With or without you..

So I finally got my hands on the last 6 episodes of Prison Break.....and guess what?
HE DIEs......Scofield Dies!! WHAT THE HELL??
You cant just kill the hottest character EVER... ugh...
whatever..
I cant believ it ended like this. WHATEVER!!

So yeah Ive been stupid....oh yes I have....but it was a very well planned stupidity. I'm EviL!! I manipulate situations and people...and no one ever figures it out.....gets quite boring.
No one will ever agree....cuz they will never know.....eh eh eh...

*sigh*

Im the most awsomely selfish person I know.
Vanity - its interesting.

Gandhi was a perv - Fact.

I never really liked the nude dude anyway (no offence people)....but yeah....wear clothes guys. Like.....ya know...its obscene.
I think guys shudnt even take off their clothes in the shower.....but thats just my opinion.....and Im jus a nobody...so it like doesnt matter. [No need to get all jazzed up Gandhi admirers....Offence wasnt meant - Its called freedom of speech....the only freedom we have here....well...almost].

Disappointment isnt even half as bad as everyone says it is. Neither is boredom. Whats wrong with boredom? I'll tell you whats wrong with it - Nothing. Nothing is the answer to all the stupid questions. Thats the conclusion. Thats how it all ends. A big Nothing.

Just cuz Im not as bad and pathetic as everyone else doesnt mean Im good...:\
I suck....so does everyone else.....its mutual sucking. We're all gona suck our lives away till theres nothing left to suck at.




:\


"..its not just a sketch."

Inflicted with Pain!

Seriously - waaay too many people are talented.
Mera kia hoga?
What if I dont make it through CSS?
What if all my plans turn out to be like my proises?
duudee.....Shit.
:\

“I do not understand the squeamishness about the use of gas. I am strongly in favour of using poisonous gas against uncivilised tribes”
- Winston Churchill.

Okay, so now I officially like him too.
Call me crazy if you want...but I kinda have this thing for dictators.....(yea yea Churchill wasnt a dictator)...but I dunno....I just happen to understand their point of view...(NOT agree - just UNDERSTAND)...they're...Different.

I want power....lots of it....I wana be a dictator:(

HOLIDAAYSS!!!!
*YEeAH*

I dont like jews - Im not a racist!

People come, people leave, I remain pissed.

PAIN!!!!!!!!!!

I rOckxXxzZZzzSsssssssss.....

Another perfectly GOOD day ruined by the khabasat of the world.
Ugh...Yeh Zalim samaj!
Cant say Im not impressed....I mean.....
never mind.

SO yeah I scored like 95% in my project and I dint even cheat..
NINETY FIVE PERCENT - Mazaak nahi hai Faraz!!

*sigh*


............ .. .... ..

Mera PC khabasat ka Dabba!!!

Days like these I could put the whole world on fire and let them all burn to ashes....every single last one them....how old - how young - dont care!!
let it buurn....just let it buurn...

[na rahay ga globe na rahay gi Global warming!! - yeah this lame though just came to my mind - Go rip your nails out!!]

There are jus too many things I hate....and I almost never get to express my hatred.
How do I do it? Like seriously? All that nonsense All day long Every single day week after week....

Fwd Mail : Have you ever seen a chameleon up close?‏
........
Do I WANT to see a chameleon up close?
FUCK YOU MUSAB and your GAY MAILS!!!

They just keep inventing new ways to piss me off...like yeah Im the center of my Universe and everything revolves around me CUZ its MY FUCKING BLOG - Go stab your retina!!
And I just dont know WHY my carelessness is so often mistaken for my shyness.....I just dont care bych...the reason I dont have an opinion about your bad taste in clothes is that I JUST DONT GIVE A SHIT...Wear - dont wear - HOW is that making a difference in my life?

