Ehe

What do I gotta do to get through to you to show you there aint nothing I cant take this chainsaw to?
I miss being madly in love with eminem.
He has been a good friend.
Do you have friends you just cant relate to? But you hang out with them anyway...bleh I dun wana
I have succeeded in putting everyone off.
What do I gotta do to get through to you, you paranoid bitch?
I'm out the closet, I been lying my ass off, all this time me and sanity been fucking with hats off..
So...if you like see a terrible accident on the road and slowly walk toward the scene and see a finger ripped apart on the ground and an arm slit open with blood gushing out of it...what would you do?
I'd walk away.
know what would suck?
If the Brits [Not Americans] invaded Pakistan through Karachi sea port and started marching in the city killing the weak, raping the pretty, robbing the rich, and caging the healthy for slavery. That would so totally suck ass.
Unless I get shot first.

Dear Stupid Bitch on Facebook

Ye larkia apna mu tera kar kar ke kiu picture leti hain?
Yes, it still bothers me and I dont think I can ever get used to it.
Every time I come across a close-up picture of a girl in which she is looking away, while most of her face is covered with her hair, I want to shave my head and peel the skin off of my head with a peeler.

No, Im not exaggerating, these are exactly my feelings.
Just...look at these picture...do you think someone else took them?
Are you buying that shit?
That the girl had absolutely no idea that someone is taking her picture?
Seriously?
Do you really believe that the girl was innocently looking away, minding her own business, when some secret admirer quietly sneaked beside her and clicked without her even noticing his/her existence? And later, s/he showed the girl her angelic picture and she went all "OMG When did you take this? I had no idea...teeheheheehehe"
What are they trying to prove?

Fine, you're not ugly. Alright. You may be good looking. Okay. Good for you. But do you absolutely have to create a scene?
Do you absolutely have to celebrate you not being ugly?
Every week?
Every single god damn week?
Mutlab kia yaar...aap koi Brittany Spears hain?
Its just...irritating alright.
I dont know why it bothers me so much but it does.
And I do have a life...Im working two jobs...three if you count all the cleaning that Ive been doing for the past month...for which I will charge my people 2k.
And I also happen to be pretty alright looking....but unlike these stupid sluts, I look in the eyes of the muthafukin photographer.
Its kinda funny though...Im an academic writer, a tutor, and a part time maid who is pissed off.
Well...not anymore...I kind of cheered myself up. Heh.
Blogging does help:\

P.S. Dont you dare tell me that the pics are pretty. They look pretty cuz of the soft focus and extensive use of picassa.

P.P.S. I wasnt mad cuz of these idiots. These bitches dont matter. They be my displacement.

Religion - I know mine. What?:s

I dont like Muharram. Do you like Muharram? I have major issues with Muharram.
Now I dont want to get into the shia-sunni practices here [notice how no one ever wants to get into that?] but seriously, the over all drama is a bit too exaggerated.
If I have issues and questions about the so called "religious" practices I should be allowed to address them and not just shut-the-fuck-up-and-ignore but thats what Ive been doing for the past...forever...and will continue doing till I finally grow girl balls to go out there and actually slap someone.

Whats with the rallies? Do we get blessings for doing that?
Which act do you think is more religious? Marching out on the street yelling and crying or staying at home and praying?
Mutlab kia yaar...? Hastey honge sab dekh kar tamasha.
Itni kasam se pathetic si koi awam hai.
Ek bara sa crowd that has absolutely no clue of anything at all.
Fazul ka drama.

You can cut yourself open but just know that Im not feelin' ya. Not many people are.
We just look at the show with mixed feelings of contempt and amusement and avoid passing any comments because we just Dont want to argue or be called Kafir.
Personally, I dont argue because I dont have enough religious knowledge to back up my statements. But I think I know stupidity when I see it.
And you know...whatever...go out on the streets, go Black, go morbidly religious...really whatever...not making a difference in my life. Im just hanging out at home doing nothing. I dont have to go out on the street and run naked or anything....streets are all yours...but whats with these people taking over the television?

If you live in Pakistan you probably know what Im talking about.
Those weird shows where this super-intelligent-and-smart-and-religious-and-super-scholarly dude is sitting in front of this super emo audience and narrating the events that took place on the 9th and 10th Muharram.
I always found the whole thing quite scary actually...as a child. But last year I decided to actually listen to that dude. I mean...he's been screaming for years now...deserves a lil attention right?

So he begins very normally...in a very kind tone. And Im like...yeah okay..Im listening. And I did listen. For the first half everything seemed quite okay...besides those creepy smiles that he passed every time he connected Islam with science. But...thats ignorable.
Anyway...I was pretty engrossed in the whole thing after a while...and then suddenly I noticed the lights of the set going dim. And Im like...Okaay...
And then suddenly I heard a few men growling and sigh-ing...And Im like...oooookaay...
And then suddenly the holy narrator began asking rhetorical questions [which were not even that smart, honestly]...
And then suddenly he started screaming. And Im like...Oh no...Altaf Hussain...
And shortly after every one started crying...loudly...like I cry every time my mum makes Korma. By the way, my mum made korma today -.-

So, the point is...if you want me to take you seriously, please act normal.

YakyaK

Mom: "Ye Sheila kaun hai? Kareena?"

Me: "nai...Katrina.."

Mom: "Acha...mujhe bhi dikhao"

And then Sheila was stuck in my head for like an hour...But Nicki Minaj helped. Ive been listening to her aj kal. Every time I listen to her its like Im listening to something "nice" like "you fill up my senses" but then you pay attention to the lyrics and it turns out to be something like "how do you do that shit?"

Would you work for an awesome multinational company that also hosts porn sites as a part of its overall business? Especially if the pay is great along with a pretty good career ahead in the company? And you wont have anything to do with the porn part at all. Your job is confined to researching and writing?
I would. Probably will.

Baby feff...

Do you like cheese cake? I like cheese cakes. I make good cheese cakes. Not awesome but good enough. Do you have issues with roasted almonds on top of an oreo cheese cake? I like them. My friends had issues with it. I like roasted almonds. They so nice and roasted.


Do you like kids? I dont like kids. Not all kids. Just loud kids and naughty kids and kids who cry a lot and the ones who wont stop giggling and the poking kids and kids who wont stop running and the ones who go tell their mommies everything you say to them. Irritating. Burey lagtey hain batameez bachey. Bush mewa chota sha boobie acha hai <3


Do have a maid? I currently dont have one. She left -.-
Know what that means? I kind of have to do the cleaning part almost everyday. So I like dont like kids rights...so when Im doing any work I dont like to be interrupted. So Ayesha and Dua [the neighbor's kid I wana slap stupid] were irritating me. So Im like "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN" and they're like "nai nai nai baby fef BABY FEFFF" [they meant baby chef...this show on baby tv featuring Mrs. Kettle - the colorful hoe]. So I made them a lil house out of chairs and made them sit in it for an hour. And they were actually happy to do so.


Bachey becharey kitne stupid hotey hain. Unko to kuch pata bhi nai hota. Who's zardari, who's Assange, mazay se carefree kheltey raho all the time. Sab kuch believe kar letey hain. I told my cousin a couple of years back...when he was seven...that a dragon used to live by and a kid had a fight with him....the kid was very powerful and he picked up the dragon and banged him in this huge lake so hard that all the water from that lake splashed into the sea...and thats how sea view here was formed. He believed it for a long long time and even went around asking people "aapko pata hai sea view kaise bana tha?"
Becahwa...got made fun of quite a lot by his friends.

Hmph

I want to talk to someone. Nobody is online.
Everyone's asleep.
uhun*
I have a feeling Im gone be really really unhappy in life.
Pata nai.
Aj mera aptitude test tha.
Test nahi mazaak tha -.-
Itney gay questions. And they gave us an hours to solve that shit which was pretty solved already.
I kind of practiced for SAT but they gave a kindergarten test for shapes and idioms.
My intelligence has never been questioned so bluntly -.-
And then they gave us Human-Figure-Drawing-Test [HFDT] and Thematic Apperception Test [TAT] which totally pissed me off because thats like invading my privacy -.-
My personality is none your business.
I've been subjected to this bullshit before, you know. I dont like the questions that follow HFDT. Anyway, using my awesome brain, I was able to evade their trap and was well prepared to give them a false impression. But I made this fucked up sketch on the back of the paper cuz I was done with the god damn questionnaire in like fifteen minutes and had to wait 45 minutes for the rest of the dummies to finish the shit. And I forgot to erase that sketch. But no one will notice I think.
Im bored.

Leakiness.

Wikileaks are interesting. But I think we already knew all that stuff. Its just that we a credible source now.
I like Ahmedeijad. I think he's really hot. And Gaddafi. He be the sax. So weird hai.
So here are a few excerpts from the leaks that amuse me.

