The need to explain things.

Im not as terrible as I sound in that post.
Only a little.
Im just tired.
Ass caress kartey raho all the time sab ki.
Im tired.
The crazy lady officially got a divorce yesterday.
Its growing on to me a little sooner than I expected.

But I kind of just realized that I am a little pompous. Just a little bit. Always finding faults in everyone like it will make my faults go away. Pata nai kis baat ki guilt hai.
Anyway.
I think I look really sexy after bathing at night.

~

Friends really suck at times.
Bitches.
think they know everything. Heres the thing. You dont.
And Im not talking about one particular person.
Okay I am, may be, but this applies to pretty much everyone I know.
Ajati hai apni stupid shallow suggestions le kar.
And the only reason I dont want to argue is that I dont want to make anyone cry and I dont want to tell whats going on with me.
Because you dont deserve to know.
No one does.
Kuttey kameney temporary face zits.
You never know when they come and leave.
Bitch.
"We all have issues but friends should be there to help each other instead of being rude"
Bitch.
Im not gona bother replying to that.
Because every time I need "help" no one is around.
I only have people around me when THEY need help.
And me being the regular, forgive me, chutia that I am, am happy to help.
And Im so glad that Im mean to these bitches when Im in a bad mood.
Dont regret a THING.
Im glad I avoid calls and msgs and refuse to help straight away without making up a reason.
And Im glad that Im rude cuz they would eat me alive.
Married cock sucking mullanies.
[NOT YOU RIDA <_<]
You dont want me refusing?
Then dont come around begging for help all the time.
I know...Im terrible.
Wana know why Im really pissed?
I cant tell.
Cuz thats how fucking deep my life is.

Come and blow me out my mind. But not you, dear Lyla.

I like cute people who are funny.
They're cute.
I want someone young and cute around me.
Between 14-18.
Aesey hi.
I miss being randomly close and stupid with someone.
Rida hoti thi but its been almost a years since she got married and its like blah bleh heh since then. We're both trying really hard...just not the same.
Do I sound gay?
I mean that is a very non-gay way.
But does it matter?
You dont even know me.
Nobody understands me=[
Din dhal jaye, haye
raat na jaye:\
I meant that in a very non-desperate sad insomniac way.
Ek tou ami ne tang kara hua hai.
Pata nai kia masla hai. She can be so childish.
Why dont I have a younger brother or a sister?
Oh yes, the sperm donor died.
Ajeeb lonely si hoon ek akeli annoyed si.
I seriously think Im bipolar.
Haina afu?
Kiss me, where your eye wont meet me ^.^
Ajeeb cheeky song hai.
Acha hai.
Also, I think this kid is stealing contents of my blog <_<
That is plagiarism you kuttey kameeney/kameeni.
Im too lazy to do anything about it.
But Im serious about the whole bipolar thing.
I get extrememly happy for no reason and then I get extremely depressed for no reason.
Ajeeb extreme moods in one day.
Im too much for myself=[
Meet me where your mind wont kiss me ^.^
Pagal happy loag.

P.S. Dont try to figure out the title. Just random sa hai. No hidden meaning.

Death* on Morons.

Disclaimer: Im not trying to defend Muslims or criticize any religion. Respect them all besides...anyway. Im just writing this one because people can be pathetic.

So I was just browsing and being lame and I came across this piece of crap and I couldnt stop laughing. You know...I understand when a kid raised in the Gaza Strip, who has received absolutely no education, saw his parents get crumble under a military tank says "Death on Infidels". Im not saying he should go ahead randomly kill twenty people but Im willing to give him a hug an talk him out of it.
But when an educated person who has lived an exceptional life says things like "Burn Quran" and "Muslim are terrorists" is just cheap. You have to have a really closed fucked up pee substance brain to have those views. There is a difference.
It doesnt make me angry or sad or anything actually. Im not the kind who would argue about things like that. I personally dont feel the need to explain to everyone in the world that Im a peace lover. But heres the thing. You Suck, You stupid stupid little creature. Your lack of ability to understand disgusts me.

Now. Why are there so many Muslim haters?
No Im not saying we're divine just generally ya know.
I never find a Hindu hater or a Christian hater or a Mormon hater. There are a few Jew haters but...I find some shitty comment against Muslim everywhere.
Is it because of 9/11? Or all the suicide bombings?
I think its because of how little everyone knows.

I dont feel like writing. The thing is. I dont know what the thing is actually.
Western people are way more conservative than we are. And NO, I dont want to host Religious discussion after this post Thank you very much. Why cant people just make peace with the fact that everyone has their own opinion? Just...let it be.