And Im just SO SICK of the "Im-so-different-:(" idiots!! - [Notice the sad smiley in the end]
Lets start with the sad smiley......Mostly they're not really sad that they're different....In fact they're quite pleased with the fact...but they dont want to show it [cuz they're looking for sympathy and admiration - which they obviously wudnt get without emotionally terrifying the poor subject]...they wana give the impression that they wana be like everyone else but are just so GOD DAMN AWSOMELY DIFFERENT TO THE LEVEL NO ONE CAN REACH!!! - fuck YOU!!!

Whats with the fuss?
Everyone is "different" - We all have a different life and different experiences and different thought processes....so we're all different...Its only logical you dickheads!!
ugh...too many words wasted on the shits.

I still hate Twilight - gay gay gay gay GAY!!

And Im a hypocrite - Period!

Zardari khabees - Fact!

I wana put his mustache on fire:(
I wana poke his eyes with a fork:(
I wana punch Anum Nasir in her face:(
I wana poke her tummy (read tumm-a) with a sharp object:(
I wana tell Mrs. Kamar shes the worst teacher Ive ever had:(
I wana ...

But I cant ....Ye kaisi majboorian hain Faraz?

:(

;(

....

My memory card is corrupted - Again.
I loaded it with more shit than it could take,
so it died on me....like the rest
and now Im just sitting here, waiting for a miracle to happen....

Im locked up they wont lemme out....la la la
I know rida...law...:(

So I tried to sleep everything away - Failed.

err...

Im almost never so pathetic on a saturday...I love saturdays...This just doesnt feel like it.
Now I could go hang out with my friends...dont feel like it.
Could watch tv....but dont feel like it.
I could go to sleep....but Im not that lucky.
so......yep.

Oh Memory Card;(

Oh treachery!

I thought of writing something funny but I just cant...but I tried - Failed!

Schezophrenia - lecture 4. [09:50 a.m] By Mrs. Semen Kamar.

Other researches carried out by me indicate that a thing such as "Semen" in human form can be very devestating for the enviornment and the organisms around.
My demented mind is the last place I wana be....The dark, cold, quiet place....the silence far away from peace, the shadow darker than death & the cold which burns the soul.
The sharp edges of the thoughts keeping sanity away, the high iron bars covered with pretense, the dark deep cave, no break in the fall, falling without a brawl,, all the vacuum which surrounds....

The rush of emotions never felt,
the frozen eyes that never melt;
the smell of insecurity, the purity of nothingness..

[thats MY shit - COPYRIGHTS@]

(lots os stupid songs then bla bla..)

************************************

ThIS is how I take notes in psychology.

Im just gona post all the drafts in this post...dont have much to say...

So...Why are you sick uzma?
YEah I'll tell you why Im sick...Im sick cuz I hate you and am forced to keep up with your shit every single mother fucking day of my fucked up life and Im sick cuz I hate you and you're so unaware!! [04-07-2009]

****

So ive been readin blogs.....they all so nice....all abt nice family stuff n cute petty issues like school n looks n that *signficant other*...Its so depressing.
Its not fair!! Dont deserve that all?
its jus not fair...
i dont evn have a good childhood memry....besides me n jun havin secret tea party's...and dats it. All i can think of is shit. I dont know what i did all my life...i dont remember being naughty...All i remember is deaths and after deaths and families breaking up and suicide attempts and..
[[01-26-2009]

****

My lack of stimulation dissapoints me.

har kisi ko nahi milta yahaan pyaar zindagi main *tan dan tan dan TADA*

We got our literature test papers back today....now usually when I say 'I dint study' I mean that I checked out the headings, roughly went thru stuff but dint really read anything...but this time I dint even bother touching the damn book. I got 8 on 20.....MUCH more than I deserved...what are those pity marks? Ive never felt this bad. Mrs. Nadirshah is really generous this year. Even on our assigment EVERYONE got good grades....I was like WTF? Its freakin literature woman!!! We're not suposed to get marks....
Now iF I were in Ms. AMbreen's class I'd definitly get like 12 (which were the highest) cuz she understands the *depth*....but I was expecting Nadirshah to gimme like 3 for all the nonsense I wrote.....but anyway..

