Im not me here.

This post is going to be extremely gay and I request you to not use it for any future reference because it is very phasal...and by that I mean its just a phase and it'll go away and I know its not a real word bitch thankyouverymuch.
I never thought this day would come but it has. And...its disturbing how the period between these phases is getting shorter and shorter and it sucks. But Im just really...craving for a baby right now...I mean...it used to be hot chocolate milk but things have changed...I just...really.....waaanaaaaa baaabyyyyy T_T
Shut up Uzma what the fuck is wrong with you...whatever happened to being the nex...!!!
Why cant I just get one at a grocery store? Not an orphan. Dont want an orphan. Just like...you know...nicely packed in a fancy box with instructions...like a brand new one...the one you have to give an electric shock to bring to life...and then it'll stay alive forever...but you get to see when it comes to life...and you get to give it the sock...you know...I want four of those...
I saw such a cute baby today...I want one like that...and another one with curls...and a bald one...and one with big dark eyes and one with tiny eyes and full lips...just...I really wana hug a baby...Im tired of pillows...PILLOWS DONT GOO GOO GA GA TO MEEE T__T
And I still dont wana get married...I dont want to wake up next to the same person everyday for the rest of my life...and I dont wana dress up for a wedding...and I dont want all those annoying family occasions and shit...just get me a god damn baby and leave me alone and then get me another baby after two years...preferably a pair of twins...
I dont wanaa waaant aaall thiiis T____T

The Fall.

Oh how everyone loves looking at me Oh me and my limelight Oh me and my natural stardom *looks away and fans with hand*
So I was just walking down the stairs with that smug like air around me and an "Im too smart to be here" look on my face right...as I was walking toward heaven through clouds something weird happened and I slipped.
And then I fell down. And then suddenly I was on the concrete floor. And then there was a silence. And then everyone was gazing at me. And then everyone got back to their senses. Then they all pretended that they dint see anything. One guy, who was walking right behind me, got so embarrassed that he turned around and went back upstairs...
I was expecting expecting loud chuckles and lots of pointing but none of that happened.
Its better when they laugh you know...Not like it was my first public fall or anything...I keep falling here n there...especially when Im dressed up for a wedding or eid...but people laugh and I get a little embarrassed and then I laugh along...but these kids were like...polite...I know its funny...just laugh and get it over with...dont look away and make me feel worse <_<
Also, my butt hurts.

I also had my first creep encounter yesterday...but it was rather boring. The only thing I remember about him is that he smelled like Rooh Afza. I really wanted to write something funny about it cuz the situation was all odd and shit but...
I was sitting in the corner, waiting for van, listening to the radio, sketching, being awesome...and a walking talking rooh afza comes up to me and starts talking...oh Oh I just remembered the conversation...kind of...it was a long conversation but I'll just write the bit that I remember...

Rooh Afza: So you like sketching?

Me: No.

Rooh Afza: Thats a very sad sketch...its saying something...

Me: Hmm..

Rooh Afza: So which semester you in?

Me: first, second, third, sixth...

Rooh Afza: How come?

Me: Because!

[a minute later]

Rooh Afza: So how come you're in all those semesters?

Me: Ive already done my graduation blah blah long story..

Rooh Afza: Oh...you must be older than me then...

Me: I must be...yes.

And then he walked away without saying anything.
Mutlab...wtf yaar? Ajeeb creepy admi tha. Loser ka bacha.
Anyway. My butt hurts.

You've got to believe!

OMG all this action on my blog!!!!
Three comments and 40 followers...? ^.^
I dint get three comments on a post in like...FOREVER!!!
T_T

Okay, down to business.
Its my second week in the university and Im finally adjusting to the crappy-ness of the place.
Well its not that crappy but....whatever.
Okay...so Ive dropped courses right...so I have each class with a different semester which means new faces in every class which means no permanent friends.
I was alone for the first week sitting in the corner minding my own business. But then I realized that you need stuff to survive...like...you need to copy the notes from people and borrow stuff and shit so you HAVE to have friends. So I decided to flaunt my awesomeness and now Im like the coolest thing that happened there.
Okay...may be not but I have friends now.
But...thats like...blah...I actually wanted to introduce to you the future psychologists of Pakistan that I have the honor of studying with!!!