Blogs

I sometimes read blogs other than mine. Rarely actually.
I almost never read a full post. Not that I have standards just...I lose interest.
Anyway.
Why do people write "sorry I haven't been blogging much lately but I promise I will blog more in near future" like they're writing the constitution and the lawless country is waiting for them to complete so life can continue?
I mean...Who cares?
Matlab...why do you think your blog is making a huge difference?
Its not.
Some random rants and opinions dont change shit.
I think the world already has enough opinions. Its the actions that we lack.
I dont mean to sound like a wise jack [or something whatever] but just...enough with the opinions.
I know I know...my blog is the same.
But here's the thing. I know.
Um...I think got lost with the logic somewhere in between but..
Khair.
The point is...Not a single blog in the world is making any difference.
You see, people in charge do not spend their time reading blogs.
Just informing.
Political blogs annoy me.
Random blogs are lame.
My blog is stupid.
All blogs are cathartic.
But I like the funny.
We should have more funny stuff around.

FML cuz MLIA

My life is so average
My mum forgot how to make biryani. She just cant get it right anymore.
Work is not exciting anymore.
Im allergic to Keema, Fish, and Soap.
Zionists are gona take over the world.
I dont want to be ruled by Zionists.
I dont want to make no stupid software.
Ive become one of those ungrateful privileged bastards who just cant get enough of anything.
Ive been dumped. Twice. Even though we call it "mutual separation" it was actually not.
Something's wrong with my cell.
I downloaded backstreet boys yesterday at work. I cant get over the guilt.
I had a dream about my khala again. She was upset.
I told on her once. That was a year back.
I still have weird dreams about her crying or something shitty.
I want to have brownies and milo.
Its been three months...sab kuch theek hai.
Doesnt feel right.
I think God is upset with me.
Wouldnt blame him.
I think he's demented.
God is a little messed up.
All this...everything...nothing has to happen.
Anyway.
Light janay wali hai.
Zardari kuttey ka bacha hai.
Just like the rest of us.

In Dublin's Fair City

People who make statements with fancy words just for the sake of it are annoying.
I hate it when people use my creations like they invented it.
And dont you tell me to move on.
I demand something magical to happen in the coming week.
Something that will change my life up side down.
Like a discovery or invention or I dont know...a new obsession.
Winter is around the corner. I demand Mr. Charming show up by next month which will give us around 40 days to get to know each other and be madly in love by December. We can break up in the mid of January which will give me roughly more than a week to heal by my birthday so I can party up a storm and start a brand new life:\

Its too late to turn it around.
I dont know why I take so long to decide. It takes me months to realize that I like [or hate] something and that sucks. But never mind that.
Salt is awesome. I dont know why people dont like it. I mean...whats there not to like?
Angeline Jolie - Gooed
Bam Bam Kick Blood - Gooed
Liev Schreiber - Goohooed
The whole thing is little far fetched alright but I think its way more believable than Avatar. Boohaha.
And the Expendables is pretty good too. I was really glad to watch these movies because its been a while since they made a good action flick that dint require any brain. Felt like the 90's when they used to make good stuff like Con Air and Face off and Speed and Predator....Then came Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. They've been focusing too much on story and depth lately. Which is OKAY as long as it doesnt put me to sleep.
And even though I've never really liked Sylvester Stallone I think Im coming around. So yea...Good stuff. Entertaining. Either that or I was really bored.

Anyway, I would like to take this opportunity to inform you that Im shallow by choice not birth. Just felt like mentioning it because of the...superficial crap Ive been writing about.

Its saturday night.
I felt like watching a movie so I decided to download Salt and The Last Exorcism.
Its still downloading.

Im supposed to be working, but seriously, who works from home?

Ima be takin' 'em pics ufff lookin' all fly n' shit.

Halaat kharab haina. I haven't been going to work for two days. So work just comes to me at home. Thats ONE things that I would divorce my job over. We dont get public holidays like normal people. If there is a strike or something or anything, we have to work from home. Which only sucks ass all the time.

I dont know I just remembered the first time I saw The Exorcist.

