Thursday, August 5, 2010

Pathans, lemons, and Justin Bieber

Do you believe in love at first sight?
Ever had anyone fall in love with you the moment they lay eyes on you?
Well...I have. Quite a few times actually.
You see...when I walk in my ninja gear with my Swagga...I turn heads.
Hello, is it me you're looking for?
Not just any head...Im talking about pathan heads in particular. Now now, Im not being a racist...I myself am a part pathan and I think they're totally sexy in a very bisexual way which is very sensually provoking - with all due respect.

Why discuss pathans in particular, you may ask, when the ogling community consists of everyone with an outie all men irrespective of their background?
Well, first off, Im not talking about ogling at all, I consider the topic to be too lame to be discussed by me. I am talking about love at first sight.
Second, girls ogle as well.

But still uzma, why pathans? see, when people ogle they look, do things with you in their head for like a few seconds and stop when youre out of their sight.
But my dear pathans, they dont just look, they fall in love.

Cuz I wonder where you are, and I wonder what you do...

In fact, when they see a woman, or anything with boobies, theyre so overwhelmed that they're unable to control their actions. They actually admire you. And they dont know what to do with their excitement. The purity and innocence of their feelings are reflected in the comments which they end up saying, involuntarily of course.

Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?

Usually, you get things like "Kaha jarai ho?" or "idher to dekho" or a wink with a fucked up paan smile...
But poor pathans end up saying things like "Mashallah" like a newly wedded groom would say to his wife on their first night. Or something like "Bohat pyari lag rai ho" like a devoted lover who's asking permission to hold hands with you.
See the difference?
Pathans are so misunderstood.

I hate it when I go to bathe and the soap/shampoo is missing. Makes me want to burn down the house. And I hate calling my mom from inside the bathroom and asking her to get it for me and then waiting a zillion years, naked, for her to come back with the required materials. Same thing happened today. But I was so irritated that I decided to use the hand wash instead of a soap. Not just any hand wash, the hand wash that I've been avoiding for months because of the strong smell. And now I smell like I spent the night inside a lemon. nd I hate the soft creamy feeling youre left with after using hand wash or fancy soaps. I dont want to wash off the germs on me with a creamy soap...I wana fuckin bathe in acid and be squeaky clean. Stupid sensitive shitty products. And my nose is so gay, that I cant use a proper soap on my face. I get allergy. So I have to use special odor less soaps and face washes. Know what...Since my nose is so gay-ish-ly annoying, Im gona call her Edward Cullen from now on.

Also, Whats with Justin Bieber and his dick baby?
Isnt he like ten?
Has he even grown yet?
Why are twenty year old girls falling in love with him?


Dee.Dee said...

I like Pathans now.

The Me. said...

Loving this post >.<
So true about the soap! And. BEIBER! I hate his hair. And I hate his gay lyrics.
And hahah, so true about the pathans doing the 'MashAllah' thing. >.<

Divaa Divine said...

I have liked Pathans until .....

as for Beiber - Bee brrrrrrrr who?