"One night in October 2006 a British patrol, festooned with the blue light sticks, agreed on as a sign to identify themselves as friendly, reported they had been shot at by US troops who had no night vision goggles and had been listening to their iPods."

Another cable referenced how Rudd [Australia's Foreign Minister] angered the US by detailing a private conversation he had with Bush which included the moment he was "stunned to hear Bush say, 'What's the G20?'"

"hi... how are you?… im an army intelligence analyst, deployed to eastern bagdad … if you had unprecedented access to classified networks, 14 hours a day, 7 days a week for 8+ months, what would you do?"
- Bradley Manning

And of course...the winner

"'Rotten head Zardari' is 'the greatest obstacle' to Pakistan's progress'"
- King Khalid

Urdu, Anon, and Erotica.

This is just an extension of Blegh e boo because Amara says I end where I should begin=[
Anyway.
My cheap supervisor made me wonder how unromantic romanticism is in Urdu.
I can never be romantic in Urdu.
Its just not...classy.
Imagine...Javier Bardem, with all his sexness, comes up to me with the awesome-st caramel blizzard and says "dil chata hai tumhari aankhain chum lu"
o.O
Whats the difference between him and my dear pan wala?
Romance in Urdu is just not it.

And..umm...have you read Ubaid's erotica?
Now now...I dont go around reading blogs...I really dont. Just a certain awesome someones asked me to so I had to. I really avoid going around and leaving hate comments cuz I really dont care much. But after reading it...I felt like I had just seen two gay dogs getting it on:\
And then I was like..."Uzma, calm down...just leave the blog...quietly...browse Away...its going to be Alright" and just when I was about to leave that awesome someone asked me to read the fifth comment...and I did. And now I have a crush on that anon chick. Teehee.
I wish I could explain my disgust for things so rationally.

Anyway, I went to check out this university and I liked it.
The cafeteria smelled awesome. That is enough to get me through.
KatyPerrybeaHoe.

My supervisor is sooo gaaay.

Im not as lifeless as I sound -.-

blegh e boo

My life has been sucking ass for the last couple of days and its not fun. Cuz its not the severe kind of sucking where you become depressed and get all emo, drawing awesome shit and writing stupid rap shit but more like...ugh..not again sort sucking. Its bad...but not bad enough to wake up that crazy creative dude in you. Yea...the crazy dude in me is a guy and not a girl. I realized that a few months back. But thats not the point. Im still not bisexual or a lesbian. But That is Not the Point.
The point is...I dont like fancy food, alright?
Im just not interested in your traditional kofta and pai and nihari and korma and other variations of meat and oil. I just dont like all thas stuff.
And that is exactly the kind of stuff my people are into -.-
Somethings wrong with my mum.
She thinks the eid isnt over yet so she keep making all this crap. First Korma, then nihari, then pai, and right now Im going crazy cuz we have yesterdays leftover pai for lunch today -.-
I just ordered pizza and realized I dont have money. Which means Im gona have to steal some from my mums purse. But thats not stealing cuz Im gona get all her money sooner or later anyway.
Anyway, shes gona get pissed off cuz shes tired of me being so picky in my food. And Im tired of her not understanding the needs of my taste buds=[

Know who else sucks ass? Bosses.
All the bosses in the world suck ass dry.
Yep.
I've realized this in a very short period of time.
They may all have different methods of doing it, but their purpose is the same. Suck Ass Dry.
Have you sen Cyrus?
Hows Cyrus?
I think Im gona watch Cyrus now.
But first...*moves jaw right and left like Stanley Ipkiss*
About my supervisor.
Hes an idiot. In fact, hes an idiot of a much higher level...Thats right.
Hes a ch...yep.
First he was really friendly...they all are.
And then he like had a crush on me or something...and then he was all "tum se acha koi nai" and I was like dude..."what the hell is wrong with you?" and he was all "I think you misunderstood" and I was all "okaaaay" and now hes all "please write quality work" and I was all "the quality of my work is awesome" and he was "youre right" and now Im like wtf?:\
My food is here. Goodbye.

P.S. I love you pizza=[

//.-

We're out of nutella and milo. Itni si toblerone pari thi bus.
Itna effort lagta hai breathe karne mai. Irritating.
Headacha.
Clients itne stupid hotey hain.
Pagal idiots.
Dil chata hai hot frying pan smack karne ka zor se face per.
Space wasters.
Wasting oxygen and food and water.
Baat karni hai kisi se but I dont want to.
I look like an ugly parrot when I cry -.-
My cousin asked me the other day whether hot actresses poop or not.
She concluded that they secretly do:\

He says:

I may not be a good daughter but Ive been a good girl. Ive never skipped school or college to go on a date. I may not have been a very good student, but Ive never been a bad student. Ive never cheated in a final exam. I've wasted two years of my life waiting for the results. I write papers for MBA and BBA students to collect money to go to a university. Ive written papers on subjects I dint even know existed. I get very good feedback on almost all the papers that I write. Im exceptionally smart. I shouldnt be asked to waste another year of my life unnecessarily studying something that I do not need to based on the mere assumption that I may or may not be smart enough to handle my desired course. Especially by people who cant tell the difference between Harvard and Chicago.

Im running out of reasons to stay alive.

hehe..

Sweet sweet Sheila.

So here I was...living my life. The same old routine.
Skip jog, wake up late, piss off mom, pretend to work, pretend to be tired from working too much, eat, watch useless shit, actually work a little, watch a movie, get disappointed, and go to sleep.
So I was just living my meaningless life when suddenly one day I woke up to strange messages that were discussing sheila and sheila ki jawani. And Im like....whathefack?
So I ignore them and carry on. But then I received three more messages that same day in the evening saying things like "sheila ki jawani tere haath na aani" and I get like offended cuz I've made it clear several times that Im straight.
But then it got worse. People started talking about Sheila in their fb status. Which, of course, forced me to google sheila, and sheila ki jawani and it turned out to be pretty hot. Sheila's got her jawani and her ass alright. I mean....if I were a guy...i'd jack off to that:\

Anyway, the point is...unless I collect lots of money by January, Im gona end up being the Uzma version of Sheila. And by that I dont mean i'll be all sexy and hot and gorgeous. By Sheila I mean uneducated, lifeless, self-absorbed, a bit of a slut, and married. Or I might just kill myself. But I dont like thinking about that...I'll collect enough. Yeah. I will. But if I dont. No. Thats not an option. But Im just glad munni is out of the scene. That bitch was getting on my nerves.

Idiots.

Seriously...what the hell is wrong with guys nowadays?
Why do they get offended so easily?
They're getting worse than girls.
Pehley when you refused giving your number they would just be a little sad but end up "understanding" but now..they like get offended.
Like "How dare you not give me your number...Do you know who I am? I am the best guy I know"
This kid...he stopped talking to my friend cuz I refused giving my number and dint talk to her for a whole week.
Itney loser kiu hogai hain sab?
I mean...c'mon...I have the right to not give my number and address to a stranger. Itna bura maan ne wali kia baat hai?
Guys can no longer take insults. They've grown ovaries somewhere inside.
Which explains their random mood swings.
Idiots.
This dude. I told this hot shit dude that Im "not interested" and he ended up getting so pissed that he blocked me from facebook, was angry the whole day, and kept abusing me in front of our mutual friend.
And I dont mean abuse like "that-bitch-sucks-abuse" abuse. I mean "maa-bhen-pen-rubber-utensil-abuse" abuse.
I dont know what the fuck is wrong with that retard.
Mutlab kia?
I dont even know you akhroat brain.
Zara charming nai hain meri generation ke bandey.
Im gona get married to a guy who is at least ten years older than I am.
Bus.
Ive had it with these new "men".

Haram Halal lala lala

I dont know WHY I always read foreword as foreplay.
Its embarrassing. What if some hears my thoughts? o.o
Ive become so lame. Happy doesnt suit me.
I've started jogging early morning right [so Hot].

Saniya: Tomorrow we wont go to ******* park...

Me: Oh no...phir?

Saniya: Halal park

Me: Theek hai...hum khajai gey usko.

Saniya: Kha jain gey?

Me: Yes ^.^

Saniya: What?:\

Me: Wo halal haina...tou hum kha lain ge.
*om nom nom*

Saniya: Dude...Lame o__o

Mujhey to funny laga mera joke. Pata nai.
Ye din bhi dekhna tha.
Ab Saniya mujhey lame bolti hai=[
Meri tou sari cool hi gayab hogai somewhere.
Sniff*

Phipty pounds.