Future Child-Clinical Neuropsychologist

Teacher: ...so what kind of tissue do we have in our bladder?

Genius N: Absorbing Tissue!

Future Social Psychologist

Teacher: ...how will you relate the evolutionary theory with the case of the suicide bomber?

Genius S: May be his ancestors were mullahs and so he had mullah genes in him.

Future Organization Psychologist

Teacher: What does a manager do?

Genius M: Manage stuff.

Teacher: Okay...how?

Genius M: By managing it.

You see. I believe, that our future is bright. I believe, that everything is going to be alright. I believe, that nothing can stop us from progressing.
Why, you ask?
Because...75 + 75 is 180!

Edited***

Also I feel obligated to justify my statement in the last post and tell you how I dint mean that the change of zodiac sign is annoying but the fact that people are believing that shit without google-ing! I really dont want to go into the whole tropical and sidereal astrology but...you know. Just wanted to tell that I know. I think I have a complex of some sort.
Oh well. My awsomeness should overshadow that.

Good Morning Sunshine :D

HEY ^.^
I. Love. YOU!
Just know that I care...because its not always rainbows and butterflies.
I went to the university today just to find out that I do not have a class today. Now I knew that but I went hoping that they would fit me in somewhere with the seniors yada yada long story. So yea...I went for breakfast. Alone. And I had a great time. And I wanted to go to a library for some reason and read something awesome but I dint, of course.
I love hanging out with me.
Ive been listening to the radio all this time...Light janay wali hai so I have to make this quick.
Have you heard that Ali Zafars song which is supposed to be for the world cup?
I hate it. Its really getting on my nerves. So lolly!
I love cheese n egg n mayo.
And I like lots of sugar in my coffee.
Back to Ali Zafar. The song pops up after every ten minutes on one of the radio stations.
I'd totally marry food if I could.
ONly five minutes rehtey hain...I dint even whine about the change of zodiac sign shit that has been annoying me forever....Ooooh.....I hate leaving it incomplete...

Skip to the third para for bitch talk.

I WENT OUT TODAY :O
Merey kid cousins ke sath...they insisted and I just couldnt say no.
Dodging car is fun. And then I was being really cool so I tried this totally Bad Ass joy ride that no one else would try. I just wasnt expecting it to go upside down...but then it went upside down and round right round when you go down when you go down down...and then my cell phone fell out of my very tight jeans [I really dont know how]...and then I was about to die...and then my loud screams turned into "I DROPPED MY CELL PHONE...AMI MERA CELL...JUNAID PICK UP MY CELL PHONE...MERAA CELL UTHAO KOI GIR GAYAA....WHERE IS MY CELL PHONE..."and then my mom [like always] thought I'd faint and fall out of the thing [its really getting embarrassing now] so she asked the dude controlling the thing to stop it and then he had to stop and then I got out of the thing and there was a huge crowd standing there watching me. But it was fun. I totally LMFAO!

Ahem*
So yeah.
University.
Its boring. And tiring. And crowded. But none of that really matters.
What matters are my high expectations.
I was expecting an awesome cafeteria that serves good food.
But forget the food. I can do without food. For a few hours. I can take my own lunch. I can also go out for lunch from time to time. But then there is this thing called Milo.
Milo, for me, is love.
Milo is my jelly.
Milo is my happy.
I was devastated when the cafeteria dude said "Im sorry but we dont keep milo...wana try juice?"
What kind of a fuck ass university doesnt keep Milo?

Besides that...nothing significant happened. There are plenty of annoying chicks and irritating guys. People in my class confused the introductory class with and autobiographical class and shared their very forgettable life experiences. Besides this one guy who decided to use the word "testosterone" in his introduction which made him a little less forgettable than the rest.
The introductory class helped me develop a better understanding of the people that I will be dealing with in the near future. Most of the students in my class are like Bella - naive, "different", and hungry for love. The good part is that I will be attending classes with the seniors from Thursday...but here's the catch...the seniors are like Hannah Montana - unintelligent, self-obsessed, and confident. You have no idea how frustrating the combination can be.
But all the teachers are good for a change which makes the whole thing a little bearable. They actually know what they're teaching. I can go on and on about it but the post is getting long. I dont like long posts.

Lets get down to business.