I HATE SEMEN....she was wearing this weird bezaar sa lip color today....it was this...tea pink sorta thing...like.....kiu?

When I get bored I jus start texting everyone.....ANYONE actually....yeah....just about anyone Rida....*sowwie*.....so this guilt trip that I experience after every say....10 minutes is....nothing new. I dont even care anymore...like whatever man...Im not a good person and I realize that SO my actions are justified.
But then again....*good-ness* doesnt really exist (This is just my theory - Facts may be different)...so yeah....theres not such thing as *good*...We just have evil....Degrees of Evil. As long Im on the left side of the scale Im one of the better one's.

Soo....yeah....not much...Jus *chillin*.....Did half my assigment....who cares rite?
I just feel like typing dunno why....Priyanka Chopra has MAN shoulders!! So does Lindsay...and that slut....and Bipasha....Only I have pretty girly shoulders....no seriously...Id look awsome if i wear an off-shoulder dress.

I suck at literature man.....and Im not being modest. I dunno shit about authors and poets...and my general knowledge too is very limited. Lite janey wali hai....but...I dunno WHY Elizabeth Bethory had to be bisexual...now I cant admire her....uhh...:\
I jus wana tyyyyypee....
Bakhuda RIDA, tumhe ho,
har jaga RIDA, tumhe ho...
<3

<3 IS OBSCENE AND SHOULD BE BANNED!!!

:\
Im a pervert....but its okay. Im a clean pervert. Everyones a perv. Yep.

"We live in perverted times my friend"
- Fb bumper sticker.

Edward Cullen is GAY - FACT!!

restlessness...

Why are pleasures always guilty? I dont just mean sexually...just in general...Cant a person feel happy without guilt? The answer is No my friends.
*sigh*
I hate to admit but sometimes (rarely) Hedonism actually makes sense to me.
umm...yeah.
So Im not expecting a comment on this post since Wijdan wont be reading it...*sadness*...Please dear reader, Do try to make up for the loss:p

Ive been feeling very special lately...getting a lot of positive feedback:\
I dont hate it....but...yeah its nice:D

Strange what desire will make foolish people do...

I have this weird habit to spoil a perfectly good situation by adding reality to it. Kills the fun and makes it stranger...:\

.....
no more shit...

***SEEMEN OF THE WEEK***

[More than half of the student were absent the other day so she gave notes and this is what happened]

S : aamp loag kisi kaam nai deJEeaga...they dint come its their loss..

Mariam : But miss what if we get absent and want work...wo bhi humain kaam nai dain gi phir..?

S : Acha....phir dedijeeaga...

feels like 6th grade to me..:\

[During a lecture on depression]

Mariam : Is depression inherited?

S : yes

Anum Nasir : YEAASS MISS IT ISS!!

rest of the class : NO Its not!!

S : yes...its not inherited..

WHAT THE hell?:(

****

zara dil sai nai likha...:(

like......umm...


....



yeah THIS is how expressive I AM!!

Friends & acquaintances..

I made my mom the most adorable mommy's day card every. I felt 7 ryte after it.



I amuse myself....the contradiction...the pretense. Im learning to like it now.

Ive been completely out of touch with politics for the past week - I prefer it that way now.
It makes me feel helpless...more than usual. I hate being helpless....
"Helplessness is hopelessness.."
[somebody said it, cant remember the name.]

But I think I mentioned the whole *helplessness* thing before....I also hate repetition..
I dont like hypocrites [myself being an exception since rules are always different for everyone else].
Talking is so pointless. It almost never makes a difference. And I dont like criticizing which is ironic since I do that a lot - and I am so damn full of myself. So I was just wondering just because a person is aware of ones fault or a...what should I say..."bad quality" is it justified for that person to possess it? As in, I know Im a hypocrite so its suddenly alryte for me to be one?