Holy to the shits it be winter already ^.^
Im so happy.
Im a happy person.
What? You dont know me anymore? -.-
Kia karoon=[
ab bus hoon to hoon.
I cant force myself to be upset now can I?
Im actually living a very delusional life at the moment.
I have the best future planned for myself.
Im ignoring all the negativity.
Not like its not there...it is...and I can see it...but I choose not to.
Aesey hi...for a while.
Meri Eid awesome thi:O
How many times have you heard me say that?
Know why it was awesome?
I dint avoid bullshit this year.
I stood in its face gave it a huge fuck in its ass
Im also not reading the newspaper.
I think that has a lot to do with this.
Light bhi nai jarai.
Jo bhi the reason. I feel rainbows in the snow.
Rainbows What? Pata nai.
I got my first direct order. Almost.
5 pounds per page.
Major awesomeness coming my way.
Meri cousin bohat vain hai. But shes nice. Koi baat nai.
Meri ek aur cousin bohat insecure hai. Uper se achi bhi nai hai.
Thori dumb bhi hai. Not even that fortunate looking.
Thorey bitchy compounds bhi hain us mai.
Pata nai kia hogha bechari ka.
Come hither my love,
I shall share my umbrella with you ^.^

A pound is worth more than a Dolla babay ^.^

Abrupt?

So far I have written more than hundred research papers, articles, essays, and thesis. And like...good stuff. No plagiarism. All well thought.
If they were all published on my personal website in my name id be like...famous:\
My brother reads my blog:O
Secretly:O
I dint know:O
Hes not much of a reader actually.
But...Hey Junaid...watap yow ^.^
Hows mom? :D
Im writing this shit on UC and CSU budget cuts.
One of the lamest topics that I've covered.
Kal dena hai. Still have more than three pages to write. They're not much but when you dont feel like writing it feels like youre writing a 36 page-er on the stock market. And I dont know shit about stocks. Thats One thing I dont get. Umm...okay...one of a lot of things that I dont get.
Acha bye.

Patience is like so FUCKING AWESOME :D

Be An You?

I forgot my password.
I forgot the password of my bank account -.-
Khuaari lagey gi ab.
I have been looking at the course outline for organizational psychology in different institutes for months now.
The little things you do, for me
Nobody else, makes me feel good
Its so frustrating reading about courses you know you cant do.
There's University of Hertfordshire, then there is Manchester Business School, Bilal is going there, then there's Oxford, and there will always be Yale, somewhere deep in my heart:\
But screw that okay.
Cuz we also have BNU. Only its in Lahore, but here.
Only its expensive, but comparatively affordable.
Only I wont get permission but the idea is possible.
The next two months its going to be me collecting money and struggling to convince my mum to let me go there.
Pray? No?
Fine.

Haan.

Sometimes I feel like the only one who is farig..:\
Im the one always randomly texting, randomly going at sania's, watching all the movies in the world, reading crap no one gives a shit about, cooking, baking, doing homework for everyone else. Mutlab kia. Nobody ever sends me random msgs. Doesnt anyone ever get bored?
Whatever in the world is so interesting?
I want to text but I dont want to cuz I dont want to lose my charm:\
So here I are.
Sketching makes me feel awesome=[
My mum's cousin is here. Shes irritating.
Like vAry irritating.
The kind who says things like "why are you studying psychology?" "dont sit online for more than two hours" "why dont you study something nice?"
I can take that once in a while...but today...she kind of got a lil out of the box...

She: "aapkey kitney friends hain?"

Me: "bohat sarey"

She: "acha....aur boys?"

Me: "boyfriend?"

She: "haan..."

Me: "boyfriend to nai hai"

She: "very good...bohat achi baat hai"

o.o

Mutlab...kiaw?
I dont like nosy people <_<
Pata nai kab jaein gi apney ghar.
Also, do you ever get caught between fb comment war?
Like you comment on someones status...I mean...you just do cuz you're bored or the status says something really stupid so you just have to correct it. And then suddenly a friend of friend interrupts...and starts a whole damn conversation with the friend in the comment. And you keep getting notifications for two days and you get like pissed off. So you just politely ask them to fuck off. And then they get after you. Like...full time larai. And youre not even responding but they keep bugging you. And you still dont respond to the stupidity so they start writing about you on the friends wall.
Mutlab yaar...life?
Sounds irritating...nai?
It is...but this time the annoying person was quite charming:\
Its been a while since someone came up with a smart comeback to shut me up.
It almost never happens.

Waan*wan*

Sab ko apna opinion bataney ka itna shauk kiu hota hai?
I mean why is it so necessary for everyone to go out of their way, to express their opinion about something that makes absolutely no difference in their life? I mean....fine sometimes you're welcome to comment like blogs and public posts n stuff...but...like...your opinion is not always wanted.
I mean. I really, genuinely dont want to know your opinion.
Say...Im here not speaking. Okay?
And then suddenly you ask me something personal...something I do not want to share.
But knowing that you believe that you are my very good friend I dont make a big deal out of it. So I answer in a simple yes or no. Now, anyone who has any sense should know by the yes/no that I dont wish to discuss it any further. But not the people that I know. They just have to express their opinion about it and share their feelings with me regarding my decision or opinion or choice.
Mutlab...maine to nai pucha na apse?
Why are you telling me?
You have your opinion, I respect that, but can you please keep it to yourself?
You like it. You dont like it. Not making a difference in my life.
Okay?
Pura mulk sara din baith kar apna opinion express karta rehta hai.
Karli hum ne tarrakki ek dosrey ko apna opinion bata kar bus.
Ho gai hum sab kamyab by expressing our feelings.
Also, whats with the unwanted advices?
I dont go around advising people.
What have I dont to deserve all those advices?
Ajatey hain sab apni advise ka bara sa carton le kar.
Sab ek dosrey ko advise kertey rehtey hain.
Ek to ghareeb, uper se irritating.
Stupid.

Six Points of Feminine Law

So ever since I left my old job I have nothing else to do.
Pretty lifeless. And merey brother ka semester end hora hai so he hogs the pc the whole day to make his assignments and the TV well...yeah you have to wait at least an hour to get your turn.
So I was really bored...so Im like...HEY Wait...Why am I bored?
I AM A GIRL:O
So I did some "girl stuff" and I knew it in the back of my head that this is a very bad idea and I was laughing at myself secretly all along.
Anyway, I did some makeup...a lot of it actually...Green n Orange eyes [<3] and pink blush and light gloss. But after that Im like...Now what? And then I realized that Im a "Girl" who uses "Facebook" :O So I took pics....lots of them...High angle pout pics.

The practical helped me discover the following:

* I dont know how to pout.
* I dont know how to take high angle pics.
* I cannot look up in the camera and smile at the same time.
* I will never get those twenty minutes of my life back.
* I should never try this again.
* Girls who do this kinda stuff are not Muslim [^.^]

Also, my lazy eye is quite prominent.
Can you tell? My right eye?
Also, meri eyes kitna empty haina?:/
Its distrubing.
And please, do notice that I have pretty eye lashes.
Thank you.

Anyway...I also made awesome brownies today.
They were really awesome.
Somebody better discover me soon.
My awesomeness is being wasted.
And yes, I do know other words...just...awesome sounds better.
Its an exaggerated term.
I love exaggeration.
And ice.
And jelly.
I miss you Jelly=[

A public Service Message.

I've been living where I live for almost 17 years now and I still dont know my neighbors. I just found a blogger who's also my neighbor like yaYy:D
I still dont knwo who she is.
shit shit cold water shit cold...ehehe
ahem.
Yeah.
Rida ayi thi. Hum ko to itna sara maza aya jee haan apko to aya bhi nahi.
:\
This new place that I joined...the dude whos supposed to supervise me is like really irritating.
Kuch ziada hi "nice" hai.
Dont you hate these sentences?
"meri mother bohat kind hain"
"merey brother korma bohat like kartey hain"
Mutlab....Kiaw?
Itna complicate karney ki kia zarorat hai sentence ko?
Oh...and I know someone who uses the word "recon" in real life.
I just find it odd. Who says that?:\
I mean....its good that you do...good for you...but just...why so...constipated?

Also, it has been brought to my attention, by my super intelligent self, that my awesome cool generation is also suffering from "FB Status of Wisdom Syndrome" [FbSWS], because "Have-to-write-my-life-on-fb" [HWLFb], and "Compulsion-to-use-words-that-I-do-not-understand Syndrome" [CUWUS] was just not doing it anymore. Thats right.
I feel the need to spread awareness because my very good friends are also suffering from it and soon it will be YOUR friend who is continuously writing things like "Smile, it irritates those who wish to destroy you" and "Altering your rules all the time leads you to an extreme situation of intolerance. Don't give up until its a doom day" in their status, which will be updated at least three times a day. That is a lot of news feed. FbSWS does not only shits up the wall of the patient, but also has adverse effects on the homepage of the 745 people in their friend's list. Please beware, the disorder is highly contagious.
Thank you.

I like to sit next to no one.