Today sucked. But I liked it.
Missed the chaos.
Tomorrow is my first day at the university. Im gona try not to write uni.
I dint eat anything the whole day because of all the stuff n all and then I ate too much at night.
Itna cheesy sa home made pizza and then extra cheesy sub. Weight kaisey lose hoga?
Anyway.
Kal maza ayega. But not so much. Because I have to wake up early and I will be all sleepy and tired. And then classes itni sari itni lambi...suddenly to maza nai ata phir.
I dont wana get ragged. But I doubt if anyone will because I have this bitchy angry expression on my face. So people avoid messing with me. No kidding.
I wanted to go late but my mum is up my arse making a big deal out of it since I missed the orientation and other important days and had a little trouble n all. But I know a girl there so I can take stuff or whatever from her so now I can totally afford to go late but nooooooo.
Anyway.
I actually wana push the previous post down because its too much color. I dont like colors on my blog. They make my eyes very uncomfortable.
This should be long enough.
I hope I get to meet some annoying people soon because its been a while.
Im sure something annoying will happen tomorrow since it valentines n all.
Acha.
Okay.
Bye.

Cleanin out my closet

My university starts from Monday right....[OMG Ima finally do my OWN homework ^.^]
So I decided to fix my closet and see what clothes I have...But then I realized that I dont have clothes...at all.
I kind of never really needed them since I dont wear them that often. I actually had to make new clothes when I joined the office. Wait...what? You dont really wear clothes? Well, I do, of course. I mean...you know...who wears them properly at home? Orange pjs and a parrot green kurta with a ripped sleeve is like a grand Chanel gown for me. This is what I have..

Awesome comfy pjs


Skimpy tops that I cant wear in public


Appropriate tops without bottoms or dupattas


Uncomfortable proper clothes that I wont wear


And nice fancy stuff that Im saving for occasions that I will never attend


Oh and since Im uploading pics...heres the pizza that I made [Khe Khe Abeer J]


I know I brag n shit...But I dont have much dressing sense. And Im okay with that. I dont care if Im the best or worst dressed in the room. My intelligence makes up for it...or so I think.
Im really excited to back to college after a year n all...but dressing up everyday is really gona suck. Roz roz kaun loser tayaar hota hai? Roz roz kaun loser baal banata hai?
Mai to nai karu gi. Okay may be I will...But I wont have fun doing it.
Back in my college...girls used to straighten their hair at 7:30 in the morning. Everyday.
Thats Seven Thirty AM in the Morning!
Who does that? I dont know how to end this post.

P.S. The pizza sucked.

03:22 AM

I was writing a paper on something about killing and morals and ethics...or something like that.
Now Im going to turn off the computer and go to sleep.
Okay. Good Night.

Oh Kiss Me!
Lick your cigarette then kiss me!
^.^
You're so cheap Uzma -.-
=[
Kiss me where your eye wont meet me :D

So I still check out my old company's account and steal their papers...and I just found out that the new company Im working for is actually owned by the same boss and its him that Im actually working for. Ehe.
Its funney ^.^
He could've told me you know -.-
I mean I would've done it anyway. But whatever. But he doesnt know that I know. And Im planing to have a little fun now ^.^
But it must really hurt to pay me 3 dollars a page since I used to work for like a 100 rs per page. Ehe.
But whatever...Meet me where your mind wont kiss me.
Lick your eyes and Mine and then Hit me ^.^
Uzma! :O

Chronic Perversion

Me: Have you heard 'raise your weapon' by dead mou5e? I love that song its really good.

Poo: mhmm...what kind of good?

Me: Like nice grunge sad sort good...

Poo: No...is it like dirty good or what?

Me: What? No...what do you mean dirty good? How can it be....oh...OH...ew..Noooooo you perv :O

Poo: Its not my fault...what kind of name is that....Raise your weapon...what else am I supposed to think?

Im on a boat!

Have you heard that song Im on a boat by the lonely island?
I love that song. And I actually feel happy for them. I feel their excitement. They have money and they're liking it. Unlike all the other ungrateful celebrities who keep whining how they have everything yet they're not happy and they would love to go back to their families. Stupid pretentious assholes.

So Im 22 right....[Yea i'll be whining about that for a while].
Im sure you know people who hide their ages. And by people I mean laydees.
People who hide their age annoy me. Especially if I know them personally.
So this friend of mine....I've known her all my life...this is what happened.