Know what else I hate? When a person goes all bychy about someone like..."THAT person said bla bla but did bleh...at least I dint do THAT!!" and so Im a greater person.
Why argue about something you never did?
If you DINT do it - it dint make a difference - if it dint make a difference it doesnt exist - You cant argue about something that doesnt exist - Ehsaan nahi kia aap nai insniyat per ghalat kaam na ker kai....

SO yeah Mariam and I are now officially *good FRIENDS*...:p
*hugs*love*kisses*happiness*

"Some day you will look at your friend, and he will seem to you to be a little out of drawing, or you won't like his tone of colour, or something."

Thats one creepy statement by Mr. Wilde.

SEMEN is still annoying....but Im getting used to it.
Today, suddenly, I had this urge to pick out my veins from my wrist (all the visible blue ones) with a needle....:\
If I ever make a movie this scene is definitely going to be there.....the graphics are gonna be as good as real....but better...

The sketch...its still incomplete - oh the disappointment. Ive wasted too much time on it to just throw it away...but anyway...

"An artist should create beautiful things, but should put nothing of his own life into them."
- Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

and its almost impossible to do so...

wana know whats up? MY WEIGHT!!

I eat like a pig....seriously!!
yesterday I had a bowl FULL of porridge(with milk), then an hour later had my lunch..went for my class n had my lunch again at 5:30...then at 7 had a bowl FULL of chickpeas....and then had my dinner.....

I better start exercising I guess...I think the *miracle* of uncle Haider is wearing off.

I had this really colorful dream....(which was a surprise since I almost never have color dreams mostly its all gray or black...or sepia when my mind is all exited)...so yeah...it wasn't just a colorful dream it was High quality 3D colorful dream with the best graphics...the kind that would put Matrix people to shame - yeah THAT good.
The content of the dream was stupid - yes...but cuh-Mawn!!
It was like in a jungle (a lovely green color)....I was being chased by red Indians...(which is weird since I not really scared of red Indians) anyway, so yeah the whole chase game then I take refuge in a building (which is the stupid part cuz what the fuck is a nice clean modern building doing in the middle of a jungle ryte?)...so yeah bla bla and then in the end it was me with a bunch of other people on one side and the red Indians on the other....and then they all shoot us with an arrow....like one person threw around 5 arrows all at the same time....and then it was this slow-mo close up I saw of the arrows in the air (like in the chronicles of Narnia) and then *spoof* everyone was dead....Victory to the warriors!!
It was pretty awesome...low in content - yes...

My brother dropped mayo all over the keyboard :@:@
Did I mention how old he is??...Hes not that old...only 22 YEARS..yeah...
grr...

My mom saw the war in Swat the night before they attacked....she usually has these scary dreams about this kinda stuff...You know whats NOT scary?
A disease. Yeah. I dunno WHY people make movies on diseases!!! Stupid cliched shit. Yeah SHIT...as in crap....not even real crap more like baby poop....its not even qualified for shit. Still dont know what Im talking about? Im talking about Quaratine.....The lamest shit Ive seen this week. What was the director thinking? Oh im bored...heres an Idea we'll cast that girl from exorcism of Emily Rose and fool everyone by labeling the movie *scary* when it actually belongs to the genre of SHIT!!
I havent seen a decent movie in a while now. And confessions of a shopoholic is STUPID Sumera...Being the admirer you are of gay-ness since after the whole *twilight* miracle happened to you...I wasnt surprised at all that you liked it:p

Oh-OH..Did I nOt mention that I got 84% in my IT crap whatever shit? Well I did:D
*does the happy monkey dance*
*boO-YeaH*

*glides away in vain*

I sneezed my eye-lashes out today:(

So I just realized Im still stuck in my 16's...I feel like I used to back when I was 16...I still think like that....I look hotter - yes....But never mind that..Im assuming one day I'll mature.
So Afefah DID read the blog and now she thinks Im conspiring against her and some bullshit I dont get.....and thanx to her now Mariam (not the IT mariam the college Maraim - whom I love dearly:P) knows the address too...not that I mind:p
BOO you afu!!
I wasnt even serious about it....It was all a joke but obviously youre much too serious and actually dont wana talk so FINE by mE beeech!!!
But I'll prolly smAss her tomoro....since 3 din sai ziada musalmaan musalmaan shudnt fite n shit..:p Lucky you bych!!:p

Im sick.....I mean that in all the possible ways.

