Sunday, January 1, 2012

Emoness Redefined.

I've been doing a lot [read a little] research on music and cognition lately [hate it when the first sentence begins with an "I"]. Cognitive psychology is my least favourite field in psychology. But the semester is over and Im DONE with the course!! But its not over. Neuropsychology awaits me in the next semester -.-
So I was writing about music and cognition. Meh. I lost interest. Initially I wanted to be a cognitive psychologist and have total control on the thoughts and memories of my patients. But I realized how boring, dry, and complicated it is to study brain. So Im sticking with clinical psychology.

2011 sucked more than 2010 and Im not expecting 2012 to be any better. Im not being emo, its just that...the quality of life keeps on decreasing.
Nothing significant happened. Besides the deaths and strokes and a number of paralysis here n there. Made a Lot of money. Spent more than I earned. Dint grow as a person. Made a lot of unnecessary friends. But it was kind of needed since all my old friends and cousins got married this year. Married friends turn in to these relatives who you meet occassionally because you dont want to cut them out of your life out of courtesy. Anyway. 2011 sucked. December in particular was full of shit. And January is expected to be shittier since December was only the beginning and in January the shit is going to be at its peak...going to stay there for a couple of months.
But look at the bright side. I learned how to do my make-up. And TAT. Which kind of added to my awesomeness. People think Im super fucking cool with my psychoanalysis n all. What they dont know is that all that keWlnesses coming out of my mouth isnt coming from my brain but from the manual that I stole -.-

Like always, Im feeling stupid and confused starting another insignificant, pointless year which I will live simply because Im alive. I always end up adding extra baggage to my life. I hate making spontaneous decisions like that. My brain has been dead for the past two months now. I dont feel like thinking about things. I just let others direct my thoughts. Which is actually working out quite well socially. But Im not satisfied.
I hate it when my decisions affect another person. And vice versa. I hate chain reactions. Chain reactions shouldnt exist. Neither should I. Or anyone else for that matter. Seriously. Whats with existence?
I hate January. And June. And July. And New Year posts.
Im feeling stupid and dependent and helpless and stupid.
*starts cutting face with blade and paints on the wall with blood*
How are you feeling? Almas? Go away.


Dee.Dee said...

I wrote my blog post thinking I will help people feel better with the exact kind of feelings you're having but since that didn't work I now feel stupid and pointless as well.

It feels weirdly human. I think I like it.

The Me. said...

I feel lost. And i don't know anything about everything. Awesomeness needs to be restored. And it shall be...restored.

Almas said...

NOOO...why dont you let go of your inhibitions instead!

uzme said... blog post depressed me even more because I couldnt at all relate or do whatever was there ._.

@the Me - Kaisi ho?

@Almas - *ignores*

The Me. said...

Lost hoon but theek hoon. :B

Dee.Dee said...

That just depresses me more cuz even I couldn't relate to it. I thought people would have more sad lives and that they'd relate to it -_-.