to celebrate you not being ugly?
Every week?
Every single god damn week?
Mutlab kia yaar...aap koi Brittany Spears hain?
Its just...irritating alright.
I dont know why it bothers me so much but it does.
And I do have a life...Im working two jobs...three if you count all the cleaning that Ive been doing for the past month...for which I will charge my people 2k.
And I also happen to be pretty alright looking....but unlike these stupid sluts, I look in the eyes of the muthafukin photographer.
Its kinda funny though...Im an academic writer, a tutor, and a part time maid who is pissed off.
Well...not anymore...I kind of cheered myself up. Heh.
Blogging does help:\

P.S. Dont you dare tell me that the pics are pretty. They look pretty cuz of the soft focus and extensive use of picassa.

P.P.S. I wasnt mad cuz of these idiots. These bitches dont matter. They be my displacement.

Religion - I know mine. What?:s

I dont like Muharram. Do you like Muharram? I have major issues with Muharram.
Now I dont want to get into the shia-sunni practices here [notice how no one ever wants to get into that?] but seriously, the over all drama is a bit too exaggerated.
If I have issues and questions about the so called "religious" practices I should be allowed to address them and not just shut-the-fuck-up-and-ignore but thats what Ive been doing for the past...forever...and will continue doing till I finally grow girl balls to go out there and actually slap someone.

Whats with the rallies? Do we get blessings for doing that?
Which act do you think is more religious? Marching out on the street yelling and crying or staying at home and praying?
Mutlab kia yaar...? Hastey honge sab dekh kar tamasha.
Itni kasam se pathetic si koi awam hai.
Ek bara sa crowd that has absolutely no clue of anything at all.
Fazul ka drama.

You can cut yourself open but just know that Im not feelin' ya. Not many people are.
We just look at the show with mixed feelings of contempt and amusement and avoid passing any comments because we just Dont want to argue or be called Kafir.
Personally, I dont argue because I dont have enough religious knowledge to back up my statements. But I think I know stupidity when I see it.
And you know...whatever...go out on the streets, go Black, go morbidly religious...really whatever...not making a difference in my life. Im just hanging out at home doing nothing. I dont have to go out on the street and run naked or anything....streets are all yours...but whats with these people taking over the television?

If you live in Pakistan you probably know what Im talking about.
Those weird shows where this super-intelligent-and-smart-and-religious-and-super-scholarly dude is sitting in front of this super emo audience and narrating the events that took place on the 9th and 10th Muharram.
I always found the whole thing quite scary actually...as a child. But last year I decided to actually listen to that dude. I mean...he's been screaming for years now...deserves a lil attention right?

So he begins very normally...in a very kind tone. And Im like...yeah okay..Im listening. And I did listen. For the first half everything seemed quite okay...besides those creepy smiles that he passed every time he connected Islam with science. But...thats ignorable.
Anyway...I was pretty engrossed in the whole thing after a while...and then suddenly I noticed the lights of the set going dim. And Im like...Okaay...
And then suddenly I heard a few men growling and sigh-ing...And Im like...oooookaay...
And then suddenly the holy narrator began asking rhetorical questions [which were not even that smart, honestly]...
And then suddenly he started screaming. And Im like...Oh no...Altaf Hussain...
And shortly after every one started crying...loudly...like I cry every time my mum makes Korma. By the way, my mum made korma today -.-

So, the point is...if you want me to take you seriously, please act normal.

YakyaK

Mom: "Ye Sheila kaun hai? Kareena?"

Me: "nai...Katrina.."

Mom: "Acha...mujhe bhi dikhao"

And then Sheila was stuck in my head for like an hour...But Nicki Minaj helped. Ive been listening to her aj kal. Every time I listen to her its like Im listening to something "nice" like "you fill up my senses" but then you pay attention to the lyrics and it turns out to be something like "how do you do that shit?"

Would you work for an awesome multinational company that also hosts porn sites as a part of its overall business? Especially if the pay is great along with a pretty good career ahead in the company? And you wont have anything to do with the porn part at all. Your job is confined to researching and writing?
I would. Probably will.

Baby feff...

Do you like cheese cake? I like cheese cakes. I make good cheese cakes. Not awesome but good enough. Do you have issues with roasted almonds on top of an oreo cheese cake? I like them. My friends had issues with it. I like roasted almonds. They so nice and roasted.


Do you like kids? I dont like kids. Not all kids. Just loud kids and naughty kids and kids who cry a lot and the ones who wont stop giggling and the poking kids and kids who wont stop running and the ones who go tell their mommies everything you say to them. Irritating. Burey lagtey hain batameez bachey. Bush mewa chota sha boobie acha hai <3


Do have a maid? I currently dont have one. She left -.-
Know what that means? I kind of have to do the cleaning part almost everyday. So I like dont like kids rights...so when Im doing any work I dont like to be interrupted. So Ayesha and Dua [the neighbor's kid I wana slap stupid] were irritating me. So Im like "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN" and they're like "nai nai nai baby fef BABY FEFFF" [they meant baby chef...this show on baby tv featuring Mrs. Kettle - the colorful hoe]. So I made them a lil house out of chairs and made them sit in it for an hour. And they were actually happy to do so.


Bachey becharey kitne stupid hotey hain. Unko to kuch pata bhi nai hota. Who's zardari, who's Assange, mazay se carefree kheltey raho all the time. Sab kuch believe kar letey hain. I told my cousin a couple of years back...when he was seven...that a dragon used to live by and a kid had a fight with him....the kid was very powerful and he picked up the dragon and banged him in this huge lake so hard that all the water from that lake splashed into the sea...and thats how sea view here was formed. He believed it for a long long time and even went around asking people "aapko pata hai sea view kaise bana tha?"
Becahwa...got made fun of quite a lot by his friends.