I just remembered why I actually started working. I dont like staying at home all day long.
Its frustrating not having a life...24 hours a day.
Fortunately, I will officially start my new job tomorrow at 7 p.m.
Unfortunately, its a stay-at-home kinda stuff. But pays good so...I need money anyway.
Like really need it.
Turns out I have to pay for my university all by myself. Like completely.
Know what that means? Im gona have to work like an ass for the next two years and study at the same time. And Im not exactly hating the idea.
Its the stay at home part which irritates me. And Im not exactly a party animal. I mean...I dont get out of the house at all. But I want to for work or study or something productive. Fazul mai I dont like roaming around in the malls and cafes and restaurants, laughing like idiots, and giving each other high fives for cracking a lame ass joke. Looks stupid.
Anyway, Amna, my weird cousin Amna, made us race her the other day. And we had to. Once she decides something you have to give it to her. Shes kind of large n stuff...really beats the crap out of me:s
And Im not kidding, she does. Im not that strong physically. I can fight verbally all you want...and I usually win. Not that it makes a difference. But ya know.
I dont know why I type like Im Ashton Kutcher and a bunch of 13 year old virgins are waiting for me to narrate my life.
Anyway, Kal Rida arai hai. Hum ko to itna maza ayega.

*sad* *slap* *smile*

The masla of my life [which has been going on for about two weeks] has been resolved. Its like nothing ever happened. The culprit came out clean. The accused are to apologize to the culprit. And I found out that the person I have been defending all this time will do anything to get out of the shit, even it means denying the truth and making the other person look like a liar. Not a very good feeling I tell you.
I want to talk to someone about it but I dont want to repeat the whole thing all over again. Im in no position to confront cuz its all over now and bringing it all up will mean starting a new fuck up. I know. Loser hoon.
I just want to study my ass off and die.
Whatever. I'll live.
So...sup?
I dont have a job anymore so Im like...pretty jobless at the moment. I was supposed to get the appointment letter from this place like yesterday but...yeah. Waiting.
Ive been spending way too long checking my face in the mirror.
My new specs make me look more intelligent than I actually am.
Did you know GBU stands for "God Bless U"?
What the hell is going on on the internet.
GBU sounds like a gaali Sania came up with.
Younger now than we were before.
Kasam khuda ki Im disappointed.
I hate getting attached to people.
They all fuck you up sooner or later.
Bus Ive decided. No more human interaction.
Im very happy with my Google and Donalds. We need no one.
Go away. Sab.

I like eggs.

So Ive been checking out universities right...well...one actually...I dunno why I exaggerate.
Anyway...so i went to check it out and it was like Bad. I dont want to write the name cuz I dont want to label the student there but seriously...the students there suck. I mean the place is nice right...nice big entrance and park and big air conditioned classes but the students...uff.
And Im not even talking about appearance or whatever...just they were so...well...I dont know. They just dint look like they study...you know...their body language was so pathetic and all of them...and this is no exaggeration...ALL of them were talking about someone else being in a relationship. Seriously. Mutlab...kia?
Insan koi tameez ki baat hi karleta hai.
Pata nai whats wrong with everyone. Kin chakkaron ma lagey hua hain sab. Kisi ko kisi bhi cheez ka khayal hi nai hai. Guys want to get married to the prettiest girl, girls want to get married to the richest guy. Bus. Iskey baad to kuch hai hi nai kisi ki life mai. Mujhey nai samajh atey aaj kal ke bachey. Ajeeb superficial si life jee rai hain.
I dont care if I sound judgmental but the youth here seems to be lost.
Also, I like eggs, when made right of course. Dont you eeeee at that.

Lonely fucker on the lose.

Im addicted to the thrill.
Its a dangerous love affair?
I have nothing to write.
Which indicates that I have a lot going on in my life.
Its something unpredictable, but in the end its right. Only it never ends.
Meri baatain samajh ati hain kisi ko?
Mujhey to nai ati.
I got 82% in Psychology.
I hope you had the time of your life.
Do you get labeled?
I get labeled a lot.
Uzma is rude. Uzma is a bitch. Uzma ka kisi se mizaaj nai milta, Uzma ko to kuch pasand hi nai hai, Uzma itni careless hai, itni emotionless hai, ajeeb hai, etc, etc.
What do you get labeled?
Do you get tired?
Do you get judged?
Why am I acting so gay?
I sound like "look at me I feel what no one has ever felt before which makes me different".
This isnt me.
Im just trying to genuinely feel something so I can blog because Im hating the last few posts.
Sab ko lagta hai I think Im very hot and Im waiting for a hotter prince charming.
Its irritating.
I dont want to talk about that.
I like old songs.
Im actually very lame.
Turn down the silence?
They wont.
Main wohi hoon moomin-e-mubtila:\
I dont like myself after midnight.

iHate

Every time I trust someone, I end up getting in trouble.
Every time I believe some, I end up looking like an idiot.
I dont like confrontations.
I dont like keeping up with fools that Im related to.
I shouldn't have to explain the truth.
It is how it is.
I dont know why Im forced to talk to people and listen to their bullshit.
I dont understand why I have to be guilty for telling the truth and then apologize for telling the truth.
I dont understand how liars and back stabber end up coming out clean from fuck up while the other person who has nothing to do with the fuck up ends up looking like a fucking chutia.
I hate forced relations.
Relations I dint get to pick.
I shouldn't have to keep up with them.
Everyone is self centered self obsessed opportunist looking for an opportunity to benefit from every situation.
Give me a reason to not do the same.

Oh Yeah.

Pata hai.
I quit my job today cuz meri jeans bhi sexy, mere baal bhi sexy, meri smile bhi sexy hai ^.^
I dint mean to sound cheap=[
But I really did quit.
Maza aya :D
It wasnt even half as bad as I though it would be.
And the best part is....it ended well. No phadda or anything.
Im so happy=[
Tomorrow is another day.
Tomorrow is Saturday.
Saturday night I feel the air is getting hot:D
Waise winter is around the corner.
I know cuz I started getting the winter head ache. That frozen head ache. Where the blood in your veins is all frozen so they get really heavy.
Also, I have what they call a lazy eye, known as Amblyopia.
Sad.
Mere new specs itney cool hain.
Ye foreign dudes itney loser kiu hotey hain becharey?
Ajeeb baatain kartey hain boring si.
Remember my London wala duur ka sudden cousin?
Usko to acha khana pakana bhi nai ata.
Bus normal sa pakata hai.
I want to marry a Chef=[
A friend of mine, who also happens to have the world's crunchiest voice, wants to go to a culinary school and I hope he does.
Once he's old enough...I can totally convince him to marry me.
Bechara distant sa hai.
He wont bother me much.

Im going through one of those rare phases when I dont want to stab my throat. And its not a dude. Its my career. I can just see it happen now that I know what I want to do and from where I want to do it. Its a good feeling.

Awesome Future.

Its going to be a Muslim country that has separated from another country.
Its going to be very corrupted.
Its leader is going to be a thief.
There will be a civil war in that country.
As soon as the civil war breaks out, that country will be attacked by its neighboring country from which it has separated.
Soon the whole world will turn against it, blaming it for everything wrong in the world.
When that country has been raped repeatedly by every other country in the world, the other Muslims country will form a ghairat brigade, and start protesting.
All these Muslim countries will unite and ask all the other countries to stop.
There will then be two teams: Muslims countries against all the other countries.
It is then that the Third World War will begin.

Some shit predicted by a 19th century "wizard" who was put to death for predicting future. Have yet to find his name. Is it just me or the country sounds familiar?

Hot tottie.

Haan tou mai bohat khush hoon aj.
I just figured out what I want to do in life.
And its practical this time.
Nothing like send a letter to Cowajee and talk him into bearing all the expenses of my education or marry a rich guy study and divorce him or Yale. Yea I actually thought that was gona happen=[
Anyway.
Know what?
Ima be the next Pierre Wack. Bus Ive decided.
But what does Pierre Wack have do with psychology? :O
Well...haan bus he has.
I worked it all out in my head.
And Ima stick to this plan and hope I dont lose interest or come up with soething impossible like getting China to built me my own power plant using coal which I will obtain by becoming a land mafia and then sell electricity and take over KESC:\
I dont feel like explaining but just trust me. Its a good idea.
Maza ayega :D
Haan.
Ima be taking em pics' lookin' all fly n shit.
Ima be the fly-est shit. So fly.

yaYy itni saari cheez ^.^

Meri school friends intni loser hainaa. Well..not my "friends" exactly...just class fellows. But a friend too. They just had a reunion...on Saturday. Rida and I of course dint go because...well...we would rather poke our eyes at home. Anyway...guess where the reunion was?
Dolmen Mall.
ehehehehhehehehehehehehhe....Seriously.
No kidding.
One of my very old friends thinks that Im rude and I dont realize it when Im being rude and I should change and that I dont care about hurting people and just care about my own moods which is wrong and I should be more understanding and realize it when Im being rude. She cried 4 times because of me while I was busy laughing and bitching and getting pissed off because I thought she was making a big deal out of something really stupid and small [and I still believe it]. Turns out...that jackass is being a dick and giving her hard a time making her all cranky and emo. Its solved now. But I strongly feel that my point never got across and I ended up doing whatever I had to do to fix the situation and avoid confrontation, accepting every accusation. Do I sound like a...pata nai whatever fits here?