It was one of the best days of my life.....*plays guitar like Bryan Adams*

*swings hair to the side*

It was just me, my mum, and my brother. Actually my mum had seen the movie when she was ten or something in the cinema with her parents and uncles and aunties and it scared the shit out of her and she was locked in her room for a week. Anyway, so she totally got me excited. I must be 12. And I was jumping like "OMG Ima watch The Exorcist yaYy". We watched it in the afternoon. We drew all the curtains, ordered biryani and lots of Coke. Back then we had this awesome CD player [DVD systems were not popular] with huge speakers. Totally bad ass. Anyway, so we watched it and it was awesome. Thats one day from my past I'd live all over again. Cuz when I look back now, that day seems to last forever *bangs head*.

I know, its just awkward banging head to a Bryan Adams song.

P.S. The movie made me smile like a bastard while it scared my brother and my mum [again].

I wake, sleep, and wake up all over again.

I wana blog but Im not happy or sad or angry.
So how do I make this interesting?
Just...my life is so lifeless and shallow and stupid.
Im the only loser still blogging. I mean all my blogger friends have a life now <_<
Seriously man. Duckie is gone, Rida is gone, a number of other random people that I dont want to name because they dont know I exists and naming them would just be awkward - All gone.
Even at work...This is the chat Im having with my work mates:

Me: "Hey Lets do something tomorrow :D"

Saman: "nope Im gona parrty tomorrow with my friends at home."

Anum: "Sorry Ive got plans after work"

Me: "Oh...okay"

Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow biatch.
Come my lady, Come, Come my lady, Youre my butterfly, sugar, baby.
So...dear reader, are you just as lifeless?
University jana hai mujhey.
I think Im gona bake tomorrow.
I end this here.

Mandatory Eid Post.

Eid sucked. I had fun but not like Eid fun...the kind of fun I have on Saturdays.
Anyway I find Eid depressing. Anyway, enough with that.
This Eid, pata nahi kiu, I started thinking about my future Eids.

You know Im like always complaining that my Eids suck because of the dysfunctional family and a number of other things. What I dont realize is that its going to get suck-ier.
See...now...I just wake up get dressed meet my khandan and hang out with my cousins and friends and order in and waste time and be lame while the older women in my family, and all the other families, work like idiots in the kitchen put on a smile and take all the criticism from the elders. And you know what....thats me in five years:\

Now, if and when I get married, Im gona have to like meet my susraal on Eid. I mean okay, I dont mind hugging and kissing on Eid anymore, I can do that. But whats with the responsibility?
I dont want to wake up seven in the morning, make "sheer khourma" and clean and dress up and meet people and then stay in the kitchen while keeping the smile intact and meet a zillion people and greet and serve and take all the criticism on food positively. I cant do that. I dont want to do that. I shouldn't have to. Kia batameezi hai. Eid sab ki hoti hai.

Now this is where hypocrisy jumps in. As much as I hate watching my mum and my mamis and chachies and phupos spending their time in the kitching making the perfect meal, I never really help. I dont want to. I dont like to work when Im all dolled up. Even when they ask me to [which they dont anymore] I just tell them Im dressed so I cant. And they smile and say "haan ap jao khelo" which is odd cuz meri "khelney" ki umar nai hai. But anyway, the point is, I dont want to be them. I dont want to get married. Shaadi is not my thing man. I dont mind the shaadi but the after shaadi shit is something Im not willing to put up with. I have "shaadi-shuda" friends alright, and people like expect them to do things. And nothing pisses me off more than expectations.
This is not fair.
Life is supposed to get better. But guess what.
This is as good as it gets <_<

Jack Nicholson was sooooe sexy in that movie, and every other movie that he did. Besides Othello. Why would he do that?

Mute Math

Everyone has their obsession
consuming thoughts
consuming time
they hold high their prized possession
it defines the meaning of their life

And I have none.

Sad shit I tell you.

Ooooh..

Ooh...dont even look at me wrong when I come through the hood, aint nothing changed still holla at my homies...Oooh...oh Ayesha...my baby cousin Ayesha right...shes 2.
She started talking. Well shes trying. So I was just hanging out with her the other day, teaching her names right...oh and she calls me uh-shmuh ^.^
Yea so I was all say "eyes" and she says "iecee" and I was all say "cheeks" and she says "teeshs" and then I was all say "lips" and she says "titss" and I was all :D

Yeaaaaaaaa...I still will kill...And I dont want nigga Mr. Native American, but I will if I got to kill.
I went out...maza aya.
I went shopping...maza aya.
I've been eating quite a lot lately...roz bahar ka something.
Maza to ara hai, but I feel like I dont have a soul o.O
Oh no...dont leave yet. Im not going to talk about that.

