...

i hear it again......the silence........
its so deep....and dark.....and sharp.
'i loose myself in tranquility'....oh whoever wrote such a masterpiece - wait I did....haha..
whatever.....dont wana do dis shit ry now.

....and some more whynin....

My throat sucks...i mean its dry n it feels like i got a cactus growin inside it....and my eyes hurt and head feel.....like a rock....my brain is all frozen again so is my my skull....like.....aaaa....cant...move...
but nevermind that...
why wont everyone be happy??
why cant everyone be nice?
how can anyone fall asleep knowin we're living in THIS part of the world?
its such a shame.....i dont want the human race to grow....its we stop reproducing....if this is how we gona live its better to xtinct!!
and then there are these bunch of ppl so unaware of eveyrthing....moving on...havin the stupidst concerns...but i guess we need em around...the world wud be like my head otherwise....dark n empty n quite n cold...
i love winter...feels like death. feels like a nothing...this immortal chilling nothing....like ure walkin on dis endless street in the middle of the nyte with no living creature around....jus dis cool breeze...like dis chilling breeze...n u walking n walking wit these orange street lites lighting the waay....the way to nothingness.......ddi i stop making sense?
i dont wana contnue dis.....or anything elz.....

I'm NOT a racist but I hate jews:$

......after being misrble for days feeling bad for the holocaust and nearly crying for the ppl dying in the auschwitz death camp i dnt feel as bad anymore. those byches taking ti all out palstine now arnt dey? I cnt help but admire hitler (im not a sadist) cuz he like knew it all he picked the ppl he thot wud take over the world like the bychiest of the race decided to finish him....he mus be really smart. i mean killing 6 million ppl aint eay takes brain! no im not tryna justify nething but lets look at it logically....he killed them, they're killing other ppl, so i dont feel as bad abt the jews nomore....i never liked em....not like im a racist but they my least fav! I mean...stop acting like "the chosen ones'...
So yeah...hitler being German killed ppl BUT germans are not blamed for - fine alryte dnt blame em all.....den the U.S goes n dstroys Afghanistan n iraq (also pakistan, Iran - unoficially) and makes places like guantnamo bay n abu gharib n shit...but all the americans are not bad ryte? i mean why blame the whole race for a few black byches? but den dis muslim dude who sees his country turn into dust n watches his family being killed in front of him....having no other options decides to take revenge n blows himself up and there..we have the conclusion - all Muslims are terrorists.
im writing it all here cuz noone likes talkin abt politics and it MAKES ME MAD!
saw Mr. musharaf last nyte talkin abt how we no cowards n will atack back....now HE knows how to talk....i miss him:( n him.....n him...:s
dis is shit....and not fair....a bunch of ppl havng mre den everythng n everyone elz with nothing.
zardari is a whore! manwhore! *ooooh mees 'pey-lin' u shooo pweety wont u come doo me tunyte cuj i dnt give a sheet abt the hungry ppl daayeen of thirst n mees sherry can use a lil help down there * ASSHOLE!
I cant believ our helplessness...and im sick of everyone joinin groups on fb n changing their status in support...like dat makes a dffrence....but thats all we can do innit. we ahve our own damn issues...theres some incident every day in the northern area killin 15-20 ppl...Every single day!! but it doesnt count...u see...not everyone counts.....ur life only matters if u belong to a certain class of certain ppl....rest are not allowed fundamental rites. everyones soo frustrated....I hate being so helpless......and hopeless:(

ancient me!

i HATE children...and people....and animals...
soo as i was saying....m here...with nothing to do...i dont wana go. why shud i? i hate living with him...and her...and both of em together? yeah like dats gona happen...it can actually but i dont want it to....on the contrary if that doesnt happen im stuk wit all these ppl ere....jus as crazy.
why shud i have to make dese decisions? dey're not mine to be made. why shud i have to live with the conseuences of sumone elz's mistake? not fair is it? yea yea life and fair and all that shit!

here i am writing it all here on a blog.....coward lil me! im not in that sense but in a very....nevermind.
i start typing im filled wit all this shit and then i type a lil and im blank....like BLANK...
random random random rida bych!:p
the word random reminds me of her.....gaaaah
i hate my fingr dey so small..:@ and my ears....no headphones wud fit...:@
lets jus put it to a side...so yea ima be 20..
TWENTY....dats like OLD.....i mean TWENTY years OLD....twenty years ago there ws NO concept of blackberry and xbox n shit.....im like ancient!!
but i dont mind that.....the problem is there are absolutely NO achievments...like NONE. not evn graduated....no crtificates like NOTHING. dats lame....i have no idea what im gona do in future no idea abt my career....all i poses is a big fat nothing. dats all i have done in these LONG 20 years. havent achieved shit in the past year. jus getting better at whinin.....dats all i do in my head...oooh i dont have an xbox, i waant a blakberry, i gata loose weight waaaan waaaaaan waaaaan.....and in the back of my head i goo....yea like all dat makes a diffrence...cuz i dont really want all dis stuff....its jus that i want to cmplain but i dont wana tell the real shit so i make up all dis stuff i dont really care abt.
i cried for 3 hrs after watchin this lame movie benjamin button....it wasnt evn emotional...but dis last scene reminded me of something and it got me all *sniff sniff*. I hate being so sensitive abt it. i mean get over it bych its been years!!!

i dont feel like writing here nomore......its soo public now...
ACHEEW***
i feel sick - i am sick....i HATE fluu...headAche....*ACHE-AcHe-AChe-ache*
Liar-liar-pants on fire, everyones a liar...yeah me too...but im more of a manipulate-r, like i dont lie n shit...jus dont tell the whole truth...u know whats dead? my innocense.....know what else is dead? the tru happiness....not jus mine...everyone else's....some shit with everyone!! as we grow old we get more complex.....everything which seems simple suddenly is this complicated shit like shit. Why? everythings soo bleak...but whats wrong with that?
i myte be called mentally challenged for sayin this but i dont completely hate being sad...infact being happy makes me uncmfrtble...jus waiting for some shit to happen so i can breathe...here we go again outa my medicine outa my mind and want in urs let us in or IMA KILL YOU!!
oh look at me im a stranger to happiness...no dont be sittin there pity-in me whoever said happiness was the aim n all o life? who decides the fate? not me...defintly not YOU!
these are all emotions...like bodily changes...okay lets not get psychological here BUT if someone doesnt like being happy and really likes exploring sadness and enjoys the il pain and the headaches which make all ur senses soo alert...like ure ALIVE...so much in touch with sound...evn the sound of nothing...that THUD in the head...the hot blood collecting in the lips and feelin all ur veins come to life...ALL of them havin gushing blood flowing with the velocity of a rocket....the fingr tips sooo sensitive....evn air seems to have weight on the skin....like ure ALIVE...
so yeah what if someone likes another emotions more than just happines?
NO im not a sadist!!! Insanely against violnce....but as far as myself is concerned...being happy makes me uncmfrtable.....*siGh*