I just got myself lots of lays and coke and marshmallows and Indome and crackers. Im gona have it all in one go. Im a monster. A fat lonely monster.

blabber-e-boo

Do you know someone who uses someone else's jokes...and popular jokes...like jokes on national tv...and then they say it like they came up with it and write them all over fb...in their status and comments...and then they even like their own status and comment...and act like hot shit?
Dont you hate people who believe that hot shit came up with those popular jokes because of their lack of exposure and then praise the hot shit like a middle aged man with a bad sense of humor from Sialkot would praise watching Umer Sharif for the first time? [no offense to Sialkot...youre awesome Sialkot] But dont you just wana slap them stupid? But they're already stupid. And Im not gona argue about that.

People who respond late turn me Off. Know the value of the moment, bitches.
Im gona watch Device tonight. And 30 days of night. Which is kind of exciting:\
I know...Life.

Im so annoying. The other day my mum made korma right. And I have issues with salans n stuff. Yea. SO I came back from work and I saw Korma and I was like pissed off. And my mum makes lunch just for me cuz no one else eats lunch at my place. Yea. Oho not the point. So Im like...No way Im eating that. But it like had this awesome smell. But I was like No. So I take out the left over sabzi something. But then Im like...lets taste korma and it was good. So I had korma but just to piss my mum off...I keep the sabzi out and mess it up a bit to make it look like I had sabzi n not korma:\
And then later...when my mum woke up...she was in a terrible mood. So I knew if she sees what I had done in the kitchen she'd lash out. So then I fixed it up and made it look like I had korma:\

So I was having this lil conversation with the girls...and they concluded that in order to have a successful relationship...the girl absolutely has to poochie the guy stupid.
Allow me to explain what poochie is.
"Awwee babbyyyy....alley paaalu baaby..khana nee khaya babby nee? aweee khaaalooo naaa? pleeeeeeesh jaaanuuu"
Get it?
And they had a pretty good explanation for it. And I totally believe it.
I also believe that Im gona die next to a python in a one bedroom apartment.
And I've made my peace with it.
Koi baat nai.
Hitler and I will hit it off in the next life.

bhool gai.

So fly, like a G6?

1:00 p.m.

Me: I can hear Saman do work. Its making me nervous.

Danish: That's bugging you too?

Me: Yes.

2:15 p.m.

Danish: I do other people's homework for a living, expecting honesty and integrity from me would be a bit too naive

Me: Sometimes I feel like stretching till my arms detach from my body o.O

and my head rolls down

:\

Danish: You're very creative u know that

Me: Yea I've been feeling like a loser lately

Danish: Join the club.

as an inauguration ceremony we like to sit and look at our feet for hours on end until one of us dies.

3:10 p.m.

Me: I can hear you work. You're working.

Danish: Nah....Im on msn. Will start work at 3:30.

Me: Oh...Okay.

4:00 p.m.

Danish: Every time I leave, I see you reading Dilbert and when I come back you have some pdf file open. Whats with that?

Me: Yea you distract me.

Danish: From work?

Me: From Dilbert.

I seriously wana quit.
Suggestions?

You know I know how.

I had this really freaky dream last night.
What?
You dont wana know?
oho=[

You know Iroquois Indians thought the world was an island supported on a giant turtles back who was the master of all animals.
- Courtesy Poopipie.

I dont want to go to Karachi University - it sucks ass.
Im hungry.
This friend of mine wants to be a Chef.
How cool izzat?
If he becomes a chef for real Ima marry him.
I like Ice=[
Im telling my dream.
You know whats odd?
Never mind.

I was lost in this weird hidden society somewhere in the city.
And there were all these thugs. Like Somalian Pirates.
Look Im not a racist but they were all black, bald, dirty, and sweaty with lots of knives.
And they were somewhat like those cannibals from Hills have eyes. Only they were not cannibals and were sane crazy people with terrible teeth.
Anyway, so I had to like hide and find my way out and I manage to escape but they spot me.
And then Im out of that little weird secret place in the city but they were chasing me. And I had to hide cuz they were gona beat the shit out of me and stab me like they did this other girl:\
And they wont give up. They kept hunting me like an animal and I kept hiding and running. And then I got tired and had a friend of mine shoot me. And she did. But the bullet hit mt in the side of the neck. So I was still alive.
It sucked.
I was actually scared in the dream.
It really sucked.
My mum wants me to get off the pc.
My brother uses dirty hands on the mouse.
Its all sticky.
But Im used to it.
We're dirty people.
I shouldn't be complaining about public toilets.

Princess Loserelle Annoyedebelle

Im just writing this post cuz I find the last post very annoying.
Not that I think all my other posts are not.
But anyway.
So.
Ummm.....what do I hate?
I dont wana talk about hate.
Give peace a chance:\
Avoid.
Oh. Yeah.
Anum. My friend Anum right.
She was telling me about this dude who predicted future in the 19th century.
You know what...Ive told this story to two of my friends already so Im not as excited about it as I was yesterday.
uuh....what else.
Kuch bhi nai=[
Oh yea...Im trying to get a job at Oxford University Press.
Id like to work there...
Hey....My name's Uzma. Im studying Psychology, I kick ass, AND Im an edtor at OUP ^.^
Sounds cool, nai?
Ice I tell you.
But I doubt if I'll get in.
Anyway. Im bored.

No sexy things.

Pagal loag.
Annoying loag.
Impatient, shallow loag.
Irritate karna to bohat zaruri hota hai sab ko.
Everyone was born to piss me off.
To piss me off at some point in my life if even for a second.
If not directly, then through a chain of reactions.
I know God, you just made it all happen to piss me off.
It aint shaitan or heaven or hell.
Its me.
You wana piss me off.

Nai karni mujhey baat kisi se.
Peechey par jatay hain sab ek baat ke.
Kuch bhi nai karna mujhe.
Nai milna kisi se.
Nai karni stupid job.
Pagal gay si job.
Loser ki tarah sara din nerd pana kartey raho laptop ke samney.

Fazul cheap harkatain horai hain do din se.
Email bhejo.
Email receive karo.
Ami ko dikhao sab kuch zoom kar kar ke.
Pata nai kia masla hai.
Bus jarai hoon mai ghar chor ke.
Mujhey nai karni kisi se baat.
Itna explain karna parta hai sab kuch.
Why isnt "I dont want to" reason enough for anything?
Ab ami ko sab kuch explain karo.
I dont want to have a long emo conversation.
Stupid conversations.
I dont like talking.
I dont like social interactions and I dont like having conversations.
Why cant I just sms everyone for the rest of my life.
Aye haye.
Abi to puri life pari hai.
Itni sari.
Kia karoon gi mai itney sarey saal?
Yaaar.
I hope I die young.
From a seizure or something.
Is that possible?
Ive never heard of it.
Im too annoyed to google.
I like google and milo.
Kia yaawr=[
Keema sucks.
I dont like keema.
Stupid keema.
Nai khana mujhey kuch bhi.
Leave me alone.
Jao sab celebrate karo apni meaningless lives.
I wana try maggot cheese.
Achi, Scotland wali.

Pani peena hai.

A lot has changed in the past twelve hours.
Did you know there is no 'e' after 'l' in twelve?:O
I dint.
Anyway.
Im going through the "almost 22 and still single" dilemma.
We all do.
So I suddenly have these "duur key rishta-daar" right.
Ek to ye pata nahi kaha se ajatey hain achanak se.
So yea. My people want me to meet them people.
And its O-Kay. I mean. Whats the worst that could happen, right?
I was totally prepared.
I dress up, go, meet, have some nice snacks, giggle, socialize, have ice cream on my way home, and say "Im not ready yet".
All cool, right?
Perfect plan.
But THEN I find out that everyone's ready and only waiting for me to approve or reject.
Mutlab...kia batameezi hai?
Of course I cant just reject anyone like that. Its rude.
Who am I to reject anyone?
What if someone 'rejects' me? I'll burn that son of a...no I dont want to say bitch cuz I think of mommies then:\
But yea.
Mujhe nai lena koi decision.
I should't have to say no.
They should know it.
McDonalds khana hai=[

Yea, I shouldnt have bothered with this one.

hm...pata nai.
Know how sometimes when you dont do anything makes all the difference?
Yea.
I've been doing that.
And Im not liking the difference.
I dont want to sound like a loser but...okay never mind.
Too many people are reading this.
No fun.
So I'll quit my job next month.
That should be exciting.
And.
Yes.
London wala duur ka rishta-daar:\
Yeah I'll write more on that later when I figure out the humor in it.
Everything is too bland at the moment.
I have issues with chicken/gosht ka salan.
How is that even a dish?

The need to explain things.

