If I were able to express myself in images in my head, you would realize that desperation is a very small part of it. The real thing is so much more...I dont want to say deep but...what do you call something which is stimulating and has depth and is so intense and sad and exciting at the same time...?
Im always struggling with words. And then it turns into something funny. And then I end up talking about something like donuts.
Im listening to this thing over and over again. And its not just desperation.
See I sound gay with words.
I want to draw something.
I want to paint.
Im tired of research.
Im on the verge of exploding.
But I read that most of us never really do explode. We usually chicken out at the last moment.
I feel so confined.
I dont even have a pencil to draw.
Ever find yourself focusing on something really pointless and minute when you should be looking at the bigger picture?
Isnt it disturbing?
I made this sketch a couple of years back.
Dead bodies hanging from a tree.
I had a dream about it last night.
I could see the shadow of nude bodies hanging from the tree outside my window. It wasnt clear cuz the window was closed.
I was going to be the next body and the fear I felt was real.
I need images here.
Confused again. But calm.