Saturday, July 10, 2010

Gay Alert. [Not a funny post]

Sometimes I wish I could express myself in images instead of words. Words make me sound gay and desperate.
If I were able to express myself in images in my head, you would realize that desperation is a very small part of it. The real thing is so much more...I dont want to say deep but...what do you call something which is stimulating and has depth and is so intense and sad and exciting at the same time...?
Im always struggling with words. And then it turns into something funny. And then I end up talking about something like donuts.
Im listening to this thing over and over again. And its not just desperation.
See I sound gay with words.
I want to draw something.
I want to paint.
Im tired of research.
Im on the verge of exploding.
But I read that most of us never really do explode. We usually chicken out at the last moment.
I feel so confined.
I dont even have a pencil to draw.
Ever find yourself focusing on something really pointless and minute when you should be looking at the bigger picture?
Isnt it disturbing?
I made this sketch a couple of years back.
Dead bodies hanging from a tree.
I had a dream about it last night.
I could see the shadow of nude bodies hanging from the tree outside my window. It wasnt clear cuz the window was closed.
I was going to be the next body and the fear I felt was real.
I need images here.
Confused again. But calm.


Rubab said...

Those minute pointless things are exactly what form the big picture. And most of us chicken out when we have to express it to others. Because we don't realize that its not they who need to be told. But things inside us can be so much better if we can come up with the guts to face our own selves and our own questions and our own expectations of ourselves with honesty.
If we keep hiding and confining and using symbols to express with the hope of making the slightest of difference, we will eventually explode.

quartertoinsane said...

jst pop a pill or enjoy da rain... its all the same