Im not as terrible as I sound in that post.
Only a little.
Im just tired.
Ass caress kartey raho all the time sab ki.
Im tired.
The crazy lady officially got a divorce yesterday.
Its growing on to me a little sooner than I expected.

But I kind of just realized that I am a little pompous. Just a little bit. Always finding faults in everyone like it will make my faults go away. Pata nai kis baat ki guilt hai.
Anyway.
I think I look really sexy after bathing at night.

~

Friends really suck at times.
Bitches.
think they know everything. Heres the thing. You dont.
And Im not talking about one particular person.
Okay I am, may be, but this applies to pretty much everyone I know.
Ajati hai apni stupid shallow suggestions le kar.
And the only reason I dont want to argue is that I dont want to make anyone cry and I dont want to tell whats going on with me.
Because you dont deserve to know.
No one does.
Kuttey kameney temporary face zits.
You never know when they come and leave.
Bitch.
"We all have issues but friends should be there to help each other instead of being rude"
Bitch.
Im not gona bother replying to that.
Because every time I need "help" no one is around.
I only have people around me when THEY need help.
And me being the regular, forgive me, chutia that I am, am happy to help.
And Im so glad that Im mean to these bitches when Im in a bad mood.
Dont regret a THING.
Im glad I avoid calls and msgs and refuse to help straight away without making up a reason.
And Im glad that Im rude cuz they would eat me alive.
Married cock sucking mullanies.
[NOT YOU RIDA <_<]
You dont want me refusing?
Then dont come around begging for help all the time.
I know...Im terrible.
Wana know why Im really pissed?
I cant tell.
Cuz thats how fucking deep my life is.

Come and blow me out my mind. But not you, dear Lyla.

I like cute people who are funny.
They're cute.
I want someone young and cute around me.
Between 14-18.
Aesey hi.
I miss being randomly close and stupid with someone.
Rida hoti thi but its been almost a years since she got married and its like blah bleh heh since then. We're both trying really hard...just not the same.
Do I sound gay?
I mean that is a very non-gay way.
But does it matter?
You dont even know me.
Nobody understands me=[
Din dhal jaye, haye
raat na jaye:\
I meant that in a very non-desperate sad insomniac way.
Ek tou ami ne tang kara hua hai.
Pata nai kia masla hai. She can be so childish.
Why dont I have a younger brother or a sister?
Oh yes, the sperm donor died.
Ajeeb lonely si hoon ek akeli annoyed si.
I seriously think Im bipolar.
Haina afu?
Kiss me, where your eye wont meet me ^.^
Ajeeb cheeky song hai.
Acha hai.
Also, I think this kid is stealing contents of my blog <_<
That is plagiarism you kuttey kameeney/kameeni.
Im too lazy to do anything about it.
But Im serious about the whole bipolar thing.
I get extrememly happy for no reason and then I get extremely depressed for no reason.
Ajeeb extreme moods in one day.
Im too much for myself=[
Meet me where your mind wont kiss me ^.^
Pagal happy loag.

P.S. Dont try to figure out the title. Just random sa hai. No hidden meaning.

Death* on Morons.

Disclaimer: Im not trying to defend Muslims or criticize any religion. Respect them all besides...anyway. Im just writing this one because people can be pathetic.

So I was just browsing and being lame and I came across this piece of crap and I couldnt stop laughing. You know...I understand when a kid raised in the Gaza Strip, who has received absolutely no education, saw his parents get crumble under a military tank says "Death on Infidels". Im not saying he should go ahead randomly kill twenty people but Im willing to give him a hug an talk him out of it.
But when an educated person who has lived an exceptional life says things like "Burn Quran" and "Muslim are terrorists" is just cheap. You have to have a really closed fucked up pee substance brain to have those views. There is a difference.
It doesnt make me angry or sad or anything actually. Im not the kind who would argue about things like that. I personally dont feel the need to explain to everyone in the world that Im a peace lover. But heres the thing. You Suck, You stupid stupid little creature. Your lack of ability to understand disgusts me.

Now. Why are there so many Muslim haters?
No Im not saying we're divine just generally ya know.
I never find a Hindu hater or a Christian hater or a Mormon hater. There are a few Jew haters but...I find some shitty comment against Muslim everywhere.
Is it because of 9/11? Or all the suicide bombings?
I think its because of how little everyone knows.

I dont feel like writing. The thing is. I dont know what the thing is actually.
Western people are way more conservative than we are. And NO, I dont want to host Religious discussion after this post Thank you very much. Why cant people just make peace with the fact that everyone has their own opinion? Just...let it be.

Blogs

I sometimes read blogs other than mine. Rarely actually.
I almost never read a full post. Not that I have standards just...I lose interest.
Anyway.
Why do people write "sorry I haven't been blogging much lately but I promise I will blog more in near future" like they're writing the constitution and the lawless country is waiting for them to complete so life can continue?
I mean...Who cares?
Matlab...why do you think your blog is making a huge difference?
Its not.
Some random rants and opinions dont change shit.
I think the world already has enough opinions. Its the actions that we lack.
I dont mean to sound like a wise jack [or something whatever] but just...enough with the opinions.
I know I know...my blog is the same.
But here's the thing. I know.
Um...I think got lost with the logic somewhere in between but..
Khair.
The point is...Not a single blog in the world is making any difference.
You see, people in charge do not spend their time reading blogs.
Just informing.
Political blogs annoy me.
Random blogs are lame.
My blog is stupid.
All blogs are cathartic.
But I like the funny.
We should have more funny stuff around.

FML cuz MLIA

My life is so average
My mum forgot how to make biryani. She just cant get it right anymore.
Work is not exciting anymore.
Im allergic to Keema, Fish, and Soap.
Zionists are gona take over the world.
I dont want to be ruled by Zionists.
I dont want to make no stupid software.
Ive become one of those ungrateful privileged bastards who just cant get enough of anything.
Ive been dumped. Twice. Even though we call it "mutual separation" it was actually not.
Something's wrong with my cell.
I downloaded backstreet boys yesterday at work. I cant get over the guilt.
I had a dream about my khala again. She was upset.
I told on her once. That was a year back.
I still have weird dreams about her crying or something shitty.
I want to have brownies and milo.
Its been three months...sab kuch theek hai.
Doesnt feel right.
I think God is upset with me.
Wouldnt blame him.
I think he's demented.
God is a little messed up.
All this...everything...nothing has to happen.
Anyway.
Light janay wali hai.
Zardari kuttey ka bacha hai.
Just like the rest of us.

In Dublin's Fair City

People who make statements with fancy words just for the sake of it are annoying.
I hate it when people use my creations like they invented it.
And dont you tell me to move on.
I demand something magical to happen in the coming week.
Something that will change my life up side down.
Like a discovery or invention or I dont know...a new obsession.
Winter is around the corner. I demand Mr. Charming show up by next month which will give us around 40 days to get to know each other and be madly in love by December. We can break up in the mid of January which will give me roughly more than a week to heal by my birthday so I can party up a storm and start a brand new life:\

Its too late to turn it around.
I dont know why I take so long to decide. It takes me months to realize that I like [or hate] something and that sucks. But never mind that.
Salt is awesome. I dont know why people dont like it. I mean...whats there not to like?
Angeline Jolie - Gooed
Bam Bam Kick Blood - Gooed
Liev Schreiber - Goohooed
The whole thing is little far fetched alright but I think its way more believable than Avatar. Boohaha.
And the Expendables is pretty good too. I was really glad to watch these movies because its been a while since they made a good action flick that dint require any brain. Felt like the 90's when they used to make good stuff like Con Air and Face off and Speed and Predator....Then came Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. They've been focusing too much on story and depth lately. Which is OKAY as long as it doesnt put me to sleep.
And even though I've never really liked Sylvester Stallone I think Im coming around. So yea...Good stuff. Entertaining. Either that or I was really bored.

Anyway, I would like to take this opportunity to inform you that Im shallow by choice not birth. Just felt like mentioning it because of the...superficial crap Ive been writing about.

Its saturday night.
I felt like watching a movie so I decided to download Salt and The Last Exorcism.
Its still downloading.

Im supposed to be working, but seriously, who works from home?

Ima be takin' 'em pics ufff lookin' all fly n' shit.

Halaat kharab haina. I haven't been going to work for two days. So work just comes to me at home. Thats ONE things that I would divorce my job over. We dont get public holidays like normal people. If there is a strike or something or anything, we have to work from home. Which only sucks ass all the time.

I dont know I just remembered the first time I saw The Exorcist.

It was one of the best days of my life.....*plays guitar like Bryan Adams*

*swings hair to the side*

It was just me, my mum, and my brother. Actually my mum had seen the movie when she was ten or something in the cinema with her parents and uncles and aunties and it scared the shit out of her and she was locked in her room for a week. Anyway, so she totally got me excited. I must be 12. And I was jumping like "OMG Ima watch The Exorcist yaYy". We watched it in the afternoon. We drew all the curtains, ordered biryani and lots of Coke. Back then we had this awesome CD player [DVD systems were not popular] with huge speakers. Totally bad ass. Anyway, so we watched it and it was awesome. Thats one day from my past I'd live all over again. Cuz when I look back now, that day seems to last forever *bangs head*.