At the age of 6:

Me: Kal meri birthday hai. Mai 6 years old hojau gi ^.^

She: Mai to last week 7 years ki hogai:P

At the age of 18:

Me: OMG Im so excited Im turning 18 this month :D

She: You're 18? :O

Me: YES :D How old are you?

She: I turned 17 last week.

I always lost no matter how old I was. But then came 2010 and we both celebrated our 21st birthday. And finally we're the same age now. But this is still reasonable. You know I was the oldest girl in first year AND second year? I was the only 18 year old and then the only 19 year old. And now Im the only 22 year old. Even my cousin who was born twenty days before me is 21. Its not fair. What difference does it make? Its not like you're actually gona get younger. Just accept it and move on. Or whine like me. But dont lie. And dont be sitting there talking about honesty and truth.
Also I dont like kids. And I hate batameez kids.
Parents need to teach their kids some manners.

Im on a boat muthafuka take a look at me!

I was gona type something really awesome but I decided to transfer pics first and now I kind of dont remember what i was gona write. Either that, or I dint have anything to write in the first place so I just made up this whole story to make it sound like I did have something interesting to tell, just to maintain my cool.

I turned 22 least Monday. Yep.
Getting old. I dont like making a big deal out of birthday...but it wasnt always like that.
I remember having birthday parties. There was a time when I had three parties. One with family and two with the two groups of friends that I have.
Anyway, Im getting old.
Each year I get closer to being married o.O
Yes I can be That lame. Go away.
So...shadi is gona suck. Thinking about shadi makes me sad.
Very sad.
I even have nightmares about it. Like Im married to some nice dude [its a different dude every time ^.^] and everything is perfect but Im depressed for some reason. Like really unhappy. Suicidal. And I've been having this same dream with different guys for three years now.

But like I was saying....I turned 22 last Monday.
No cake. Well, I baked a cake on Saturday which I had on Monday and Sunday.

Its a cookie+coffee+chocolate+walnut cake thingie.
Thats right. I dint have anything to write in the first place. Just wanted to put up the pic. I dont care if Im getting old. I dont care if only five of my friends wished me. I dont care if I spent my birthday playing gta. Yes I still play stupid games. Whatever.
I like carrot and beetroot juice.
CBJ FTW!

Im going to bake pizza now.
AND I WILL HAVE A GREAT TIME EATING IT ALL ALONE!

Sufism hermeneutic

In case you're still wondering about the kidnapped girls - they're back.
And they look as awesome [read slutty] as ever. But...Im not gona get personal here.
And in case you're wondering what happened or how did they make it back - I dont know.
No one does. The whole thing was super secret and I think it would be rather impolite of me to go ring their door bell and ask them whatever did their kidnappers do to them. Also I've lost interest in the story. I know I showed a lot of emotions in the last post but they're gone. Been a week. Feelings ka kia hai. Aj hain, kal nai hain.

So here's the deal. I strained my muscle in sleep. It was a little below and around my right shoulder when I woke up. It was bad but bearable. Then I asked my mum to massage a little but I refused to lie down and forced her to massage quickly while I was standing so she did. After five minutes the pain increased and to the whole right side of my body effecting my right lung. It was like I was getting a heart attack in my lung and it was bad. I told my mum so she pressed my back which then made a cracking sound which scared the shit out of my mum and the pain almost killed me. It was so bad that I got dizzy and my eyes kind of rolled back. My mum thought Im getting another seizure. I saw her face and felt bad for making her watch me like this. After fifteen minutes it got just a weeeee bit better so I stood up and told her its alright now. She cried a bit in the corner and was distracted for the whole hour. Everything is back to normal but shes super upset. You know how the air gets when the mommy in the house is sad. But heres the real problem....my back still hurts like shit and Im having trouble breathing and I cant stand straight or lie down. Im only able to sit in this awkward position that Im sitting in at the moment. I dont have the heart to tell her that its still hurting.
Sigh.
Im such a good daughter.
But the pain is nauseating. It hurts when I take a deep breathe and when I sniff or cough. And just so you know, I have flu. So I have to go through a heart attack in my right lung every ten minutes.
But the whole thing made me wonder about parents who lose their children. Life must really suck for them. Also, heart attacks really hurt. I so dont wana die of one. Also, muscle spasm sucks more than epilepsy.