Friday, November 21, 2008

yeah thats what defines mee.......empty spaces....
its 11:30 im online doing nothing.....i have damn paper to study for i cant...i just cant...i went thru a conversation id like to have with *ppl* a zillion times.....everything i wana tell how i wud react how will *they* react...but i just cant! sealed im fuking sealed!!
i HATE crying...everything makes me wana cry...though noones ever really seen me cry but guess what im a fuking cry baby!
i read the newspaper i wana cry - i see my mom i wana cry - someone asks me *sup* i wana cry - i listen to eminem i wna cry, that asshole jus says the ryte shit!

i can see u sad even when u smile even wen u lauf,
i can see it in ur eyes deep inside u wana cry,
cuz i scared i aint there daddys wit u in ur prayers,
nomore cry wipe em tears,
daddys here nomore nytemares...
there i gooo....oh look at me i cant get over a fuking death!
ppl who shud die jus keep on living, i hope u die u fuking pimp!!
i HATE CRYING - I HATE MY EYES makes everything blurr....

im just gona die with noone ever knowing me....or abt me!
everything is soo stupid....everyone is soo stupid....itss....pata nai..
and im supposed to be good at ryting!
everyone i know is soo fucked up....first i thot its normal cuz everyone is sad...but its not...
their issues are sooo damn diffrent and same....almost all....why am i always singled out? its not cool anymore..
i ws doin pretty welll ignoring everything but not anymore...i jus wana cryyyy and cry and die crying.
i cant evn type it here im soo damn cntained afraid someone myte read it soo i never really let the *cat outa bag*...i wish i want soo carefull all the time....whenever im on the verge o letting it out i get dis feelin dat it'll pass....not the shit but the feeling of it will pass....i'll be numb again i am.....its cool...its jus a matter of time till i put the mask bak on but it just gets too...suffocating at time.
why am i alive? i dont know....why am i not dead? cuz suicide is a damn sin...i wudnt *mom* wil go crazy eventually ruinin jun mean the rest of it.
the doors are closed.....i dont feel anything again....i dnt evn know i started wrting...there the shit phase is over i can go bak to pretending now:)


My life is my lesson! said...

Accidently am here, You are here to live and you are thinking of dying?? Try thinking on this. And i have no clue on your problems but without problems life would be just meaningless. Think what would happen if everything goes according to your will, no struggle, not much curiosity, nothing to learn in life can you imagine of such a life?? take life simple and it will be just fine. Don't look at the sad faces, there should be happy ones or keep yourself happy and even the sad faces around you will turn happy believe me!

Keep Blogging!

uzme said...

nice of u to read buddy...
i apprciate it.
and well...ive tried all that - doesnt work.