I know, its just awkward banging head to a Bryan Adams song.

P.S. The movie made me smile like a bastard while it scared my brother and my mum [again].

I wake, sleep, and wake up all over again.

I wana blog but Im not happy or sad or angry.
So how do I make this interesting?
Just...my life is so lifeless and shallow and stupid.
Im the only loser still blogging. I mean all my blogger friends have a life now <_<
Seriously man. Duckie is gone, Rida is gone, a number of other random people that I dont want to name because they dont know I exists and naming them would just be awkward - All gone.
Even at work...This is the chat Im having with my work mates:

Me: "Hey Lets do something tomorrow :D"

Saman: "nope Im gona parrty tomorrow with my friends at home."

Anum: "Sorry Ive got plans after work"

Me: "Oh...okay"

Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow biatch.
Come my lady, Come, Come my lady, Youre my butterfly, sugar, baby.
So...dear reader, are you just as lifeless?
University jana hai mujhey.
I think Im gona bake tomorrow.
I end this here.

Mandatory Eid Post.

Eid sucked. I had fun but not like Eid fun...the kind of fun I have on Saturdays.
Anyway I find Eid depressing. Anyway, enough with that.
This Eid, pata nahi kiu, I started thinking about my future Eids.

You know Im like always complaining that my Eids suck because of the dysfunctional family and a number of other things. What I dont realize is that its going to get suck-ier.
See...now...I just wake up get dressed meet my khandan and hang out with my cousins and friends and order in and waste time and be lame while the older women in my family, and all the other families, work like idiots in the kitchen put on a smile and take all the criticism from the elders. And you know what....thats me in five years:\

Now, if and when I get married, Im gona have to like meet my susraal on Eid. I mean okay, I dont mind hugging and kissing on Eid anymore, I can do that. But whats with the responsibility?
I dont want to wake up seven in the morning, make "sheer khourma" and clean and dress up and meet people and then stay in the kitchen while keeping the smile intact and meet a zillion people and greet and serve and take all the criticism on food positively. I cant do that. I dont want to do that. I shouldn't have to. Kia batameezi hai. Eid sab ki hoti hai.

Now this is where hypocrisy jumps in. As much as I hate watching my mum and my mamis and chachies and phupos spending their time in the kitching making the perfect meal, I never really help. I dont want to. I dont like to work when Im all dolled up. Even when they ask me to [which they dont anymore] I just tell them Im dressed so I cant. And they smile and say "haan ap jao khelo" which is odd cuz meri "khelney" ki umar nai hai. But anyway, the point is, I dont want to be them. I dont want to get married. Shaadi is not my thing man. I dont mind the shaadi but the after shaadi shit is something Im not willing to put up with. I have "shaadi-shuda" friends alright, and people like expect them to do things. And nothing pisses me off more than expectations.
This is not fair.
Life is supposed to get better. But guess what.
This is as good as it gets <_<

Jack Nicholson was sooooe sexy in that movie, and every other movie that he did. Besides Othello. Why would he do that?

Mute Math

Everyone has their obsession
consuming thoughts
consuming time
they hold high their prized possession
it defines the meaning of their life

And I have none.

Sad shit I tell you.

Ooooh..

Ooh...dont even look at me wrong when I come through the hood, aint nothing changed still holla at my homies...Oooh...oh Ayesha...my baby cousin Ayesha right...shes 2.
She started talking. Well shes trying. So I was just hanging out with her the other day, teaching her names right...oh and she calls me uh-shmuh ^.^
Yea so I was all say "eyes" and she says "iecee" and I was all say "cheeks" and she says "teeshs" and then I was all say "lips" and she says "titss" and I was all :D

Yeaaaaaaaa...I still will kill...And I dont want nigga Mr. Native American, but I will if I got to kill.
I went out...maza aya.
I went shopping...maza aya.
I've been eating quite a lot lately...roz bahar ka something.
Maza to ara hai, but I feel like I dont have a soul o.O
Oh no...dont leave yet. Im not going to talk about that.

oh-Oh I got my very first official contract. I will be designing a software for my company ^.^
Oh my, Ima bee a professional software developer.
How fukin koOhl is THAT? :D
I feel so...Job-wali like.
ehe...just nice to have a job.
I will start my masters next year...and do my job. Hopefully get myself a laptop so I can write more and earn more. And have money and be rich with a lot of money. And then buy land and running businesses. And buy more land and expand business. And buy more land. And then become a land mafia. Okay no. No. Nai bhui. No. DO my Masters, earn, save money, do my Ph.D from somewhere super awesome and become a shrink Professional Psychologist ^.^

And then get married and die.
*sigh*
Whats the point?:\

Married people are so gay and caring and they think everyone else is stupid and love less and doesnt know shit about relationships n all [Rida, this has nothing to with you my sweetest love <3].
Haan, to married people are gay. I dont want to be one of them, but I do. But not for long. I wouldnt want my significant other doing nice, thoughtful things for me...cuz then I'll have to be nice too in return and do something equally nice and thoughtful. Which only makes me vomit. The cheesiest thing that Im willing to do is cook/bake. And that should be more than enough cuz Im totally awesome. So full of myself.

I wana buy a cellphone for my mum on Eid. Her present. She wanted to buy one but "I shop till I drop" so shes not buying one right now. So I thought I can buy one for her. Oh shes gona get sooo emotional and totally put up with my shit for the next two months to say the least.
BoohahaHahaha.
But thats not why Im doing it. I mean...it comes with the package ayte. So yea, I get her a cellie and get me some lovin'....Mommy lovin'

P.S. I totally love buying things off of my credit card.
Im such a show off <_<
Aray, koi baat nai, abi naya naya haina. Theek hojaungi in a year or two.

Big City Life

So I was just randomly reading blogs and I came across this and it reminded me of life four years back. And it made me happy. Though it sucked back then. Quite a lot.
Back then I used to stay up all night in my room in winter and listen to "Big city life" and "fix you" and dido.
Lying on my bed staring out my window at the orange night sky. Orange from the dim orange street light right below my window. Those were bad times...pretty bad times...I lost like ten pounds...looked like I had aids...but I miss it. Miss the winter nights actually. Hopeless, sad, quiet, long, peaceful nights. I dint worry about anything cuz I thought that was it. I dint expect anything to get better. I was going through that extreme conscious phase of depression. It was nice. I miss it. A lot.

And then there is today. Full of opportunities and hard work. Fast life. No time to stop and be sad. Work - career - family - responsibilities - friends - party. So shallow. The only I get to stare at objects is when I walk home from work. And if the sun is shining too bright than not even that. And you have no idea how much I love staring at objects. I look at the object for hours and not get bored. If it were up to me, I would professionally stare at objects. All kinds of objects. I want to be an object stare-er=[

!!!

I dont know what Im gona do.
Im done with my bachelors and I have no idea what to do next. Where to do it from.
Kind of going crazy now.
Been almost a year. I need some education, assholes.
EDUCATE ME.
I cant take it anymore.
Admissions kiu nia horai? Stupid Karachi university.
Stupid gay universities in Dubai.
Stupid job. I dont want no job. Not this one.
I have to start collecting money for masters.
I need a better paying job.
I dont want to go to Karachi university.
I want to study psychology. Fuck arts and architecture.
Why isnt anyone teaching psychology here?
Kia masla hai? Stupid pagal loag.
What the hell am I supposed to do now?

My boss makes me feel bad for not working extra hours after work <_<
I refused to work at home and now I feel bad.
I need to make some money really quick.
I dont like wasting my time [academically].
Should I apply for B.ed?
But I dont like to teach.
But I can get a good paying job that doesnt take much time and then study.
But children are so fucked up man.
Pata nai.
Admissions kiu nai horai?
Job lagwado kahi awesome si? Please yaar?
Something that pays at least 20k.
Not more than 30 hours a week.

I wana study myself stupid.
Doesnt make sense.
My boss made me feel bad like Im not working well or something. And Im working alright. Im doing more than a 100 pages a month.
Need money.
My mum sucks with money.
Spends more than I do.
I mean no disrespect but...you've got to plan for the future.
Even I know that.
My mums too...mommy like. Buys us everything.
When I say enough, she says just one more.
And later she's all "aap itney paise kharch karti ho zara control nai hai"
like...kiaw?
Of course Im not gona say no to another pretty dress or shoes or pizza or all the extra pretty things. Blegh.
Perhna hai mujhey.
Sab kuch parhna hai.
Psychology and literature and arts and journalism and human resources and business theories and politics.
Educate me Bitches.

Tuesday - The new Monday.