So my mom's cozin came the other nyte.....around 11:30....yeha talk about hospitality!!
she went all "array betaa, basan sai mu dhoya karo aapki skin achi ho gi...tumhari ami ki tou skin itni smooth hoti thi mai kia bataaon......"
...:
Acid sai na dho loon mu?
Peechey paray rehtey hain...!!!

And Im HURT Afu!!:@
and Im hugry...
Lite nai gai.....Im streassed....raat mai jae gi...when Im abt to fall asleep.
ugh....
Crapness!!
Im sick....and I jus cant get myself to complete the damn sketch....Its soo frustrating....If dont get it done by tomoro Ima tear it in to small pieces and feed it to Dua (my neighbours kid!)...And Im so damn serious about THAT!!

*blink*blink*dead*

I had quite a lot in mind but now Im blank...
ummm....
*whispers*but you're always blank Uzma tell us something new....SHhHh:@
Afefah hung up on me - Bitch!
:p
It wasnt my fault...
She asked me for work on THE PHONE.....I mean....of all the people...ME...SHe called mE to give her the discussion on the damn PHONE...Like thAt was gona happen....so I was being bychy (like I always am...which is completely alryte....cuz everyone expects me to be) asuaul...and I was laughin on her misfortune cuz we had to submit the work the next day...and gues what hapened then? SHE hung up!!
Like wtf?
so now Im not talking to her:p
and I know the bych is reading ...she one of my silent regular readers:p
bOO-haa-HA-HAH!!!
:D

*SEEMEN of the week*

We got our presentation material back yesterday (and our group got the highest like - wOw)..Anyway...
so she went all..

"You people copied it all from the net...the stuff is good but most of you dont know what you have written. I havent read it properly BUT I know you people copied it off the internet..Dont think I dont know."

What the fuck woman!!!
You dint even read the shit....Kiu basety kerty hain apni khud?:(

*****


I was so close to killing my neighbour's kids today....Only I know the strength (or as the kutta (zardari) would say "strent") it took for me to control myself....the were banging the door...their aunt was sitting with my mom (who was equally disgusted by their presence).....
.....
:(

:):

Im a bad friend...yeah...I dont wana go tomorrow....My work isnt complete...Semen is....well semen.
I dont wana miss anymore shit clases of IT...I already missed 2 of them....BUT Uzma...If you already missed two cant you miss just ONE more for your friend? NO bitch I dont want to. The html shit is now together with DHTML and C lang and all you smart byches who find this shit easy can go masterbate cuz Im new to this shitness and obviously not doing to well. I miss One class and Im lost for the rest of the course!! Bhench 2 chapters complete kerwadetey hain Ek class main and I already missed 4 chapters...like WTF?!!
I hATE taking permissions Im bloody 20....But then again not like Im independent and earning my own shit. And its so fucking pointless to go Im not evn gona read anything n all...I hate being a girl...actually I hate being alive....and here....and I hate everyone...and I hate existing and I FUCKING HATE MOSQUITOES BHENCHOD!!!
and there I go abusing...I disgust myself.
WHY the FUCK is eveyrone msgin me about tomoro? Like am I your fucking pair of shoes you cant your house without?
NO IM NOT GONA REPLY GO DO SOMETHING DISGUSTING TO YOURSELF BYCH!!

I did one whole shit post and I dint even mention the bloody reason of me being pisd...huh...
:|
Now I feel stupid.
I hate guilt......probably the only real thing left for me to feel...

......