oh-Oh I got my very first official contract. I will be designing a software for my company ^.^
Oh my, Ima bee a professional software developer.
How fukin koOhl is THAT? :D
I feel so...Job-wali like.
ehe...just nice to have a job.
I will start my masters next year...and do my job. Hopefully get myself a laptop so I can write more and earn more. And have money and be rich with a lot of money. And then buy land and running businesses. And buy more land and expand business. And buy more land. And then become a land mafia. Okay no. No. Nai bhui. No. DO my Masters, earn, save money, do my Ph.D from somewhere super awesome and become a shrink Professional Psychologist ^.^

And then get married and die.
*sigh*
Whats the point?:\

Married people are so gay and caring and they think everyone else is stupid and love less and doesnt know shit about relationships n all [Rida, this has nothing to with you my sweetest love <3].
Haan, to married people are gay. I dont want to be one of them, but I do. But not for long. I wouldnt want my significant other doing nice, thoughtful things for me...cuz then I'll have to be nice too in return and do something equally nice and thoughtful. Which only makes me vomit. The cheesiest thing that Im willing to do is cook/bake. And that should be more than enough cuz Im totally awesome. So full of myself.

I wana buy a cellphone for my mum on Eid. Her present. She wanted to buy one but "I shop till I drop" so shes not buying one right now. So I thought I can buy one for her. Oh shes gona get sooo emotional and totally put up with my shit for the next two months to say the least.
BoohahaHahaha.
But thats not why Im doing it. I mean...it comes with the package ayte. So yea, I get her a cellie and get me some lovin'....Mommy lovin'

P.S. I totally love buying things off of my credit card.
Im such a show off <_<
Aray, koi baat nai, abi naya naya haina. Theek hojaungi in a year or two.

Big City Life

So I was just randomly reading blogs and I came across this and it reminded me of life four years back. And it made me happy. Though it sucked back then. Quite a lot.
Back then I used to stay up all night in my room in winter and listen to "Big city life" and "fix you" and dido.
Lying on my bed staring out my window at the orange night sky. Orange from the dim orange street light right below my window. Those were bad times...pretty bad times...I lost like ten pounds...looked like I had aids...but I miss it. Miss the winter nights actually. Hopeless, sad, quiet, long, peaceful nights. I dint worry about anything cuz I thought that was it. I dint expect anything to get better. I was going through that extreme conscious phase of depression. It was nice. I miss it. A lot.

And then there is today. Full of opportunities and hard work. Fast life. No time to stop and be sad. Work - career - family - responsibilities - friends - party. So shallow. The only I get to stare at objects is when I walk home from work. And if the sun is shining too bright than not even that. And you have no idea how much I love staring at objects. I look at the object for hours and not get bored. If it were up to me, I would professionally stare at objects. All kinds of objects. I want to be an object stare-er=[

!!!

I dont know what Im gona do.
Im done with my bachelors and I have no idea what to do next. Where to do it from.
Kind of going crazy now.
Been almost a year. I need some education, assholes.
EDUCATE ME.
I cant take it anymore.
Admissions kiu nia horai? Stupid Karachi university.
Stupid gay universities in Dubai.
Stupid job. I dont want no job. Not this one.
I have to start collecting money for masters.
I need a better paying job.
I dont want to go to Karachi university.
I want to study psychology. Fuck arts and architecture.
Why isnt anyone teaching psychology here?
Kia masla hai? Stupid pagal loag.
What the hell am I supposed to do now?

My boss makes me feel bad for not working extra hours after work <_<
I refused to work at home and now I feel bad.
I need to make some money really quick.
I dont like wasting my time [academically].
Should I apply for B.ed?
But I dont like to teach.
But I can get a good paying job that doesnt take much time and then study.
But children are so fucked up man.
Pata nai.
Admissions kiu nai horai?
Job lagwado kahi awesome si? Please yaar?
Something that pays at least 20k.
Not more than 30 hours a week.

I wana study myself stupid.
Doesnt make sense.
My boss made me feel bad like Im not working well or something. And Im working alright. Im doing more than a 100 pages a month.
Need money.
My mum sucks with money.
Spends more than I do.
I mean no disrespect but...you've got to plan for the future.
Even I know that.
My mums too...mommy like. Buys us everything.
When I say enough, she says just one more.
And later she's all "aap itney paise kharch karti ho zara control nai hai"
like...kiaw?
Of course Im not gona say no to another pretty dress or shoes or pizza or all the extra pretty things. Blegh.
Perhna hai mujhey.
Sab kuch parhna hai.
Psychology and literature and arts and journalism and human resources and business theories and politics.
Educate me Bitches.