Its 6.38 am. Ive been up all night trying to sleep. Third night this month. Its getting worse.
Insomnia sucks. I dont want it. Its painful and depressing. And you know what the worst part is? When youre hopeful that there are still a couple of hours left for the the sun to rise and youre trying to sleep and suddenly you start hearing the birds chirping outside. And then you try harder but its too late and the dim light starts entering your room. When the room is all blue - thats the most beautiful and the most depressing part.
Im just gona drag myself to work now, make it through the day, take my mums sleeping pill at night and waste whatever it left of my shitty brain that just wont stop. Pata nai kia masla hai. If I get asked "kia sochti rehti ho" one more time Im gona smash my head with a hammer real hard. Of course I dont literally mean that. Its painful. I dont exactly wana die before eid. Ive got plans. May be after that. Im hungry and tired.
Soo...work is gona suck today.
Im hungry. Someone fix me something yaaaar kiaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaai yaaaaaaaaaaar neeeeend kiuu nai aaatii........kiaaaaa gaay panaa haaaaai....Im tired of not being able to sleep. Its like a luxury I cannot afford. Stupid pata nai kia crap chalta rehta hai dimag mai idiot fazul ka shit pana bhook lagrai hai naaaa *real tears*

-.-

ehe...okay...I cant stop giggling.
And its very stupid...its just that...Im lacking excitement in my life.
So this dude right....a friend. He's been ignoring me. Well...not ignore just...not giving me extra attention. I know I know. Its stupid. Just. Look thats the best I got alright. Nothing else has been going on. SO yea... I started ignoring him...and my ignorance is noticeable. See...If i send you a msg two times in a row and I dont get a response, thats a strike. Anyway, Im giggling cuz I got his sorry ass msg on fb "whats wrong? Ive been calling. Expected you to get back. You never did. What going on? bla ba bla ba bla". Ehehehehehe. Told you it was stupid. I can be so immature at times. Yes, I need a life.
I can be such an attention whore at times [Youre not supposed to agree].

Post achi nai hai bhui.

Annoying judgmental people make me give explanations.

[Dear Mr/Ms. Affectionate and Insightful, this post is not to mock or offend you. Its just that you represent a whole bunch of people who annoy me. So its nothing personal just expressing my feelings here in all happy positive blah].
I usually dont do this but since we're all expressing our opinions here so what the heck..
So here's the comment I got for my last post:

"Helplessness? Desperation? You can spend 17000 rupeees on clothes but cant help people dying from the floods cause youre HELPLESS? Is this how all of the pakistanis have started to think now. you were hungry but have you thought about those starving to death? If you can afford 17000 on clothes you can afford to donate a thousand bucks to the flood effectees."

I have a few questions for you first. How do you know I dint help or donate? Are you sure the girl annoyed me because I was hungry? And how do you know "it" didn't mean anything other than the flood?

Now, allow me to answer your queries.

i. Helplessness?

Yes, helplessness. Remember zalzala zadgan? Any idea how much aid we got for that nationally and internationally? Any idea where it went? Neither do I.

ii. Desperation?

What desperation? I dont remember talking about any desperation regarding the flood.

iii. You can spend 17000 rupeees on clothes but cant help people dying from the floods cause youre HELPLESS?

I dont mean to disgust you, but I still have a lot of shopping left to do. I will be spending at least 15,000 more. As far as the latter part is concerned. I sure can donate, and I have [may be not to that annoying girl on the street], but I dint know that it also requires me to stop eating and buying and breathing.

I just happen to personally know the annoying students campaigning. They cant wait to get out on the street and shout that they care and no one else does. They come in variations. These are the people who take out all the old clothes from their closet - clothes they dont wear anymore, clothes that were in the closet just for the sake of it, clothes that are out of fashion - and donate them. That of course gives them a sense of superiority and a free lisence to walk around with this undeserved sense of pride. In their world, those old clothes will make up for the medicine, food, shelter, and hope which is needed. I mean, nothing says "I care for my country more than you" than a bag full of old clothes.

These are the same people who watch the news, nod their heads, sigh, say "tch tch", go out for iftaari and have a great time.

iv. Is this how all of the pakistanis have started to think now. you were hungry but have you thought about those starving to death?

Damn right thats how we feel. Zardari is our president for crying out loud. People here watch other people get beaten to death and then hanged on the street and do nothing. We have to wait for months to give exams and then wait for months again to get our result. We spend at least three hours a day without electricity. I think its justified if we feel a little helpless. We never really get our basic necessities to think about other things.

I dont mean to burst your bubble, but nobody cares. We pretend we do, and we do, for the whole thirty minutes we watch the news, but then we have to continue our lives. We pretend that we do, and we want to, but actually dont. Its just that, we're used to it. Its routine now. First it was zalzala, then free judiciary, then the brutal law enforcement agencies, then electricity, then inflation, now flood, and Im sure something even more exciting will pop up next week.

You made me sound like fucked up citizen who complains all the time and does nothing. I dont like you.

Sheboleh

I feel stupid and lonely and bored.
I dont like not having work. Reminds me how empty I am.
I went shopping...Ive spent 17,000 on just clothes.
And now I feel not so good.
But I dont like to get in touch with that part of myself.
It is how it is, no need to look deeper.
Things are simpler on the surface.

Anyway, do you live in Pakistan?
Do you just happen to live in Karachi?
Heard about the flood?
Seen those annoying students asking for "chanda" for the people affected by the flood?
Yea, I wana lynch those stupid spoiled sacks of shit.
I mean...I was like hungry...so Anum and I went to buy us a subway at around 3 and it was closed. So I thought may be the zamzama branch is open so we went all the way to zamzama from teen talwaar, alone. And that was closed too. So Im like really pissed and hungry and this bitch comes up to me, with her stupid gucci bag, and that stupid hair style and shes all "please donate for the something something"....okay I just lost interest in the story.

I dont want to talk about it, it makes me feel helpless.
I hate lame posts after funny posts. Kinda kills it.
Ive been not doing anything for the past two hours.
So, how you been?
I want to go to a university.
A good one.
Kia bhui lame post=[

Its 3:11 a.m.

I almost forgot what it was like to bathe after midnight.
Its been so long.
Stupid work got me so busy that I had to cut my bathing time from 75 minutes down to thirty.
Anyway....I finally got a chance after like months.
Theres something about taking a bath after midnight.
It turns me on like a thirteen year old boy watching porn for the first time.
And I mean that in the most elegant of ways.
Totally love my new shampoo, its so baby like. Only it doesn't cry or poop, which makes it so much better than a real baby.
It was amazing...until my mom started banging the door thinking I got a fit inside the bathroom.
Sigh.
Is it just me or the after iftar time really romantic?
Its so peaceful.
Pata nai.
Oh...and now that its 3:00 am, Im thinking of fasting.
Its almost sehri I might as well give it a shot.
Well, honestly, I just want to fast cuz its Sunday and the maid wont be coming and I have like 3000 words to write on a very dry topic. So if I fast Im gona get all the awesome treatment [its always a big deal when I fast] and no one will disturb me allowing me to work all day.
Yes, I might just fast.
Yea.
Its sad how I, with all my sexy assets, talk to my blog like a lonely fucker.

Independence Day

Garmi lagrai hai.

Mubarak to you, your family, and your puppy.

Bhui Dekho.

I dont fast.

Theek hai?

And I dont even have a reason.

I just dont.

I subconsciously blame my mum but you can never get me to accept it publicly.

You see, I used to be young. So I dint fast.

Then I grew up but I used to go to school so I was like...may be when Im older.

I got older and developed weird blood pressure bullshit things. Ya know when girls faint when they dont drink water or starve or whatever...yeah that has happened to me a number of times so my mum wouldn't let me fast.

But I dont really have a reason to not fast now. I just dont want to. Meri marzi:\

But of course its not as cute anymore.

Now I could present a hundred arguments here proving how its OKAY if I dont fast because people who fast act like jack asses yada shit and so what if I dont fast, at least I [insert something that I do better than the rozay daar people] but thats like...stupid. I grew out of it. I dont even feel bad anymore. I dont fast. I dont pray. I think God is messed up. And Im not ashamed [or proud] of it.

But anyway.

The only thing I like about ramzan is that I usually have five meals a day and get to watch tv for good 2-3 hours without any disturbances when everyone else is busy with their taravies. Also shopping but we're like poor now so I dont think thats happening. I havent done any real shopping for almost three years now. This is my third year. But its okay.

I know I sound shallow but Im trying really hard to stay away from the political/ethical/social crap.

Donalds yaad ara hai=[

Now that its ramzan, does that mean that I cant listen to music or eat at work?

Thats not fun. I like to party in ramzan. Dont hate me, but I usually do.

I eat all day, watch tv, and buy things I dont need.

Mom, you've created a shallow self-centered bitch. Fail.

Please no hate messages because you dont know where Im coming from.

No...no hate messages because "nobody understands me"

Finally. That sentence fits.